My essay, проверьте, покритикуйте! Спасибо!

[Lavrentiy]

Lavrentiy, спасибо за критику.
Неужели все так плохо?

Это мое первое самостоятельное эссе, написанное где-то за 50 минут, без словарей и поглядок. Посмотрела сейчас - да есть откровенные косяки, но есть и ценные замечания с Вашей стороны, за что опять-таки спасибо.

В общем, по порядку.

(1)(2) надо повторить использование one
(3) тоже самое касается it и this, если честно я до сих пор не понимаю между ними разницы (первое вроде как - "это", второе - "этот")
(4) а почему in? я посмотрела словарь - там либо of/to/over используют. может логичнее написать there are more advantages than disadvantages to the use nuclear technology
(5) писала без словаря, поэтому слово не могла вспомнить, хотела написать defence
(6) вижу ошибку
(7) согласна
( мн. число вижу, согласоваие времен тоже
(9) сейчас смотрю, и не могу понять, что хотела написать, скорее всего have to become (или come?) to fear - должны стать бояться
(10) зачем? там же множественное число дальше
(11) согласна
(12) здесь меня видимо переклинило, скорее всего хотела написать can be used to produce energy to power electricity
(13) тоже самое, что в (3), опять-таки разницы не чувствую
(14) согласна
(15) видимо просто пропустила
(16) зачем артикль?
(17) здесь я хотела написать that as are generally known... не пойдет так?
(1, (19) согласна
(20) a dwindle никак не пойдет, тоже вроде сокращать?
(21) зачем артикль?
(22) согласна
(23) согласна
(24) опять-таки переклинило и нет у меня переводчика, я практически всегда пользуюсь англо-английским словарем
(25) почему не слышала? слышала... а если я перепишу предложение, так понятнее будет: In my opinion nuclear technology is more positive and so nations would spend more money on nuclear energy and less on nuclear weapons because of (из-за) the(?) depletion of traditional sources of energy
(26) зачем опять-таки артикль?

в общем, примерно понятно, что надо работать над построением предложений, повторить разницу между it и this, артикли, выучить prepositions

есть раз спасибо, что уделили столько внимания моему эссе.
но неужели все совсем плохо? и надежды нет совсем?

еще хотела спросить насчет структуры? насколько она соответствует эссе? в 1 абзаце я кратко описала проблему и свое мнение, что преимуществ все-таки больше. во 2-м- описала преимущества использования ядерного оружия. в 3-м преимущества ядерной энергии. в 4-м - то,что это все хорошо, но тем не менее энергия важнее, надо тратиться меньше на оружие. в 5-м мое мнение, что несмотря на преимущества оружия, его будут производить меньше в будущем... насколько такая структура правильна?

всем спасибо!

horoshij razbor. nadezhda est'!

"the" byvaet pered mnozhestvennym chislom, i ochen' chasto v konstrukcijah roditel'nogo padezha s "of". Dwindle - neperehodnyj (intransitive) glagol: chto-to mozhet dwindle samo po sebe, no vy ne mozhete chto-to vzjat' i zastavit' ego dwindle. "The elephant population is dwindling."

V strukture ja ne silen kak v grammatike. Poetomu molchu.

Zhelaju udachi!

[natalya_ielts]

horoshij razbor. nadezhda est'!

"the" byvaet pered mnozhestvennym chislom, i ochen' chasto v konstrukcijah roditel'nogo padezha s "of". Dwindle - neperehodnyj (intransitive) glagol: chto-to mozhet dwindle samo po sebe, no vy ne mozhete chto-to vzjat' i zastavit' ego dwindle. "The elephant population is dwindling."

V strukture ja ne silen kak v grammatike. Poetomu molchu.

Zhelaju udachi!

Lavrentiy, спасибо за надежду!!!

[lx]

Постарался в этот раз не "якать"... Спасибо!

Topic:
Competitive sports like football are considered to add a lot of value by bringing people of different age and nationality together. Yet some argue that these sports divide people based on age groups and nationalities. What is your opinion? Write about each view and then describe yours, supporting it with relevant examples from your experience.

