My essay, проверьте, покритикуйте! Спасибо!

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Друзья, а про артикли ?

Вам вообще или в частности?

[illi4]

Добрый вечер, а можно попросить у вас помощи с проверкой и общим мнением? Спасибо заранее * *

Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweight the disadvantages?

Nowadays, foreign languages are very popular and also necessary for adult life [это ещё почему?]. That [what?] raises the question, from which age is more correct to start meeting with new subject [start learning foreign languages]. Some people assert that it is good idea to begin when the child enter the primary school equally with other lessons [бр ]. Others suppose that children should be a little bit older for studying new language.

The good point for studying it [what? у Вас новый параграф] at primary school is a belief that it is easier to learn or memorise something in the childhood, and this is becoming harder with age. Also, it is easy for a child to make a new habit in the first year of school and to make think about foreign language like as usual subject [бр, надо переписывать]. In the future it quite difficult to take a new subject for some individualities [вообще не понял]. Moreover, it is easy to present language as an interesting game.

Дальше ленюсь, сорри Прокачивайте грамматику и лексику.
Conclusion написан непрозрачно.

[HappyHippo]

Вам вообще или в частности?

Хотелось бы в общем Но, не всю теорию конечно, а может какие-нибудь подсказки, чтобы легко запомнилось.

[ivan.kulaha]

Первый раз выкладываю свою писанину. Ровно 38 минут. 307 слов.
Когда потом набирал, обнаружил пару грубых ошибок, которые исправил:
many of us stuck = many of us are stuck
solution of this tendency = solution to this tendency

Topic: Some people say that dangerous sports should be banned. Do you agree or disagree? Give your own opinion.

Much has been said and much has been written about dangerous activities. The popular belief is that they should be forbidden due to the risks. In contrast, this essay will put forward the notion that people really need these kinds of sports. First, this position will be proven by analysis of their influence on our daily lives. A discussion of their importance will also support the view stated above.

The main reason why dangerous sports should exist in the modern society is that many people are not satisfied with their life-style. There can be no denying the fact that many of us are stuck in a daily rut and dangerous sports could be a solution to this tendency. An example from my own experience is participating in climbing which makes my life more interesting and exciting. Moreover, this is not an escape from real life because dangerous activities may really help to understand the importance of life and even to improve its quality through this understanding.

Another reason why this trend is so beneficial is that dangerous sports can improve our health. One telling argument in favor of this idea is that during dangerous activities our body produces more adrenaline and this may reduce potential diseases like heart attack and stroke. Moreover, in this day and age humanity has a lot of different dangerous sports such as skydiving, climbing, paragliding, snowboarding and surfing. The existence of such a variety should show that people really need them.

In conclusion, I completely agree that people should not ban dangerous sports. This is due to the fact that they make our lives more interesting. Also, participants of dangerous activities become not only happier but also healthier. After analyzing the subject it has become quite evident that despite of the danger this is a very beneficial for of amusement for people.

Огромная просьба «наехать» по всем фронтам на структуру, ибо я сейчас на распутье над чем работать. Тест через 53 дня. И я составляю план подготовки к нему(буду работать только над письмом и чтением). Толковых тьютеров мне посоветовали. Спасибо ребята! Но также жду ваших советов и комментариев.
1. Читал, что люди учат целиком «хорошие» эссе. Это помогает? Если да, то посоветуйте конкретно, что учить. Думаю, 10 я осилю за это время. Всегда считал эту идею немного странной, как и заучивание ответов по спикингу, но сейчас готов опробовать. Нужны живые примеры.
2. Cтоит ли взять какую-нибудь книжку типа Grammar for IELTS на время подготовки, или лучше просто заниматься ежедневным писанием с проверкой у тьютеров?

Заранее большое спасибо!!!

[fatdh]

Ребят/девчат, всем привет!

Сегодня писал письмо, и возник такой вопрос, важен ли порядок ответов на вопросы? Т.е. вот что у меня получилось:

A friend who lives in another country has invited you to come and stay with him/her on your next holiday. You are too busy to accept the invitation.
Write a letter to your friend. In your letter:
- Thank him/her for the invitation
- Explain why you cannot come
- Give him/her your other news

Dear Alan,

I hope this letter finds you well.

I’m sorry that haven’t replied you for a while. Honestly, I haven’t had the connection since we moved in to my new apartment.

I’m happy to hear that everything is fine in your family and that your gorgeous daughter is a student now. Emily also went to preschool, so she’ll be a pupil as well in a year.

Thank you for the invitation to spend this holiday together. We’d love to, but I’m afraid, it’s a bit busy time for us now. If you remember, I told you that I got a promotion on my work and I’m now a CEO in Sydney’s department. So, we moved from Melbourne to Sydney a couple weeks ago. It seems that we started a new life, because again we need to furnish our flat and complete tonnes of paperwork. And, of course, all these tasks we planned to this holiday.

Alan, we’d like to invite your family to the Christmas holiday. Just me know what you think about this idea.

I’m looking forward to reading your reply.

