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Старый 12.10.2010, 01:02   #1926 (permalink)
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Сообщение от Maimiti_Isabella Посмотреть сообщение
5.0 - 5.5
мне на дженерал нужны семерки, чего не хватает больше содержания или грамматики?
ответесли не сложно в личку, заранее спаисбо.
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Старый 12.10.2010, 04:12   #1927 (permalink)
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The topic doesn't sound IELTS to me Which IELTS preparation book does it come from?
это из какого то кэмбриджевского теста.
с 6го, если память не подводит.
сейчас гляну, мне встречался такой топик в одной из 7ми книг

пыс: нашла
это задание из 7й книги Cambridge IELTS, 2й GT test

Последний раз редактировалось irenlo; 12.10.2010 в 04:17.
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Старый 12.10.2010, 09:17   #1928 (permalink)

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это из какого то кэмбриджевского теста.
с 6го, если память не подводит.
сейчас гляну, мне встречался такой топик в одной из 7ми книг

пыс: нашла
это задание из 7й книги Cambridge IELTS, 2й GT test
I've just checked: you are right and I'm surprised: to me the topic sounds suspiciously like TOEFL .

Anyway, I'm going to have a quick look at the essay now.

Thanks for putting me straight.
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всезнающая дама предпенсионного возраста, которая сама непонятно как попала в Австралию
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Старый 12.10.2010, 09:37   #1929 (permalink)

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Моё первое ессе.

Some people feel that entertainers (e.g. film stars, pop musicians or sports stars) are paid too much money.

Do you agree or disagree?

Which other types of job should be highly paid?
To start with, it might be appropriate to mention that some persons (?) think that stardoms (Wrong Form) or closely related (родственники?) people, for example, football players, are overpaid. It seems that they are doing almost nothing or they are doing something cushy (?), and after this deeds (после чего?) they get a huge bundle (слишком informal) of money. I suppose, that in the real world it is not so (что не так? Кроме того, последнее предложение вступления должно 'открывать' организацию эссе. У Вас этого не нет).


Let's look at an example, who (?) may be a some prominent person, starred in a movie. From one side (?) he (a как насчет she?) earns a large amount of funds (they don’t earn ‘funds’ – check the meaning of the word), but from other side (?)it was (? – почему вдруг прош время?) an extremely hard work. His ( ее ?) prominence is a result of his magnificently good work (т.е. все фильмы - magnificently good work? Даже те, что стали общепризанными flops?). Any movie development, firstly, is the business of an investor, and any business main goal (?) is a profit getting. If you like this (kakoe?) movie, you will pay money for it, but you would never pay, if there were non-professional actorS and (article) movie were (why plural?) so (проверьте значение и употребление слова) boring.

К сожалению, дальше становится хуже, как с точки зрения английского языка, так и с точки зрения организации эссе.
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всезнающая дама предпенсионного возраста, которая сама непонятно как попала в Австралию
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Старый 14.10.2010, 12:07   #1930 (permalink)

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Народ, готовлюсь к IELTS. Это самое самое первое эссе, которое я написал, прошу оценить с целью выявления некоторых аспектов написания эссе. жду замечаний и по структуре. Заранее спасибо. ну и кто может, поставьте оценку примерную)

With the pressures on today’s young people to succeed academically, some people
believe that non-academic subjects at school (eg: physical education and cookery)
should be removed from the syllabus so that children can concentrate wholly on
academic subjects.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?


Nowadays people gradually become worried about use of non-academic subject in educational system and in one's life on the whole. Undoubtedly everyone needs to get some basic knowledge in order to understand fundamental principles of our life. However, there are some good arguments for both sides, but on the whole I prefer arguments for.

Today's world becomes very demanding for skilled people and the more one knows, generally speaking, how world is structured, the more possibilities for him or her to succeed in future. Mobility is one of those important qualities, needed for being evaluated at a high level and get a good job position. Non-academic subjects are to help one to develop oneself properly - to be ready to step into our difficult inexorable world. Studying, for example, cookery would not only be useful for yourself, but will be counted as an advantage at some positions. Many analysts in large corporations consider all-round education to be the most valuable and prospective.

