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Старый 30.11.2010, 22:55   #1976 (permalink)
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Maimiti_Isabella, огромное спасибо. Буду знать, что 7ки мне не светят. Значит над в любом случае подаваться до изменений в июле 2011
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Старый 30.11.2010, 23:16   #1977 (permalink)

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Буду знать, что 7ки мне не светят.
Ну я не была бы так категорична. Если судить по данному эссе, то скорее нет, чем да. Но ведь может и с темой повезти.... А можете и Вы быть 'в ударе' в день экзамена...
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всезнающая дама предпенсионного возраста, которая сама непонятно как попала в Австралию
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Старый 30.11.2010, 23:40   #1978 (permalink)
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ой. Я постараюсь быть в ударе. Самой уже интересно, на что в итоге сдам. Мой самый тяжелый модуль - ридинг. Ну ника у меня 35 не получается правильных ответов по дженералу. Уже больше 30 делаю вопросов. Но когда как получается. Буду страться. Я читала примерно на 7.5-8 примеры, мне таким языком не легко написать. Там по мне так сильно не то что заумно, а как товитиевато сильно. Не мое это
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Старый 06.12.2010, 22:52   #1979 (permalink)

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Уважаемые форумчане, посмотрите эссе, пожалуйста. Я не гуманитарий, а нужна 7, подскажите в какую сторону направить усилия

It has recently been announced that a large shopping center may be built in your neighborhood. Do you support or oppose this plan? Why? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer

Nowadays, as centers of the cities having been densely built-over, owners of shopping centers tend to extend their business activity to the residential area. While many locals of these areas do not approve of the huge building in their neighborhoods for probable increasing noise and traffic, I have a contrary opinion for many reasons.

One of the most important reasons is that the shopping centers are built in respond to customer needs. For example, for having a profitable business the owner of the building project conducts detailed market research to understand whether consumer needs in this district are large enough to provide financial stability of the project in the future. If the results of researches did not show great people’s demand in big complex of different shops, the developer would not launch the new shopping center in this place.

Creating the amount of workplaces is one more issue to prove my point. The average shopping center offers not only a wide selection of stores, but food court and restraunts, beauty salons, dry-cleaner's and other services, which generate plenty of jobs, requiring from low- to high-qualification personal. It might give an opportunity for people in the neighborhood to find a decent job near their home saving time on commuting.

Finally, the shopping center might become a popular place for entertaining and socializing for neighbors. Due to big park area, internal security, playgrounds for children, cinemas, it could be a comfortable and safe zone for spending time for the whole family. Moreover, the plans for rest there will not be spoiled by bad weather.

Taking into account all the mentioned above I would estimate that building of a large shopping center in my neighborhood could satisfy most demands of its dwellers. Having well-development infrastructure will help to raise the living standards of my residential area.

Последний раз редактировалось flameflower; 06.12.2010 в 22:55. Причина: редактирование текста
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Старый 07.12.2010, 07:38   #1980 (permalink)

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Всем доброе время суток. Через пару недель сдаю IELTS, надо подтянуть writing...сегодня впервые написал эссе. Проверьте:


Topic: Television is dangerous because it destroys family life and any sense of community; instead of visiting people or talking with our family we just watch television.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Nowadays a question of watching television in free time instead of making new friends or talking to a family is one of the most important issues for modern society. Many people think that relaxing in front of TV is the best way to get out of problems, people and to get a piece of freedom after a long working day or a week. In this essay I will present a number of arguments to demonstrate the veracity of this statement.

Firstly, a lot of people get tired during their work. When they come home the only thing that they want to do is to relax. They do it by either watching TV or surfing the Internet. To prove this I would like to give you some information on this topic gathered by the United Nations Organization and published in the report: a number of those who sit at home in front of TV in the evening have increased since the beginning of the 21st century. In the year of 2000 there were only 60% of men and women of their thirties and forties who entertained themselves by sitting on couch and watching TV and in 2008 this number rose up to 82%.

Secondly, there are many examples when the husband likes football and the wife likes to watch soap operas. For this reason it is clear that it is really hard to find some TV programmes that might be interesting for both of them.

