My essay, проверьте, покритикуйте! Спасибо!

[Mila22]

Проверьте, покритикуйте, пожалуйста.
Humanity has long relied on Earth's non-renewable energy resources and it is posing the single greatest threat to the environment. All countries should reduce use of such energy sources and embrace renewable energy.

Discuss the above statement and your opinion on the problem.


The replacement of non-renewable energy resources with renewable ones is an issue which frequently generates a great deal of heated debate in today’s world. Natural resources, such as coal, oil and natural gas take thousands of years to form naturally and cannot be replaced as fast as they are being consumed. Using renewable energy sources is becoming more and more essential and this essay is to present the veracity of this statement.
To begin with, according to experts’ forecasts, the extraction of coal, oil and gas will reduce dramatically in the next 20 years. Therefore, the consumption of these resources pollutes the environment and this leads to a range of other serious problems. For this reason it is obvious that humanity really needs to search for alternative sources of energy.
Secondly, as far as I am concerned, renewable energy resources, such as solar energy and wind energy are very beneficial to the Earth and atmosphere. The using of these resources provides the healthier environment to live in. For instance, according to a 2011 projection by the International Energy Agency, solar power generators may produce most of the world’s electricity within 50 years, dramatically reducing the emissions of greenhouse gases that harm the environment. Moreover, as time progresses, renewable energy generally gets cheaper, while fossil fuels get more expensive.
Considering everything mentioned above, it is clearly seen that humanity needs the embracement of renewable energy. In my opinion, in the next 50 years alternative sources will totally replace non-renewable resources and the future generation will live in a better environment

[FAR19812]

Проверьте, покритикуйте, пожалуйста.
Humanity has long relied on Earth's non-renewable energy resources and it is posing the single greatest threat to the environment. All countries should reduce use of such energy sources and embrace renewable energy.

За параграф 2 раскрывающий аргументы сразу снизят бал

To begin with, according to experts’ forecasts, the extraction of coal, oil and gas will reduce dramatically in the next 20 years. --->>> Therefore, the consumption of these resources pollutes the environment and this leads to a range of other serious problems. For this reason it is obvious that humanity really needs to search for alternative sources of energy.

--->>> второе предложение никак не вытекает из 1 и веяфор не подходит там у вас разрыв.!
Ваабще если можно перед иссе выкиньте планчик что в 1 параграфе что во втором.
А то не могу понять какие стейтменты анализируются!

[Mila22]

За параграф 2 раскрывающий аргументы сразу снизят бал

--->>> второе предложение никак не вытекает из 1 и веяфор не подходит там у вас разрыв.!
Ваабще если можно перед иссе выкиньте планчик что в 1 параграфе что во втором.
А то не могу понять какие стейтменты анализируются!

насчет того, что второе предложение из первого не вытекает и therefore - лишнее, понятно, согласна более чем.

А вот что именно не так с аргументами во 2 параграфе? И где тогда писать аргументы?

[FAR19812]

----------------------------------------------------------------------
ВСЕМ ЮЗЕРАМ ПРОСЬБА
КОГДА ПОСТИТЕ ИССЕ - ОТРЕДАКТИРУЙТЕ АБЗАЦЫ - НЕВОЗМОЖНО ЧИТАТЬ!
ПОЖАЛУЙСТА!
а ТЕМУ с ВОПРОСОМ ЖИРНЫМ И КУРСИВОМ
!!!

[runk]

Всем привет, прошу оценить очередной "шедевр"

Some people think that men and women have different natural abilities that make them suitable for different types of work. Others, however, believe that both men and women can be equally suited to do any type of work.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Use specific details and examples to support your answer.

Over the last century debates about sex differences have become remarkably popular in all developed countries. In fact, today it is almost a political question about the matter of preferences of employment for men and women. It is controversial as to whether males and females similarly suitable for any kind of work, or due to natural abilities one sex suitable for certain tasks better than another. Both points of view require careful examination before any conclusion can be determined.

First, one of the most substantial arguments in favor of the zero difference in tasks that men and women could do, is that it is only the matter of proper education and training they received. To illustrate, 99% of bus drivers in Russia are men, however women could be easily trained to do this particular job. This example makes it clear that these differences are vague and do not based on the real characteristics of genders. Hence, it is evident that there are no preferences in tasks that both genders can do.

On the contrary, an alternative opinion suggests that due to the genetic code, chores that male and female can do should be distinguished. For instance, as biological mothers, females are better suitable for children upbringing then males. Therefore, it is not a surprise that in a childcare work mostly women. Thus, it is obvious that in some areas of our life distinctiveness in jobs that genders can do is unavoidable.