In spite of numerous claims about harm, that studying anything but major subject is useless, some people found benefits from them. These advanced courses happened to help lots of people to find themselves wrong in choosing their major and discover something more interesting for them to study. History knows many a great number of life stories when famous politicians, artists, movie-stars etc. found their vocations in absolutely different spheres, which helped them to success in life and choose the right way.

Nevertheless, some people consider that these types of subjects completely distract learners from their speciality and as a result it denies opportunity to graduate as a full-fledged specialist, that is able to act as a professional and to have adequate conceptualization about modern world.

People do not always know what is best for them, and in this case, as in many other cases, the use of non-academic subject may be helpful, whilst choosing one's vocation. Moreover the guidance of teachers and looking at employer's demands would also be reasonable.
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Старый 14.10.2010, 14:50   #1931 (permalink)

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Сообщение от gtoturbo69
Народ, готовлюсь к IELTS. Это самое самое первое эссе, которое я написал, прошу оценить с целью выявления некоторых аспектов написания эссе. жду замечаний и по структуре. Заранее спасибо. ну и кто может, поставьте оценку примерную)

With the pressures on today’s young people to succeed academically, some people believe that non-academic subjects at school (eg: physical education and cookery) should be removed from the syllabus so that children can concentrate wholly on academic subjects.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?


Nowadays people gradually become worried about use of non-academic subject in educational system and in one's life on the whole. Undoubtedly everyone needs to get some basic knowledge in order to understand fundamental principles of our life. However, there are some good arguments for both sides, but on the whole I prefer arguments for.
......

Очень быстро просмотрела, и первое что бросается в глаза - совершенная 'незаконченность' вступления.
but on the whole I prefer arguments for - непонятно что же Вы все-таки prefer? надо сформулировать мысль более четко

Из других замечаний: 'русские' запятые очень мешают восприятию текста и 'запутывают' читателя. В результате страдает readability. Я уже приводила ссылки на правила пунктуации ранее в этой теме - поищите и изучите.
Иногда Вы используете слишком много слов, чтобы выразить идею, т.е. опять-таки страдает readability.

People do not always know what is best for them, and in this case, as in many other cases, the use of non-academic subject may be helpful... o каких вообще 'cases' идет речь?

Ну и последнее, чувствуется перевод с русского.

С другой стороны, для первого эссе неплохо. Я бы поставила 6 или 6.5, но не уверена, что Вы способны написать такое же эссе в экзаменационной обстановке, так как не видна уверенность в английском.

Если интересуетесь моим мнением, то Вам нужен кто-то, кто проверял бы Ваши эссе на постоянной основе.

Еще посоветовала бы изучить Vocabulary for IELTS and Grammar for IELTS.
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всезнающая дама предпенсионного возраста, которая сама непонятно как попала в Австралию
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Старый 14.10.2010, 21:18   #1932 (permalink)

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Maimiti_Isabella
Cпасибо за отзыв, учту. А по грамматике много замечаний? можно не приводить примеры, просто общий взгляд
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Старый 15.10.2010, 09:43   #1933 (permalink)

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Maimiti_Isabella
Cпасибо за отзыв, учту. А по грамматике много замечаний? можно не приводить примеры, просто общий взгляд
Я не сказала, что грамматика 'страдает', но в общем она теряется за проблемами readability. Постарайтесь писать попроще, тогда станет легче читать.

Да, еще одно замечание. Хотя я и считаю, что написано на 6 - 6.5, но до 7 еще довольно далеко.

Пример грамматической неувязки:
Nowadays people gradually become worried -> тут явно что-то не так, as 'gradually' indicates a continuous process. So you should consider re-phrasing the sentence, which would be much easier in this case than fixing the problem.

I don't know what your options and opportunities are but I think in general your approach to essay writing is correct; you just need somebody to help you with the way you express your ideas. Ideally, this would be a native speaker, if you can afford and find one.

I'll give you an example of what I mean. Let's just look at one of the sentence.
Nevertheless, some people consider that these types of subjects completely distract learners from their speciality

I had to re-read this part to understand what you mean, though everything seems to be OK from the point of view of grammar. Now, I'm going to re-write this bit to improve its readability.
Nevertheless, some people consider that these subjects distract learners and ...

Can you see what I've done? - just crossed out the words that interfere with the meaning. These words were pointless and needlessi, .e. extra, even repeating the idea already expressed for no obvious reason.

