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  • Writting!Essay.Need your opinion,please.

    Using a computer everyday can have more negative than positive effects on your children.Do you agree or disagree?

    High-tech industry changing and growing much more quiker than we can afford.21st century life style is not that easy.

    In one hand, I do agree that using the computer everyday is negative for our kids.Children love to play on the computer, rather than play with they friends in real life.They have to mix with other children esspesialy in young age, otherwise it may occur some social problems latter on in they life.
    On the other hand, children have to be familiar with the computer.May be not only video games should be played but also some computer skills will be in advance for them.For example, sending an email,looking up for some kind of information or to be able to write a letter to the friends or grandparents.Also it will be very good for they brain development, moreover the are like sponges, in other words they are lerning very quikly and copy everythink from adult.So what i am tryng to say, that they can share they new expirience with a friend or grandmother, why not?

    In fact that our living standart is increasing everyday.Children will need computer skills in they future life as i sad before.In school, an university and of cours at work.Moreover, it dosen't matter in which industry they might work.I would prefer if my children will use computer just two or three hours a day, not more than that.That is not too much but it is an expirience for them.And also they eyeside will not decrise.

    In conclusion adults have to accept not may be everything what they children want, but to make they children life easier in they future as much as they can.


    Хотелось бы услышать ваше мнение.И тянет ли это эссе хотя бы на 5 band score.
    Спасибо всем.
    STYLIS STITCH
    Shop 2,41 Mortimer St.Kurralta Park,Adelaide
    Alteration,dressmaking,embroidery,repairs.

  • #2
    ИМХО не очень. На 5терочку 5,5 если есть 250 и более слов покатит, но, наверное не более.
    Вступление вообще не понял к чему.. Проше написать, что одни думают так, а другие иначе и я считаю так то и далее скажу почему.
    Далее 2 параграфа подкрепить свое мнение, 3й противоположный, но дать оценку почему вы не согласны с этим.
    Заключение перефразировать тему и вступление
    Например,
    позитив- 1. First of all-развивают. Подкрепить примерами 2. Secondly-не шляются гдепопадя. Подкрепить
    негатив - From another side- много играют,- плохо для здоровья
    Вывод Despite of negativ effect блаблабла больше пользы ляляля
    ну или же наоборот
    тип такого, на меня сильно не смотрите, сам еще не сдался
    Знай, что ответ дуракам - молчание. (Унсур аль Маали)

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: Writting!Essay.Need your opinion,please.

      Сообщение от diane-ireland
      Using a computer everyday can have more negative than positive effects on your children.Do you agree or disagree?

      High-tech industry changing and growing much more quiker than we can afford.21st century life style is not that easy.

      In one hand, I do agree that using the computer everyday is negative for our kids.Children love to play on the computer, rather than play with they friends in real life.They have to mix with other children esspesialy in young age, otherwise it may occur some social problems latter on in they life.
      On the other hand, children have to be familiar with the computer.May be not only video games should be played but also some computer skills will be in advance for them.For example, sending an email,looking up for some kind of information or to be able to write a letter to the friends or grandparents.Also it will be very good for they brain development, moreover the are like sponges, in other words they are lerning very quikly and copy everythink from adult.So what i am tryng to say, that they can share they new expirience with a friend or grandmother, why not?

      In fact that our living standart is increasing everyday.Children will need computer skills in they future life as i sad before.In school, an university and of cours at work.Moreover, it dosen't matter in which industry they might work.I would prefer if my children will use computer just two or three hours a day, not more than that.That is not too much but it is an expirience for them.And also they eyeside will not decrise.

      In conclusion adults have to accept not may be everything what they children want, but to make they children life easier in they future as much as they can.


      Хотелось бы услышать ваше мнение.И тянет ли это эссе хотя бы на 5 band score.
      Спасибо всем.
      Писать ессе надо от 3-его лица - избегай личных местоимений

      High-tech industry changing and - High-tech industry is changing and если Вы имеете ввиду " меняются " и ....
      Лучше в место High-tech industry - Advanced technology
      Для вступление 1 предложение маловато, 2-3=ok
      life style is not that easy.если вы имеите виду просто что жизнь стала не такая легкая то life is not easy. или living standarts are not easy а если life style - образ жизни. В 1-м предложении нет слова связки, т.е. что к чему. Я бы написал так Advanced technology is changing and growing much more quiker than we can afford. As a result, 21st century life style is not easy. As a result, - в результате.
      Далее добавим предложение в introduction перефразировав саму тему задания "]Using a computer everyday can have more negative than positive effects on your children. напишем так ...
      Nowadays, it is commonly believed, that spending a significant number of hours in front of computers has a ngative aspect on children's health. However, there is a positive opinion about influence of modern devices. This essay will provide both advantages and disadvatages of current issue.
      Ну вот и все introduction завершено

      In one hand, I do agree = On the one hande, вместо I do agree = according to scientific information, using the computer everyday is negative for our kids - помни про безличностное написание ессе
      occur some social problems latter on in they life - occur some social problems in their future lives
      some computer skills will be in advance for them. - some computer skills would be useful for them. - will не нужно использовать, так как ты не можешь 100% говорить за будущее, ты только предполагаешь
      looking up - search избегай phrasal verbs looking up for some kind of information - search information
      they brain - their brain
      So what i am tryng to say, that they can share they new expirience with a friend or grandmother, why not?
      - предложение личное, перефразирую в более абстрактное
      Children will need computer skills in they future life as i sad before = Children would need computer skills for their future lives - предложение повторяется, развивай мысль далее и опять личное местоименее

      Ну что ж я не знаю какой балл нужен тебе, НО соглаcись граматика пока хромает, пишищь по ангийски, но мысли излагаешь по русски - ИМХО около 5.0 для GT IELTS и около 4.5 для Academic IELTS

      Молодец, тренируйся. Practice makes perfect !