In conclusion, I agree that there are should not be any differences in tasks that both genders could perform. In other words, I believe that in spite of the natural abilities it is possible to train an individual to do almost any type of work. Further, I would recommend to reassess the established preferences in jobs.

[EdwardGrey]

Ребята подскажите в Opinion (Agree / Disagree) Essay:

To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Is this a positive or negative development?

Нужно ли писать свое мнение в интродакшн?
Или лучше к нему придти в конце?

Да и еще правда ли что лучше писать 5 параграфов чем 4?
Спасибо за ответ!

[runk]

Ребята подскажите в Opinion (Agree / Disagree) Essay:

To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Is this a positive or negative development?

Нужно ли писать свое мнение в интродакшн?
Или лучше к нему придти в конце?

Да и еще правда ли что лучше писать 5 параграфов чем 4?
Спасибо за ответ!

Да, кажется логичным писать мнение вначале. Поскольку потом вы его будете докадызывать в боди параграфах.

В случае же с discussion essay - вы "думаете" о двух сторонах проблемы и только в конце "надумываете" что есть правильно для вас.

Мое мнение что лучше придерживаться 4-х. Но опять же - никаких cтрогих требований нет, главное ответить на вопрос, такс ачивмент и все такое. Сколько будет параграфов не критично. Большинство литературы учит писать в 4 параграфа. Как пример - могу посоветовать посмотреть книжку Ryan'a IELTS Task 2 How to write at a 9 level eBook, EnglishRyan IELTS Writing Resources from an IELTS Instructor

[Vanderley]

Over the last century debates about sex differences have become remarkably popular -[у popular положительный смысл, не уверен что оно тут подходит] - in all developed - [я бы не связывал этические вопросы со степенью экономического развития] - countries. In fact, today it - [вот этот it - это не it из безличного предлжения, но на что он указывает я не вижу, дебаты вроде как во множественном числе] - is almost a political question about the matter of preferences - [почему преференсы, если эссе про могут ли] -of employment for men and women. It is controversial as to whether males and females similarly suitable for any kind of work, or due to natural abilities one sex suitable for certain tasks better than another - [очень неудачное предложение. во первых тяжело читается, слишком длинное. А во-вторых где ваши глаголы в обеих частях?] -. Both points of view require careful examination before any conclusion can be determined - [To draw a conclusion].

First, one of the most substantial arguments in favour of the zero difference in tasks that men and women could do, - [это вы подлежащее от сказуемого отделили? откуда запятая?] -is that it is only the matter of proper education and training they received - [вы тут снова наворотили. посмотрите на красный it. если он от безличного предложения, то предложение не закончено, если не безличное, то что такое it? Переведите на русский.]. To illustrate, 99% of bus drivers in Russia are men, however women could be easily trained to do this particular job. This example makes it clear that these differences are vague and do not based - [ууу. а это очень плохо ] - on the real characteristics of genders. Hence, it is evident that there are no preferences - [снова предпочтения? Кто что предпочитает? Вопрос про возможности. А предпочтения как раз имеются. Вот согласно тому, что вы выше пишете видно что женщины как-то не очень хотят водителями работать] -in tasks that both genders can do.

On the contrary, an alternative opinion suggests that due to the genetic code, chores that male and female can do - [проверьте или есть такое выражение. я не уверен, звучит немного подозрительно] - should be distinguished - [ну не подходит же оно здесь. Смотрите distinguish] -. For instance, as biological mothers - [biological mother - женщина которая родила как противовес той, которая воспитывает] -, females are better suitable for children upbringing then males - [я бы это опустил] -. Therefore, it is not a surprise that in a childcare work mostly women - [какой-то черезчур русский порядок слов] - . Thus, it is obvious that in some areas of our life distinctiveness in jobs that genders can do is unavoidable .

In conclusion, I agree that there are should not be - [опять большой ляп] - any differences in tasks that both genders could perform - [у вас тут что-то непонятное с should и could. Вопрос задания про есть различия или нет. Откуда should в заключении? Какой итог ваших рассуждений?] -. In other words, I believe that in spite of the natural abilities it is possible to train an individual to do almost any type of work. Further, I would recommend to reassess the established preferences in jobs. - [я б закончил предикшном наверное. мне кажется что когда есть проблема - тогда лучше рекомендация, когда вы просто ситуацию объясняете, то лучше предикшн. Можно было написать что различия сгладятся.] -

[runk]

Vanderley, спасибо за критику!

[foxyproxy]

Очередной опус. Покритикуйте, кому интересно..)

With the increasing popularity of computers and calculators, students’ literacy is decreasing dramatically. What are the positive and negative effects the progress of science and technology has brought about?

