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Not Always Right | Funny & Stupid Customer Quotes
è ìîé ðàáî÷èé äåíü áûë ïîðóøåí.
Íà ñàéòå ñîáðàíû çàáàâíûå öèòàòû èç îáùåíèÿ ñ êëèåíòàìè (êîòîðûå, êàê èçâåñòíî, âñåãäà ïðàâû)
Íàïðèìåð:
(A customer slams open the door to our indoor paintball field and storms in, shouting.)
Customer: “Where’s the manager?!”
Me: “Ma’am, I’m the owner. What is the problem?”
Customer: “I saw on your web site that you require a parental consent for kids to play at your field. Well, I never signed one, and my son said he’d been playing paintball here. He has bumps and bruises all over him, and I NEVER signed a consent form!”
Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. He must have forged your name or had another adult sign for him. What’s his name? I’ll find the consent form.”
Customer: “His name is ***.”
(I find his form and show it to her.)
Me: “Is this your son’s form?”
Customer: “Yes! See, I never signed it!”
Me: “Ma’am, your son is 27 years old. Only children are required to have a parent’s signature to play.”
Customer: “But he is a child! He’s my child!”
Me: “I’m sorry, let me rephrase that. Only children under the age of 18 need to have a parent’s signature to play. Since your son is 27, he can sign for himself that he understands all of the risks involved.”
Customer: “This is insane! He could get his eye shot out, or be knocked out, or killed! This is illegal! I’m calling the police!”
Customer: “Where’s the manager?!”
Me: “Ma’am, I’m the owner. What is the problem?”
Customer: “I saw on your web site that you require a parental consent for kids to play at your field. Well, I never signed one, and my son said he’d been playing paintball here. He has bumps and bruises all over him, and I NEVER signed a consent form!”
Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. He must have forged your name or had another adult sign for him. What’s his name? I’ll find the consent form.”
Customer: “His name is ***.”
(I find his form and show it to her.)
Me: “Is this your son’s form?”
Customer: “Yes! See, I never signed it!”
Me: “Ma’am, your son is 27 years old. Only children are required to have a parent’s signature to play.”
Customer: “But he is a child! He’s my child!”
Me: “I’m sorry, let me rephrase that. Only children under the age of 18 need to have a parent’s signature to play. Since your son is 27, he can sign for himself that he understands all of the risks involved.”
Customer: “This is insane! He could get his eye shot out, or be knocked out, or killed! This is illegal! I’m calling the police!”
Me: “Thank you for calling [grocery store]. How can I help you?”
Customer: “I bought peanut butter! Now I don’t know what to do with it.”
Me: “Excuse me?”
Customer: “You had peanut butter on sale–buy two, get one free. I bought the two and got one free, and now I have nothing to do with it!”
Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but that’s not the fault of the store.
Customer: “What do I do with it?!”
Me: “Put it on a sandwich?”
Customer: “Do you know how many calories are in two tablespoons of peanut butter? 200! 200 calories!”
Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but I don’t really know what to do with your peanut butter.”
Customer: “I don’t care! If you don’t tell me what to do with it right now, I’m going to complain to your manager and have you fired!”
Me: “Ma’am–”
Customer: “What do I do with the peanut butter?!”
Me: “I don’t know, make cookies with it? Give a jar to a friend? Donate to a homeless shelter?”
Customer: “Are you crazy?! I paid good money for this stuff. I’m not going to just give it away. YOU. ARE. AN. IDIOT!”
Customer: “I bought peanut butter! Now I don’t know what to do with it.”
Me: “Excuse me?”
Customer: “You had peanut butter on sale–buy two, get one free. I bought the two and got one free, and now I have nothing to do with it!”
Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but that’s not the fault of the store.
Customer: “What do I do with it?!”
Me: “Put it on a sandwich?”
Customer: “Do you know how many calories are in two tablespoons of peanut butter? 200! 200 calories!”
Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but I don’t really know what to do with your peanut butter.”
Customer: “I don’t care! If you don’t tell me what to do with it right now, I’m going to complain to your manager and have you fired!”
Me: “Ma’am–”
Customer: “What do I do with the peanut butter?!”
Me: “I don’t know, make cookies with it? Give a jar to a friend? Donate to a homeless shelter?”
Customer: “Are you crazy?! I paid good money for this stuff. I’m not going to just give it away. YOU. ARE. AN. IDIOT!”
(Call Center | Norway)
Customer: “Hi, I need to schedule an appointment to test my car. I need it as soon as possible!”
Me: “Okay, let’s see. First available appointment is actually today. Would you like me to put you up for that?”
Customer: “Hmm…I don’t know. I really do need it as soon as possible. Can you check to see if you have anything earlier?”
Me: “Well, first available is today.”
Customer: “I really need it before that.”
Me: “Earlier than today?”
Customer: “Yes.”
Me: “Yeah, I don’t see how I could make that happen. Can you maybe tell me which day you would like?”
Customer: “Yesterday?”
Me: “Yesterday?”
Customer: “Yes, that would be great!”
Me: “Sorry, nothing available yesterday. How about tomorrow?”
Customer: “Okay, I guess that’ll do…”
Customer: “Hi, I need to schedule an appointment to test my car. I need it as soon as possible!”
Me: “Okay, let’s see. First available appointment is actually today. Would you like me to put you up for that?”
Customer: “Hmm…I don’t know. I really do need it as soon as possible. Can you check to see if you have anything earlier?”
Me: “Well, first available is today.”
Customer: “I really need it before that.”
Me: “Earlier than today?”
Customer: “Yes.”
Me: “Yeah, I don’t see how I could make that happen. Can you maybe tell me which day you would like?”
Customer: “Yesterday?”
Me: “Yesterday?”
Customer: “Yes, that would be great!”
Me: “Sorry, nothing available yesterday. How about tomorrow?”
Customer: “Okay, I guess that’ll do…”
(Retail | Edinburgh, Scotland, UK)
Me: “Hi there, how can I help you?”
Customer: “Hello dear, I was wondering if I could return this coffee machine? It’s not making any coffee.”
Me: “Oh, right. Well, normally you would send it to the manufacturer and they would repair it.”
Customer: “Who?”
Me: “The manufacturer.”
[B]Customer: “But I bought it here. Have a look at it anyway, son.”
Me: “Okay, I’ll have a quick look.”
(I open the box to find the machine wrapped in plastic and only slightly wet, but otherwise as clean as a brand new one.)
Me: “When you tried it out, did you put coffee in it?”
Customer: “Coffee?”
Me: “Yes, did you put coffee powder or granules in it?”
Customer: “No, of course not! Don’t be silly, it’s a coffee machine. It’s meant to MAKE coffee, is it not? Why buy a coffee machine that needs coffee in it to make coffee?!”
Me: “Hi there, how can I help you?”
Customer: “Hello dear, I was wondering if I could return this coffee machine? It’s not making any coffee.”
Me: “Oh, right. Well, normally you would send it to the manufacturer and they would repair it.”
Customer: “Who?”
Me: “The manufacturer.”
[B]Customer: “But I bought it here. Have a look at it anyway, son.”
Me: “Okay, I’ll have a quick look.”
(I open the box to find the machine wrapped in plastic and only slightly wet, but otherwise as clean as a brand new one.)
Me: “When you tried it out, did you put coffee in it?”
Customer: “Coffee?”
Me: “Yes, did you put coffee powder or granules in it?”
Customer: “No, of course not! Don’t be silly, it’s a coffee machine. It’s meant to MAKE coffee, is it not? Why buy a coffee machine that needs coffee in it to make coffee?!”
(Pawn Shop | Bellingham, WA, USA)
(A customer in their 50s walks into my pawn shop, which sells weapons.)