BTW, do not start a new paragraph with reference words (it, this, they, these, etc) as each paragraph is a mini essay (in this type of writing) and you need to introduce the topic. So instead of 'these' consider using an appropriate noun, e.g. non-essentail subjects or general subjects, etc

Another problem you have is parallelism but I think this might be solved when you master your style.
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всезнающая дама предпенсионного возраста, которая сама непонятно как попала в Австралию
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Старый 18.10.2010, 12:31   #1934 (permalink)

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Я не сказала, что грамматика 'страдает', но в общем она теряется за проблемами readability. Постарайтесь писать попроще, тогда станет легче читать.

Да, еще одно замечание. Хотя я и считаю, что написано на 6 - 6.5, но до 7 еще довольно далеко.

Пример грамматической неувязки:
Nowadays people gradually become worried -> тут явно что-то не так, as 'gradually' indicates a continuous process. So you should consider re-phrasing the sentence, which would be much easier in this case than fixing the problem.

I don't know what your options and opportunities are but I think in general your approach to essay writing is correct; you just need somebody to help you with the way you express your ideas. Ideally, this would be a native speaker, if you can afford and find one.

I'll give you an example of what I mean. Let's just look at one of the sentence.
Nevertheless, some people consider that these types of subjects completely distract learners from their speciality

I had to re-read this part to understand what you mean, though everything seems to be OK from the point of view of grammar. Now, I'm going to re-write this bit to improve its readability.
Nevertheless, some people consider that these subjects distract learners and ...

Can you see what I've done? - just crossed out the words that interfere with the meaning. These words were pointless and needlessi, .e. extra, even repeating the idea already expressed for no obvious reason.

BTW, do not start a new paragraph with reference words (it, this, they, these, etc) as each paragraph is a mini essay (in this type of writing) and you need to introduce the topic. So instead of 'these' consider using an appropriate noun, e.g. non-essentail subjects or general subjects, etc

Another problem you have is parallelism but I think this might be solved when you master your style.
Спасибо огромное за ответ, буду работать.
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Старый 18.10.2010, 20:11   #1935 (permalink)
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Здравствуйте,
Буду очень признательна, если подскажите что не так в эссе и где что надо подтянуть. Сдаю экзамен в декабре. Нужны минимум 6ки.

Nowadays environmental problems are too big to be managed by individual persons or individual countries. In other words it is an international problem. To what extent do you agree you disagree?

These days many international organizations participate in different conferences about ecological problems and try to find the solution how to manage the situation. Some consider environmental situation should be controlled by local people, however, others think that it is an international deal. To my concern, all countries should take part to obtain good results.

First reason for doing that is the influence the ecologic situation of one country on its neighborhood and sometimes on the whole region in general. Such problem as contamination of soil influences pollution of rivers and lakes. Also in most times plants, which were grown on this soil, are full of bad elements. As the result, it makes people suffer from serious diseases and makes livestock not appropriate for eating. Another example is air pollution. Thus different wastes from factories and cars make people breathe polluted air. Even more, some wastes fall down as a rain and contaminate surrounding territories. That is why only together people can control the situation in the region.

At last, there are some problems which cannot be resolved by local people because of lack of money. A vivid example is Chernobyl disaster. Nowadays the old sarcophagus should be changed because the old one does not protect from the radiation even more. The Ukraine cannot do it itself because of cost of such kind of building. Another example is international disasters like forest fire in Greece and Russia. Recent events have shown that fires could not be overcome independently. Thus, it is necessary to receive some help from other countries to regulate the current situation.

To sum up, environmental problems influence the ecological situation not only on local area, but other countries too. I agree that situation should be handled by international authorities. Also every person should take care of the situation in his or her surroundings.
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Старый 19.10.2010, 06:09   #1936 (permalink)
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These days many international organizations participate in different conferences on ecological problems and try to find the solution how of managing this situation. Some believe that environmental situation should be controlled by local resident or easily locals, however, others think that it is an international matter / business/ concern, but definitely not deal (deal is "an agreement entered into by two or more parties for their mutual benefit, especially in a business or political context" - Oxford Dictionary) . To my concern - не встречала такого ранее, исправлять не буду, возможно кто-то из более опытных уточнит, можно ли такое употреблять , all countries should take part Тут не совсем понятно в чем принимать участие (теряется нить), но это мое ИМХО to obtain good results.

