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Старый 21.05.2010, 21:56   #1676 (permalink)

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посмотрите, пожалуйста, письмо... интересно, сколько балов за такое можно получить?

You and your family are living in rented accommodation in an English-speaking country. You are not satisfied with the condition of some of the furniture.
Write a letter to the landlord. In your letter
• Introduce yourself
• Explain what is wrong with the furniture
• Say what action you would like the landlord to take

Dear Mr Smith,

My name is Igor Stayer. Me and my family are renting an apartment 12 from you which is located at 1 Queens Ave, Hawthorn. We are generally satisfied with the unit, however, there are some things regarding furniture condition that I would like to bring to your attention.

Firstly, the television which you gave us last week stopped working. Every time when someone tries turning it on, it starts making whizzing noise that does not stop. We could live with that if not for the fact that the screen goes blank just after a few minutes of operation. Then there is a reclining chair in the living-room. It fell apart the first time my dad decided to use it. I understand that it was far from new, but we had expected it to function as a normal chair at least.

Considering these circumstances and the fact that these items of furniture are of prime importance in the household, I would like you to replace them in the shortest possible time. We could live without a chair for awhile, but the lack of functioning TV-set raises frustrations within the whole family.

Hope to receive a quick response from you.

Yours sincerely,

Igor
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Старый 22.05.2010, 13:04   #1677 (permalink)

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посмотрите, пожалуйста, письмо... интересно, сколько балов за такое можно получить?

You and your family are living in rented accommodation in an English-speaking country. You are not satisfied with the condition of some of the furniture.
Write a letter to the landlord. In your letter
• Introduce yourself
• Explain what is wrong with the furniture
• Say what action you would like the landlord to take

Dear Mr Smith,

My name is Igor Stayer. Me and my family are renting an apartment 12 from you which is located (cross out) at 1 Queens Ave, Hawthorn. We are generally satisfied with the unit, however, (Punctuation: your teachers should've told you how 'however' is used. Let me know if you're not sure and I'll explain) there are some things (try to avoid using 'things' in your writing ->issues, problems, aspects, etc) regarding furniture condition that I would like to bring to your attention.

Firstly, the television which you gave us last week stopped working. Every time when someone tries turning it on, it starts making whizzing noise that does not stop. We could live with that if not for the fact that the screen goes blank just after a few minutes of operation. Then there is a reclining chair in the living-room. It fell apart the first time my dad decided to use it. (combine these two sentences) I understand that it was far from new, but we had expected it to function as a normal chair at least.

Considering these circumstances and the fact that these items of furniture are of prime importance in the household, I would like you to replace them in(->within) the shortest possible time. We could live without a chair for awhile, but the lack of functioning TV-set raises frustrations within the whole family. (add a couple of more words explaining why)

Hope to receive a quick response from you.

Yours sincerely,

Igor
Not bad at all! Your letter is clearly and logically structured and I haven't noticed any major hiccups, except this one: Me and my family ->my family and I.
Also, there's a bit of confustion as far as 'prime importance' is concerned. First you say that both pieces are of prime importance, than you state that one (the TV set) is more important than the other.

G'luck
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всезнающая дама предпенсионного возраста, которая сама непонятно как попала в Австралию
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Старый 24.05.2010, 03:50   #1678 (permalink)

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Здравствуйте. Посмотрите пожалуйста график. Это для меня новое задание, я его делал всего пару раз, а экзамен 5-го июня. Сколько за него можно получить?



The chart illustrates changes in average house prices in New York, Madrid, Tokyo, Frankfurt, London over the 12 year period in comparison with prices in 1989.

In the chart below we can see that from 1990 to 1995 the average house prices increased in New York by 5% while in both Tokyo and London this rate was about 7%. In Madrid and Frankfurt house prices went up 2 and 2,5%, respectively.