Considering everything mentioned above it’s clearly seen that people sometimes act egoistically. In my opinion, the best way to avoid this is to watch TV altogether with your family or to go out and make some friends in a movie theatre.


Заранее огромное спасибо!
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Старый 07.12.2010, 18:25   #1981 (permalink)
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2 flame flowers
as centers of the cities having been densely built-over - неправильно построено предложение;
to the residential area - мне кажется, что артикль a, тут более уместен;
While many locals of these areas do not approve of the huge building - просто big buildings. или вместо approve: to be displeased with - это получше будет
One of the most important reasons - просто the most important reason is
the shopping centers - не нужен артикль
conducts detailed market research - пропустили a; conducts - ведет, в смысле? лучше makes
whether consumer needs in this district are large enough to provide financial stability of the project in the future - ???
restraunts - a restaurant;
low- to high-qualification personal - low or highly-qualified staff;
Due to big park area - a выпустили;
building of a large shopping center - не нужен предлог;
well-development infrastructure - well-developed
Мне кажется, что появление новых рабочих мест, и маркетингвые/финансовые исследования компании строить/не строить шоппинг молл, не может быть плюсом для жителей района, так как Вам и другим людям абсолютно фиолетово на затраты компании и на зп, и к-во персонала работающего в нем. Лучше распишите, как классно будет Вам проводить там время, что там будет все что захочешь: салоны, кинотеатры, магазины и бутики и т.д.
Но это моя точка зрения, и она Вас ни к чему не обязывает.))))))
Знающие еще понаходят ошибки, но я повыделял места, где есть серьезные недоработки, которые требуют немного повторения.
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Старый 07.12.2010, 18:48   #1982 (permalink)

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Кровосися, спасибо за проверку, но не могли бы вы подробней пояснить в чем ошибка в as centers of the cities having been densely built-over это было употребление Passive Perfect participle?

Уважаемые гуру форма посмотрите эссе на структуру и содержание, пожалуйста.
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Старый 07.12.2010, 19:38   #1983 (permalink)

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Уважаемые форумчане, посмотрите эссе, пожалуйста. Я не гуманитарий, а нужна 7, подскажите в какую сторону направить усилия
В дополнение к уже сказанному...

Я думаю, что данное эссе на 7 - 7.5 тянет. The essay organisation and paragraph structure are OK, and your vocab is quite good as well. Your sentences are mostly well developed. One of the obvious drawbacks is the lack of modality (could/would/might/ it is possible, it is likely, etc). Your essay topic also allows you to show off your English by using 2nd conditionals. Unfortunately, you didn't take this opportunity

С точки зрения проблем - некоторые предложения 'накручены' и, следовательно, звучат неественно. например, Nowadays as centers of the cities having been densely built-over совершенно не нуждается в Present Perfect, так как Nowadays указывает на настоящее время. И что имеется ввиду под built-over?

It might give an opportunity for people in the neighborhood to find a decent job near their home saving time on commuting.
1) What does 'it' refer to?
2. ... near their home, (comma!) saving time
or .... near their home and save time ...

most demands of its dwellers -whose dwellers?

workplaces -> job opportunities

Due to big park area -?

Moreover, the plans for rest there will not be spoiled by bad weather. - no idea what you're talking about.

и да, достаточно много ошибок с употреблением артиклей.

personal -> personnel
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всезнающая дама предпенсионного возраста, которая сама непонятно как попала в Австралию

Последний раз редактировалось Maimiti_Isabella; 07.12.2010 в 22:40.
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Старый 07.12.2010, 19:47   #1984 (permalink)

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Всем доброе время суток. Через пару недель сдаю IELTS, надо подтянуть writing...сегодня впервые написал эссе. Проверьте:
2 серьезные проблемы в организации эссе:
1. оно не отвечает на вопрос задания. Т.е. Вы вроде все говорите правильно, но не по делу.
2. 3-ий абзац вообще непонятно о чем.

