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Старый 01.03.2010, 21:45   #1376 (permalink)

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Привет покорителям вершины и уже матерым профессионалам

Очередной "блин". Пожалуйста, поругайте-оцените. Заранее большое спасибо.
Topic is from New Insight into IELTS:

Young people today are better qualified than they were in the past. Some people argue that this is because competition for jobs is greater (1) that it used to be. Others say that people only continue their education because the opportunities exist for them to do so.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge
or experience.


The overall quality of well educated professionals has been significantly increased in the past few decades. Most of young graduates choose (2) to study for extra courses in addition to general ones. It is believed by many that this fact is caused by increased (3) competition in employment industry, while others think that (4) the education today is more affordable which (5) results a higher level of qualification. This essay will analyze both sides of this effect.

Due to (6) availability of (7) broad range of colleges, universities as well as postgraduate courses, education today is available for almost everyone. Recent statistical researches have shown that even with increased tuition costs, education ( industry has been experiencing consistent grow at 10% each year. Since students have (9) an access to various grants, loans and international programs, it is understandable why many people (10) link this fact as one of the main contributors (11) of (12) increased qualification level.

In addition, modern employment standards force young professionals (13) take a (14) Bachelor or even Master degree to have a better chance (15) on today’s' job market. As an example, (16) from (17) two recent graduates the one who has (1 a better specialization in (19) required area will be chosen. However, mature professionals state that just (20) few decades ago conditions were not as tough as today. Thus, (21) it is might be the reason why many students have to improve their skills (22) according to competitive circumstances.

In conclusion, nowadays people are more qualified than they used to be. This can be linked with an increased availability of education or challenging job market requirements. Despite the fact that the education today is more affordable, I personally believe that (23) the competition for employment is the real (24) reason and it is expected to increase in near future.

(1) than
(2) to take on extra courses – luchshe?
(3) competition for employment – luchshe? “industry” – ne nado
(4) the – ne nado
(5) results IN …
(6) the
(7) a
( is education an industry? It’s a fountain of knowledge for thirsty minds…
(9) an – ne nado
(10) see this fact – luchshe?
(11) to
(12) “increased qualification level” – korjavo kak-to. Sovetuju perepisat’.
(13) to take
(14) bachelor’s degree / master’s degree (mozhno prosto “master’s”)
(15) in today’s market? – luchshe? On the market – o tovarah, chto prodajutsja, ne o ljudjax.
(16) of – luchshe, chem ‘from’?
(17) zdes’ nuzhno “the” iz-za slova “recent”, kotoroe opredelitel’, a takzhe kontexta. No ne budu sporit’. “of the two recent graduates…”
(1 better qualifications – more natural?
(19) nuzhet artikl.
(20) a
(21) this/that might be… “is” ne nado.
(22) “according to” – zdes’ korjavo. “in keeping with competitive circumstances”?
(23) the – ne nado
(24) reason for what?

Ne ploho, sovsem ne ploho.
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Старый 02.03.2010, 01:58   #1377 (permalink)

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Lavrentiy, thanks for corrections. You've been very helpful, as usual
If you don't mind, I have a few clarification questions:

Re:
( Would you suggest other expression to describe this idea? I just know a "film industry" expression and thought that "education industry" might be also formed this way.
(12) "one of the main contributors to qualification level increase" - Does this look ok?
(20) "a few <smth plural>" - Is it a some stable form or smth? Why using "a" is mandatory?
(22) "to keep up with competitive circumstances" - Better?
(24) Got it: unfinished thought. "I personally believe that competition for employment is the real reason of better qualifications among youth and it is expected to increase in near future." - How about this rephrase?

Thanks.
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Старый 02.03.2010, 02:35   #1378 (permalink)

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очень буду благодарна, если проверите мое очередное творение

Should wealthy nations be required to share their wealth among poorer nations by providing such things as food and education? Or is it the responsibility of the governments of poorer nations to look after their citizens themselves?

Governments of all countries either wealthy or poor should guarantee a high standard of citizens’ living. Officials get a salary paid from the state budget that is formed by collecting a part of taxpayers’ income. They provide public services such as security, education, medical care and various financial aids. But there are countries which have governments not to be able to assure the sufficient level of these public services. In this case, citizens of such countries would suffer and their life quality would fall.

On the one hand, all countries have a different level of GDP and abilities of budget spending. Therefore, it is obvious that wealthier nations need to give some help to poorer ones. Nowadays, there are many programs provided by wealthy countries to support poor nations. They include direct financial aid to provide food, clothes and other basic needs. Moreover, there are different international organizations which are shared by largest nations, for example the United Nations organization. They carry out a wide range of program to raise a standard of living in countries which have poor economy.