First reason for doing that is - influence of ecological situation of one country on its neighborhood and sometimes on the whole region in general. One of such problems is contamination of soil causing pollution of rivers and lakes. Moreover in most times plants - have no idea what it is , which have been growing (IMHO) on this soil, are full of harmful elements. As the result, it makes people suffering from serious diseases and makes livestock not appropriate for eating. Another example is air pollution. Thus different wastes from factories and cars make people breathe polluted air. Even more, some wastes fall down as a rain and contaminate surrounding territories. That is why only together - sorry, it sounds russian people can control the situation in the region.

At last, there are some problems which cannot be resolved by local people because of lack of money. A vivid example is Chernobyl disaster. Nowadays the old sarcophagus should be changed because the old one does not protect from the radiation any more. - Ukraine cannot do it itself because of cost of such kind of building. Another example is international disasters like forest fire in Greece and Russia. Recent events have shown that fires could not be overcomed independently. Thus, it is necessary to receive some help - I suppose it has to be either get some help or receive some assistance from other countries in order to regulate - current situation.

To sum up, environmental problems influence - ecological situation not only on local area, they cause much damage on neighbouring countries. I agree that situation should be handled by international authorities. In addition every person should take care of - situation in his or her surroundings.

Теперь подытожу:
1. Есть руссизмы (дословно переводите фразы). Это минус.
2. Хорошая лексика. Это плюс.
3. При наличие хорошей лексики не всегда умеете "соединять" слова по-английски. Это минус.
4. Используете мало линков (слова but, and, also, or необходимо забыть). Это минус.
5. Структура хорошая, единственная неувязка: во втором абзаце пишете что первая причина...., а в следующем сразу же начинаете фразой "наконец". Но, в целом, структура правильная. Это плюс.

Совет:
1. Учите линки.
2. Читайте книги (там есть хорошие связки), в частности, разбирайте тексты с Ридинга.
3. Продолжайте трудиться

Думаю, что сочинение спокойно может заслужить балл 6.0-6.5.

П.С. Это все ИМХО, мой балл невысок, помогаю тем, чем могу и что считаю
ПП.С. Прошу простить если что-нибудь непонятно или неправильно исправила...
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Последний раз редактировалось vnikitin; 19.10.2010 в 06:12.
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Старый 19.10.2010, 15:58   #1937 (permalink)
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Спасибо. Учту все что вы мне сазали и попробую чтото-то исправить. У меня проблема это ошибки когда пишу. Иногда глупые иногда нет. Боюсь что мге изза этого сильно бал снизят
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Последний раз редактировалось Yulia_N; 19.10.2010 в 16:19.
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Старый 31.10.2010, 17:18   #1938 (permalink)

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Добрый день.

Покритикуйте эссе пожалуйста.

Necessity is the mother of invention
What does this saying mean? When human being faces a problem he tries to solve it. And success depends not only on ability to invent new technologies or methods which help to resolve the issue, it depends on cause. The more valuable the reason is the more effective the result will be.
First of all let remember Europe before 19 century. It was the time when plague and diseases killed thousands of people in many cities every year. A simple wound can be lethal because mankind had no drug and knowledge how to cure it. For example the Black Death terminated the whole towns and villages. Only the craving to live and fear before death contributed to the invention of the penicillin. Also it was the moment when medicine made the first step to be the science as we know it now. Till now days medicine has been working on major problems of humanity. They are aids, cancer, and drug addiction.
Another point to be made is war. When we stay before the face of the enemies and our future is under the danger we need to develop new types of weapons if we want to survive. Only the modern types of airplanes, tanks, and rifles can give us advantages on the battle field and as result we can win this company. For example Russia created tank T34, airplane IL2 which appeared to be the best weapons of the Second World War. And another example is the thermonuclear bomb which was developed by Russia during the Cold War. But unfortunately these achievements are often used by terrorists. So we need to control these technologies.
In summary I want to say that it doesn’t matter what sort of causes forces people to think about new technologies or abilities. Let it be wishes to win the war, to stay alive, to become wealthy, and to get cured. Only one thing is important – the significance of the issue and a final result.

Спасибо.
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Старый 31.10.2010, 17:39   #1939 (permalink)

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Добрый день.

Покритикуйте эссе пожалуйста.