Какой балл Вам нужен? - данное эссе скорее всего тянет на 6 максимум
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всезнающая дама предпенсионного возраста, которая сама непонятно как попала в Австралию
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Старый 07.12.2010, 22:16   #1985 (permalink)

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Maimiti_Isabella, спасибо за проверку, будем работать))
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Старый 13.12.2010, 04:17   #1986 (permalink)

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Доброй ночи соучастники
Написал первое в своей жизни эссе, стараясь придерживаться правил. Признаюсь, писал более 2-х часов . Просто интересно, как бы вы оценили моё "творение", хотелось бы получить некую отправную точку.

Theme: The number of eldery people in the world is encreasing. What do you think are the positive and negative effects of this trend.

Essay:
Nowadays it is obvious that percentage of elderly people is growing every year. Especially these tendencies begin to appear in developed countries which provide the higher level of life for their people.

Firstly, the increase of elders can be explained by growth of people age and the modern medicine plays significant role in this trend. Billions are spent every year for inventions in this area and the level of medical care has been amazingly improved since last century. So the mankind forgot about lot of diseases which provoked epidemics a hundred year ago and killed thousands of weak people particularly elder and younger.

Secondly, the better labor conditions, healthy food and ecological environment also influences on our bodies and as a result on our life’s length. Usually, all these conditions are normal standards in developed countries where governments lead wide and rational social work. In other hand this work requires a huge funding, so the taxes there are bigger than in other countries.
By the time this trend has also few negative effects. First of all the mankind becomes elder in a while. It means that in near future we will have a fewer working people than others who requires the social assistance. In this case, I suppose, the taxes will be growing.

Also this problem arises because young couples prefer to have only one child than few of them. It tendency can be explained because it begin to be more and more expensive to grow child and give him an education.

In conclusion, I hope the governments will provide more accurate social work, so it will increase the number of children and part of elders will became smaller.
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Старый 13.12.2010, 04:32   #1987 (permalink)

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Доброго времени суток. Прошу проверить эссе

It is generally believed that some people are born with certain talents, for instance for sport or music, and others are not. However, it is sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sports person or musician.

In human history there were a lot of great people, from scientists to kings, because of whose actions , which occurred in the past, the picture of the contemporary world is based upon them and such persons still present among us. The questions whether people are born talented or they acquire it from childhood remains as a source of vivid disputes among all walks of life. However, it is likely that anyone can become talented in the chosen field and this kind of point of view is based on the following grounds.

First of all, it is necessary to point out in a nutshell who has become successful, through working hard and learning the ins and outs of their activity. For instance, programmers who left their university and did their favorite job, nevertheless some of them are very popular persons and even billionaires. Another example would be sportsmen and women, who spent all their days training, also musicians are not an exception. A person cannot just become successful by doing nothing.

In addition, the other side of this debate claims the contrary of the aforesaid. People usually asses other individuals’ achievements rather, performing actions themselves. Those kinds of people justify that the successful persons are gifted, thus discouraging their opportunities. However there can be exclusions to some extent, furthermore such cases are observed rarely.

Last but not least, if to look at the life of famous sportsmen or musicians, it is obvious that all of them developed their skills from their childhood. Some of them took interest in their future profession themselves and in other cases their parents guided them. The common action they performed was struggling towards their dream.

On the whole, one may conclude that, in order to achieve success, a person has to work hard. No pains, no gains that’s what the proverb says. A man is the architecture of his own fortune, however people understand it late.

Последний раз редактировалось Bekzod; 13.12.2010 в 04:35.
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Старый 13.12.2010, 17:19   #1988 (permalink)

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Доброй ночи соучастники
Написал первое в своей жизни эссе, стараясь придерживаться правил. Признаюсь, писал более 2-х часов . Просто интересно, как бы вы оценили моё "творение", хотелось бы получить некую отправную точку.

Theme: The number of eldery people in the world is encreasing. What do you think are the positive and negative effects of this trend.

Essay:
Nowadays it is obvious that percentage of elderly people is growing every year. Especially these tendencies begin to appear in developed countries which provide the higher level of life for their people.