The issue of uniting people of different nationality and age with the help of sports has become quite popular. Some people support the idea that competetive sports unite people. Others argue about that and proclaim an opposite view. This essay will analyze the given topic and provide arguments of both sides.

Firstly, our society is becoming more and more multicultural. This trend is quite obvious in big cities where people of different national backgrounds live and work together. Additionally, sports like football and rugby are pretty popular around the world. As a result, people play these games at local playgrounds together and understand each other's differences better. Thus, it is likely that playing sports unites people, especially in the areas where there is a mix of cultures and nations.

Secondly, not all people actively participate in sports, but are rather supporters or fans of a particular team or a kind of sports. Nevertheless, they also get together as supporters and share the same values no matter which nationality or age group they belong to. Take my friend Lee Chang as an example: hi is Chinese and we met at the hockey playground. Since that day we are friends and I like his company.

On the other hand, sometimes issues of national pride in sports could divide people. When big sports events like the Olympic Games or the World Championships take place, people usually support their national team, which occationally leads to violent clashes between the fans of different national teams. For example, the problem of football-fan gangs became a serious issue.

In conclusion, I tend to agree with the supporters of a positive influence that sports has on us. Although, it could have some drawbacks, in general team sports is rather uniting than dividing phenomenon.

[Llutik]

Добрый день. Посмотрите, пожалуйста, мое письмо и эссе. Заранее спасибо!

Письмо.
СD плеер сломался через неделю после покупки. В магазине ничем не смогли помочь. Пишем письмо производителю, где указываем, что произошло, что сказали в магазине и чего хотим.

To begin with the CD-player produced by your company which I bought in the shop on Barclay street on the first of May dies not work anymore since tenth of May.

I had enjoyed my new CD-player for ten days, but when I tried to turn in on in the evening of the tenth of May, it produced a strange cracking sound and it did not work after that.

I went to the shop in order to change the above mentioned CD-player or at least to have it repaired. The seller from the shop told me that under conditions of the contract concluded between their shop and the firm producing CD-players the buyers having any problems with their devices should address the producing company.

That is why I am writing to your company. I want you to change my CD-player or to repair it within five days since I provide it to you. Please find copies of the check and guarantee documents enclosed.

I am looking forward to hearing from you. If it is not done till the first of June, I will have to address the Commission on defending consumers’ rights.

Thank you in advance for looking into the matter.

Sincerely yours, Ivanova Anna.


Эссе:
Публикация информации о private life должна быть или нет и должна контролироваться или не должна.

I am inclined to believe that only politically exposed persons shall bi sentenced to publish information about themselves and that such information shall include some information about their relatives and affiliated persons, but this information shall be examined to be true.

All people have the right to preserve their private life from getting into it. But there is an exception. This exception includes politically exposed persons and their relatives as well. When the person wants to be a politician he / she tries to rule the people and therefore people get the right to examine such persons’ life, because in case they vote for that person, they will depend on him / her. So the people want to be sure, that this person in honorable, that he / she is the best for position that is under election. The information about politically exposed persons shall be published so that everybody can check it out.

Furthermore I suppose that the information about persons affiliated with politically exposed persons is due to be at public’s disposal as well especially in Russia. It is a pity, but it is the casual situation, when politicians transfer money and assets obtained by means of fraud and corruption to their relatives’ accounts and than provide to the controlling bodies and mass media information, that they are quite poor and gained nothing during their work in federal, local and judicial bodies. In my opinion the only way to avoid such cronyism is to publish information about incomes and assents of relatives and other persons affiliated with politically exposed persons.

On the other hand there is a danger, that false information about politicians published in mass media can blemish their reputation and consequently to spoil or even ruin their career. The law “On mass media” is issued to prevent such situations, it prescribes mass media to publish only true and checked information. Nevertheless the requirements of this law are not always complied with and false information about leaders of opposition is published without consequences. At the same time some mass media are pressed for publication of true facts about members of the leading party. Still honest usage of the law “On mass media” will provide the society with the information that is necessary and wanted.

