ASPC-timeline

 17.12.2002, 07:54 #1 (permalink) : 15.08.2002 : Adelaide : 168 () ========== Newsgroups: relcom.humor Sent: Thursday, December 12, 2002 1:43 PM Subject: - "". . , , - , . , . , , -<>, - . , , , : < > , . , II , , - . : , <> -. , , : <> , . : . , , ( ) , . < , > < !> <>, , , . . , , , . . . , , , - ... ! . , , . , <> . , . <>. , . . , , . , , , , : , , , ! . : <, , !? ...> , <>, - . , , ... , , . : . ... -- WWW: http://talk.mail.ru/article-23467543.html
 17.12.2002, 23:16 #2 (permalink) : 24.08.2002 : Melbourne Metro, VIC : 48 " "- . : "". , . ", - !" . ! , . , , . , !!! , , , ## , . , . , . , , . , : - . . - , . . -! ! , : - , . - ???? - , , , : " #:\$!", , , 3 , , . Dimitri, Takeshi_Kitano and like this. __________________ " .
 18.12.2002, 22:36 #3 (permalink) : 15.08.2002 : Adelaide : 168 . ? ? ======= Subject: About komputer's " y p , p p , p p y, y p y p p p p ." (p p%%% p p pp). , , - , , ... Microsoft - . , "" "" - . , 2 . Temporary Internet Files... - ? - . - , , ? - , . -- WWW: http://talk.mail.ru/article-23499513.html ====================== Subject: . : , , , , , , , . : , . 3.1: , , , . , , . , . 95: , , , , . H , . 1 5 . 98 , 95, "" ( ) . 3 , , 100%. "" 2 ( , 2 ). - 98. . , , , . , , . (, ) . /2: , , , , , , , , . , ( ), . , , , . : ... H ( ), , . , , , , , . /2, , . 2 98, , . , 98, . , 2. , , , , - . , . H , , , , , , .... , , " ". , , , . , - . . () Annimo Orwe -- WWW: http://talk.mail.ru/article-23467647.html

: 24.08.2002
: Melbourne Metro, VIC
: 48

:
 Vikussia . ?

(, - )
Relationship Rules

1. The female makes the rules.

2. The rules are subject to change by the female at any time

3. No male can possibly know all the rules. Attempts to document
the rules are not permitted.

4. If the female suspects that the male may know some or all of
the rules, she must immediately change some or all of the rules.

5. The female is never wrong.

6. If the female is wrong, it is because of an egregarious
misunderstanding which was the direct result of something the
male did, said, did not do, or did not say.

7. If rule 6 is invoked, the male must apologize immediately
for having been the cause of the misunderstanding without any
clues from the female as to what he did to have caused the
misunderstanding. See rule 13.

8. The female may change her mind at any time for any reason
or no reason at all.

9. The male is never permitted to change his mind or under
circumstances without the express written consent of the female
which is given only in cases where the female wanted him to
change his mind but gave no indication of that wish. See rules
6, 7, 12, and 13.

10. The female has the right to be angry or upset for any reason,
real or imagined, at any time and under any circumstance which
in her sole judgement she deems appropriate. The male is not to
be given any sign of the root cause of the female's being angry
or upset. The female may, however, give false or misleading
reasons to see if the male is paying attention. See rule 13.

11. The male must remain calm at all times, unless the female
wants him to be angry or upset.

12. Under no circumstances may the female give the male any clue
or indication whether or why she wants him to be angry or upset.

13. The male is expected to read the mind of the female at all
times. Failure to do so will result in punishments and penalties
imposed at the sole discretion of the female.

14. The female may, at any time and for any reason, resurrect any
past incident without regard to temporal or spacial distance, and
modify, enlarge, embellish, of wholly reconstruct it in order to
demonstrate to the male that he is now or has in the past been
wrong, insensitive, pig-headed, dense, deceitful, and/or oafish.

15. The female may use her interpretation of any past occurrence
to illustrate the ways in which the male has failed to accord her
the consideration, respect, devotion, or material possessions, he
has bestowed on other females, domestic pets or barnyard animals,
sports teams, automobiles, motorcycles, boats, aircraft, or
co-workers. Such illustrations are non-rebuttable.