On the other hand, citizens of any counties should be token care of by their governments. If the average level of wages and salaries is too low to provide a high-standard of living, governments should look for any methods to help their citizens. For example, governors can reduce budget spending by cutting their maintenance costs.

To sum up both views, I think that all governments should help their citizens by every possible means. But if capabilities of certain country are not enough, it needs to be supported by wealthy countries.

270 words.
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Старый 02.03.2010, 02:47   #1379 (permalink)

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natalya_ielts, я тут тоже только учусь, так что мои советы имеют весьма скромный вес. Позволю себе одно замечание: если тема приведена верно, то на мой взгляд она подразумевает Argument\Opinion эссе, у вас получилось Discussion. Если я не прав - поправьте меня.
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Старый 02.03.2010, 03:08   #1380 (permalink)
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Спасибо gas, сегодня я поняла что моя главная проблема каша в голове. я никак не могу сперва найти идеи, потом увязать их логически... даже не знаю как в субботу буду сдавать. а ведь три года назад как то умудрилась сдать на 6.5

а пока проверьте это эссе, пожалуйста. хотя бы с точки зрения грамотности)...

The best way to reduce the number of trafic accidents is to raise age limit for the younder drivers and lower age limit for aged ones. Do you agree?


Some people think that the ideal solution for the problem of car accidents would be restriction of the drivers’ age. Their argument may be that the risk to become a victim or a person responsible for crash is rather high among people from teen and elderly age groups. However, this issue is quite controversial.

Firstly, we must acknowledge that young drivers indeed refer to the group of risk owing to the lack of experience. The often underestimate dangerous situation on the road. Nevertheless, the raised age limit for driving license disallows young people to get enough practice and confidence, which make this step useless. Otherwise, this problem can be solved by learner’s permit which allows beginners to get initial experience under low-risk conditions, I mean they may drive with an adult who has full license.

Secondly, it may be true that driving skills of senior drivers decline with age but just like other age groups, driving skills vary from one elderly person to another. Take my grandfather, for instance, he is a very skillful driver despite the fact that he is almost eighty. It is obvious when looking at this example that punishing most older drivers for problems caused by only a few drivers is just unfair.

Moreover, age should not be considered as the main criterion of driving skills. The statistics portray the main person responsible for motor- vehicle crash as middle age man. This information refutes completely the statement that it is elderly and teen drivers who critically affect the amount of accidents.

To sum up, I beleive that the limitation by age is unacceptable measure and there are other ways to reduce the number of traffic accidents.
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Старый 02.03.2010, 05:05   #1381 (permalink)

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natalya_ielts, я тут тоже только учусь, так что мои советы имеют весьма скромный вес. Позволю себе одно замечание: если тема приведена верно, то на мой взгляд она подразумевает Argument\Opinion эссе, у вас получилось Discussion. Если я не прав - поправьте меня.
sergey_taurus, спасибо за ответ. я не знаю, кто прав . я пыталась дать свое мнение, но поскольку нет в жизни готовых ответов на все вопросы, то рассмотрела разные стороны обеих позиций, и попыталась прийти к какому-то мнению...

меня больше интересует лексика и грамматика.
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Старый 02.03.2010, 18:51   #1382 (permalink)

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kwai, где сдавать будете?
У меня тоже в субботу экзамен в SI, за райтинг боюсь больше всего, разумеется.

По поводу эссе... Если оно действительно написано за 40 минут и спелл чек не проводился, то, я думаю, очень неплохо. Я так не напишу, хотя бы потому, что мне и по-русски непросто выразить свои мысли.
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Старый 02.03.2010, 23:09   #1383 (permalink)
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kwai, где сдавать будете?
У меня тоже в субботу экзамен в SI, за райтинг боюсь больше всего, разумеется.

По поводу эссе... Если оно действительно написано за 40 минут и спелл чек не проводился, то, я думаю, очень неплохо. Я так не напишу, хотя бы потому, что мне и по-русски непросто выразить свои мысли.
как же за сорок минут((... если бы)

не тверской сдавать буду. в какой то школе.
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Старый 03.03.2010, 08:44   #1384 (permalink)

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Проверьте пожалуйста эссе. На эту тему на русском тоже многого бы не написала. Спасибо!
Some people believe that there should be fixed punishments for each type of crime. Others, however, argue that circumstances of an individual crime, and the motivation for committing it, should always be taken into account when deciding on the punishment.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

The issue of punishing a perpetrator with the most fair and appropriate retribution is a complex and controversial one. There have been numerous cases when murders were released for parole and innocents were pleaded guilty. This essay will examine if judicial system should have fixed charges for all citizens or every sentence might vary according to the motives for committing a crime.