In conclusion I should like to say that politic leaders and members of government and parliament have more responsibilities than ordinary people and thus they mast publish information about themselves and their affiliated persons in order to provide people with information necessary for making choice at elections. Strict compliance with requirements of the law “On mass media” shall help to carry out that task.

[Sveta08]

посмотрите, пожалуйста, очередное "творение", буду признательна вашим комментариямп

SOME PEOPLE BELIEVE that computers are more a hindrance than a help in today´s world. Others feel that they are such indispensable tools that they would not be able to live or work without them. In what ways are computers a hindrance? What is your opinion?
Some people think that computers are useless things today Others consider , that they are essential part of their life. I share the second point of view and believe that computers the most necessary thing in the world.

Firstly, we live in the century of high technology . All our life depends on computers. Nowadays we can do the majority of things at home with the help of computers. For instance we can do different payments at home using the internet. Moreover, we can chat with friends , relatives, who live in thousand kilometres from us. It is possible to get a distant education. For example people live in a village, they do not have an opportunity to go somewhere for studying. It is also easy for working people , because it is not necessary to go everyday to the university. They can do their work at any time.

Secondly, most people think that it would be not able to live or work without computers. Our society would be never develop without computers. It is impossible to imaging , that people would not fly to the space. Scientists would not do various investigations. Different spheres of our world develop due to computers, for example, medicine. Today doctors examine their patients with the help of the computers, also they can see how a baby develop before its birth. They cam prevent different diseases , when they are still on the early level of their development. So, computers are very useful things in our world.

However, there are some disadvantages . People spend too much time with computers. Social relations are destroyed. We write an email to a friend instead of calling him. Employees complain, that their workers in the office talk with each other very rarely. Sometimes they do not even recognize their colleges , because they communicate only per the internet. Moreover children became dependent on computers. They prefer stay at home and play computer games, then to meet friends.

In conclusion, I think computers are very beneficial thing. It is very convenient to do the most things at home. Our society go further in its development due to computers. However, we should remember , that computers are only machine. They can not replace a person. We have to manage them, but not they us.

[Lavrentiy]

Постарался в этот раз не "якать"... Спасибо!
.

Topic:
Competitive sports like football are considered to add a lot of value by bringing people of different age and nationality together. Yet some argue that these sports divide people based on age groups and nationalities. What is your opinion? Write about each view and then describe yours, supporting it with relevant examples from your experience.

The issue of uniting people of different nationality and age with the help of sports has become quite popular. Some people support the idea that (1) competetive sports unite people. Others argue about that and (2) proclaim an opposite view. This essay will analyze the given topic and provide arguments of both sides.

Firstly, our society is becoming more and more multicultural. This trend is quite obvious in big cities where people of different national backgrounds live and work together. Additionally, sports like football and rugby are (3) pretty popular around the world. As a result, people play these games at local playgrounds together and understand each other's differences better. Thus, it is likely that playing sports unites people, especially in the areas where there is a mix of cultures and nations.

Secondly, not all people actively participate in sports, but are rather supporters or fans of a particular team or a kind of sports. Nevertheless, they also get together as supporters and share the same values no matter which nationality or age group they belong to. Take my friend Lee Chang as an example: (4) hi is Chinese and we met at the hockey playground. Since that day (5) we are friends and I like his company.

On the other hand, sometimes issues of national pride in sports could divide people. When big sports events like the Olympic Games or the World Championships take place, people usually support their national team, which (6) occationally leads to (7) violent clashes between ( the fans of different national teams. For example, the problem of football-fan gangs (9) became a serious issue.

In conclusion, I tend to agree with (10) the supporters of a positive influence that sports has on us. Although, (11) it could have some drawbacks, in general team sports is (12) rather uniting than dividing phenomenon.

