'Поиграемся' в эссе еще раз?

[Maimiti_Isabella]

On the other hand, there are a couple of crucial reasons which underpin the idea of later schooling. First of all, elder children are much more independent than three-year-olds. Consequently, they are able to cope with things which are difficult for them or even going wrong. For instance,... . The other reason why it is more beneficial to start school at the age of 6 or 7 is that children at this period of their lives have better motor skills in comparison to younger ones. This means that pupils should not be shown how to hold a pen or a pencil in their hands and can be taught with literacy without delays.

К раскрытию темы опять-таки претензий нет.

Выделенное красным - абсолютно лишнее. Чем же еще можно держать?

'teach' is a transitive verb; hence no preposition is required.

Избегайте a couple of - никто толком не знает, это 2 или больше Native speakers из разных стран не могут между собой договориться. И кроме того, это недостаточно формально.



И просто замечание. Если вам нужен хороший балл, то надо научиться выражать свою мысль более точно и сжато. У вас получается слишком много слов, чтобы об'яснить одну идею. And too many clauses in a sentence.

The other reason why it is more beneficial to start school at the age of 6 or 7 is that children at this period of their lives have better motor skills in comparison to younger ones

Another argument for starting schooling at the age of 6 or 7 is superior motor skills that children exhibit at this age, compared to their younger counterparts.

[Maimiti_Isabella]

In my experience, the main merits on the other system pertains to the facts that not only can children at the age of 6 or 7 attend more classes per day than their less mature counterparts, they can also use computer technology in their education. According to statistics, the majority of older children are good with computers, and enjoy using them at school. For example, my sister's 6-year-old son, who does have a computer at home, enjoys attending school, for he could use a PC for educational purposes on his lessons. Besides, older children are able to take more than 6 classes a day, which contribute to the variety of subjects that could be thought during one school day. For instance,I normally had 7 or more classes per day when I was at that age.

No problems from the point of view of TA /TR but the paragraph is quite long and your overall word count is just over 290 words. Can you really manage this under exam conditions?

Some issues
I don't like the part highlighted in red. It's quite unnecessary and won't earn you any 'brownie points'.
The part highlighted in green is a bit confusing - does he have a PC at home or doesn't he? And if he does what stops him from using it for educational purposes at home?

on his lessons ----

which contribute - Subject and Verb agreement

I'd delete the last sentence.

[<кирилл>]

No problems from the point of view of TA /TR but the paragraph is quite long and your overall word count is just over 290 words. Can you really manage this under exam conditions?

Some issues
I don't like the part highlighted in red. It's quite unnecessary and won't earn you any 'brownie points'.
The part highlighted in green is a bit confusing - does he have a PC at home or doesn't he? And if he does what stops him from using it for educational purposes at home?

on his lessons ----

which contribute - Subject and Verb agreement

I'd delete the last sentence.

He doesn't have a PC , I don't know how I missed it
In his lessons
And should be Which contributes.

And yea, its quiet long :/

[Maimiti_Isabella]

He doesn't have a PC , I don't know how I missed it
In his lessons
And should be Which contributes.

And yea, its quiet long :/

during his lessons

[<кирилл>]

during his lessons

Точно совсем забыл про during

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Conclusion?

(But I'm still pretty busy so I can't promise any immediate 'action' )

[NortT]

Conclusion?

(But I'm still pretty busy so I can't promise any immediate 'action' )

А не торопитесь, похоже мои планы на октябрьский экзамен полетели в тартарары, видимо пойдем в декабре

В общем вот конклюжн, немного поэкспериментирую, не буду говорить, какая из систем лучше, скажу, что обе хороши.

There are two main educational systems which assert the most appropriate age to attend elementary school. While one says that the most suitable is the age 3 or 4, the second one determines the best age as 6 or 7. The merits of both approaches will be analyzed and my own perspective will be given.

There are two main merits of the system which proposes to start the mandatory education at 3 or 4 years. The most beneficial thing is that children in that age are able to soak knowledge much faster than the older ones. For example, ... . The second point why kids should start their compulsory education as soon as possible is that the amount of information they should realize is bigger than some decades ago. This means that offspring should be engaged in educational process earlier than their parents in order to grasp all necessary school subjects.

On the other hand, there are a couple of crucial reasons which underpin the idea of later schooling. First of all, elder children are much more independent than three-year-olds. Consequently, they are able to cope with things which are difficult for them or even going wrong. For instance,... . The other reason why it is more beneficial to start school at the age of 6 or 7 is that children at this period of their lives have better motor skills in comparison to younger ones. This means that pupils should not be shown how to hold a pen or a pencil in their hands and can be taught with literacy without delays.