It is widely accepted that with the constant increase of computers and calculators use in our life, the level of literacy among students is dropping significantly. There are certainly some pros and cons of scientific and technological progress.

Advances in science and technology have brought many benefits for humanity. Firstly, they have crucially enhanced our working abilities and completely changed the living style of people. Nowadays it is possible to witness the blessings of science everywhere: from homes to offices, from villages to cities, from tiny farms to gigantic factories. Secondly, the miracles of science and technological inventions have made travelling and transportation a luxury. Currently there are variety of means of transportation, such as buses, cars, trains and planes. The distance that people used to cover in months and even years in the past can now be covered in a couple of hours.

On the other hand, there are some serious drawbacks in science and technology. While such things as computers and calculators improve our working and studying skills, they at the same time hinder students’ intellectual development and the ability to read and write. For example, every other student cannot multiply or divide in their head. They do not try to do it, as all they have to do is use a ubiquitous calculator that is always at hand in their cell phones. In addition, it is difficult to say that progress in military transport is always good. Such ‘advances’ in transportation as tanks and other army vehicles are created to wreak havoc everywhere they appear.

In conclusion, there is nothing good or bad with science and technology. It is all to people how to use them. They should encourage the positive sides and discourage the negative ones.

Спасибо!

[FAR19812]

With the increasing popularity of computers and calculators, students’ literacy is decreasing dramatically. What are the positive and negative effects the progress of science and technology has brought about?

Спасибо!

Я получил оба раз 6.5 за райтинг но всё же свои мысли выскажу.

With the increasing popularity of computers and calculators, students’ literacy is decreasing dramatically. What are the positive and negative effects the progress of science and technology has brought about?

It is widely accepted that with the constant increase of computers and calculators use in our life, the level of literacy among students is dropping significantly. There are certainly some pros and cons of scientific and technological progress.

Advances in science and technology have brought many benefits for humanity. Firstly, they have crucially enhanced our working abilities and completely changed the living style of people. Nowadays , it is possible to witness the blessing – the POSITIVE IMPACT s of science everywhere: from homes to offices, from villages to cities, from tiny farms to gigantic factories. Secondly, the miracles of science and technological inventions have made travelling and transportation a luxury. Currently there are variety of means of transportation, such as buses, cars, trains and planes. The distance that people used to cover in months and even years in the past can now be covered in a couple of hours. GDE CONCLUSION – Overall я бы раскрывал прогресс из позиции что студенты тупеют! Не зря же первая строчка.

On the other hand, there are some serious drawbacks WHICH WERE BROUGH in BY science and technology PROGRESS (ADVANCE - DEVELOPMENT). While such things as computers and calculators improve our working and studying skills, they at the same time hinder students’ intellectual development and the ability to read and write. For example, every other student cannot multiply or divide in their head. They do not try to do it, as all they have to do is use a ubiquitous calculator that is always at hand in their cell phones. (SWITCH FROM USE OF CALCULATOR TO ARMY TRANSPORT = I WOULD NOT RECOMMEND!!!!!!) In addition, it is difficult to say that progress in military transport is always (BENEFICIAL) good. Such ‘advances’ in transportation as tanks and other army vehicles are created to wreak havoc everywhere they appear. GDE CONCLUSION

In conclusion, there is nothing good or bad with science and technology. (I would say SCIENCE AND TECHNOLOGY PROGRESS BROUGHT INNUMEROUS BENEFITS BUT HAS ALSO SOME DETRIMENTAL EFFECTS (GOOD OR BAD – DON’T RECOMMEND!) ) It is all to people how to use them. They should encourage the positive sides and discourage the negative ones. (MOjet Positive outweigh negative I BLA BLA BLA ) - PO MOEMU OCHEN SLABII CONCLUSION I INTRODUCTION!!

[Andrew_T]

Добрый день. Бескрайне благодарен за предыдущую критику. От сих и далее стараюсь избегать неподходящей лексики... и, насколько возможно, грамматических ляпов.
Был бы в очередной раз признателен за разбор нижеприложенного письма.
Начнем с малого.., а потом снова вернемся к ессе


You successfully passed a job interview. You are expected to start on May 28, But you will not be able on that date.

Task: Write a letter to your new boss, explaining your situation, expressing your concern and suggesting solutions.


Dear Mr. Boris,

I am writing to you in connection with an inevitable delay of beginning of my work in your company. I really recognize that a projects’ initiation has to follow to the submitted program. However, when I promised to get involved in your project I did not expect that my dog could be accidently hit by a car.

Unfortunately, I am only one person who can care about it in Moscow and, moreover, doctors said that it is quite risky to carry it in a flight during the next 3 or even 4 weeks. In addition, my insurance will not be appropriate for a dog healing in Berlin.

