My essay, проверьте, покритикуйте! Спасибо!

[NortT]

Maimiti_Isabella, я догадываюсь. Также как и догадываюсь, что нужно поить котенка, а не поливать дом. Хотя ваш вариант "жена" вполне тоже подходящий, а то мало-ли

Вообще мне другое интересно. Вот человек писал писал, наверняка перечитал пару раз и была у него стройная картина происходящего. А мы его хоп такие и обломали, ничего мол не понятно. У меня у самого так было тыщу раз. Собственно вопрос в том, как научиться понимать то, что написал сам. Видеть так сказать со стороны написанное.

[Svetulchi]

Всем привет. Пожалуйста потрольте и оцените эссе, заранее спасибо ! Балл на последнем экзамене 6.5

__________________________
Some people feel lonely living in high-rise apartment blocks, while others prefer this kind of living. Give your opinion and examples from your own experience.

There are many parts of the world where citizens live at the altitude of a bird’s fly. One of them enjoys of this location, while others can feel restricted or even lonely. In my personal view, I would prefer living in a ground area in order to avoid possible neighbor absence or likelihood connection problems.
Firstly, there is little room for doubt that in modern cities a high-rise apartment block can symbolize a certain wealth status of life. I think it might looks like a personal limited area or property that does not interfere with other apartments on the same floor. Consequently, I think that this kind of dwelling will not offer the existence of any neighbors. Although for someone, it might sound like safer place of living, in my humble opinion I consider it as an extremely boring and dull condition for living.
Second possible reason for feeling loneliness during stay at a high-level apartment is rooted in the fact that there is normally no transport or vehicle under its windows. In fact, taking into consideration general remotes from the rest of the world and overall silence outside the property, the general feeling of loneliness can only be increased over the time. Moreover, calling for a medical care aid can be dangerous when living at such altitude, since they might spend a lot of valuable time in an attempt to get to the apartment.
In conclusion, one can say that it is no matter how high above sea level you live since you feel safely and comfortable with that. However, I see more advantages than disadvantages in living on the first floor because of easier access towards your own neighbors as well as to other parts of the society, which I think leads to disappearance of loneliness and general health improve.

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Собственно вопрос в том, как научиться понимать то, что написал сам. Видеть так сказать со стороны написанное.

Посмотреть в зеркало, наверное?

Не, правда, вот вы когда отчет пишете по работе, или емаил даже другу, вы же для них пишете, не для себя, т.е. так, чтобы другие поняли. Или когда разговариваете с кем-то, скажем с врачом: надо передать информация, а не 'догадайтесь мол сами'.

И здесь так же. Речь идет об умении грамотно и логично выражать свои мысли и идеи. Хотя, да, развитие мысли в разных языках происходит по разному. Даже есть исследования на эту тему.

[Maimiti_Isabella]

sergeoid,
Вы не обижайтесь, ладно?

Просто надо учиться выражать свои мысли на английский лад.

Это я не вас критикую, а сам подход. Вы не первый и не последний.

Сорри, если прозвучало слишком резко!

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Всем привет. Пожалуйста потрольте и оцените эссе, заранее спасибо ! Балл на последнем экзамене 6.5

__________________________
Some people feel lonely living in high-rise apartment blocks, while others prefer this kind of living. Give your opinion and examples from your own experience.

There are many parts of the world where citizens live at the altitude of a bird’s fly. One of them enjoys of this location, while others can feel restricted or even lonely. In my personal view, I would prefer living in a ground area in order to avoid possible neighbor absence or likelihood connection problems.
Firstly, there is little room for doubt that in modern cities a high-rise apartment block can symbolize a certain wealth status of life. I think it might looks like a personal limited area or property that does not interfere with other apartments on the same floor. Consequently, I think that this kind of dwelling will not offer the existence of any neighbors. Although for someone, it might sound like safer place of living, in my humble opinion I consider it as an extremely boring and dull condition for living.
Second possible reason for feeling loneliness during stay at a high-level apartment is rooted in the fact that there is normally no transport or vehicle under its windows. In fact, taking into consideration general remotes from the rest of the world and overall silence outside the property, the general feeling of loneliness can only be increased over the time. Moreover, calling for a medical care aid can be dangerous when living at such altitude, since they might spend a lot of valuable time in an attempt to get to the apartment.
In conclusion, one can say that it is no matter how high above sea level you live since you feel safely and comfortable with that. However, I see more advantages than disadvantages in living on the first floor because of easier access towards your own neighbors as well as to other parts of the society, which I think leads to disappearance of loneliness and general health improve.