According to the chart, there are totally opposite situation in period from 1996 to 2002. As we can see there is only Japan(Tokyo) where the average house prices increased in comparison with 1989. The biggest growth of price in this period was in London (more than on 10 percents). In New York this rate was about five percents while in Madrid it wasn't bigger than 4,5%. The lowest increase in given period was in Frankfurt. The average house prices in this city went up 1.5%

All in all, there is a big difference in house prices in cities given in the chart. I think, that such a big difference may be a result of economic situation in these cities.
Миниатюры
My essay, проверьте, покритикуйте! Спасибо!-462.jpg  

Последний раз редактировалось Кантемир; 24.05.2010 в 04:09.
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Старый 24.05.2010, 16:34   #1679 (permalink)

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Здравствуйте. Посмотрите пожалуйста график. Это для меня новое задание, я его делал всего пару раз, а экзамен 5-го июня. Сколько за него можно получить?
В обшем неплохо, есть ошибки, конечно, но думаю 6 можно, BUT! избавьтесь от 'I think' - who cares what you think when describing a graph?! It's much better to say 'which may be due to /the result of'...

Overall, try to avoid using personal pronouns when describing graphs, charts and diagrammes

Also, you need to combine two short sentences to make a better more mature sentence when describing trends for Frankfurt.
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Сообщение от bolo83 Посмотреть сообщение
всезнающая дама предпенсионного возраста, которая сама непонятно как попала в Австралию
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Старый 24.05.2010, 16:54   #1680 (permalink)
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Здравствуйте. Посмотрите пожалуйста график. Это для меня новое задание, я его делал всего пару раз, а экзамен 5-го июня. Сколько за него можно получить?



The chart illustrates change in average house prices in New York, Madrid, Tokyo, Frankfurt, London over the 12 year period compared to the 1989 price level.

Between 1990 and 1995 the average house price in New York grew by 5% while in both Tokyo and London this rate was about 7%. In Madrid and Frankfurt house prices went up 2 and 2,5%, respectively.

According to the chart, there is opposite trend in period from 1996 to 2002. As we can see there is only Japan(Tokyo) where the average house price increased compared to 1989. The biggest growth in price during this period was in London (more than on 10 percents). In New York this rate was about 5%, while in Madrid it wasn't more than 4,5%. The smallest increase in given period was registered for Frankfurt. The average house price in this city went up by 1.5%

All in all, there is a big difference in house prices in cities given in the chart. I think, that such a big difference may be a result of economic situation in these cities.
Последнюю фразу надо переделать.
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Старый 26.05.2010, 20:53   #1681 (permalink)
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Проверьте, пожалуйста, и мое essay. Тема: Why preschool education is important?
и на какой band score оно может пртендовать?

Throughout this century the role of preschool education has significantly changed, and the majority of people all over the world believe that these changes are for the better. The preschool education is a highly debated issue among its proponents and opponents: specially those who hold that every child should be sent to kindergarten and our government, who claims for closing all the kindergartens in order to save their expenses. Personally, I think that this issue is a very important one, as preschool education is very helpful in the full development of the child as a social being and his all-round personality.
Firstly, the development in the early ages enriches the horizon and the outlook of a child, which would be very useful in creating a productive human being in the society. Secondly, it gives more chances for developing his mental and physical potential. Furthermore, not all the parents have the means and time as needed for educating and training their children in the formative years. Recently the research has also very clearly shown, that children are more likely to develop fully in the age of 3-5 years, than in the school age of 6-10 years, and those who have attended preschool are more broadly educated and socialized, as all their skills are opened already and to some extent well-developed. As a result the kids attending kindergartens are expected to know different skills and to experience numerous vital tasks and situations, which their future studies and their existence, in general, will demand.
Additionally, It is a well-known fact that preschool establishments help to expand social skills skills. Moreover, preschool education teaches children how to behave themselves in a group and the society; that is how to become civilized human beings. To start with, it is necessary to point out the fact, that if the child goes to the kindergarten it will be be of great help for him in the future process of socialization. Common activities like chatting with other children, playing different games lead to the enhancement of the sense of collective responsibility. Furthermore, the friendly atmosphere/surrounding induces/introduces warm feelings about fellow beings such as friendship, tolerance, sympathy and cooperation among many others. An example to the point was well illustrated in one of the shows I happened to see on TV not long ago. It was about the discovery of one girl who was kept at home without preschool education. This kid lived with her parents, who had neither enough time nor necessary desire to bring her along as a strong-minded human being. Consequently, she failed to adapt to the society, had no co-operational skills and during the whole life felt herself alone.
However, despite the fact that millions of people all over he world agree that preschool training is of vital essence for the humankind, the government believe that there are more burning questions such as pollution, famine and etc, on which the budget money should be spent. But my opinion differs greatly, from my point of view, at the federal level, the government should make it a law that every child should enter preschool and also create free preschools available to all families.
Taking all these points into consideration, I would like to sum up that education, especially the preschool one, in all its aspects is the item number one in any society, which has settled the certain aim to form a true and an all-round personality. These are not only lofty words, it could be proved by that fact that children are our future and it depends only on them whether will it be light or a dark one.
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Старый 27.05.2010, 00:19   #1682 (permalink)
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Сообщение от Кантемир Посмотреть сообщение
Здравствуйте. Посмотрите пожалуйста график. Это для меня новое задание, я его делал всего пару раз, а экзамен 5-го июня. Сколько за него можно получить?