Customer: “Yeah, can you get me that shotgun behind the table?”
Me: “Sure, do you have your license and registration?”
Customer: “Yeah, right here.”
Me: “Thank you sir. There’s a 5 day waiting period for firearms. Come back soon.”
(He looks disappointed, but forks over the cash and walks out. Five days later…)
Customer: “Okay, dude, I’m back. Where’s the gun?”
Me: “Right here, sir…
(I make the transaction and hand him his shotgun.)
Me: “Have a nice day and come back soon!”
(About one minute after the customer leaves the store, I hear several loud shotgun blasts. I look through the window and the man is firing rounds into the air! He then runs into the store.)
Customer: “The zombie invasion has begun! It’s every man for himself!”
(I hide under the desk and press the silent alarm. Five minutes later, the police arrive, taser the guy, and bring him out of our back room in cuffs. I work at an ice cream store now.)
(A customer in their 50s walks into my pawn shop, which sells weapons.)
Customer: “Yeah, can you get me that shotgun behind the table?”
Me: “Sure, do you have your license and registration?”
Customer: “Yeah, right here.”
Me: “Thank you sir. There’s a 5 day waiting period for firearms. Come back soon.”
(He looks disappointed, but forks over the cash and walks out. Five days later…)
Customer: “Okay, dude, I’m back. Where’s the gun?”
Me: “Right here, sir…
(I make the transaction and hand him his shotgun.)
Me: “Have a nice day and come back soon!”
(About one minute after the customer leaves the store, I hear several loud shotgun blasts. I look through the window and the man is firing rounds into the air! He then runs into the store.)
Customer: “The zombie invasion has begun! It’s every man for himself!”
(I hide under the desk and press the silent alarm. Five minutes later, the police arrive, taser the guy, and bring him out of our back room in cuffs. I work at an ice cream store now.)
(Restaurant | Australia)
(I am a shift manager at a restaurant. I have many facial piercings, but always take them out for work.)
Me: “Hello this is the manager speaking, what seems to be the problem today?”
Caller: “I am calling to complain about one of your staff. They have horrendous facial piercings. It’s disgusting!”
Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I must let you know that all of our staff are required to take out any piercings before starting their shift. What did this employee look like?”
Caller: “She looked like the devil! She had piercings in her lip nose and eyebrow!”
(I am the only one with these piercings, so she must be referring to me.)
Me: “Okay, ma’am, are you sure you saw this employee at the restaurant?”
Caller: “No, she was at the supermarket!”
Me: “You’re calling about one of our employees while they were off duty?”
Caller: “Yes! She never has them on at your restaurant, so they must have fallen into my food!”
Me: *speechless*
Caller: “YOU’RE GETTING SUED!”
(I am a shift manager at a restaurant. I have many facial piercings, but always take them out for work.)
Me: “Hello this is the manager speaking, what seems to be the problem today?”
Caller: “I am calling to complain about one of your staff. They have horrendous facial piercings. It’s disgusting!”
Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I must let you know that all of our staff are required to take out any piercings before starting their shift. What did this employee look like?”
Caller: “She looked like the devil! She had piercings in her lip nose and eyebrow!”
(I am the only one with these piercings, so she must be referring to me.)
Me: “Okay, ma’am, are you sure you saw this employee at the restaurant?”
Caller: “No, she was at the supermarket!”
Me: “You’re calling about one of our employees while they were off duty?”
Caller: “Yes! She never has them on at your restaurant, so they must have fallen into my food!”
Me: *speechless*
Caller: “YOU’RE GETTING SUED!”
(Grocery Store | Texas, USA)
(I’m a cashier at the local grocery store. One evening, a customer comes up to my till.)
Me: “Did you find everything okay today, sir?”
Customer: “Yes, thank you, I did.”
(I start scanning his items. Out of nowhere, he grabs the hand-held scanner and points it at his forehead. Naturally, nothing comes up.)