There is a number of arguments for the fixed sentences. First of all, the Law System of every State has to provide general strict and established rules for society. Therefore, every person will be aware of the responsibility to obey the law or, otherwise, he/she will face consequences and to stand a trial. Secondly, in the case of established punishments there is a threat for people that penalty will be imposed inevitably and an offender will be prosecuted with a crime. It might prevent committing a misdeed in some situations. Third point is that State Judicial System has to be equal and has to provide fair penalties for all the citizens of the country.

However, many argue that every motive and reason of breaking the law is different. Therefore, some offenders might be acquitted in some cases. Furthermore, our moral duty is to be impartial. Ability to be lenient and forgiving can prove our humanity. Thus, every representative of the law system (judges, jury and witnesses) should be careful when meeting out the severe sentence.

In conclusion, although there are arguments for both points I believe that fixed retributions may prevent a number of crimes, they will make people more responsible. Thus, it will create more law-abiding society.
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Старый 03.03.2010, 19:00   #1385 (permalink)
gas
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Cool!
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Старый 03.03.2010, 20:29   #1386 (permalink)

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Всем привет,

Очередной "блин". Вроде как Argument\Opinion, но не уверен.
Пожалуйста, поругайте\похвалите Заранее огромное спасибо.

Цитата:
The topic is from IELTS Practice Test Plus 2

Modern societies need specialists in certain fields, but not in others.

Some people therefore think that governments should pay university fees for students who study subjects that are needed by society. Those who chose to study less relevant subjects should not receive government funding.

Would the advantages of such an educational policy outweigh the disadvantages?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.


Today society makes one qualifications more valuable than others. It is often claimed that students who apply for the economy driven specializations should be widely supported by governments. I tend to agree that this practice should bring significant benefits for modern economy as well as strong chances for future graduates to get an employment offer.

Firstly, supporting and encouraging students to apply for economy driven qualifications is one of the best ways to meet the current and future country needs. For example, according to recent development plans, my country in next few decades will need more mine and oil engineers rather than finance advisors. Thus, it is essential to attract a wide range of students today to have a reliable source of qualified labor force in future for these industries.

In addition, recent graduates who have gained a qualification in areas of demand will have better chances to get a job compared to others. For instance, from my university alumni most young oil refinery professionals got a full-time offer in next few months after graduation, while banking and finance workers have been experiencing problems even to get an internship up today. As a result, valuable qualifications might ensure a low unemployment rate in future which will have a positive effect in all areas of society.

To sum up, particular subjects, which are expected to be in demand today and in near future, would benefit society and provide an employment guarantee for young professionals. I personally believe that government support for selected qualifications today might result in a great progress tomorrow.


40 min, 250 words
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Старый 04.03.2010, 15:07   #1387 (permalink)
bmy

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Hello!
Check, please, my essay
The topic is exactly the same

Modern societies need specialists in certain fields, but not in others.

Some people therefore think that governments should pay university fees for students who study subjects that are needed by society. Those who chose to study less relevant subjects should not receive government funding.

Would the advantages of such an educational policy outweigh the disadvantages?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

The last century was unprecedented in the number of occupations which were totally new to the public. Nowadays we have thousands of professions and this list is constantly growing. There are heated debates across the communities whether governments should regulate the process of education through incentives to students studying subjects on demand.

On the one hand, there are obvious advantages brought by the approach of active state role in a formation of a labor market. First, given that regulators have reliable statistical data, they can forecast the demand in specialists in one or another part of economy and support those students who study right subjects. Second, there are extremely important regions of human knowledge which do not give the immediate outcome and, therefore, do not attract enough young people with great abilities. Thus, providing additional funding, governments can increase the number of professionals in particular unpopular areas.

However, it was proven many times in human history that over regulation not only can be ineffective but, on the contrary, brings more disadvantages. For example, in Russia, in 1990s, there were a great number if students studying law, commerce, and other popular sciences. What is worse, the majority of them paid nothing for the education which resulted in a crowd of lawyers and accountants not working by their speciality. Thus, careless planning and unreliable statistics nullified all positive effects of a state policy.

