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Старый 30.08.2008, 20:33   #24 (permalink)

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Я обычно этим не занимаюсь, но вот от "балды" решила подкорректировать Ваш ответ на вопрос. Мои замечания (уж извиняйте, что строгие):

1. Вы пишите хоть и английскими словами, но "по-русски"... это довольно частое явление, т.к. не нэйтивам свойственно буквально переводить русские предложения на английский. Совет - читайте больше книг на английском - очень поможет правильно строить предложения.

2. Приводя свой пример ответа на вопрос, я пыталась оставаться как можно ближе к Вашим собственным ответам. Но хочу Вам сказать, что чёткая линия ответа в Вашем ессее отсуствует и мысли "блуждают". Старайтесь не перепрыгивать с одной мысли на другую и старайтесь чётче выражать свои мысли.

3. Следите за артиклями

Удачи на экзамене!


Topic: In order to reduce crime, we need to attack the causes of crime such as poverty and lack of educational opportunities. It’s not enough to simply have more police on the street and put more people into prison. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Many people believe that in order to combat crime, the most effective means are the jails and the police. However, other think it’s better to effect on the causes of the misdeed such as bad education and poverty. In this essay I will discuss both points of view.

Some people believe that the two most effective methods for reducing crime are the police force and jails. However, others think that the best way to fight rising levels of crime is to address the underlaying factors such as poor education and poverty.

There are several important causes why people commit a crime. First of all, the shortage of the educational can lead to a crime. It is obvious that a good education allows to get a well-paid job. The second reason is poverty that can turn people in the criminals. So, the state has to create the work places and develop business. As a result it will decrease the unemployment and crime. Finally, it is a well-known fact that the maintenance of the jails and the police are very expensive for the state. In many cases, community service are more right sentence than a prison.

There are several reasons that push people towards committing a crime in the first place. One of such reasons is inadequate education. It is obvious that a person with a solid education background is usually able to get a well paid job and lead a fairly high standard of life. Another reason that could potentially force a person towards committing a crime is poverty. While it is clearly the responsibility of each individual to find a job, strong government support is required to create more employment opportunities. Lowering levels of unemployment will lead to a decrease in levels of crime. Finally, it is a well known fact that there are high costs associated with maintenance of jails and the police force. In many cases, these costs can be reduced by substituting jail sentences with community service.

On the other hand, there are many evidence when rich and well-educated people commit the crimes. For instance, children from the rich families can take drugs. Their parents spend most of the time at work and don’t attend to their children in the enough extent. Moreover, last decades bring us new type of the fraud such as computer crimes. In this case one has to have a very good education for it. Furthermore, there are crimes such as murder, kidnapping and drug smuggling. It’s clear that these kinds of offences demand the serious punishment such as prison or even capital punishment.

On the other hand, there are many cases when well educated and wealthy people commit a crime. For example, children from wealthy families sometimes turn to drugs. This is often due to the fact that their parents spend a lot of time at work and do not have the time to look after their children. Moreover, computer-based crimes became very common over the last few decades. In order to commit an on-line fraud, in most cases a person has to be fairly computer literate and well educated. Furthermore, serious criminal offences such as murder, kidnapping and drug smuggling are blooming. It is obvious that such types of offences demand substantial punishment such as prison sentences or, in some circumstances, even harsher punishments such as capital punishment.

In conclusion, I agree that firstly we have to understand causes of crime. In this case only we can decrease crime and create more safe society for our future generations.

In conclusion, I’d like to stress just how important it is to understand the underlaying causes for people to commit a crime. If we have a full understanding as to why people commit certain crimes in the first place we would be able to address these underlaying causes and, as a result, build a safer society for our future generations.
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