Best regards,
fatdh

Т.е., ответ на вопрос "Give him/her your other news" у меня раскидан по тексту и я не выделяю никак, типа "А вот у меня новости такие-то...", это нормально? Или отвечая на вопросы, я должен:
1. соблюдать порядок
2. давать какое-то явное предупреждение (внимание, сейчас буду отвечать на то, какие у меня новости), что собираюсь ответить на вопрос, например "Speaking about myself, I recently got a promotion...".

Заранее премного!

[Marcella]

Нат&Стан, спасибо за ваш комментарий.

Ребята, пожалуйста, очень прошу, проверьте мое эссе, покритикуйте содержательно. Очень нужен отзыв профи именно с целью понять, на что в первую очередь обращать внимание при подготовке.

На всякий случай, если мое эссе где-то затерялось, привожу его еще раз, не сочтите за навязчивость.

Cambridge 7, test 2. Punishments

Some people believe that there should be fixed punishments for each type of crime. Others, however, argue that the circumstances of an individual crime, and the motivation for committing it, should always be taken into account when deciding on the punishment. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.


Applying standard penalties to the similar offences rather than differentiating every particular crime regarding its circumstances is a debatable question. This essay discusses both points of view and also provides my opinion on the problem.

It is believed that there are some merits of the use of fixed punishments for every kind of offence. The main reason why offenders who committed analogous crimes should be punished similarly is that this type of judgment is less biased. This means that decisions will be more objective and also the influence of the judge’s personality will be reduced significantly. Another reason why it is beneficial for the society to have standard punishments for the same type of offence is that applying standards will lead to cost reduction of the judgment process. For example, the courts can have only one judge for each case. Also there might be no need of superior courts any more.

However, some people believe that it is better to consider individual circumstances of every particular crime when deciding on the penalty. Firstly, it is seemed to be fairer. This is because the punishment for the offender who used to commit some crimes before should be more severe than for that one who has broken a law for the first time. Furthermore, it is convenient for the society to continue using settled laws and rules instead of developing new ones. For instance, in Australia both legislation and common law have been built upon the principles of crime differentiation.

In conclusion, there are two points of view on the question whether there should be unified punishment for every type of offence or context of an individual case should also be considered while judging. I personally believe that these opinions are not mutually excluded. So, I tend to believe that penalties can be unified rather than be treated individually, because it would be more objective and cheaper process. At the same time, I suppose, a judge should be able to amend a punishment according the case’s context.

[HappyHippo]

Все.... Меня уже начинает трясти

[illi4]

Т.е., ответ на вопрос "Give him/her your other news" у меня раскидан по тексту и я не выделяю никак, типа "А вот у меня новости такие-то...", это нормально? Или отвечая на вопросы, я должен:
1. соблюдать порядок
2. давать какое-то явное предупреждение (внимание, сейчас буду отвечать на то, какие у меня новости), что собираюсь ответить на вопрос, например "Speaking about myself, I recently got a promotion...".
Заранее премного!

Насколько я знаю, структура (в том числе, порядок) должна быть выдержана. "Давать предупреждение" (thesis) нужно, чтобы было понятно, о чём параграф - всё как в эссе.

В Вашем письме как раз структура и хромает (по идее, у вас должно быть по параграфу в несколько предложений на каждый из пунктов). И грамматика.

[fatdh]

Посмотрите пожалуйста, у кого время есть, вроде по структуре - идеально интро и конклюжи - одинаковое кол-во слов, и два бодипараграфа равны.
Также, чувствую что ответил на вопрос на 100% По ощущениям, на 7 минимум написал

Убедите пожалуйста, что я не прав и ткните носом, где именно.

HappyHippo, удачи завтра на экзамене, "порвите" там всех

In most countries multinational companies and their products are becoming more and more important.
This trend is seriously damaging our quality of life.

Do you agree or disagree?

People have different views about the presence of international corporations in some regions over the world. While some people agree that the corporations and their products have sever affects on living standards in a region, I believe that the companies and the goods are advantageous for a community.

First reason for this belief is that multinational companies increase the number of working places in the region. Take Ford for instance, every production line requires more than hundreds specialists with different qualifications. Moreover, to make the factories work, there should be built roads and railways. As a result, even more working places are required to make a factory function proper. Thus, it is an obvious fact that such companies could improve quality of life in a particular region reducing the level of unemployment.

Another explanation is that the companies pay taxes to local authorities to distribute the products. Besides the fact that the citizens have opportunity to buy locally made goods without the import and shipping fees, they would get even more benefits in the form of improving facilities among the region. In addition, this money can be a long-term investment into education, healthcare and security that will increase the population and attract new investments. Hence, money from the taxation would improve living standards in the area.

In conclusion, it may be argued by some that multinational corporations damage quality of life in the region where they are located. However, I would disagree with this opinion, because I believe that the companies benefit the community providing better employment opportunities and improving infrastructure in the area.

[NewOne]

я не спец, но прокомментирую

In most countries multinational companies and their products are becoming more and more important.
This trend is seriously damaging our quality of life.

Do you agree or disagree?