Keeping in mind argument shown above, I personally believe that positive effects of a greater state role on jobs market still outweigh any drawbacks. Nevertheless, proven statistics and forecasting of trends in economy are essential for any government plan to succeed.

Последний раз редактировалось bmy; 06.03.2010 в 19:36.
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Старый 07.03.2010, 08:07   #1388 (permalink)

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Привет!
Приступаю к активной подготовке, покритикую завтра чье-нибудь творение, а пока вот мое.

You would like a temporary job working in a summer camp which runs sports and outdoor activities for children and young people next summer. Write a letter to the organisers of the summer camp. In your letter:
- explain what sort of job you would like to do.
- describe your personality.
- say what experience and skills you have


Dear Sir / Madam,
I am writing in response for your advertisement of temporary job in "Evening Post" last week. I am looking for such thing now and I would be happy if you can help me. Preferably, I would like a job connected to physical activities, for instance a trainer of team game like football, volleyball and so on. If it is impossible, I can work as a trainer of scouts.

I am a Russian national and I have been living here for last two years. I am a responsible person and I have good experience in training children.

As you can see from my curriculum vitae, I have a diploma of a teacher of physical trainings by a russian pedagogical university. Now I work as such a teacher in a local college. Next summer I will have a break because of holidays, so I will be opened for a temporary job.

I am looking forward to hearing from you soon.

Yours faithfully

Последний раз редактировалось SergShir; 08.03.2010 в 07:11.
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Старый 07.03.2010, 21:14   #1389 (permalink)

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Привет!
Приступаю к активной подготовке, покритикую завтра чье-нибудь творение, а пока вот мое.
Вы поняли меня слишком буквально. Я 'зла' на тех, кому здесь помогли получить хорроший результат, а они не горят желанием to give something back.

У Вас результатов еще нет, Вам еще не помогли добраться до цели, так что и спрашивать с Вас нечего. Пока нечего.

Теперь о Вашем письме. К сожалению, очень много ошибок. Да и ответ как то 'не английский'. Я имею ввиду, что ответ не учитывает англоязычные реалии с точки зрения как смысла, так и построения предложений. Чувствуется, что еще нет наработок и надо набивать руку.

В качестве примеров:




I am writing in response for your advertisement of temporary job in "Evening Post" last week
  • respond to something or somebody
  • a temporary job
  • in 'The Evening Post'
I am looking for such thing now and I would be happy if you can help me. (help you with what? Are you applying for a job or asking for help?)
I've been looking for a similar position/ job and is very interested in applying

Preferibly, I would like a job connected to physical activities, for instance a trainer of team game like football, volleyball and so on.

I'm interested in coaching and organising sports teams as part of your summer camp activities.

If it is impossible, I can work as a trainer of scouts.
А scouts откуда взялись? В задании ничего подобного нет!
тренер - coach (in the given context. Trainer has a diffent meaning and usage)

As you can see from
my curiculum vitae, I have a diploma of a teacher of rhysical trainingsby a russian pedagogical university.
.... I'm a qualified sports/phycsical education teacher (все остальное не нужно) with 5 years of full-time experience in public and private schools. I've also been involved in development of extra-curriculum activities and organised volleyball and football team for secondary and high school students.

I will have a break because of holidays, so I will be opened for a temporary job
... Summer holidays and will be available for the temporary position advertised.


- describe your personality
I am a responsible person (ВСЕ? )

Надеюсь, идея понятна. Читать, читать и читать. Писать, писать и писать!
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всезнающая дама предпенсионного возраста, которая сама непонятно как попала в Австралию

Последний раз редактировалось Maimiti_Isabella; 07.03.2010 в 21:19.
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Старый 07.03.2010, 23:27   #1390 (permalink)

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Всем доброго времени суток. Я буду рад любому замечанию касательное моего творения, особенно приветствуются критические.
Возможно кто-то даже сможет оценить на какую оценку стоит рассчитывать.

Technology progression has a negative impact on us. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement.


Humanity has radically transformed the Earth surface and environment since our first ancestor became upright. By using primitive tools and sage of the previous generations, mankind moved to combustion engine and nuclear fission. All these achievements seem to be only temporary milestones on the route to the eternal goal of civilization – the wild nature’s submission. Developing science and technology for the last century caused an unseen before prosperity (at least for the citizens of the developed countries). I believe if we hadn’t had modern medicine, public transportation, civil services and electricity then our race wouldn’t have been sustainable due to its dependency on outer natural processes, like droughts and contagious deceases.