(1) competitive – opechatka
(2) state the opposite – luchshe?
(3) quite (?) – slovo “pretty” slishkom neformal’noe po sravneniju s formal’nym jazykom etogo esse. Deti govorjat “please, pretty please”, kogda prosjat chto-to.
(4) he –opechatka
(5) we have been friends – luchshe? “Have been” obychno druzhit s “since”.
(6) occasionally – opechatka
(7) “violent clashes” – I am impressed. Ochen’ horoshee vyrazhenie: zhurnalistskij shtamp.
( the – ne nado (?)
(9) has become (?), t.k. imeet otnoshenie k nastojashchemu vremeni.
(10) nemnogo nakruchennoe predlozhenie. Nel’zja li po-proshche: agree with those who think/argue … (?)
(11) “this”, a ne “it” (?)
(12) a – nado. A rather uniting phenomenon.

Brilliant! Keep up the good work!

[Lavrentiy]

Добрый день. Посмотрите, пожалуйста, мое письмо и эссе. Заранее спасибо!
.

СD плеер сломался через неделю после покупки. В магазине ничем не смогли помочь. Пишем письмо производителю, где указываем, что произошло, что сказали в магазине и чего хотим.

(1)

(2) To begin with the CD-player produced by your company which I bought in the shop (3) on Barclay (4) street on the first of May (5) dies not work anymore since (6) tenth of May.

I had enjoyed my new CD-player for ten days, but when I tried to turn in on in the evening of (7) the tenth of May, it produced a strange cracking sound and it did not work after that.

I went to the shop in order to ( change the above mentioned CD-player or at least to have it repaired. The seller (9) from the shop told me that under (10) conditions of the contract (11) concluded between their shop and the (12) firm producing CD-players (13) the (14) buyers (15) having any problems with their devices should (16) address the producing company.

That is why I am writing to (17) your company. I want you to (1 change my CD-player or (19) to repair it within five days (20) since I provide it to you. Please find copies of the (21) check and guarantee documents enclosed.

I am looking forward to hearing from you. If it is not done (22) till the first of June, I will have to (23) address the Commission (24) on (25) defending consumers’ rights.

Thank you in advance for looking into the matter.

(26) Sincerely yours, Ivanova Anna.


(1) nuzhno privetstvie tipa “Dear Sir/Madam”
(2) ochen’ poleznaja fraza vnachale formal’nogo pis’ma: “I am writing to (tell you/ complain/ ask you …i.t.d.)
(3) “in”, a ne “on” (hotja “on” inogda dopustimo)
(4) Street – s bol’shoj bukvy (zdes’)
(5) has not worked since 10th May. Ili “broke down on 10th May.
(6) THE tenth of May
(7) pishite daty ciframi “10th May”, bez “the” i “of”.
( to exchange
(9) “from the shop” – ne nado, t.k. “the” pered “seller” uzhe eto podrazumevaet. Vot dlja chego oni artikli!! The seller/shop assistant told me. Obychno govorjat “shop assistant” (= prodavec) v etom konteskte, a ne seller.
(10) the – nado
(11) concluded – ne nado: contract between
(12) company – luchshe. firm obychno legal firm.
(13) the – ne nado (?)
(14) customers, a ne buyers
(15) customers, experiencing any problems – luchshe (?)
(16) should contact
(17) writing to you – luchshe
(1 exchange
(19) to – ne nado
(20) within five days of receipt – luchshe (?). Ili prosto” within five [working] days.
(21) receipt, a ne check
(22) before 1st June
(23) contact, a ne address
(24) for, a ne “on”
(25) Bol’she bykvy: Defending Consumers’ Rights
(26) Faithfully yours. “Sincerely yours” tol’ko kogda v privetstvii obrashchaetes’ k komu-to po imeni: Dear John…

Poka ochen’ ploho. Esse i pis’mo. Ja nachal bylp pravit’ esse, no ruki opuskajutsja – tak mnogo ser’’eznyh oshibok. Vy samouchka? Dazhe prostyh slov ne znaete.

[Lavrentiy]

Добрый день. Посмотрите, пожалуйста, мое письмо и эссе. Заранее спасибо!


Эссе:
Публикация информации о private life должна быть или нет и должна контролироваться или не должна.

I am inclined to believe that only politically exposed persons shall bi sentenced to publish information about themselves and that such information shall include some information about their relatives and affiliated persons, but this information shall be examined to be true.