Firstly, the increase of elders can be explained by growth of people age and the modern medicine plays significant role in this trend. Billions are spent every year for inventions in this area and the level of medical care has been amazingly improved since last century. So the mankind forgot about lot of diseases which provoked epidemics a hundred year ago and killed thousands of weak people particularly elder and younger.

Secondly, the better labor conditions, healthy food and ecological environment also influences on our bodies and as a result on our life’s length. Usually, all these conditions are normal standards in developed countries where governments lead wide and rational social work. In other hand this work requires a huge funding, so the taxes there are bigger than in other countries.
By the time this trend has also few negative effects. First of all the mankind becomes elder in a while. It means that in near future we will have a fewer working people than others who requires the social assistance. In this case, I suppose, the taxes will be growing.

Also this problem arises because young couples prefer to have only one child than few of them. It tendency can be explained because it begin to be more and more expensive to grow child and give him an education.

In conclusion, I hope the governments will provide more accurate social work, so it will increase the number of children and part of elders will became smaller.
Сразу несколько замечаний общего характера.
Самая главная ошибка - несоответствие Conclusion теме эссе. Т.е. сразу же можете вычитать points из общей суммы.

Второе, Вам надо позаниматься по одной из книг Vocabulary for IELTS, так как слова и выражения Вы употребляете зачастую неправильные. С грамматикой тоже есть проблемы, то не такие серьезные. Так что параллельно можно заниматься и по Cambridge Grammar for IELTS.

Далее, проблемы с артиклями.

И последнее из 'общего' - смотрите bolded text. Все-таки, когда пишите, надо думать о смысле. Прошлое столетие 'случилось' всего 10-11 лет назад! Таким образом, Вы потеряете points за логику выражения мыслей.

Теперь некоторые ошибки
elderly vs. elders
expensive to grow child - Вы когда выращиваете детей, Вы их водичкой поливаете или сахарным раствором? grow vs. raise/bring up/rear/nurture
only one child than few of them. Than употребляется для сравнения adjectives and adverbs. ->rahter than
few vs. a few

Общее впечатление - 6. До 7-ки - it's a long way to go. Sorry.
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всезнающая дама предпенсионного возраста, которая сама непонятно как попала в Австралию
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Старый 13.12.2010, 17:54   #1989 (permalink)

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Доброго времени суток. Прошу проверить эссе .
I'm really, really sorry but ... Половина предложений - это бессмысленный набор слов.
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всезнающая дама предпенсионного возраста, которая сама непонятно как попала в Австралию
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Старый 13.12.2010, 18:00   #1990 (permalink)

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Сразу несколько замечаний общего характера.
Самая главная ошибка - несоответствие Conclusion теме эссе. Т.е. сразу же можете вычитать points из общей суммы.

Второе, Вам надо позаниматься по одной из книг Vocabulary for IELTS, так как слова и выражения Вы употребляете зачастую неправильные. С грамматикой тоже есть проблемы, то не такие серьезные. Так что параллельно можно заниматься и по Cambridge Grammar for IELTS.

Далее, проблемы с артиклями.

И последнее из 'общего' - смотрите bolded text. Все-таки, когда пишите, надо думать о смысле. Прошлое столетие 'случилось' всего 10-11 лет назад! Таким образом, Вы потеряете points за логику выражения мыслей.

Теперь некоторые ошибки
elderly vs. elders
expensive to grow child - Вы когда выращиваете детей, Вы их водичкой поливаете или сахарным раствором? grow vs. raise/bring up/rear/nurture
only one child than few of them. Than употребляется для сравнения adjectives and adverbs. ->rahter than
few vs. a few

Общее впечатление - 6. До 7-ки - it's a long way to go. Sorry.
Спасибо вам за содержательный и полезный ответ. Да действительно многое я упустил. Но собственно на большую оценку я сейчас и не рассчитывал. Буду работать. Ещё раз спасибо.