Если вас интересует балл выше 5 или 5.5 (последнее - если повезет), то займитесь английским. До 6 очень далеко. IMHO.

[Svetulchi]

Если вас интересует балл выше 5 или 5.5 (последнее - если повезет), то займитесь английским. До 6 очень далеко. IMHO.

Выделите пожалуйста наигрубейшие ошибки.

[kā jūms klājas]

Всем привет. Пожалуйста потрольте и оцените эссе, заранее спасибо ! Балл на последнем экзамене 6.5

__________________________
Some people feel lonely living in high-rise apartment blocks, while others prefer this kind of living. Give your opinion and examples from your own experience.

There are many parts of the world where citizens live at the altitude of a bird’s fly. One of them enjoys of this location, while others can feel restricted or even lonely. In my personal view, I would prefer living in a ground area in order to avoid possible neighbor absence or likelihood connection problems.
Firstly, there is little room for doubt that in modern cities a high-rise apartment block can symbolize a certain wealth status of life. I think it might looks like a personal limited area or property that does not interfere with other apartments on the same floor. Consequently, I think that this kind of dwelling will not offer the existence of any neighbors. Although for someone, it might sound like safer place of living, in my humble opinion I consider it as an extremely boring and dull condition for living.
Second possible reason for feeling loneliness during stay at a high-level apartment is rooted in the fact that there is normally no transport or vehicle under its windows. In fact, taking into consideration general remotes from the rest of the world and overall silence outside the property, the general feeling of loneliness can only be increased over the time. Moreover, calling for a medical care aid can be dangerous when living at such altitude, since they might spend a lot of valuable time in an attempt to get to the apartment.
In conclusion, one can say that it is no matter how high above sea level you live since you feel safely and comfortable with that. However, I see more advantages than disadvantages in living on the first floor because of easier access towards your own neighbors as well as to other parts of the society, which I think leads to disappearance of loneliness and general health improve.

Старайтесь избегать необязательных ошибок на ровном месте (One of them enjoys of this location).

Кроме того, у вас очень много офф-топа (high-rise apartment block can symbolize a certain wealth status of life / Moreover, calling for a medical care aid can be dangerous when living at such altitude, since they might spend a lot of valuable time in an attempt to get to the apartment). Старайтесь писать исключительно по теме вопроса.

+ несмотря на наличие параграфов, структура эссе просматривается очень плохо; создаётся впечатление, что каждое предложение находится на том месте, на котором оно находится, просто потому, что так сложились звёзды. Поэтому и основную мысль уловить трудно. Поработайте на структурированием сочинения и составлением плана перед тем, как начинать непосредственно писать.

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Выделите пожалуйста наигрубейшие ошибки.

Не пожалете потом? Смотрите, это только первый абзац.

There are many parts of the world where citizens live at the altitude of a bird’s fly. One of them enjoys of this location, while others can feel restricted or even lonely. In my personal view, I would prefer living in a ground area in order to avoid possible neighbor absence or likelihood connection problems.

And now a picture to illustrate the fact that there's 'little room for doubt' that 'high rise apartments symbolize a certain wealth status of life' (this statement is an absolute BS, of course. Nothing can be further from the truth). Лично я когда увидела эти самые 'wealth status', то побоялась их фотографировать (нас туда по ошибке занесло - не туда с'ехали с трассы)


И еще, вы путаете skyscapers and highrise apartment blocks.

[Svetulchi]

Не пожалете потом? Смотрите, это только первый абзац.

And now a picture to illustrate the fact that there's 'little room for doubt' that 'high rise apartments symbolize a certain wealth status of life' (this statement is an absolute BS, of course. Nothing can be further from the truth). Лично я когда увидела эти самые 'wealth status', то побоялась их фотографировать (нас туда по ошибке занесло - не туда с'ехали с трассы)


И еще, вы путаете skyscapers and highrise apartment blocks.

