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Помогите найти ошибки IELTS General Writing task 1
Привет всем знатокам английского и таким же как я!
Я самостоятельно готовлюсь к IELTS и написал ( уже во второй раз, первый раз был давно и всё было очень плохо) письмо. Пожалуйста, кто в теме, могли бы Вы указать на возможные недочёты и на какой балл, по вашему мнению, может претендовать сие творение. Заранее всем спасибо за участие и потраченное время.
Задание формулируется примерно так (взято отсюда http://www.gday.ru/forum/34859-post2.html) :
You have to make a project and need to write a letter to a local museum. In your letter you should explain:
- why are you writing to the museum?
- describe your project
- what information do you need for your project?
Само письмо:
Dear Sir/Madam,
I am a student at the City University. I am writing to ask you if you would be so kind to help me in finding information on Mr. Ferris, who designed and took part in the building of the City Bridge.
At the university I enrolled in Local History course for which I have to prepare a project on any local historical topic of my favour. After careful consideration I decided to make a project showing that our city had a prominent citizen who played an essential role in developing appearance of the city.
I know that your eminent museum hold evidences not only of numerous local events but also of multiple persons related to our city. I am interested in any materials of any form your museum can share with me with regard to Mr. Ferris. I would greatly appreciate if you could provide any photo of him. Moreover, in case you would be so generous and supply me with copies of Mr. Ferris' speeches it could be a great help.
I must apologize for taking up your valuable time and I hope that my request will not inconvenience you too much. I look forward to your prompt response.
Yours faithfully,
Vasily Pupkin.
Я самостоятельно готовлюсь к IELTS и написал ( уже во второй раз, первый раз был давно и всё было очень плохо) письмо. Пожалуйста, кто в теме, могли бы Вы указать на возможные недочёты и на какой балл, по вашему мнению, может претендовать сие творение. Заранее всем спасибо за участие и потраченное время.
Задание формулируется примерно так (взято отсюда http://www.gday.ru/forum/34859-post2.html) :
You have to make a project and need to write a letter to a local museum. In your letter you should explain:
- why are you writing to the museum?
- describe your project
- what information do you need for your project?
Само письмо:
Dear Sir/Madam,
I am a student at the City University. I am writing to ask you if you would be so kind to help me in finding information on Mr. Ferris, who designed and took part in the building of the City Bridge.
At the university I enrolled in Local History course for which I have to prepare a project on any local historical topic of my favour. After careful consideration I decided to make a project showing that our city had a prominent citizen who played an essential role in developing appearance of the city.
I know that your eminent museum hold evidences not only of numerous local events but also of multiple persons related to our city. I am interested in any materials of any form your museum can share with me with regard to Mr. Ferris. I would greatly appreciate if you could provide any photo of him. Moreover, in case you would be so generous and supply me with copies of Mr. Ferris' speeches it could be a great help.
I must apologize for taking up your valuable time and I hope that my request will not inconvenience you too much. I look forward to your prompt response.
Yours faithfully,
Vasily Pupkin.
А вы не могли бы прокомментировать сам текст в моём изложении?
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