The chart illustrates changes in average house prices in New York, Madrid, Tokyo, Frankfurt, London over the 12 year period in comparison with prices in 1989.

In the chart below we can see that from 1990 to 1995 the average house prices increased in New York by 5% while in both Tokyo and London this rate was about 7%. In Madrid and Frankfurt house prices went up 2 and 2,5%, respectively.

According to the chart, there are totally opposite situation in period from 1996 to 2002. As we can see there is only Japan(Tokyo) where the average house prices increased in comparison with 1989. The biggest growth of price in this period was in London (more than on 10 percents). In New York this rate was about five percents while in Madrid it wasn't bigger than 4,5%. The lowest increase in given period was in Frankfurt. The average house prices in this city went up 1.5%

All in all, there is a big difference in house prices in cities given in the chart. I think, that such a big difference may be a result of economic situation in these cities.
Очень неплохое описание. Видно, что написано по шаблону и это очень хорошо.
Тем не менее, позвольте несколько замечаний:
1. Старайтесь писать от третьего лица (As we can see there is - From the graph is clearly seen that only in Japan the ...)
2. there IS A totally opposite situation
3. went up (не хватает не могу понять какого предлога) 2 and 2,5%, respectively. Можно так: In Madrid house prices went up to 4% whereas in Frankfurt they slightly declined to 1,5%. Просто по графику повысились цены только в Мадриде, во Франкфурте упали, а вы пишите, что и там и там выросли.
4. I think, - Personally I believe that. (просто think звучит достаточно примитивно)
5. Есть ряд слов, которые заменяют was и звучат очень академично. Во-первых, это глаголы, обозначающие повышение/уменьшение показателей (increased, declined, plumped, rocketed) и т.д. Кроме того, иногда можно заменять на "составило - made" или что-то вроде того.
6. Заключение: in conclusion.

Вообще очень советую скачать одну брошюрку по первому таску для академиков:
IELTS Writing Task 1 | Learning English Together

З.Ы. Удачи Вам!
И жду новых описаний!
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Старый 27.05.2010, 00:44   #1683 (permalink)
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Проверьте, пожалуйста, и мое essay. Тема: Why preschool education is important?
и на какой band score оно может пртендовать?