All people have the right to preserve their private life from getting into it. But there is an exception. This exception includes politically exposed persons and their relatives as well. When the person wants to be a politician he / she tries to rule the people and therefore people get the right to examine such persons’ life, because in case they vote for that person, they will depend on him / her. So the people want to be sure, that this person in honorable, that he / she is the best for position that is under election. The information about politically exposed persons shall be published so that everybody can check it out.

Furthermore I suppose that the information about persons affiliated with politically exposed persons is due to be at public’s disposal as well especially in Russia. It is a pity, but it is the casual situation, when politicians transfer money and assets obtained by means of fraud and corruption to their relatives’ accounts and than provide to the controlling bodies and mass media information, that they are quite poor and gained nothing during their work in federal, local and judicial bodies. In my opinion the only way to avoid such cronyism is to publish information about incomes and assents of relatives and other persons affiliated with politically exposed persons.

On the other hand there is a danger, that false information about politicians published in mass media can blemish their reputation and consequently to spoil or even ruin their career. The law “On mass media” is issued to prevent such situations, it prescribes mass media to publish only true and checked information. Nevertheless the requirements of this law are not always complied with and false information about leaders of opposition is published without consequences. At the same time some mass media are pressed for publication of true facts about members of the leading party. Still honest usage of the law “On mass media” will provide the society with the information that is necessary and wanted.

In conclusion I should like to say that politic leaders and members of government and parliament have more responsibilities than ordinary people and thus they mast publish information about themselves and their affiliated persons in order to provide people with information necessary for making choice at elections. Strict compliance with requirements of the law “On mass media” shall help to carry out that task.

Priznajtes', chto ne vy pisali esse. Vashi tol'ko pervyj i poslednij parafrafy s grubymi oshibkami, ostal'noe sodrano otkuda-to - t.k. net ni edinoj oshibki.

[lx]

Lavrentiy, большое спасибо за проверку!!! Ваши комментарии в целом внушают оптимизм на сдачу 27 июня.

[Llutik]

СD плеер сломался через неделю после покупки. В магазине ничем не смогли помочь. Пишем письмо производителю, где указываем, что произошло, что сказали в магазине и чего хотим.

(1)

(2) To begin with the CD-player produced by your company which I bought in the shop (3) on Barclay (4) street on the first of May (5) dies not work anymore since (6) tenth of May.

I had enjoyed my new CD-player for ten days, but when I tried to turn in on in the evening of (7) the tenth of May, it produced a strange cracking sound and it did not work after that.

I went to the shop in order to ( change the above mentioned CD-player or at least to have it repaired. The seller (9) from the shop told me that under (10) conditions of the contract (11) concluded between their shop and the (12) firm producing CD-players (13) the (14) buyers (15) having any problems with their devices should (16) address the producing company.

That is why I am writing to (17) your company. I want you to (1 change my CD-player or (19) to repair it within five days (20) since I provide it to you. Please find copies of the (21) check and guarantee documents enclosed.

I am looking forward to hearing from you. If it is not done (22) till the first of June, I will have to (23) address the Commission (24) on (25) defending consumers’ rights.

Thank you in advance for looking into the matter.

(26) Sincerely yours, Ivanova Anna.


(1) nuzhno privetstvie tipa “Dear Sir/Madam”
(2) ochen’ poleznaja fraza vnachale formal’nogo pis’ma: “I am writing to (tell you/ complain/ ask you …i.t.d.)
(3) “in”, a ne “on” (hotja “on” inogda dopustimo)
(4) Street – s bol’shoj bukvy (zdes’)
(5) has not worked since 10th May. Ili “broke down on 10th May.
(6) THE tenth of May
(7) pishite daty ciframi “10th May”, bez “the” i “of”.
( to exchange
(9) “from the shop” – ne nado, t.k. “the” pered “seller” uzhe eto podrazumevaet. Vot dlja chego oni artikli!! The seller/shop assistant told me. Obychno govorjat “shop assistant” (= prodavec) v etom konteskte, a ne seller.
(10) the – nado
(11) concluded – ne nado: contract between
(12) company – luchshe. firm obychno legal firm.
(13) the – ne nado (?)
(14) customers, a ne buyers
(15) customers, experiencing any problems – luchshe (?)
(16) should contact
(17) writing to you – luchshe
(1 exchange
(19) to – ne nado
(20) within five days of receipt – luchshe (?). Ili prosto” within five [working] days.
(21) receipt, a ne check
(22) before 1st June
(23) contact, a ne address
(24) for, a ne “on”
(25) Bol’she bykvy: Defending Consumers’ Rights
(26) Faithfully yours. “Sincerely yours” tol’ko kogda v privetstvii obrashchaetes’ k komu-to po imeni: Dear John…