However, it’s time we thought of the price mankind has to pay for the all technological advantages. Current dependency on fossil sources of energy and irresponsible attitude toward the mother nature have been badly affected diversity of life at our blue planet and in so doing decreased quality and reliability of ecological systems. Thus blossom of technology seems to be a formidable threat for the life on the Earth and sequentially to humanity.

There is a paradox between the inner eagerness of civilization to boost its science and technology level by pillaging of limited natural resources and the unbreakable dependence on the nature – we are merely part of the Wild. So I believe more holistic and comprehensive consideration should be given to this phenomenon.

From my point of view we should change our attitude to the nature in order to ease human’s burden on the Earth. There should be kind of encouraging to make big industrial companies follow environmental friendly approaches toward nature. By balance the conventional scientific development and the cherishing and pampering Mother-nature means the welcome the harmony of wholesome and sustainable human existence.
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Старый 08.03.2010, 07:38   #1391 (permalink)

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Надеюсь, идея понятна. Читать, читать и читать. Писать, писать и писать!
Спасибо, идея вполне понятна! Только не понятно, как научиться так здорово оформлять идеи, я имею ввиду, что в вашем варианте использован весьма продвинутый язык, мне до такого еще расти, и я сомневаюсь, что смогу его набить тренировкой без повышения уровня языка.

И все же, Вы считаете, что письмо так плохо написано? Я просто писал его по аналогии с письмом из сборника "Focus on skills for IELTS foundation"

Вот эти фразы там точно были, я взял их как шаблоны:
Preferably, I would like a job...
As you can see from my curiculum vitae...
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Старый 08.03.2010, 08:08   #1392 (permalink)

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Deniszb, сразу скажу, я не оч большой спец в английском, поэтому так моя имха в общих чертах, глядишь более опытные чем помогут. В целом, хороший словарный запас, значительное разнообразие, это плюс. Не могу сказать, насколько каждое из этих слов использовано правильно, но тенденция использования правила "less common words" налицо, это большой плюс. ТАкже наличествуют связки хорошие, что повысит fluency. Теперь о минусах.

Самый главный минус - это то, что в сочинении по сути дана только одна идея, которая обсасывается с разных сторон. вот она:

Thus blossom of technology seems to be a formidable threat for the life on the Earth and sequentially to humanity.

Причем не дано ни одного пояснения почему. Т.е. после главной идеи всегда должны идти условия, пояснения, что к чему и почему. Это мое имхо, почерпнутое с учебников по аелтсу. Здесь этого нет и это конкретный минус.

Моменты, которые вы могли отразить в сочинении:
- развитие технологии повышает вредные выбросы, что плохо влияет на здоровье людей: хуже иммунитет, аллергии, болезни;
- человек подвергается различным видам излучений и неизвестно, насколько это скажется в будущем;
- искусственные заменители еды, не несущие в себе полезных свойств: пищевая аллергия и т.д.


Ну и ваше мнение:
I believe if we hadn’t had modern medicine, public transportation, civil services and electricity then our race wouldn’t have been sustainable due to its dependency on outer natural processes, like droughts and contagious deceases.

Оно дано в первом абзаце без привязки к какой-либо идее. Т.е. получается, что ваше мнение имеет довольно опосредованное отношение вообще к теме, и не имеет логической целостности с остальным сочинением.

В целом, в сочинении надо выдвигать не менее 3 идей каких-то (у вас одна), пусть даже и глупых, но грамотно увязанных в логическую целостность.

Общее впечатление: непродуманное сочинение на хорошем языке. За непродуманность оценка будет сильно снижена. Результат предсказать затрудняюсь.

Последний раз редактировалось SergShir; 08.03.2010 в 15:23.
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Старый 08.03.2010, 19:37   #1393 (permalink)

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Сообщение от SergShir Посмотреть сообщение
И все же, Вы считаете, что письмо так плохо написано? ...
5.5 I think
Цитата:
Я просто писал его по аналогии с письмом из сборника "Focus on skills for IELTS foundation"

Вот эти фразы там точно были, я взял их как шаблоны:
Preferably, I would like a job...
As you can see from my curiculum vitae...
Ну и что. В русском языке тоже много шаблонов, и Вы не считаетесэ с тем что нужно говорить помимо шаблонов, как мысль выразить?