As a result of the foreseeable postponement I tend to make an offer to start my work literally from the tomorrow morning via Internet in order to predict possible struggles and reschedule current working plan, especially in terms of relationships with co-workers and future test of device.

Please, do not hesitate to call me. All phone numbers are on the attached business card.

Sincerely yours,
Mr. Andrew

P.S. Только сейчас обнаружил крайне полезные ссылки, данные ранее уважаемым(ой) PuckaRabbit на творчество именитого Мета Кларка. За что отдельное Спасибо. Осмелюсь сделать небольшой перепост для жаждущих:
gday.ru/forum/ielts/184680-%CA%ED%E8%E3%E8-mat-clark-speaking-writing.html#post1935907

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Всем привет, прошу оценить очередной "шедевр"

Some people think that men and women have different natural abilities that make them suitable for different types of work. Others, however, believe that both men and women can be equally suited to do any type of work.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Use specific details and examples to support your answer.

Over the last century debates about sex differences have become remarkably popular in all developed countries. In fact, today.

не могу понять каким образом закончившееся 12 лет назад the last century логически связано с In fact, today


sex suitable for certain tasks better than another Слово another подчеркивает наличие более чем 2 genders? Если да, то почемы же вы в эссе не раскрываете эту тему, а продолжаете говорить только о женском и мужском поле?

another vs. the other vs others vs. the others vs other

[Aigerim]

Добрый вечер! Написала свое эссе предварительно прочитав с Мат Кларк. Такое может заслужить 6? Заранее спасибо

Millions of dollars are spent on space research every year. Some people argue that the money should be spent on improving living standards on Earth. Do you agree or disagree?[/FONT]

At present the space research has turned into the most investment projects in many countries. In addition, such as projects as space research requires a lot of money for each researching stage. Therefore such projects generally are funded by government, which is interested in some space discoveries

In my opinion, the space studies lead only to positive results, although their cost is high, because nowadays millions of dollars are spent on otherworthless things, such a TV shows, higest-grossing films[F&#111&#110<b></b>T<b></b>&#61Times New Roman] [/FONT]and other

Firstly, thanks to the space research scientists can predict the weather with greater accuracy, which can influence people heath. water sources, which reduce time and can provide many places with drinking water. Researching other planet also can lead to mining

Secondly, the Earth environment deteriorates each year, that is raises questions about a new life platform. The global problem such as the ozone hole, global warming, the loss of rain forests and other that can lead to extinction of life on the Earth.

Thirdly, it is important to note that space exploration has brought results in the development of telecommunication, navigation and other realms. Many people did not understand what we need remote satellites for, but nowadays all this cash investments are justified.

For the reasons discussed above, funding space research carried out for improving people’s life and in the future that investing can lead to many other discoveries.

[FAR19812]

Добрый вечер! Написала свое эссе предварительно прочитав с Мат Кларк. Такое может заслужить 6? Заранее спасибо

Millions of dollars are spent on space research every year. Some people argue that the money should be spent on improving living standards on Earth. Do you agree or disagree?[/FONT]

At present the space research has turned into the most investment projects in many countries. In addition, such as projects as space research requires a lot of money for each researching stage. Therefore such projects generally are funded by government, which is interested in some space discoveries

In my opinion, the space studies lead only to positive results, although their cost is high, because nowadays millions of dollars are spent on otherworthless things, such a TV shows, higest-grossing films[Fon<b></b>T<b></b>=Times New Roman] [/FONT]and other

Firstly, thanks to the space research scientists can predict the weather with greater accuracy, which can influence people heath. water sources, which reduce time and can provide many places with drinking water. Researching other planet also can lead to mining

Secondly, the Earth environment deteriorates each year, that is raises questions about a new life platform. The global problem such as the ozone hole, global warming, the loss of rain forests and other that can lead to extinction of life on the Earth.

Thirdly, it is important to note that space exploration has brought results in the development of telecommunication, navigation and other realms. Many people did not understand what we need remote satellites for, but nowadays all this cash investments are justified.

For the reasons discussed above, funding space research carried out for improving people’s life and in the future that investing can lead to many other discoveries.

Мои маленькие советы - так как я не сильный ПРО!
1) СТруктура - сколько параграфов - чётко изучить
2) По трём типам иссе надо знать где говорить опинион где агри а где проблем солющн
3) Где то согласование глагола с подлежащим по времени не сходится
- Срочно найти препода и заниматься
--------------------------------
по моему близко к 6 если проработаете все 3 пункта проработаете
и будете много иссе читать!
Пока всё! удачи