Customer: “Just as I thought. I’m priceless!”
(I’m a cashier at the local grocery store. One evening, a customer comes up to my till.)
Me: “Did you find everything okay today, sir?”
Customer: “Yes, thank you, I did.”
(I start scanning his items. Out of nowhere, he grabs the hand-held scanner and points it at his forehead. Naturally, nothing comes up.)
Customer: “Just as I thought. I’m priceless!”
(Note: I’m dealing with a male customer in his forties or fifties at the checkout stand.)
Me: “Do you have a rewards card?”
Customer: “Yeah, but I don’t have it with me.”
Me: “That’s perfectly fine. Can I have your phone number?”
Customer: “Uh…can I ask you a personal question?”
Me: “Sure?”
Customer: “How old are you?”
Me: “I’m seventeen.”
Customer: “Awesome! I’m gonna go home and tell my wife a seventeen year old asked for my number. Thanks!”
Me: “Do you have a rewards card?”
Customer: “Yeah, but I don’t have it with me.”
Me: “That’s perfectly fine. Can I have your phone number?”
Customer: “Uh…can I ask you a personal question?”
Me: “Sure?”
Customer: “How old are you?”
Me: “I’m seventeen.”
Customer: “Awesome! I’m gonna go home and tell my wife a seventeen year old asked for my number. Thanks!”
Me: “Thank you for calling [clinic], how can I help you?”
Customer: “I’d like to know how much it is to descent my cat. He was a stray that was eating our other cats’ food and we decided to keep him.”
Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. We can’t de-scent a cat. He may be spraying to mark his territory, and if he is, we can neuter him.”
Customer: “I assure you my cat has scent glands! He backs up to furniture, marks them, and if you startle him, he will turn around and try to mark you! And he’s mean too! If you try to come near him, he growls and tries to bite.”
Me: “Ma’am, cats don’t spray when startled usually. Are you sure it’s a cat?”
Customer: “Well, yes.”
Me: “What color is it, ma’am?”
Customer: “Black and white.”
Me: “What do his markings look like?”
Customer: “All black with two white stripes down its back.”
Me: “Ma’am, that is not a cat. That is a skunk.”
Customer: “Well, you have obviously never seen a cat before!” *hangs up*
Customer: “I’d like to know how much it is to descent my cat. He was a stray that was eating our other cats’ food and we decided to keep him.”
Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. We can’t de-scent a cat. He may be spraying to mark his territory, and if he is, we can neuter him.”
Customer: “I assure you my cat has scent glands! He backs up to furniture, marks them, and if you startle him, he will turn around and try to mark you! And he’s mean too! If you try to come near him, he growls and tries to bite.”
Me: “Ma’am, cats don’t spray when startled usually. Are you sure it’s a cat?”
Customer: “Well, yes.”
Me: “What color is it, ma’am?”
Customer: “Black and white.”
Me: “What do his markings look like?”
Customer: “All black with two white stripes down its back.”
Me: “Ma’am, that is not a cat. That is a skunk.”
Customer: “Well, you have obviously never seen a cat before!” *hangs up*
(Note: our customer support number is close to a local driving school’s number.)
Me: “Thank you for calling. How may I help you?”
Customer: “How much for my daughter?”
Me: “Um…”
Customer: “She’s 16. It’s her first time. She needs training.”
Me: “Sir, I think you want the driving school.”
Customer: “Oh, what do you guys do?”
Me: “Adult websites.”
Customer: “Oh…OH! Oh my God!”
Me: “Thank you for calling. How may I help you?”
Customer: “How much for my daughter?”
Me: “Um…”
Customer: “She’s 16. It’s her first time. She needs training.”
Me: “Sir, I think you want the driving school.”
Customer: “Oh, what do you guys do?”
Me: “Adult websites.”
Customer: “Oh…OH! Oh my God!”