Throughout this century the role of preschool education has significantly changed, and the majority of people all over the world believe that these changes are for the better. The preschool education is a highly debated issue among its proponents and opponents: specially those who hold that every child should be sent to kindergarten and our government, who claims for closing all the kindergartens in order to save their expenses. Personally, I think that this issue is a very important one, as preschool education is very helpful in the full development of the child as a social being and his all-round personality.
Firstly, the development in the early ages enriches the horizon and the outlook of a child, which would be very useful in creating a productive human being in the society. Secondly, it gives more chances for developing his mental and physical potential. Furthermore, not all the parents have the means and time as needed for educating and training their children in the formative years. Recently the research has also very clearly shown, that children are more likely to develop fully in the age of 3-5 years, than in the school age of 6-10 years, and those who have attended preschool are more broadly educated and socialized, as all their skills are opened already and to some extent well-developed. As a result the kids attending kindergartens are expected to know different skills and to experience numerous vital tasks and situations, which their future studies and their existence, in general, will demand.
Additionally, It is a well-known fact that preschool establishments help to expand social skills skills. Moreover, preschool education teaches children how to behave themselves in a group and the society; that is how to become civilized human beings. To start with, it is necessary to point out the fact, that if the child goes to the kindergarten it will be be of great help for him in the future process of socialization. Common activities like chatting with other children, playing different games lead to the enhancement of the sense of collective responsibility. Furthermore, the friendly atmosphere/surrounding induces/introduces warm feelings about fellow beings such as friendship, tolerance, sympathy and cooperation among many others. An example to the point was well illustrated in one of the shows I happened to see on TV not long ago. It was about the discovery of one girl who was kept at home without preschool education. This kid lived with her parents, who had neither enough time nor necessary desire to bring her along as a strong-minded human being. Consequently, she failed to adapt to the society, had no co-operational skills and during the whole life felt herself alone.
However, despite the fact that millions of people all over he world agree that preschool training is of vital essence for the humankind, the government believe that there are more burning questions such as pollution, famine and etc, on which the budget money should be spent. But my opinion differs greatly, from my point of view, at the federal level, the government should make it a law that every child should enter preschool and also create free preschools available to all families.
Taking all these points into consideration, I would like to sum up that education, especially the preschool one, in all its aspects is the item number one in any society, which has settled the certain aim to form a true and an all-round personality. These are not only lofty words, it could be proved by that fact that children are our future and it depends only on them whether will it be light or a dark one.
Вопрос первый: откуда взята тема? По своему звучанию она не похожа на темы АЙЕЛТСА.

2. В вашем эссе 603 слова.
Отсюда вопрос: когда Вы собираетесь его писать? (у Вас всего час на 2 задания). И, если не секрет, за какое время написали?
Кстати, за эссе более (если мне не изменяет память) 350 слов можно запросто получить бан, то-есть, прилично сниженную оценку. Так что смело можете вычеркнуть половину.

3. Теперь по самому эссе и его содержанию.
3.1. I think - I believe (после академических фраз про дебаты и т.п. бросается в глаза)
3.2. in the full development of the child - А child (несмотря на то, что дальше идет его характеристика ребенок не становится чем-то конкретным) - но это мое ИМХО

По содержанию: все замечательно. Мне очень понравилась структура, отличный словарный запас и очень хорошие слова-связки и выражения.

Если уложитесь в 250-300 слов, то оценка такого эссе: минимум 7. (скорее даже все 8, а то и 9 баллов).

З.Ы. Удачи!
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Старый 27.05.2010, 00:58   #1684 (permalink)

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Очень прошу покритиковать мое сочинение - это первая попытка из серии "solutions to problems", а экзамен уже ровно через месяц... боязно мне... Огромное спасибо всем откликнувшимся!

Many governments are now trying to prevent global warming and the effect it has on our environment. They are trying to reduce the things which contribute to global warming such as pollution from cars and destruction of the rain forests.
Describe what you think the problem is and the actions you think your government should take to solve it.

Nowadays governmental authorities of many countries are preoccupied with the problem of global worming and its possible effects on the planet. The measures against it that have been taken so far are as follows: reducing emissions into atmosphere, preventing destructions of the rain forests and so on. In my essay I shall list several aspects of the problem as well as some steps that should be taken and their expected consequences.

One way to deal with the situation is to limit the amount of industrial gases emission into the atmosphere. It would make a greenhouse effect less harmful and would help to avoid ice sheet melting. As a result, it would prevent any changes in ocean currents and consequently won’t lead to any dramatic climate changes.

Another way to overcome the problem is to combine the efforts and resources of all industrial countries in developing of modern technologies that could provide new, cost-effective solutions enabling to reduce power and natural resources consumption. By creating, developing and implementing of eco-friendly technologies, we can reduce the harmful effect of contemporary industries while still being able to enjoy their products.