      Comment


      • #4
        Спасибо!Буду стараться.Мне нужно 6666,но для этого придеться еще практиковаться раз так ...цать
        ага пока ещё думаю по русски.
        STYLIS STITCH
        Shop 2,41 Mortimer St.Kurralta Park,Adelaide
        Alteration,dressmaking,embroidery,repairs.

        Comment


        • #5
          |ушел в другую тему|

          Comment


          • #6
            Сообщение от diane-ireland
            Спасибо!Буду стараться.Мне нужно 6666,но для этого придеться еще практиковаться раз так ...цать
            ага пока ещё думаю по русски.
            Боюсь, что до шестерочки здесь пока как до Луны. Не хочу обидеть, но есть у меня такое чувство
            Куча ошибок, просто куча! И грамматических, и орфографических, и лексических...

            сорри, но вот так

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Writting!Essay.Need your opinion,please.

              Сообщение от diane-ireland
              Using a computer everyday can have more negative than positive effects on your children.Do you agree or disagree?

              High-tech industry changing and growing much more quiker than we can afford.21st century life style is not that easy.

              In one hand, I do agree that using the computer everyday is negative for our kids.Children love to play on the computer, rather than play with they friends in real life.They have to mix with other children esspesialy in young age, otherwise it may occur some social problems latter on in they life.
              On the other hand, children have to be familiar with the computer.May be not only video games should be played but also some computer skills will be in advance for them.For example, sending an email,looking up for some kind of information or to be able to write a letter to the friends or grandparents.Also it will be very good for they brain development, moreover the are like sponges, in other words they are lerning very quikly and copy everythink from adult.So what i am tryng to say, that they can share they new expirience with a friend or grandmother, why not?

              In fact that our living standart is increasing everyday.Children will need computer skills in they future life as i sad before.In school, an university and of cours at work.Moreover, it dosen't matter in which industry they might work.I would prefer if my children will use computer just two or three hours a day, not more than that.That is not too much but it is an expirience for them.And also they eyeside will not decrise.

              In conclusion adults have to accept not may be everything what they children want, but to make they children life easier in they future as much as they can.


              Хотелось бы услышать ваше мнение.И тянет ли это эссе хотя бы на 5 band score.
              Спасибо всем.
              1. Introduction . переписываем задание своими словами. В конце "По моему мнению этои имеет как положительные так и отрицательные стороны. В следующем эссе я приведу reasons в поддержку своего видения
              2. Во первых
              3 Во вторых
              4. However и здесь disadvantages .
              5 In conclusion и затем тезисно пишите все ваши параграфы (2-3 слова на каждый)
              В каждом параграфе - основная мысль , for example ....... как следствие (as a result) ........
              Заучить стрктуру наизусть.
              Синонимы подыскать для ключвых слов.
              На шестерку проканает
              удачи

              Comment


              • #8
                Writting!Essay.Need your opinion,please.

                Да на 6 и написала. Всем спасибо!
                STYLIS STITCH
                Shop 2,41 Mortimer St.Kurralta Park,Adelaide
                Alteration,dressmaking,embroidery,repairs.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: Writting!Essay.Need your opinion,please.

                  Using a computer everyday can have more negative than positive effects on your children.Do you agree or disagree?

                  High-tech industry is changing and growing much more quiker than we can afford. 21st century life style is not that easy.

                  In the one hand, I do agree that using the computer everyday is negative =bad for our kids.Children love to play on the computer, rather than play with they friends in real life. They have to mix with other children esspesialy at the young age, otherwise it may cause some social problems latter on in their life.
                  On the other hand, children have to be familiar with the computer. May be not only video games should be played but also some computer skills will be in advance for them.= unclear. For example, sending an email, looking for some kind of information or being able to write a letter to the friends or grandparents. Also it will be very good for their brain development, moreover they are like sponges, in other words they are lerning very quikly and copying everything from an adult. So what i am tryng to say, ... they can share their new expirience with a friend or grandmother, why not?

                  In fact ... our living standart is increasing everyday.Children will need computer skills in their future life as i said before. At school, at university and of cours at work.Moreover, it dosen't matter in which industry they might work.I would prefer if my children used the computer just two or three hours a day, not more than that.That is not too much but it is an expirience for them.And also their eyesight would not decrease.

                  In conclusion, adults shouldn't accept everything their children want, but to make they children's life easier in the future as much as they can.
                  Здесь небо ясно и яро, Здесь воздух чист и светел,
                  Тобой здесь дышит сам ветер, Команданте Че Гевара
                  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SSRVtlTwFs8

                  Comment

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