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Проверьте, покритикуйте плз Как думаете сколько за это эссе можно получить баллов?
П.с. также буду отправлять в айлтсблог, т.е. посмотрим на сколько совпадут предсказания
Хочу выразить отдельную и большую благодарность Maimiti_Isabella, за то что ткнула носом в проблемы структуры и связности моих эссе. За ссылки на полезные статьи, за коррекцию моих эссе, ну и за то, что вернула веру в себя
Раньше писал эссе за 30 минут, сейчас пишу за 50, т.к. приходится много думать над логическими завязками и прямыми ответами на поставленные вопросы. Нужно сократить хотябы до 35 минут, экзамен чере 2 недели.
Ниже эссе, написанное за 40 минут, но когда печатал, увидел дисбаланс слов между параграфами, в общем потратил еще 15 минут добавляя нужное и удаляя лишнее. Тем не менее, разница между боди параграф 1 и 2 все равно существенная, аж 20 слов. Критично ли это?
Собственно эссе:
Some people feel that certain workers like nurses, doctors and teachers are undervalued and should be paid more, especially when other people like film actors or company bosses are paid huge sums of money that are out of proportion to the importance of the work that they do.
-How far do you agree?
-What criteria should be used to decide how much people are paid?
School and medical workers are the most respectable professions in the most cultures. However, there is an opinion that they earn incredible small money comparing with salaries of actors and business people. Analysing the criteria that defines the level of salary for a profession I would agree with this view.
The foremost criteria is the advantages from a profession to the community. The profession of doctor necessarily involves evaluation of people health, providing right medicine and recommendations. This makes the whole community healthier. In addition, teachers are responsible for the nurturing of the future generations. Their presence in a community is vital for the country concerned. Thus, it is clear that doctors and teachers are crucial element for any society and they should be paid best.
Another significant criteria is the level of stress that a professional experiences during a working day. A doctor’s decision regarding medicine or treatment provided to a patient can be essential for health of this person. As a result, the medical workers are continuously under pressure to make the right decisions. Moreover, teachers feel permanent stress as they are responsible for the academic background of their students. Without the strong background, young individuals cannot become high-qualified specialists and it would be a fault of the teacher. Thus, these professions should be paid extra to afford relaxation procedures in order to reduce the level of stress.
In conclusion, such social profession as doctors and teachers are greatly benefit our community and they are the most stressful than other professions. Hence, I would certainly agree that teachers and doctors should be not only the most respectable members of society, but also the best paid ones.
Проверьте, покритикуйте плз Как думаете сколько за это эссе можно получить баллов?
П.с. также буду отправлять в айлтсблог, т.е. посмотрим на сколько совпадут предсказания
Хочу выразить отдельную и большую благодарность Maimiti_Isabella, за то что ткнула носом в проблемы структуры и связности моих эссе. За ссылки на полезные статьи, за коррекцию моих эссе, ну и за то, что вернула веру в себя
Раньше писал эссе за 30 минут, сейчас пишу за 50, т.к. приходится много думать над логическими завязками и прямыми ответами на поставленные вопросы. Нужно сократить хотябы до 35 минут, экзамен чере 2 недели.
Ниже эссе, написанное за 40 минут, но когда печатал, увидел дисбаланс слов между параграфами, в общем потратил еще 15 минут добавляя нужное и удаляя лишнее. Тем не менее, разница между боди параграф 1 и 2 все равно существенная, аж 20 слов. Критично ли это?
Собственно эссе:
Some people feel that certain workers like nurses, doctors and teachers are undervalued and should be paid more, especially when other people like film actors or company bosses are paid huge sums of money that are out of proportion to the importance of the work that they do.
-How far do you agree?
-What criteria should be used to decide how much people are paid?
School and medical workers are the most respectable professions in the most cultures. However, there is an opinion that they earn incredible small money comparing with salaries of actors and business people. Analysing the criteria that defines the level of salary for a profession I would agree with this view.
The foremost criteria is the advantages from a profession to the community. The profession of doctor necessarily involves evaluation of people health, providing right medicine and recommendations. This makes the whole community healthier. In addition, teachers are responsible for the nurturing of the future generations. Their presence in a community is vital for the country concerned. Thus, it is clear that doctors and teachers are crucial element for any society and they should be paid best.
Another significant criteria is the level of stress that a professional experiences during a working day. A doctor’s decision regarding medicine or treatment provided to a patient can be essential for health of this person. As a result, the medical workers are continuously under pressure to make the right decisions. Moreover, teachers feel permanent stress as they are responsible for the academic background of their students. Without the strong background, young individuals cannot become high-qualified specialists and it would be a fault of the teacher. Thus, these professions should be paid extra to afford relaxation procedures in order to reduce the level of stress.
In conclusion, such social profession as doctors and teachers are greatly benefit our community and they are the most stressful than other professions. Hence, I would certainly agree that teachers and doctors should be not only the most respectable members of society, but also the best paid ones.
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