Preferably, I would like a job connected to physical activities - только не говорите мне, что выделенное это тоже часть 'шаблона'! Это чистой воды Runglish.
  • I would like a job with your organisation
  • I would like a job that can offer me challenges
  • I would like a job in your field of research
  • I would like a job that is relevant to/ is related to/answers/matches my experience/skills/level of expertise
etc

As you can see from
my curiculum vitae, I have a diploma of a teacher of rhysical trainingsby a russian pedagogical university.
Причем здесь шаблон? Кроме шаблона надо еще что-то сказать, чтобы оно звучало по английски.

As you can see from
my curiculum vitae, I'm a qualified sports/phycsical education teacher

и т.д.
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всезнающая дама предпенсионного возраста, которая сама непонятно как попала в Австралию

Последний раз редактировалось Maimiti_Isabella; 08.03.2010 в 20:47.
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Старый 08.03.2010, 19:40   #1394 (permalink)

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Всем доброго времени суток. Я буду рад любому замечанию касательное моего творения, особенно приветствуются критические.
Возможно кто-то даже сможет оценить на какую оценку стоит рассчитывать.

Technology progression has a negative impact on us. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement.
Простите, но Ваше эссе написано на вольную тему и не имеет практически никакого отношения к заданной теме.
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всезнающая дама предпенсионного возраста, которая сама непонятно как попала в Австралию
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Старый 08.03.2010, 22:40   #1395 (permalink)
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Где вы такие слова находите? Я ток в SciAm видел похожее. Это какая-то христоматия текстов?
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Старый 08.03.2010, 22:43   #1396 (permalink)

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Где вы такие слова находите? Я ток в SciAm видел похожее. Это какая-то христоматия текстов?
Chinatown
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всезнающая дама предпенсионного возраста, которая сама непонятно как попала в Австралию
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Старый 09.03.2010, 00:38   #1397 (permalink)

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Всех девушек данного форума с праздником, любви вам и цветов. Спасибо вам, за то, что вы у нас есть. Особые поздравления Maimiti_Isabella. Извините за оффтоп.
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Старый 09.03.2010, 16:48   #1398 (permalink)

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Всех девушек данного форума с праздником, любви вам и цветов. Спасибо вам, за то, что вы у нас есть. Особые поздравления Maimiti_Isabella. Извините за оффтоп.
A за что же это такой почет?
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всезнающая дама предпенсионного возраста, которая сама непонятно как попала в Австралию
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Старый 09.03.2010, 19:22   #1399 (permalink)

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Попробовал переписать письмо

You would like a temporary job working in a summer camp which runs sports and outdoor activities for children and young people next summer. Write a letter to the organisers of the summer camp. In your letter:
- explain what sort of job you would like to do.
- describe your personality.
- say what experience and skills you have


Dear Sir or Madam,
I am writing to you in response to your advertisement for some positions. I am interested in coaching sports teams as part of your summer camp activities. As you can see from my enclosed curriculum vitae, my qualification and exerience match the requirements which were noticed in the advertisement.

I am a Russian national, an entirely responsible person. I especially would like to point out that I am an educated sports teacher and I have been working in the secondary school for last three years. I organised volleball and basketball teams for school students. Next summer I will have a break because of summer holidays, thus I can work in your camp almost the whole summer.

If you have any further questions or you would like to arrange an interview, please contact me at your most convenient time.I look forward to an opportunity to personally discuss the position with you..

Yours faithfully
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Старый 10.03.2010, 08:07   #1400 (permalink)
lx
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SergShir, Я подправил исходя из собственных соображений, поэтому, не "пинайте", если что Жирным - мои вставки. Серым - то, что я бы удалил.

Dear Sir or Madam,
I am writing to you in response to your job advertisement in a local newspaper for some positions. I am interested in that kind of work and would be happy to apply. I am particularly interested in coaching sports teams as part of your summer camp activities. As you can see from my enclosed curriculum vitae, my qualification and experience match the requirements which were noticed in the advertisement.

I am a Russian national and an entirely responsible person(1). I would especially(2) like to point out that I am an educated sports teacher and I have been working in the secondary school for the last three years. I organised volleyball and basketball teams for school students. Next summer I will have a break because of summer holidays, thus I can work in your camp almost the whole summer (season?)(3).

If you have any further questions or you would like to arrange an interview, please contact me at your most convenient time(4). I look forward to an opportunity to personally discuss the position with you.

Yours faithfully


1 - как-то непонятно, как национальность относится к personality. похоже, у Вас просто не было идей с чего начать
2 - по-моему нужно поменять местами
3 - старайтесь обогащать вокабуляр синонимами
4 - гуд

Последний раз редактировалось lx; 10.03.2010 в 08:11.
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