Poka ochen’ ploho. Esse i pis’mo. Ja nachal bylp pravit’ esse, no ruki opuskajutsja – tak mnogo ser’’eznyh oshibok. Vy samouchka? Dazhe prostyh slov ne znaete.

Лаврентий, огромное спасибо за такой подробный разбор письма! Жаль, что в нем так много ошибок, но я надеюсь, что по мере написания дальнейших писем их число будет сокращаться, опять же постараюсь быть более внимательной.

1) То что я ухитрилась пропустить обращение - грубая ошибка, печально, что я пропустила ее при проверке. Очень нужен порой взгляд со стороны!
(2) фраза замечательная, обязательно буду использовать ее в следующих письмах
(3) учту
(4) Я действительно не знаю простых слов. Подскажите, Street в данном случае с большой буквы, потому что входит в название улицы?
(5) Вы абсолютно правы насчет времен
(6) согласна
(7) согласна
( согласна
(9) согласна, спасио за примечание об assistant
(10) согласна
(11) concluded – ne nado: contract between. Фразу "the contract concluded between the Parties" я почерпнула на работе. Подскажите, пожалуйста, "concluded" в принципе лишнее в этой фразе, или же это слишком формальный стиль ?
(12) согласна. Я старалась чередовать firm и company так как в одном из пособий написано, что надо стараться один и тот же термин описывать максимально возможным количеством слов для демонстрации словарного запаса - однако я, похоже, перестаралась.
(13) согласна
(14) согласна
(15) согласна
(16) согласна
(17) согласна
(1 согласна
(19) согласна
(20) согласна, боюсь быть непонятой и иногда объясняю то, что объяснять не нужно
(21) извините, а почему receipt ? насколько я понимаю receipt - это квитанция, а я имела в виду чек. Вы имеете в виду, что чек надо переводить как receipt или что к письму надо прилагать не чек, а квитанцию ?
(22) согласна
(23) согласна
(24) согласна
(25) согласна, подскажите, пожалуйста, это правило действует для всех наименований комиссий и прочих общественных организаций ?
(26) согласна, спасибо за разъяснение

Спасибо за комплимент во втором письме. Эссе я написала сама (какой смысл выкладывать списанное ?). Я постаралась воспроизвести экзамен и написала письмо и эссе за 1 час. Так что я буду признательна, если Вы напишете мне про ошибки во вступлении и заключении, сама я их, увы, не вижу, аналогично тому как не заметила ошибок в письме. Когда я писала эссе, не могла найти местоимения для замены person, и в конце концов стала писать he / she, хотя этот вариант и казался мне сомнительным. Вы пишите, что в основной части эссе ошибок нет, то есть he / she можно употреблять ?

Еще раз спасибо за детальный разбор текста с указанием всех ошибок и объяснением по каждой ошибке почему неправильно и как должно быть.

[Sveta08]

извините, что часто пишу эссе, у меня экзамен через неделю, очень нужны ваши советы, посмотрите, пожалуйста, на что нужно обратить внимание
заранее спасибо!

SOME PEOPLE BELIEVE that computers are more a hindrance than a help in today´s world. Others feel that they are such indispensable tools that they would not be able to live or work without them. In what ways are computers a hindrance? What is your opinion?
Some people think that computers are useless things today Others consider , that they are essential part of their life. I share the second point of view and believe that computers the most necessary thing in the world.