Necessity is the mother of invention

What does this saying mean? When human being faces a problem he tries to solve it. And success depends not only on ability to invent new technologies or methods which help to resolve the issue, it depends on cause. The more valuable the reason is the more effective the result will be.
...Спасибо.
Вы форум не перепутали?

Здесь выкладываются эссе по подготовке к IELTS. Проверка других типов эссе, а также сочинений - для этого есть другие форумы, для изучающих английский язык.
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всезнающая дама предпенсионного возраста, которая сама непонятно как попала в Австралию
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Старый 01.11.2010, 16:51   #1940 (permalink)

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Родил essay - кошмар! После получасового переписывания первого абзаца я забил, приступил по-новому через пару часов. Писал почти 2 часа. Ужос! Ужос!!! К тому-же нехватает слов. 

Покритикуйте, pls!


Topic is taken from:
IELTS Exam Preparation - IELTS Writing Sample #143

Write about the following topic:

In a recent survey conducted in this country, it was found that up to 20% of twelve year-olds in some schools were showing early signs of nicotine addiction. In the eighteen to twenty year age bracket the percentage was as high as 70%. A large contributing factor to this high level of addiction is attributed to the uncensored TV advertising of cigarettes.
For this reason all cigarette advertising should be banned.

Discuss.



=================================================
A recent survey conducted in some schools showed a worrying tendency in nicotine addiction among teenagers. Early signs of the addiction have been found in almost every fifth twelve year-old while in eighteen to twelve year age bracket signs have been found in a more than two third of orphans. It is not surprising that in our age of information technologies this situation is largely due to often uncontrolled advertisement of tobacco products.

One of the proposed measures aiming reduction of smocking popularity among teenagers is a complete ban of cigarette advertising. While, in principle, this could indeed contribute to the situation improvement, in a real life there is always a reason for a situation to exist, which makes it harder to eliminate by trivial prohibition. The root of the problem will still be there, undoubtedly finding just another way to appeal to the teenagers’ hearts. Actually, we all have already had a good lesson about total alcohol prohibition in the USA in the early 30ties of the last century.

However, any kind of prohibition does not usually eliminate the root of a problem, often being a cosmetic measure. Moreover, a cosmetic threatment might even be dangerous in that it is hiding from our eyes relevant to the problem processes in the society. Instead of creating of such possible complications by a ban, a gradually decreasing in cigarette advertising together with avoiding teenagers targeting by it in TV may act better.

To summarize, a balanced approach to this phenomenon should be worked out in our society. The problem results from a certain set of social processes, which suggests a necessity of rather a complex treatment that just one-cut solution in the form of a ban of advertisement. The most efficient strategy to fight the problem would be a proper combination of both application more strict regulations to advertisement of tobacco products and creating an alternative to smocking for our children.
=================================================
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Старый 01.11.2010, 19:01   #1941 (permalink)

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Родил essay - кошмар! После получасового переписывания первого абзаца я забил, приступил по-новому через пару часов. Писал почти 2 часа. Ужос! Ужос!!! К тому-же нехватает слов. 

Покритикуйте, pls!


Topic is taken from:
IELTS Exam Preparation - IELTS Writing Sample #143

Write about the following topic:

In a recent survey conducted in this country, it was found that up to 20% of twelve year-olds in some schools were showing early signs of nicotine addiction. In the eighteen to twenty year age bracket the percentage was as high as 70%. A large contributing factor to this high level of addiction is attributed to the uncensored TV advertising of cigarettes.
For this reason all cigarette advertising should be banned.

Discuss.



=================================================
A recent survey conducted in some schools showed a worrying tendency in nicotine addiction among teenagers. Early signs of the addiction have been found in almost every fifth twelve year-old while in eighteen to twelve year age bracket signs have been found in a more than two third of orphans. It is not surprising that in our age of information technologies this situation is largely due to often uncontrolled advertisement of tobacco products.

One of the proposed measures aiming reduction of smocking popularity among teenagers is a complete ban of cigarette advertising. While, in principle, this could indeed contribute to the situation improvement, in a real life there is always a reason for a situation to exist, which makes it harder to eliminate by trivial prohibition. The root of the problem will still be there, undoubtedly finding just another way to appeal to the teenagers’ hearts. Actually, we all have already had a good lesson about total alcohol prohibition in the USA in the early 30ties of the last century.