In conclusion, the both system have their merits. However, it seems for me that it is more beneficial to use each system in a particular country and let parents to make decisions on their own which might be based on how smart and prepared to school their children are.

[<кирилл>]

It is a well-known fact that in certain societies children begin their mandatory education at the age of 3 or 4, while in other societies they start their compulsory education between 6 and 7 years. The main benefits of the former approach have to do with the fact that young children have better memory then older ones, whereas the main advantages of the latter approach are connected with educational process. On a personal level, I am inclined to endorse the first approach , as it is more advantageous for children.

To my knowledge, the main advantages of the first system are that children Aged 3 or 4 perceive and comprehend new information much better than their older peers. For instance, recent research suggests that children at that age need 30% less time to learn a foreign language and mathematics than 6-to-7-year-olds. Therefore, they require fewer lessons and could enjoy more free time to do sport and other activities.

In my experience, the main merits on the other system pertains to the facts that not only can children at the age of 6 or 7 attend more classes per day than their less mature counterparts, they can also use computer technology in their education. According to statistics, the majority of older children are good with computers, and enjoy using them at school. For example, my sister's 6-year-old son, who does not have a computer at home, enjoys attending school, for he could use a PC for educational purposes during his lessons. Besides, older children are able to take more than 6 classes a day, which contributes to the variety of subjects that could be thought during one school day.

In conclusion, both approaches have its advantages. Having said this, it seems more beneficial for children to begin their compulsory education as soon as possible. Therefore, I believe that the former system is more advantageous than the latter one.

[Maimiti_Isabella]

А не торопитесь, похоже мои планы на октябрьский экзамен полетели в тартарары, видимо пойдем в декабре

В общем вот конклюжн, немного поэкспериментирую, не буду говорить, какая из систем лучше, скажу, что обе хороши.


In conclusion, the both system have their merits. However, it seems for me that it is more beneficial to use each system in a particular country and let parents to make decisions on their own which might be based on how smart and prepared to school their children are.

Проблем с 'экспериментом' нет. Проблема в другом. Я не очень поняла, обе системы в одной стране, и родители решают что им лучше? Во всяком случае, так получается из вашего текста.

[Maimiti_Isabella]

In conclusion, both approaches have its advantages. Having said this, it is more beneficial for children to begin their compulsory education as soon as possible, In my view. Therefore, I believe that the former system is more advantageous than the latter one.

Good. The ideas are clear and well expressed. A couple of points to consider though.

In my view - к чему и зачем? Почему бы просто не сказать, it seems more beneficial

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Это тема постепенно превратилась с продолжение отличной темы начатой Vanderley, да и играемся 'ты да я да мы с тобой'.


кирилл и NortT, если хотите, можете писать мне в ЛС, по мере возможности буду отвечать, т.е. немедленных ответов не обещаю.

[<кирилл>]

Good. The ideas are clear and well expressed. A couple of points to consider though.

In my view - к чему и зачем? Почему бы просто не сказать, it seems more beneficial

In my view , хотел показать что это именно мое мнение
Но it seems more beneficial конечно читается получше

[NortT]

Проблем с 'экспериментом' нет. Проблема в другом. Я не очень поняла, обе системы в одной стране, и родители решают что им лучше? Во всяком случае, так получается из вашего текста.

Ага, например создать определенный процент школ, которые принимают с 3-4 лет. В любом ведь случае, многие дети ходят на различные кружки (танцы, языки, какие-то развивающие занятия, что-то другое), вот для них и можно делать несколько школ, принимающих пораньше.

[Mrs X]

Это тема постепенно превратилась с продолжение отличной темы начатой Vanderley, да и играемся 'ты да я да мы с тобой'.


кирилл и NortT, если хотите, можете писать мне в ЛС, по мере возможности буду отвечать, т.е. немедленных ответов не обещаю.

не-не-не! Вы пишите здесь, а мы читаем и запоминаем. На чужих ошибках так сказать учимся ))) Я свое вообще боюсь вылаживать- потому что по сравнению с тем что здесь написано- у меня сплошной десткий сад.

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Ага, например создать определенный процент школ, которые принимают с 3-4 лет. В любом ведь случае, многие дети ходят на различные кружки (танцы, языки, какие-то развивающие занятия, что-то другое), вот для них и можно делать несколько школ, принимающих пораньше.

Но вот так совершенно не получилось. Потому что вначале вы сказали, что
it is more beneficial to use each system in a particular country - т.е. в каждой стране одну систему. Во всяком случае, это так получается.
А потом решать родителям. Так уже же все решено в in a particular country.

Очень запутано. Как я теперь понимаю, Вы, наверное, хотели сказать both system in the same country and let parents....