Последний раз редактировалось DuneWarrior; 13.12.2010 в 18:02.
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Старый 13.12.2010, 18:22   #1991 (permalink)

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Спасибо вам за содержательный и полезный ответ. Да действительно многое я упустил. Но собственно на большую оценку я сейчас и не рассчитывал. Буду работать. Ещё раз спасибо.
У Вас есть база, с точки зрения грамматики и словарного запаса, это видно. Надо просто развивать английский. Хотя, на самом деле, это совсем непросто
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всезнающая дама предпенсионного возраста, которая сама непонятно как попала в Австралию
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Старый 16.12.2010, 23:19   #1992 (permalink)
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Hi to everyone!
I've passed the exam in april for necessary score (6), but now the conditions were changed and I need 7. So, I will be very grateful if you check my essay)))

Damage to environment is an inevitable consequence of the improvement in the standard of living. To what degree do you agree or disagree to this position?


Due to advancement of technologies, our lifestyle and habits change every day, as a result we can follow irreversible changes in surrounding environment. Some people guess that it is a normal process and we can do anything to stop it. But their opponents suppose that resent ecological situation is a reflection of our activity, in which each of us is driving force. I personally agree with last statement and suspect that human’s affect on environment is obvious.
First of all, because of permanent progress in all spheres, new technologies and devices come to our lives, moreover some of them become the things which we use every day. For example, the simple air-deodorant - mean to care about ourselves, which we use very common and believe that it absolutely safety and useful for us. However, sprays are harmful for an atmosphere, especially in huge amount.
Second of all, it is not a secret for everyone that the human is a main source of damage for our environment. The usual example of un-ecological behaviour is a picnic on the park where people relax, make a barbeque and sometimes do not care to pick up all garbage after themselves. So, environmental loss ac be the ramification of traditional event – picnic or walking on the park together with irresponsible manners of some people.
Taking into account all mentioned above, it is for sure that our lifestyle is full of different activity, that can affect us and environment. Furthermore, this question for someone is still controversial and open for debate, but strong conclusion will lead to solving the problem.

Последний раз редактировалось Shtuchka; 17.12.2010 в 01:26.
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Старый 17.12.2010, 12:13   #1993 (permalink)

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Hi to everyone!
I've passed the exam in april for necessary score (6), but now the conditions were changed and I need 7. So, I will be very grateful if you check my essay)))

Damage to environment is an inevitable consequence of the improvement in the standard of living. To what degree do you agree or disagree to this position?
Как другие не знаю, но я даже не читаю те эссе, где тема изначально сформулирована с ошибками, т.е., простите, 'левая'. Либо исправьте ошибки в теме, либо ждите пока кто-нибудь проверит в режиме as is
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всезнающая дама предпенсионного возраста, которая сама непонятно как попала в Австралию
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Старый 18.12.2010, 01:38   #1994 (permalink)
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Sorry for uncorrect formulation. That is my mistake, I do not read the task attentively, just catch main idea.
Damage to environment is an inevitable consequence of the improvement in the standard of living.
To what extend do you agree or disagree with this statement?


Due to advancement of technologies, our lifestyle and habits change every day, as a result we can follow irreversible changes in surrounding environment. Some people guess that it is a normal process and we can do anything to stop it. But their opponents suppose that resent ecological situation is a reflection of our activity, in which each of us is driving force. I personally agree with last statement and suspect that human’s affect on environment is obvious.

First of all, because of permanent progress in all spheres, new technologies and devices come to our lives, moreover some of them become the things which we use every day. For example, the simple air-deodorant - mean to care about ourselves, which we use very common and believe that it absolutely safety and useful for us. However, sprays are harmful for an atmosphere, especially in huge amount.

Second of all, it is not a secret for everyone that the human is a main source of damage for our environment. The usual example of un-ecological behaviour is a picnic on the park where people relax, make a barbeque and sometimes do not care to pick up all garbage after themselves. So, environmental loss ac be the ramification of traditional event – picnic or walking on the park together with irresponsible manners of some people.

Taking into account all mentioned above, it is for sure that our lifestyle is full of different activity, that can affect us and environment. Furthermore, this question for someone is still controversial and open for debate, but strong conclusion will lead to solving the problem.
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Старый 18.12.2010, 20:57   #1995 (permalink)

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Sorry for uncorrect formulation. That is my mistake, I do not read the task attentively, just catch main idea.
Damage to environment is an inevitable consequence of the improvement in the standard of living.To what extend do you agree or disagree with this statement?