People have different views about the presence of international corporations in some regions over the world. While some people agree that the corporations and their products have sever affects on living standards in a region, I believe that the companies and the goods are advantageous for a community.

видимо подразумевалось have several affects. Если так, то предложение не вполне понятное (для меня) и не показывает контраста:

Хотя некоторые считают, что корпорации оказывают некоторое воздействие на регионы, я думаю, что эти компании приносят пользу обществу.

Можно написать make several negative impacts, тогда будет противопоставление

Если все-же sever, а не several, то без комментариев. Я не могу понять

First reason for this belief is that multinational companies increase the number of working places in the region. Take Ford for instance, every production line requires more than hundreds specialists with different qualifications. Moreover, to make the factories work, there should be built roads and railways. As a result, even more working places are required to make a factory function proper. Thus, it is an obvious fact that such companies could improve quality of life in a particular region by reducing the level of unemployment.

По структуре вроде хорошо: топик, пример, обсуждение, вывод.
Я бы написал factories operate (с factory works не сталкивался)
И предлог by по-моему нужен

Another explanation is that the companies pay taxes to local authorities to distribute the products. Besides the fact that the citizens have opportunity to buy locally made goods without the import and shipping fees, they would get even more benefits in the form of improving facilities among the region. In addition, this money can be a long-term investment into education, healthcare and security that will increase the population and attract new investments. Hence, money from the taxation would improve living standards in the area.

Здесь немного путано получилось. Налоги -> отсутствие пошлин (налогов) -> улучшение условий

In conclusion, it may be argued by some that multinational corporations damage quality of life in the region where they are located. However, I would disagree with this opinion, because I believe that the companies benefit the community providing better employment opportunities and improving infrastructure in the area.

In conclusion можно убрать. По-моему даже лучше звучать будет (и не так заезженно: in conclusion почти все пишут)

Benefit означает "получать выгоду". В вашем предложении компании получают выгоду

В целом мне ваше эссе понравилось. Хорошие и четкие идеи, примеры, структура и т.д.

Удачи!

[Rus_R]

NewOne, на сколько я понимаю там должно быть severe

[NewOne]

NewOne, на сколько я понимаю там должно быть severe

Да, возможно вы правы. Дождемся автора

но severe affects звучит непонятно.
severe effects (суровые последствия) делает предложение логически верным.

или affects тоже нормально? как думаете?

[fatdh]

Спасибо большое за ответы!
1. severe - опечатку сделал
2. affects - я на сколько понял an effect может быть как позитивным, так и негативным, а вот an affect - всегда негативен. В нескольких эссе встречал, может конечно это и не верно
3. да, второй параграф что-то я недозавязал с таксэйшинами. Имелось в виду, что эти таксы потом населению и возращаются. Пошлины, это так, для набора слов Т.е. вот они получают и то и это.
4. в моем переводчике to benefit:
1. 1) приносить пользу, помогать; оказывать благотворное (воз)действие
the sea air will benefit you — морской воздух будет вам полезен
2) приносить выгоду, прибыль
2. 1) получать пользу, помощь
he benefited by the medicine — лекарство помогло ему
2) извлекать выгоду
т.е. получается и то, что я имел ввиду, и то что Вы имели ввиду.

Спасибо за комментарии!

[NewOne]

fatdh, вы правы. Накосячил я с benefit. Теперь буду знать. Спасибо!

[NewOne]

Хочу поделиться небольшой идеей по написанию вступлений. Обнаружил ее в книге Essay Writing for English Tests by Gabi Duigu. Автор является экзаменатором IELTS с 1990 года. Книжка выпущена в Австралии в 2003. Вроде можно доверять

Автор обращает внимание, что некоторые предложения в задании преподносятся как состоявшийся факт и не требуют опровержения (иначе будет офф-топ). Задание поднимает какую-то проблему, ее нужно увидеть и писать про нее.

Вступление советуется начать с общего предложения по теме (это и так все знают), а затем усилить его (это и есть для меня "открытие"

Технологии в наши дни бла-бла. Однако есть проблема … Я считаю…
Технологии в наши дни бла-бла. Более того, они … Мое мнение …

На примере задания выше попробовал сделать несколько вариантов вступления по этому принципу.

In most countries multinational companies and their products are becoming more and more important.
This trend is seriously damaging our quality of life.
Do you agree or disagree?

International companies have become quite common in many countries. However, a wide spread of them causes serious negative effects for community. I believe this trend brings a lot of disadvantages in people’s lives.

International business has been growing fast over the last decades. In fact, multinational companies possess their enterprises in practically every country. While some people find this trend negative for society, I am of an opinion that those companies bring more benefits rather than drawbacks.

Over the last decades multinational corporations covered most of the countries on the globe. Moreover, the economies of the countries are becoming more and more dependent on them. However, while many people consider that importance of international companies damages the quality of their lives, I believe this trend brings great opportunities in both employment and living standard improvement.

В целом книга мне понравилась, охватывает много проблем по написанию эссе и указывает на их решения. Так что, рекомендую