However, any kind of prohibition does not usually eliminate the root of a problem, often being a cosmetic measure. Moreover, a cosmetic threatment might even be dangerous in that it is hiding from our eyes relevant to the problem processes in the society. Instead of creating of such possible complications by a ban, a gradually decreasing in cigarette advertising together with avoiding teenagers targeting by it in TV may act better.

To summarize, a balanced approach to this phenomenon should be worked out in our society. The problem results from a certain set of social processes, which suggests a necessity of rather a complex treatment that just one-cut solution in the form of a ban of advertisement. The most efficient strategy to fight the problem would be a proper combination of both application more strict regulations to advertisement of tobacco products and creating an alternative to smocking for our children.
=================================================
У Вас очень хороший английский, по крайней мере, если судить по этому эссе Красиво и 'легко' составленные предложения, т.е. легко читаемые, несмотря на достаточно сложное построение, хороший разброс разных структур и т.д. В общем, очень положительное впечатление.

Об оценке пока говорить не буду, с учетом Вашего 'вступления' (сколько сил и времени заняло это эссе), но хорошая оценка прослеживается очень легко.

Из замечаний - некоторые проблемы с артиклями (а у кого их нет? )
Не всегда удачно подобраны слова (см orphan), что может затруднить понимание текста, особенно на таком уровне. И иногда слишком 'накручено'. В качестве примера последнего - предложение выделенное italics

Теперь другие 'заметки'. Темы берите не из интернета, а из книг по подготовке к IELTS, особенно серии Cambridge for IELTS, 1-7. Tа тема, на кот. вы писали в принципе невозможна на экзамене, так как экзамен международный, а тема явна 'под Индию'.

Я обычно не разбираю текст подробно (т.е. на все ошибки), но если хотите, то один раз могу. Правда, лучше все же чуть попозже, когда Вы набьете руку и будете писать на время.
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всезнающая дама предпенсионного возраста, которая сама непонятно как попала в Австралию
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Старый 02.11.2010, 07:50   #1942 (permalink)

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Сообщение от Maimiti_Isabella Посмотреть сообщение
У Вас очень хороший английский, по крайней мере, если судить по этому эссе ...

Об оценке пока говорить не буду, с учетом Вашего 'вступления' (сколько сил и времени заняло это эссе), но хорошая оценка прослеживается очень легко.

Из замечаний - некоторые проблемы с артиклями (а у кого их нет? )
Не всегда удачно подобраны слова (см orphan), что может затруднить понимание текста, особенно на таком уровне. И иногда слишком 'накручено'. В качестве примера последнего - предложение выделенное italics

...

Я обычно не разбираю текст подробно (т.е. на все ошибки), но если хотите, то один раз могу. Правда, лучше все же чуть попозже, когда Вы набьете руку и будете писать на время.


Спасибо - прям обнадёжили!
Думаю, этот текст репрезантативный - кроме тормозов с концепцией писал в боевых условиях, правил во время написания.

Об оценке пока говорить не надо вообще, да - лучше разбор полётов.

>И иногда слишком 'накручено'. В качестве примера последнего - предложение выделенное italics

Эээ-весь текст выделен italic. Не понять что за предложение Вы имели в виду.
Что "накручиваю" - это правда, проф. болезнь. Трудно себя отучить, из-за этого и переписывал первый абзац пол-часа - страх как завернуть хотелось!

Да-подробно разобрать лучше попозже, когда руку набью чутка.

Спасибо!

Последний раз редактировалось KabaN; 02.11.2010 в 07:56.
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Старый 04.11.2010, 05:32   #1943 (permalink)

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По умолчанию some corrections

Yulia, надеюсь, мои поправки Вам помогут. Хочу сказать, главная идея эссе хорошая. Есть некоторые грамматические и лексические ошибки. На них, к сожалению, тоже надо обращать внимание, чтобы не потерять драгоценные балы за работу.



Movies are popular all over the world. Explain why movies are so popular.

People all over the world find films very interesting. Movie industry has been grown and developed from ground due to (переводится как "из-за, по причине") very short time(лучше так in a very short period of time). Movie makers, actors, producers and many others earn a lot of money from selling DVDs or from showing films in cinemas. There are some points of view why movies are so popular.