Due to advancement of technologies, our lifestyle and habits change every day, as a result we can follow irreversible changes in surrounding environment. Some people guess that it is a normal process and we can do anything to stop it. But their opponents suppose that resent ecological situation is a reflection of our activity, in which each of us is driving force. I personally agree with last statement and suspect that human’s affect on environment is obvious.

First of all, because of permanent progress in all spheres, new technologies and devices come to our lives, moreover some of them become the things which we use every day. For example, the simple air-deodorant - mean to care about ourselves, which we use very common and believe that it absolutely safety and useful for us. However, sprays are harmful for an atmosphere, especially in huge amount. .
Я дочитала до конца второго абзаца - дальше нет сил читать эти штампы и клише. Sorry. На них можно достичь 6-ки, если очень повезет 6.5, но никак ни 7. А Ваш английксий, простите, не настолько хорош, чтобы надеяться на штампы.

Из наиболее серьезных проблем на данном этапе - русские запятые. Вам необходимо разобраться с правилами пунктуации, i.e. commas in English. To start with, read about a comma splice. Я уже давала ссылки на правила пунктуации, и даже загрузила файл. Поищите по моему имени.

кстати, to what extent, not extend!

Possible IELTS score for this essay - 6.
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Старый 18.12.2010, 22:16   #1996 (permalink)
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Sorry for not commenting on your essay; I sort of moved on and forgot about it.

I've never seen a taks like this in any IELTS books but perhaps this is something new, though it does look more TOEFL than IELTS.

Anyway, your English is very good. There are only a couple of mistakes in parallelism and punctuation. An example of the latter would be how 'therefore' is used. 'Therefore' is a linking word (similar to 'however') and cannot be used to join two clauses.

The sentence below would be an example of both problems.
It appears to me that revision in health funding is definitely required, and a new mathematical model formulated
In this sentence 'is' belongs to both verbs, required and formulated, which is an example of parallel structures (in fact I don't think this was your intention!). However, by putting the comma before 'and' you separated them and created two clauses as we can't have a comma between the subject and the verb. As a result, the second part becomes incomplete and is missing both the subject and the verb.

I don't know whether the essay was written under exam conditions but you've demonstrated a very good level of English and I believe it could fetch you an '8'.

Maimiti_Isabella, thank you very much for your reply, it inspirits me a lot. Unfortunately, it wasn't written under exam conditions.
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Старый 21.12.2010, 08:54   #1997 (permalink)
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Ну что ж, разок попытался сдать, 5.5 writing, виноват только сам! Думаю, что недостаточно потренировался.

Буду чрезвычайно благодарен, если у кого-то доберутся руки до моих каракулей и укажут на ошибки не совместимые с 6.5-7.0

итак 281 слово, около 40 мин.

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Watching television is bad for children. Use specific details and examples to support your answer.

There are a lot of people who consider that television is bad for children, nevertheless a lot of people believe that it is useful for children to watch TV. To my way of thinking, watching TV is good for children and I will outline this below.

First of all, I should say that television was one of the most popular entertainment in the world. Day by day it has been developing and becoming more popular and more comprehensive. There are plenty of programs which can help children to develop their cognitive skills, improve their vocabulary and spend their free time in funny and interesting way. There are many programs for babies which can teach them to count and write on TV. However, television is not the only resource of information, children should remember about books and teachers.


Secondly, I want to say that watching TV is not good for vision if you do it regularly and for a long time. As for me, my mother used to make me do a break after each hour of watching it. I also was not allowed to watch it after 9.00 pm. That means that watching should be limited and controlled by parents to avoid being seen adult’s sets. In addition, television helps people to meet together and watch their favorites programs.


To sum up, I would like to say that television allows children to get information which they will not get in books. They can watch historical, biological or geographical movies which will show them places and things they would have never seen. I consider that TV should be in every home and every person will find something new and interesting, especially children.
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IELTS попытка №1 4/12/10 L 6.0 R 6.0 W 5.5 S 5.5
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Старый 21.12.2010, 16:55   #1998 (permalink)

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Ну что ж, разок попытался сдать, 5.5 writing, виноват только сам! Думаю, что недостаточно потренировался.