Steps also should be taken to inform people about the problem of global worming. We should be aware of its causes as well as of possible consequences. This would help us to evaluate the situation better, estimate the risks and take adequate measures in advance, before it will be too late.

To sum up, there are several measures which could be taken to prevent global warming and its destructive effect on the environment. If the governments of all the countries and individuals were to put enough efforts and invest enough funds, it would help to avoid possible ecological catastrophe and would save our planet from perish.
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Старый 27.05.2010, 02:56   #1685 (permalink)

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Many governments are now trying to prevent global warming and the effect it has on our environment. They are trying to reduce the things which contribute to global warming such as pollution from cars and destruction of the rain forests.
Describe what you think the problem is and the actions you think your government should take to solve it.

Nowadays governmental authorities of many countries are preoccupied with the problem of global worming and (1)it's possible effects on the Planet. The measures against it that have been taken so far are as follows: reducing emissions into atmosphere, preventing destructions of the rain forests (2) and so on. In my essay I shall list several aspects of the problem as well as (3) some steps that should be taken and their expected consequences.

One way to deal with the situation is to limit the amount of industrial gases emission into the atmosphere. It would make a greenhouse effect less harmful and (4) would help to avoid ice sheet melting. As a result, it (5) would prevent any changes in ocean currents and consequently (6) won’t lead to any dramatic climate changes.

Another way to overcome the problem is to combine the efforts and resources of all industrial countries in developing of modern technologies that could provide new, cost-effective solutions enabling to reduce power and natural resources consumption. By creating, developing and implementing of eco-friendly technologies, we can reduce the harmful effect of contemporary industries while still being able to enjoy their products.

Steps also should be taken to inform people about the problem of global worming. We should be aware of its causes as well as of possible consequences. This would help us to evaluate the situation better, estimate the risks and take adequate measures in advance, before it will be too late.

To sum up, there are several measures which could be taken to prevent global warming and its destructive effect on the environment. If the governments of all the countries and individuals were to put enough efforts and invest enough funds, it would help to avoid possible ecological catastrophe and would save our planet from perish.
Небольшие ремарки:
(1) Пропущен апостроф
(2) "and so on" б-р-р , на мой взгляд, лучше уж или поставить точку или придумать еще один пример
(3) я бы заменил "some" на что-то более академическое, "a number of possible" например
(4,5) я насчитал 3 штуки "would" в двух соседних предложениях, а Вы?
(6) won't = will not (сокращения лучше оставить для неформальных писем)

В целом, мне понравилось. Но, на мой вгляд, у Вас перевес в сторону "solutions". Я не увидел ни одной хорошой раскрытой проблемы, одни решения. Удачи!
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Старый 27.05.2010, 05:19   #1686 (permalink)

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sergey_taurus, спасибо огромное!! очень полезно. У меня только сомнения насчет апострофа - так это ведь не сокращенное it is, а its (в смысле, "его").. или я что-то перепутала..
Отдельное спасибо за то, что "ткнули" меня в неполное раскрытие темы.. бум исправляться.

ОЙ, только что заметила, что ДВАЖДЫ написала wOrming вместо warming

Последний раз редактировалось eCATerina; 27.05.2010 в 05:51.
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Старый 27.05.2010, 09:15   #1687 (permalink)
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Английский неплохой, но содержание требует радикального пересмотра.
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Старый 27.05.2010, 16:47   #1688 (permalink)

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У меня только сомнения насчет апострофа - так это ведь не сокращенное it is, а its (в смысле, "его").. или я что-то перепутала..
Да, извиняюсь, Вы правы. Действительно, притяжятельное местоимение "its" пишется без апострофа. Вот же, век живи - век учись
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Старый 27.05.2010, 16:56   #1689 (permalink)
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Вопрос первый: откуда взята тема? По своему звучанию она не похожа на темы АЙЕЛТСА.