Firstly, we live in the century of high technology . All our life depends on computers. Nowadays we can do the majority of things at home with the help of computers. For instance we can do different payments at home using the internet. Moreover, we can chat with friends , relatives, who live in thousand kilometres from us. It is possible to get a distant education. For example people live in a village, they do not have an opportunity to go somewhere for studying. It is also easy for working people , because it is not necessary to go everyday to the university. They can do their work at any time.

Secondly, most people think that it would be not able to live or work without computers. Our society would be never develop without computers. It is impossible to imaging , that people would not fly to the space. Scientists would not do various investigations. Different spheres of our world develop due to computers, for example, medicine. Today doctors examine their patients with the help of the computers, also they can see how a baby develop before its birth. They cam prevent different diseases , when they are still on the early level of their development. So, computers are very useful things in our world.

However, there are some disadvantages . People spend too much time with computers. Social relations are destroyed. We write an email to a friend instead of calling him. Employees complain, that their workers in the office talk with each other very rarely. Sometimes they do not even recognize their colleges , because they communicate only per the internet. Moreover children became dependent on computers. They prefer stay at home and play computer games, then to meet friends.

In conclusion, I think computers are very beneficial thing. It is very convenient to do the most things at home. Our society go further in its development due to computers. However, we should remember , that computers are only machine. They can not replace a person. We have to manage them, but not they us.

[lx]

Ещё одна попытка: подкорректировал topic sentenses и introduction.
Заранее спасибо проверившему!


Some people are staying in the same line of work while others change it. What are the reasons for staying or changing? What is your opinion?


There is no doubt that people have different approaches to their work. Some people stay in one area, at the same time, others change their job titles frequently. I would rather agree with the people who organise their careers in one particular sphere. This essay will try to unleash several possible reasons of staying in the same line of work.

The majority of employees tend to stick to one sector of the economy because they gradually develop skills needed for a work. Thus, their expertise in that sector is rising. This is especially true, when young graduates enter job market and steadily increase their competetiveness by expanding the knowledge in one area. As a result, after a few years of work inline with their education those people get higher salaries, better work conditions and job prospects.

Another point could be as follows: many people work in one area because of social factors like networking and simply pleasant colleagues. According to Ukrainian National Survey, more than 50 percent of employees state a good work climate as the second reason of not changing the job. Thus, so called Japanese model of career, when people prefer to work even at one company for a long time is quite popular.

On the other hand, some state that changing a career has a positive effect on a person in terms of enriching and widening one's experience. However, if everyone would choose experimenting with work they do, we could not have so many hight-skilled professionals. People would have wide but weak expertise in all areas where they worked.

So, from all mentioned above, it is clearly seen that career should be made on the basis of gradual development of skills. This way has more benefits for a person. Choosing different lines of work could lead to incompetency and lower wages for an employee.



Слова не считал, уверен, что хватит.

[Alexizzz]

Сдаю уже третий раз, и только в первый раз получил 7. Остальноые сдачи - в подписи.

Что-то надо менять в писанине, а что - не пойму. Покритикуйте, пожалуйста, моё эссе. Спасибо!

Women's role as police officers. Although there are more and more women police officers, in reality, are they really suitable for this job? Do you agree or disagree?



I would rather disagree with the idea that women should work equally with men in the police. Most of police work involves violence and hard physical excercise. However, I also admit that women can successfully work in the police in the areas that could hardly be risky for them. This essay will analyze the given topic and provide arguments in favour of a balanced approach to women's role in the police.

There is no doubt that police work on the street may be stressful and even dangerous. Police officers encounter criminals, aggressive drunk youth and simply rude citizens while patrolling the city streets. As a result, any clash with those people could harm not only psychological but also physical health, wich is both unacceptable. This was proven by the National Survey of people working in the police force: over 60 percent of females felt stress and physical abuse while working on the streets. Males, in comparison, gave a less worrying number: 30 percent. Therefore, we can assume that police work is unsuitable for the majority of women simply because of their psychotype and exaggarated reaction on stressful situations.