First of all, films are the simplest way to show advantages and disadvantages of our life. Moreover, movies can be an example of the behavior in common("ordinary" is better) situation. Such movies as “Friends”, ”House”, ”Gray’s Anatomy” can teach us how to love each other, to trust each other, to be a reliable friend. Therefore, people watch this kind of serials when they return home.

The other point is that films are the way of relaxing and having a good time. For example, my husband and I usually watch one or two of them during a week when we get back home and want to do nothing. Over and above, my mood improves after seeing good actors’ plays. Besides, scientists agree that movies are the way to have a rest.

Last but not least, knowledge is also one of the major reasons of increasing interest to films. For example, some of them are full of historical or scientific facts. It is more pleasant to see such kind of films as a way of education than to read information in a book. In addition, language is simpler and illustrations are more colorful and bright, that is why they are so well-known among the population.

All things considered are proof why films have a lot of audience. To my mind, when we watch an interesting story we have a real rest and get pleasure, also we learn how to make a decision, how to show our feelings or can learn some interesting facts. Therefore, movies are so appealing now and will be attractive in future too (too is more informal, in written style "as well" is used more often in the end of a sentence).[/QUOTE]

Если Вам будут не понятны некоторые исправления, буду рада пояснить.
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Старый 04.11.2010, 06:34   #1944 (permalink)

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Maimiti_Isabella,

Вы не шутили говоря о моём английском? Я не обижусь.

Спасибо что находите заглядывать сюда.
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Старый 05.11.2010, 04:18   #1945 (permalink)
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По умолчанию Здравствуйте всем на этом форуме, решила присоединиться.

Вот одно из эссе, что написала. Буду очень благодарна за советы, так как ещё плохо понимаю структуру и все тонкости. Заранее благодарю отозвавшихся.

Without capital punishment (the death penalty) our lives are less secure and crimes of violence increase. Capital punishment is essential to control violence in society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Usually there are two ways states may choose to punish for someone committing a murder: imprisonment for life without a right to parole, and the death penalty. Capital punishment is often justified with an argument that by executing convicted murderers, we will deter the would-be murderers from killing people. However, to my mind, this might have both negative and positive affects on society if not proprelly used.

It must be a psychological effect of c.p. that is considered to be a deterrent from crimes; however, is this effect strong enough? Indeed, every one could say that possibility of the death penalty makes us feel horror, first of all because it is associated with pain which is a human intrinsic fear. However, it is known that perpetrators sentenced for life beg for capital punishment, because life in prison is unbearable for them. In this respect, c.p. won't serve the purpose.

Brutalization of society and deterioration of state relations with all citizens is another side affect which capital punishment might lead to. Poor people could not secure themselves good lawyers, judges make mistakes and therefore the innocent and the poor could be wrongfully convicted. Such mistakes might lead to further crimes in revenge for the innocent and our lives are less secure in that respect.

However, it must be admitted that, plea bargaining might be a useful tool for police in help to help prevent further crimes. For example, if one of two or more murderers was caught and sentenced to death, an offer of a reduced sentence in exchange for the other murderer’s names might be his strongest incentive.

Taking everything into account, on one hand capital punishment might guard against atrocities in society, while on the other hand if not properly administered c.p. might lead to an increase in violent crimes. It is definitely a versatile judicial tool which should only be applied with utmost prudence.
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Старый 05.11.2010, 14:58   #1946 (permalink)

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Вот одно из эссе, что написала. Буду очень благодарна за советы, так как ещё плохо понимаю структуру и все тонкости. Заранее благодарю отозвавшихся..
Generally, a very good and balanced essay. Quite good grammar and impressive vocab. range and - this is very important - easy to follow since there's no Runglish.

However, I don't undersdand why you keep talking about p.c. (political correctness)? Don't ever use any abbreviations or contractions in essays!

There are a couple of problems with punctuation, which results in readability problems, i.e. the sentence below doesn't require the comma after 'that'. I don't also understand the use of helpX2:
However, it must be admitted that, plea bargaining might be a useful tool for police in help to help prevent further crimes.

It's also advisable to avoid colons in essays as they are not ususally part of this type of writing. In your case it's even worse as this is the very first sentence of the essay and the comma there is not justifiable at all. There are severa other 'glitches' with punctuation but nothing too serioius.