2. В вашем эссе 603 слова.
Отсюда вопрос: когда Вы собираетесь его писать? (у Вас всего час на 2 задания). И, если не секрет, за какое время написали?
Кстати, за эссе более (если мне не изменяет память) 350 слов можно запросто получить бан, то-есть, прилично сниженную оценку. Так что смело можете вычеркнуть половину.

3. Теперь по самому эссе и его содержанию.
3.1. I think - I believe (после академических фраз про дебаты и т.п. бросается в глаза)
3.2. in the full development of the child - А child (несмотря на то, что дальше идет его характеристика ребенок не становится чем-то конкретным) - но это мое ИМХО

По содержанию: все замечательно. Мне очень понравилась структура, отличный словарный запас и очень хорошие слова-связки и выражения.

Если уложитесь в 250-300 слов, то оценка такого эссе: минимум 7. (скорее даже все 8, а то и 9 баллов).

З.Ы. Удачи!


А какие бы фразы вы посоветовали вместо I think, I beleive....???
Тему..... дал один из преподавателей, про которого я думаю что он исчерпал себя..... ну решила ее описать, потому что в общем про детей и их развитие - очень популярная.................... у меня кстати в предыдушей попытке попалась тема про деток, а именно " Как вы думаете, влияет телевидение положительно или негативно на их развитие????" а у меня как раз с головы вылетели все синонимы к слову сhild... или перенервничала или еще что-то, единственное что пришло на ум это offspring... думаю, что не совсем подходящее по жанру.... ну все равно написала на 7.0 ... сейчас думаю наверное academic cдавать..... не знаете случайно самое эффективное средство или учебное пособие научиться описывать графики, таблицы, диаграммы в кратчайшие сроки?
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Старый 27.05.2010, 18:26   #1690 (permalink)
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сейчас думаю наверное academic cдавать..... не знаете случайно самое эффективное средство или учебное пособие научиться описывать графики, таблицы, диаграммы в кратчайшие сроки?
мне хорошую ссылку давали - http://www.gday.ru/forum/ielts/17416...ml#post1391503
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Старый 27.05.2010, 20:22   #1691 (permalink)

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Katrinka
, спасибо большое за отклик. Я понимаю, что you've got things to do, но, если можно, хотя бы пару слов о том, в каком направлении менять содержание?

sergey_taurus, еще раз огромное Вам спасибо за то, что проверили мой опус
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Старый 28.05.2010, 15:30   #1692 (permalink)

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Проверьте, пожалуйста, и мое essay. Тема: Why preschool education is important?
и на какой band score оно может пртендовать?

Throughout this century .....
Very interesting... Due to the length impossible to evaluate. However, there's some pretty impressive vocabulary. At the same time, there's a bit of Runglish as well.

If your target score is 7 or 7.5 then I think you've got it (if you comply with the test regulations). If you need anything higher, then there're a couple of things you need to address.

I can't access this site anymore from home so there's no option to reply and comment at length.

pls check your personal messages
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всезнающая дама предпенсионного возраста, которая сама непонятно как попала в Австралию
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Старый 28.05.2010, 23:19   #1693 (permalink)

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Not bad at all! Your letter is clearly and logically structured and I haven't noticed any major hiccups, except this one: Me and my family ->my family and I.
Also, there's a bit of confustion as far as 'prime importance' is concerned. First you say that both pieces are of prime importance, than you state that one (the TV set) is more important than the other.

G'luck
спасибо! был не внимателен с телевизором.

позволю себе воспользоваться последней свободной пятницей перед экзаменом... посмотрите пожалуйста, в плане правильности ответа на вопрос как?

In many countries tourism is a major part of the economy, but it also causes environmental damage and ruins the places it exploits. It is argued that tourists should pay an additional tax to compensate for this damage. Do you agree?
Give reasons for your answer and include any examples from your own knowledge or experience.

It is unquestionable that a high number of travellers who cause damage to countries they visit is one of the most pressing issues for governmental officials of these countries. One solution that has been put forward is to make visitors pay higher taxes. However, in my point of view this solution is rather controversial and other solutions need to be found.