16. If the female is experiencing PMS, Post-PMS, or Pre-PMS, the
female is permitted to exhibit any manner of behaviours she wishes
without regard to logical consistency or accepted norms of human
behaviour.

17. Any act, deed, word, expression, statement, utterance, thought,
opinion, or belief by the male is subject to the sole, subjective
interpretation of the female, other external factors not-
withstanding. Alibis, excuses, explanations, defences, reasons,
extenuations, or rationalizations will not be entertained. Abject
please for mercy and forgiveness are acceptable under some
circumstances, especially when accompanied by tangible evidence
of contrition.

==============

Due to the obtained knowledge about relationship rules, I can see only
one way to continue enjoyable way of living for a male creature: he
should
change sexual orientation...Now I know, which factors stimulate male
homosexuality.

The only paradox is, how homosexuality is possible is the case of
females...

Life is a mysterious thing.

See you one day,
Lisa
__________________
" .

 19.12.2002, 14:10 #5 (permalink) : 23.09.2002 : MEL : 365 OK, my turn , SHIT HAPPENS: what does it mean? ----------------------------------------- Taoism: Shit happens Confucionism: Confucius says: "Shit happens" Buddhism: If shit happens, it isn't really shit Hare Krishna: Shit Happens, Rama Rama Ding Ding. She-it happens, She-it happens, happens, happens, she-it, she-it... Zen: Whai is the sound of shit happening? Hinduism: This shit has happened before Islam: If shit happens, it is the will of Allah Protestantism: Let the shit happen to someone else Catholicism: If shit happens, you deserve it Charismatic Catholicism: Shit is happening because you deserve it, but we love you anyway 7th Day Adventism: Shit happens on Saturdays Anglicanism: It's true, shit does happen - but only to Lutherans Calvinism: Shit happens because you don't work hard enough Judaism: Why does shit always happen just before closing the deal? Conservative Judaism: Why does shit always happen to us? Reform Judaism: Got any laxatives? Shit happens to whom it may concern Orthodox Judaism: So shit happens, already! Sufism: The wise man never notices shit happening Christian Science: If shit happens, pretend it doesn't really exist Solipsism: Shit happens because I wish it Mysticism: Just experience shit happening Asceticism: If shit happens, renounce it Agnosticism: Nobody knows why shit happens Gnosticism: I know why shit happens but won't tell you Atheism: Shit just happens and that's all there is to it Cartesianism: Shit happens to me, therefore I exist Platonism: There is ideal shit happening somewhere Stoicism: I don't care if shit happens Epicureanism: Let's party while shit doesn't happen Cynicism: Of course shit happens Occultism: Shit materializes from other planes of existence Terrorism: Shit will happen unless you do as I say Pollyanism: It's so nice that shit happens! Puritanism: S** can happen all day as long as you don't call it that Behaviorism: You are conditioned to having shit happen Freudianism: If shit happens, it's your mother's fault Parapsychology: Shit happens without material causes Surrealism: Purple shit happens near melting clocks Cubism: If shit happens, you won't recognize it Cultural relativism: Shit happens everywhere differently Optimism: If shit happens, we'll find a way to use it Pessimism: If shit happens, there won't be enough for everybody Tabloid Sensationalism: Green shit from Mars happens to Elvis clone Biblical Creationism: Shit happens because God created it Secular Humanism: Shit happens because it evolved from primitive shit Scientific Reductionism: If shit happens, find out what kind exactly Scientific Obscurantism: Amorphous excrement does occur in given cases Bureaucracy: I don't care if shit happens as long as you fill out the forms Feminism: Women demand to have shit happen Ecology: If organic shit happens, it's OK Capitalism: Let's profit from shit happening Socialism: If shit happens, let's distribute it equally Patriotism: Our shit is better than your shit Conservatism: They don't make even shit happen like they used to Liberalism: Shit shouldn't happen tomorrow Classical Physics: Shit does not 'happen', it just moves around Quantum Physics #1: Shit happens but you can't say both where and when Quantum Physics #2: Shit happens in discrete quanta called shitons Holistic Physics: If shit happens, it happens everywhere at once Microcomputing: If shit happens, we'll fix it in the next version Computer Science: All shit can in principle happen on a Turing Machine Applied Mathematics: The probabity of shit happening approaches unity Engineering: When shit happens, paint over Medicine: If shit happens, take two Aspirins and call me in the morning Economics: Shit happens because there's a geat demand for it Politics: If shit happens, make a deal with it Diplomacy: Let's pretend shit doesn't happen __________________ Tongue-tied and twisted just an earth-bound misfit, I
 19.12.2002, 19:42 #6 (permalink) : 15.08.2002 : Adelaide : 168 Subject: Humor prog This is how things work in Information Technology. , : . , , , , , . , . . , , , . , . , , , . . , . , , , , , . , , , . . . - copy/paste. (, , , ). , , - . , , . , . , , , . . , , , - . . , ... ? - , - - , , , , . , , . . - , . , . , , . , ( ) , . , . , , . , , , -1 0, . . . , . , , -, , , . . , , . , , ... , - . , - , , . , , . , , . , . , . (C)Unknown -- WWW: http://talk.mail.ru/article-23514388.html
 20.12.2002, 01:42 #7 (permalink) << BANNED >>   : 17.08.2002 : 89 " " : * . , ? * . , , . * , ? , . - . , " "? * . , . ? * , , . ? * , . , . , ? , , ? . * . , . . , , , . , ?! * . , ? * - . , , "". , , ? * . ? , . . . , ! ? * . , ? * , , . ? * . ? * , . , - , , . , ? * , , , , ! , . .
 20.12.2002, 18:43 #8 (permalink) : 15.08.2002 : Adelaide : 168 - , ! =================== 20.12.2002 8:49 | Regionov.net . . . , . , . . , . , . // // -