It's difficult to judge from just one essay which is not written under the test conditions but I think you are looking at 7 to 7.5
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всезнающая дама предпенсионного возраста, которая сама непонятно как попала в Австралию

Последний раз редактировалось Maimiti_Isabella; 05.11.2010 в 15:02.
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Старый 05.11.2010, 15:00   #1947 (permalink)

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Maimiti_Isabella,

Вы не шутили говоря о моём английском? Я не обижусь.
No, I'm not kidding.
Just try to stick to the KISS principle as you tend to 'overdo' (at least this is what I think might be happening).
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всезнающая дама предпенсионного возраста, которая сама непонятно как попала в Австралию
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Старый 05.11.2010, 15:57   #1948 (permalink)
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Thank you very much for you assessment. I will use your advice.

Последний раз редактировалось Mira_n; 16.11.2010 в 20:31.
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Старый 05.11.2010, 19:41   #1949 (permalink)
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По умолчанию Посмотрите, пожалуйста одну из первых попыток

Task:You have several library books that you are unable to return because a family member living in another city has fallen ill and you must go and take care of him/her.
Write a letter to the library explaining the situation. Apologize for the inconvenience caused, and explain what you will do to get your books returned.[/FONT]
You should write at least 150 words.

Answer:
Dear Sir/Madam.
I took some books at your library on 21 October 2010 and was to return them back until 31 October 2010. The books are “Cujo” by Steven King and “Christmas Carol” by Charles Dickens. A catalog number of the first book is 14478 and the catalog number of the second book is 8956.


I must inform you that I will not be able to return them before this day. My brother has fallen ill and I had to leave Moscow urgently.

As a result, I will be able to bring the books on 5 November 2010. It is date when I will come back to Moscow. Nevertheless, if it is necessary for you to get these books earlier, I would send them using ground delivery service.

I apologize for inconveniences which you have got from me. Moreover I believe that such situations would not be anymore.

For any questions You could contact me on my cell phone number: +79264336655.
Yours Faithfully
Gushchin Dmitry

165 words, about 20 minutes.




Экзамен на носу...надо тренироваться.Вот хотелось бы услышать конструктивной критики.Чего не хватает, чего убрать.

Последний раз редактировалось gush; 05.11.2010 в 19:45.
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Старый 05.11.2010, 20:10   #1950 (permalink)
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Task:You have several library books that you are unable to return because a family member living in another city has fallen ill and you must go and take care of him/her.
Write a letter to the library explaining the situation. Apologize for the inconvenience caused, and explain what you will do to get your books returned.[/FONT]
You should write at least 150 words.

Answer:
Dear Sir/Madam.
I took some books at your library on 21 October 2010 and was to return them back until 31 October 2010. The books are “Cujo” by Steven King and “Christmas Carol” by Charles Dickens. A catalog number of the first book is 14478 and the catalog number of the second book is 8956.


I must inform you that I will not be able to return them before this day. My brother has fallen ill and I had to leave Moscow urgently.

As a result, I will be able to bring the books on 5 November 2010. It is date when I will come back to Moscow. Nevertheless, if it is necessary for you to get these books earlier, I would send them using ground delivery service.

I apologize for inconveniences which you have got from me. Moreover I believe that such situations would not be anymore.

For any questions You could contact me on my cell phone number: +79264336655.
Yours Faithfully
Gushchin Dmitry

165 words, about 20 minutes.

Экзамен на носу...надо тренироваться.Вот хотелось бы услышать конструктивной критики.Чего не хватает, чего убрать.
Dear Sir/Madam.
I am writing to you concerning some books I took at your library on 21 October 2010 and had to bring them back until 31 October 2010. These books are “Cujo” by Steven King and “Christmas Carol” by Charles Dickens. A catalog number of the first book is 14478 and 8956 of another one.

Unfortunately, I must inform you that I will not be able to return them before this day. My brother has fallen ill and I had to leave Moscow urgently.
As a result, I will be able to bring the books only on 5 November 2010. It is a day when I -come back to Moscow. Nevertheless, if it is necessary for you to get these books earlier, I could send them using ground delivery service.

I apologize for inconveniences which you have got from me. Moreover, I believe this situation will not occur again.
For any questions you can contact me on my cell phone number: +79264336655.
Yours Faithfully
Gushchin Dmitry
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