It is fairly easy to see why this proposal has been made. The reasoning is that if Governments impose additional taxes on goods and services provided for tourists by local businesses than more money will flow into the budget. These funds can be allocated to cleaning the waste produced by tourism and preserving the environment in its pristine condition. No only this will save nature landmarks from catastrophic damage, but also allow more people to come and see them. In this case, both inhabitants and adventurers would benefit from such a decision.

There is, however, a strong argument for not implementing such a proposal. This argument is based on economic impact. Most countries which attract large numbers of travellers are Third World countries, which mean they are considerably cheap to visit. If prices for tours, for example, would go up than these countries could potentially lose one of their main incentives they have on offer. As a result, less people will be able to afford to visit them and that will affect the economy. This fact should especially concern nations that heavily rely on tourism as their main source of income.

In summary, we can see that this is clearly a complex issue as there are significant advantages and disadvantages to the suggestion. My own personal view is that Governments should not risk losing international tourists while forcing them to pay extra duties for recreation.
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Старый 30.05.2010, 09:14   #1694 (permalink)
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По умолчанию academic writing part 1

Здравствуйте, господа! Близится и моя сдача IELTS - 5 июня Питер. Speaking 3 июня. Готовлюсь сама.
Прокомментируйте, пожалуйста, моё творение.

The graph illustrates how fish and meat consumption was (or were?) varying between years 1979 and 2004 in one European country.
In 1979 the portion of fish eaten per person per week was about 60 grams. Lamb and chicken consumption were approximately equal – 150 grams. Dominating beef consumption was at the rate of 220 grams per week in 1979.
During given period of time the amount of consumable lamb and beef significantly reduced to 60 and 100 grams per person per week respectively, while chicken consumption considerably increased to 250 grams. Fish consumption have not changed significantly and just slightly reduced to about 40 grams in 2004.
It is noticeable, that chicken and beef consumption were at the same rate of 200 grams only in 1989. In 1989 onward production of chicken meat was growing steadily, whilst other sources of protein were becoming less popular among people in this European country.
Nowadays chicken is still the most consumable and affordable meat all over the world.
Миниатюры
My essay, проверьте, покритикуйте! Спасибо!-2.jpg  
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Старый 01.06.2010, 02:21   #1695 (permalink)
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Здравствуйте. Оцените пожалуйта творение и если не сложно скажите на какой балл оно может претендовать.

It is generally accepted that families are not as close as they used to be.
Give reasons why this change has happened and suggest how families could be brought closer together.


It is certainly true that today’s families are far away from each other than they were in the past. There are several reasons why this problem has developed so fast in last years. This essay will give some causes of appearing this issue and some actions which could be taken for making present situation better.

First of all, the main reason that should be stressed is that in today’s society everything is going much faster than it was before. It is a well-known fact that people works much more now. As a result, they spend less time with their relatives. Moreover, modern world offer various types of leisure activities. So it is difficult to find time for closest people in our life. For instance, one of the most wasteful everyday’s “hobbies” is a watching of TV-set.

Taking all this reasons into consideration, obviously solution would be to spend free time with family as more as it possible. In this way, better relationship will be achieved. In addition, common work at home also contributes to attain better understanding between parents and children. For example, gardening was not only useful but joined activity in my family. Because, if people work together they would talk more and help each other.

In conclusion, I would say that importance of relation on families is vitality required for health nation at all. Anyway, there are working solutions for this issue and if they would be introduced to people, the results will be optimising.