On the other hand, women feel more comfortable and secure while working in the office. Thus, women are more productive and efficient on positions like Psychologist, Human Resource Manager or Office Manager. It is a well known fact that the overwhelming majority of secretaries are women and they perform much better then men on that job.

To conclude, I would like to stress the point that we should take a balanced approach to positions women work on in the police. It would be beneficial for all to have some restrictions for both genders depending on different risk factors and abilities.

289 words, 35 min

Выражу своё ИМХО:
1. Intro - не годится, потому как не совсем соответствует теме.
2. Вы делаете основной упор на violence и пр, как будто в полиции только и делают, что успокаивают пьяных подростков . Там ещё куча всякой бумажной работы есть.
3. 3-ий абзац начинается, как будто вы хотите выразить другую точку зрения, а на самом деле ещё раз упираете на своей. К тому же, к теме не относится, так как говорится о других работах, и таким образом может вообще быть не засчитан.
4. в общем, может создаться впечатление, что написано шовинистом, и проверяющая женщина может испытывать негатив, что может косвенно сказаться на оценке.

Основной подход для хорошего эссе - нужно понять проблему и дать ВЗВЕШЕННУЮ оценку. Уклонения в крайности я бы не рекомендовал.

[Alexander Usov]

Please, check my letter.

You are not satisfied with the light, seats and the service of the local train. Write a letter to the authority to explain the situation.

Dear Sir/Madam,
I’m writing you in connection with poor service which I received t in the train N305 from Moscow to Irkutsk on 15th of June 2009.

First of all, the light in my carriage was too weak and as a result of it I did not have any opportunity to prepare my business papers for meeting in Irkutsk.

Secondly, my seat was near a window which was too old and I could not close the window completely. So, I have caught cold. You can imagine my disappointment when I discovered that I was not able to speak at workshop in Irkutsk because my voice was too quiet.

Finally, the train attendant was too rude with me when I asked him about addition blank for myself.

I have to express my strong dissatisfaction with this trip. The best solution would be for me to refund 50% of ticket’s cost. You can contact me by the phone 8(3952) 111-111.

I look forward for hearing from you.

Yours faithfully,
Alexander Usov.

[FeelFree]

Эссе

Прошу посмотреть эссе и покритиковать. Заранее благодарен.

Theme:
With the increase in use of the Internet, book will soon become unnecessary.

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
------------------------------------------------------

Some people claim that the vast expansion of the Internet will soon make books to become extinct. There are some key points in favour of the fact that the Internet is able to take over the role of books totally.

First of all, while books have to be purchased, much of information in the Internet is available for free. It means that poor people using the Internet are able to obtain any information they like.

Secondly, Internet technologies offer a wide range of flexible ways of obtaining and using information. In fact, everyone is able to quickly download, transform and use information from the Internet in any place by using a digital device such as a pocket computer or even a cellular phone. On top of that, the Internet offers an opportunity to exchange information with any people who are connected to the world computer network.

Finally, using modern Internet technologies makes it possible to transform unique books into a digital format and make them available in the Internet. It means that people will soon be able to read books in the Internet which were hidden earlier in museum archives for safety reasons.
For example, the most well-known Internet company in the world has already finished the project of transforming the Oxford library into digital format. Unbelievably, the library has already become available for Internet users around the world for free.

Despite all these fascinating benefits offered by the Internet, it seems that books can not be entirely replaced by Internet informational resources. On the one hand, some people don not like to read information from a computer screen. Moreover, many scientists find reading information from computer displays as an enormous pressure on the eyes which leads to serious diseases such as short-sightedness. On the other hand, almost all information in the Internet can not be completely free because authors of this information have to cover their expenses for producing it. Therefore, for the most valuable information in the Internet it is necessary to pay money to receive it.

To sum up, the Internet offers people a lot of inexpensive ways to obtain any information they like, but at the same time it seems that books can not be completely replaced by the Internet. This is a result of the fact that many unique opportunities offered by the books are unlikely to be covered by the Internet in the near future.