: 19.08.2002
:
: 142

:
 Zeus OK, my turn :) , ;-) SHIT HAPPENS: what does it mean? -----------------------------------------
:

Bumper sticker: Ship does not happen, it is provided by assholes.

: 23.09.2002
: MEL
: 365

:
 Vikussia - , !
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__________________
Tongue-tied and twisted just an earth-bound misfit, I

 24.12.2002, 19:55 #11 (permalink) : 22.12.2002 : 3 , - , -. . . . . . . . . , - . . . . ... . . . , , , - . . . , - . , . . . . . , . . . . . . ... . __________________ ! ...

: 15.08.2002
: 168

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: 17.08.2002
: Sydney, AU
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: 16.08.2002
: København
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 25.12.2002, 00:27 #15 (permalink) << BANNED >>   : 24.12.2002 : 24 - 3 ... . . . . - . . - - . - , . . , . . . . . . . : - , , ! ! - . . . , . . . . . . ! , . . , , , . ? - . , , , , . , . . 17 , . , . ... ... - 6 16 1968 " " (, : , 188. . , XVII ., , . , , , " ", , , , . , , , . , , , , , . . . , . , , . , , , : -, . . , -, 6 , , . . , , 89 . , , , . . - , : "Red Hat -Linux, Embedded Linux and Open Source Solutions". - ; , " ". , , , . , : - , , , . , , , . . , . . , , , ? ? . . ... , , " ", , . , , , . , , , ...
 25.12.2002, 00:48 #16 (permalink) : 06.12.2002 : : 1,002 : . " " , , - , , . , . , . - , - . - , - . - , - , - . - , - . - , - , - . - . , , , , , , , ; , , , ; , , , . . , , . , , , . . . , , , , ... ; . , , , . . , . - , ? - . - . . 17 . , , , , , . , , , - . , . . , , ... . , . , . ? . ... , , . . . . . . . . . , , . . - . . ? . . . . ? . . . ? . . . . . . . . ( ). . ( ). , . . . , - . . . - . . - , - . - . . . . : p pp, p - p : EBUN - pp . p - www.ebun.com p "" ... p - "p" .... , - p ) EBLAN - - www.eblan.com ( POSRAL.NET ) )) p - p EBAL.COM - p ....!!! p 120 ) p p p - Na.ebal.com p pp - http://www.huy.com .... BLO - p pp... ... www.eblo.org MANDA.COM - -pp.... SRAL.COM - The Ultimate Web Resource () SRAL.NET - H , - p p... .... [email protected] http://www.ebu.com - p p.... p ... p... .. SRAKA.COM - p p KALA.NET - KERALA ARTS & LITERARY ASSOCIATION pp - p. Hp - p KAKA.COM - p ... p... H ... ) http://www.xyi.com -

: 04.10.2002
: Brisbane
: 46

:
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: 04.10.2002
: Brisbane
: 46