Последний раз редактировалось Innaveda; 01.06.2010 в 02:24.
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Старый 01.06.2010, 05:18   #1696 (permalink)
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Сообщение от zhanylka Посмотреть сообщение
А какие бы фразы вы посоветовали вместо I think, I beleive....???
Тему..... дал один из преподавателей, про которого я думаю что он исчерпал себя..... ну решила ее описать, потому что в общем про детей и их развитие - очень популярная.................... у меня кстати в предыдушей попытке попалась тема про деток, а именно " Как вы думаете, влияет телевидение положительно или негативно на их развитие????" а у меня как раз с головы вылетели все синонимы к слову сhild... или перенервничала или еще что-то, единственное что пришло на ум это offspring... думаю, что не совсем подходящее по жанру.... ну все равно написала на 7.0 ... сейчас думаю наверное academic cдавать..... не знаете случайно самое эффективное средство или учебное пособие научиться описывать графики, таблицы, диаграммы в кратчайшие сроки?
Что касается I think - я имела ввиду заменить его на I believe. На мой взгляд, звучит более академически.
Тема действительно популярная и интересная. Она мне не понравилась лишь тем, что формулировка не типичная для экзамена, а в формулировке всегда скрыт и тип сочинения, и предполагаемый ход мыслей, а это значительно влияет на оценку.
Что касается подготовки по графикам: могу Вам посоветовать то же, что и в своем предыдушем анализе описания графика (посмотрите ссылку постом ниже Вашего (на инглиштипс).

Удачи!
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Старый 01.06.2010, 14:49   #1697 (permalink)

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А какие бы фразы вы посоветовали вместо I think, I beleive....???
Не читал работу, так навскидку (а там сами разберете по ситуациям)
- I find it
- Personally, I believe
- It is my firm belief
- избегать такого построения предложения, т.е. закладывать изначально другую конструкцию. Если постоянно писать I think... то это будет воспринято как poor English
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Старый 01.06.2010, 15:08   #1698 (permalink)

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Здравствуйте. Оцените пожалуйта творение и если не сложно скажите на какой балл оно может претендовать.

It is generally accepted that families are not as close as they used to be.
Give reasons why this change has happened and suggest how families could be brought closer together.

It is certainly true that today’s families are far away from each other than they were in the past. There are several reasons why this problem has developed so fast in last years. This essay will give some causes of appearing this issue (This is not English, sorry!) and some actions which could be taken for making the present situation better.
Sorry, I can't go into a detailed review of your writing but you've changed the topic of the essay. Be careful with your choice of synonyms.

Generally speaking, your essay is not easy to follow, mainly due to Runglish and problems with sentence structure. I believe, you should first put a bit extra work in your English development, if your target score is 7 or above.
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всезнающая дама предпенсионного возраста, которая сама непонятно как попала в Австралию
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Старый 01.06.2010, 15:15   #1699 (permalink)

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Здравствуйте, господа! Близится и моя сдача IELTS - 5 июня Питер. Speaking 3 июня. Готовлюсь сама.
Прокомментируйте, пожалуйста, моё творение.

The graph illustrates how fish and meat consumption was (or were?) (both OK) varying between years 1979 and 2004 in one -> a European country.
In 1979 the portion of fish eaten per person per week was about 60 grams. Lamb and chicken consumption were approximately equal – 150 grams. Dominating beef consumption was at the rate of 220 grams per week in 1979.
During given period of time the amount of consumable lamb and beef significantly reduced to 60 and 100 grams per person per week respectively, while chicken consumption considerably increased to 250 grams. Fish consumption have not changed significantly and just slightly reduced to about 40 grams in 2004.
It is noticeable, that chicken and beef consumption were at the same rate of 200 grams only in 1989. In 1989 onward production of chicken meat was growing steadily, whilst other sources of protein were becoming less popular among people in this European country.
Nowadays chicken is still the most consumable and affordable meat all over the world.
There are some mistakes with articles, but the most glaring problem is your last sentence. Why did you write it at all? Where's the information about affordability? Who told you it's most consumable?
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всезнающая дама предпенсионного возраста, которая сама непонятно как попала в Австралию
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Старый 01.06.2010, 16:40   #1700 (permalink)
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Sorry, I can't go into a detailed review of your writing but you've changed the topic of the essay. Be careful with your choice of synonyms.

Generally speaking, your essay is not easy to follow, mainly due to Runglish and problems with sentence structure. I believe, you should first put a bit extra work in your English development, if your target score is 7 or above.
Спасибо за оценку. На самом деле мне нужно 6 баллов. Правда на сколько я поняла и для 6ки мне нужно еще работать и работать. Ну что ж никуда с подводной лодки не денешся.
Еще раз спасибо за труд)))
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