Спасибо за мнение, за 4 месяца ожидания результатов после withheld навык написания выглядит утерянным(

То что красным - коряво грамматически?

[kā jūms klājas]

Коллеги, прошу жестко покритиковать и мою писанину


Task:
Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

***

Some people are of the opinion that providing more sport facilities could lead to public health being improved, while others believe that such methods seem to be ineffective and must be replaced by other approaches. This essay will discuss both sides of the argument, then I will give my own opinion.

The idea that building up of new sports items facilitates people’s engagement in a wide rage of activities is supported by many. For example, they may be more likely to join a newly established sports center nearby if there is no need to spend too much time to get it, especially in a rush hour. In addition, it is also supposed to be a good reason to get rid of car for a while and to go by foot. As a result, the number of new active visitors will tend to increase dramatically, and that will have its positive effect on public health in general.

However, I don’t believe these arguments stand up to scrutiny. To begin with, it can go without saying that common people customarily tend to be very lazy and could easily end up collapsing in front of a screen after work instead of going to a gym. What is more, new sports centers services are rarely reasonably priced as they are desperate to pay back the money they invested into their business. As a result, the costs may be unaffordable for most people pinching pennies. Thus it makes it clear why establishing of new sports facilities turns out to be ineffective.

To conclude, although some people argue that developing of sports services is a step in the right direction in terms of public health improvements, I strongly believe that these measures seem to be inadequate. The offered steps are to be replaced by more effective approaches so that this goal could be achieved.

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Коллеги, прошу жестко покритиковать и мою писанину


Task:
Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

***

Some people are of the opinion that providing more sport facilities could lead to public health being improved, while others believe that such methods seem to be ineffective and must be replaced by other approaches. This essay will discuss both sides of the argument, then I will give my own opinion.

The idea that building up of new sports items facilitates people’s engagement in a wide rage of activities is supported by many. For example, they may be more likely to join a newly established sports center nearby if there is no need to spend too much time to get it, especially in a rush hour. In addition, it is also supposed to be a good reason to get rid of car for a while and to go by foot. As a result, the number of new active visitors will tend to increase dramatically, and that will have its positive effect on public health in general.

However, I don’t believe these arguments stand up to scrutiny. To begin with, it can go without saying that common people customarily tend to be very lazy and could easily end up collapsing in front of a screen after work instead of going to a gym. What is more, new sports centers services are rarely reasonably priced as they are desperate to pay back the money they invested into their business. As a result, the costs may be unaffordable for most people pinching pennies. Thus it makes it clear why establishing of new sports facilities turns out to be ineffective.

To conclude, although some people argue that developing of sports services is a step in the right direction in terms of public health improvements, I strongly believe that these measures seem to be inadequate. The offered steps are to be replaced by more effective approaches so that this goal could be achieved.

1. какой балл нужен?
2. General or Academic?
3. Сколько времени потратили на это эссе и использовали ли 'подручные средства', например, словарь
4. наберите 10 сообщений, так как Ваше эссе я буду комментировать только через личные сообщения.

[Maimiti_Isabella]

То что красным - коряво грамматически?

Просто коряво

[NortT]

4. наберите 10 сообщений, так как Ваше эссе я буду комментировать только через личные сообщения.

Так вроде для входящих личных же не нужно иметь 10 сообщений

[kā jūms klājas]

1. какой балл нужен?
2. General or Academic?
3. Сколько времени потратили на это эссе и использовали ли 'подручные средства', например, словарь
4. наберите 10 сообщений, так как Ваше эссе я буду комментировать только через личные сообщения.

1. 7 баллов будет достаточно.
2. Academic
3. Подручных средств не использовал. Времени потратил больше дозволенного (50 минут), ибо poor brainstorming + пал жертвой несоставления плана, из-за чего пришлось немного переделывать на ходу.
4. Честно говоря, на форуме я новичок, и не знаю, можно ли набрать как-то 10 сообщений, кроме как посредством беспорядочного спама в разных темах. В любом случае буду благодарен за любые комментарии.

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Так вроде для входящих личных же не нужно иметь 10 сообщений

Eсли я пишу разбор эссе, то я же ожидаю какой-никакой ответ, правда? Не в пустоту же 'вещать'