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: 22.12.2002
: 3

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 25.12.2002, 23:04 #20 (permalink) : 22.12.2002 : 3 () . , . . ? , : 1. , - . 2. - , . 3. , ", , ", . 4. , . 5. , . 6. , . 7. 8. , , , 9. - 100 , . 10. - , . 11. , . 12. , . 13. , , . 14. , 15. , . 16. , , , . 17. , . 18. , . 19. . 20. . 21. , . 22. , . 23. . 24. . 25. - . 26. 60 "". 27. . 28. - . 29. "", "" "" . 30. , "" . 31. . 32. . 33. . 34. . . __________________ ! ...
 08.01.2003, 22:55 #21 (permalink) : 15.08.2002 : Adelaide : 168 Newsgroups: relcom.humor Sent: Saturday, January 04, 2003 12:50 PM Subject: " " ( - " "). , . 1. . , . ( Microsoft ) 2. , . (Lykes Lines Shipping) 3. H ?!! ( Microsoft IIS Development team) 4. , . . ( Electric Boat Company) 5. , . ( UPS) 6. , , ! H , , ! - , , , . ( 3M Corporation) 7. , , - . , , . , , (Dell Computers) 8. - , . (Citrix Corporation) 9. , . ( - ) , . " " - . ( FTD Florists) 10. , - , . (AT&T) 11. - , . - . " , " - . (Hallmark Cards) 12. , , , " ". H , , - . H - ? - , , " ", , "" . H , , , , , . , , . , , . , , . -- WWW: http://talk.mail.ru/article-23772502.html Alis and Ac like this.
 08.01.2003, 22:57 #22 (permalink) : 15.08.2002 : Adelaide : 168 Newsgroups: relcom.humor Sent: Saturday, December 28, 2002 3:31 PM Subject: ... . , , . , () . , , . . . . - , - , - . , , . , , , , . , p , . () Alex77 - WWW: http://talk.mail.ru/article-23772431.html Alis likes this.
 09.01.2003, 21:17 #23 (permalink) : 15.08.2002 : Adelaide : 168 Subject: Fw - " H" - http://lleo.aha.ru, "" H , , . , : , - . ? H , . , ? . H . H - . , , , , " H-- ..." , - . H . , H . - , , , , . , : , , - . H , , . - , . , : " ! . , . H , . , , . . H , , . , , , ..." - ! - , . - . - , , - ? - H, , ! - . . , , : . , - , . H . , . , . - -! - , - ! ! , . - , ! - . - ! H , , - , . H , . - . - , - - . - ""? - . - , , ... - , - ... . - ? - , - ?! - - . - , - . - ? , ? - , , - ! ! ... ... ! ... !.. ! ... ", ..." ... - , ! ! H : ... - ! - , - ! - . - . , , - , . , . , . - , , . " , " - ? , . H , . - , , - %%% . , . - ! - . , , . H , , . - , ! - , - ! , , , ... . . , . - . - , - ... - ... - , - , , ! - H, . - , - - . ... - H ! - , - , ! - . - , - . H ... - ? - ? , . - H , . - . - , ? - . - ? , ... - , , . - H... - , - H ? ... - -. - , - , ! , , . . - ? - . - . . , ... , . - . - , ? - . - . - , - , , . , . . - , ... - , - . - H . - H , . ? . ... , ? , ! H ! - , ? ? - - . - , - . , . - . - , - H . -. - ? - . - . ! ? ? - , , , , - , . - , - ... H . , - , ... , , . , . . - , . - , , . , , - . , , , . , , . , . . , , , . ! ! H ! - , . H, , - , , . H , , - , - . , . - , , . H , - , , , . H . - , . , - , , , , . , ? , , . H - . , , , - . , . H, ( ) , " " , . . , . H . H , . , H , . - , , , " !", ", -!" " !". H, . , " " - . , - , . , , , , , , , . , , , , . . , ? ( ) , , , ... , , - -, . , ! - , , , . - H ? - . - ? ? , . , . , . H , - , . 1 , , , . . , . . : , , . H H , . , , H . , , - . H , - . H , , , . - , ? - , ... H , . H , , . , , H , , , ! H , , , , ! . , , . H . - . - , . 6 2002, (c) http://lleo.aha.ru
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