Буду чрезвычайно благодарен, если у кого-то доберутся руки до моих каракулей и укажут на ошибки не совместимые с 6.5-7.0

итак 281 слово, около 40 мин.

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Watching television is bad for children. Use specific details and examples to support your answer.

There are a lot of people who consider that television is bad for children, nevertheless a lot of people believe that it is useful for children to watch TV. To my way of thinking, watching TV is good for children and I will outline this below.
Главная проблема этого эссе в том, что оно написано по принципу 'ни о чем', т.е. совершенно непонятно откуда что берется. Я бы сказала, что оно больше напоминает 'поток мыслей', чем эссе.
Итак, по порядку.
Где Introduction - его просто нет! Во вступлении Вы должны 'представить' эссе, т.е. о чем оно будет (watching TV and children and its effects), как оно будет построено, и - если хотите - Ваша точка зрения на поставленную проблему.

Попробуйте для начала переписать Introduction (и немешало бы все-таки ознакомиться с примерами ), а потом будем говорить дальше.
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Последний раз редактировалось Maimiti_Isabella; 21.12.2010 в 17:00.
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Старый 27.12.2010, 22:25   #1999 (permalink)

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Hello everybody,

I failed IELTS the second time in a row because of the writing part - only 6.0 Could you please check my essay and suggest if there is something I have to improve in order to get higher (7.0 or above) IELTS band score? Many thanks in advance!

"Task: Some people believe that there should be fixed punishment for each type of crime. Others, however, argue that the circumstances of an individual crime, and the motivation for commiting it, should always be taken into account when deciding on the punishment.

Discuss both these views and give you own opinion."


In the modern world decision about the punishment often depends on motivation and circumstances of the crime but sometimes it is fixed and undisputable. There are different points of view on this problem in society which I would like to review below.

The majority of people nowadays take into account circumstances of the committed crime such as: intentions, social status and mental conditions. These can either make the punishment more strict or less strict than average. For example in case someone drives his car being drunk and disobeying traffic rules the punishment will be very strict. In case crime was committed under extreme circumstances there is a possibility that some of accused will be proven to be not guilty. For example if someone drives his pregnant wife to the hospital when she is about to give birth to her child without obeying traffic rules.

By complete contrast, some of people think that the punishment should be always fixed, no matter how and who has committed it. This point of view is very efficient and fair when we judge small crimes and violations. In this case the punishment could be either fine or public work.

To sum up, I think that juridical system works pretty well in most of the modern countries, where serious crimes are judged with taking into account many factors and on the other hand, punishment for small crimes is very often fixed by the law. This both saves time for important cases and simplifies easy and cliche cases.

Total: 251 words / Time spent: 38 minutes
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Старый 28.12.2010, 11:55   #2000 (permalink)

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Hello everybody,

I failed IELTS the second time in a row because of the writing part - only 6.0 Could you please check my essay and suggest if there is something I have to improve in order to get higher (7.0 or above) IELTS band score? Many thanks in advance!
Если судить по данному эссе, то Вы недобираете баллов за счет плохой организации writing. У Вас очень слабое Introduction, так как вы не introduced the general topic, which in our case is the crime and punishment.
Второй body абзац настолько коротенький, что считайте его совсем нет . Когда просят выразить/об'яснит/сравнить две точки зрения, то они должны быть уравновешены. Я не имею ввиду точное количество слов, но хотя бы на глаз, а иначе одна из точек зрения считается нераскрытой.
В результате, заключение тоже вроде как 'ни о чем', особенно учитывая то, что Вы даете ему характеристику (juridical system works pretty well).

Для начала, разбирайтесь с этими проблемами, а потом можно и об английском поговорить

ПС я лично считаю, что если есть возможность взять пару частных уроков у опытного преподавателя IELTS, your problem will be then fixed pretty quickly. Please note, I really mean an IELTS tutor and not just a teacher of English even if he or she is a native speaker

G'luck
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