My essay, проверьте, покритикуйте! Спасибо!

[SunRise]

Всем замечательного дня!
Смиренно прошу оценить мое очередное произведение.
Тему взял из рассылкиIELTS-Blog::IELTS test in Italy and the USA – October 2012 (Academic Module)

As computers and technology develop, they can be used to teach children and teachers won’t be necessary soon. Do you agree or disagree?

времени затратил много - постоянно отвлекали...

Nowadays progress by huge steps goes forward. Processes could be met only in fiction movies yesterday now are already present in real life. Day to day modern computer devices are more powerful and more accessible for usual people. Technology developing is impressive. It is a matter of fact that every person could be owner of computer with unbelievable for previous century power. Progress in education is also great. Remote online studying and examination are attributes of the modern life. Will be teachers mandatory element of education in future or he can be replaced by some subtle software or device?

One of the viewpoints is that young man could get new knowledges only through internet – any student books could be found there. They can do exercises with online checking, have an examination. Some software will check them without bias and deliver result immediately. Pupil can virtually make some laboratory work. Moreover, student will isolated from sort of boring speech, some teacher used to deliver.

On the other hand, such “mechanical” education process will born society of “mechanical” people. They will not be able to intercommunicate with live human instead of virtual. They will have troubles in real life. Furthermore, teacher in the classroom need for answering any question, additional explanation. If student did not understand some material he can ask more and more - while subject of question will clear. In addition, teacher can put not only thematic knowledge, but share his life experience. Any software, even the best, can not prepare to real life.

In conclusion I should say that I disagree with topic sentence. I accept second viewpoint. Moreover, I am sure teacher and student will be partners in education process for many years.

[Goran Dražić]

Всем замечательного дня!
Смиренно прошу оценить мое очередное произведение.
Тему взял из рассылкиIELTS-Blog::IELTS test in Italy and the USA – October 2012 (Academic Module)

As computers and technology develop, they can be used to teach children and teachers won’t be necessary soon. Do you agree or disagree?

времени затратил много - постоянно отвлекали...

Nowadays progress by huge steps goes forward. Processes could be met only in fiction movies yesterday now are already present in real life. Day to day modern computer devices are more powerful and more accessible for usual people. Technology developing is impressive. It is a matter of fact that every person could be owner of computer with unbelievable for previous century power. Progress in education is also great. Remote online studying and examination are attributes of the modern life. Will be teachers mandatory element of education in future or he can be replaced by some subtle software or device?

One of the viewpoints is that young man could get new knowledges only through internet – any student books could be found there. They can do exercises with online checking, have an examination. Some software will check them without bias and deliver result immediately. Pupil can virtually make some laboratory work. Moreover, student will isolated from sort of boring speech, some teacher used to deliver.

On the other hand, such “mechanical” education process will born society of “mechanical” people. They will not be able to intercommunicate with live human instead of virtual. They will have troubles in real life. Furthermore, teacher in the classroom need for answering any question, additional explanation. If student did not understand some material he can ask more and more - while subject of question will clear. In addition, teacher can put not only thematic knowledge, but share his life experience. Any software, even the best, can not prepare to real life.

In conclusion I should say that I disagree with topic sentence. I accept second viewpoint. Moreover, I am sure teacher and student will be partners in education process for many years.

Hi, SunRise. It's great you keep practising. However, there is still a lot you have to do to get the score you need.

Here are some comments.

TA and CC: Although you manage to stay on the topic of education and technologies, there are a couple of flaws:

• In the introduction you keep talking about technology for four sentences without mentioning education even remotely. This is too much. It would probably be okay to mention technology in the first sentence and then move to the main topic of "technology versus humans in education process", but the way you organise your intro is definitely unacceptable.
• Another thing I don't like is some of your ideas. For example, in second body paragraph you make an assumption that children will be isolated, which isn't mentioned in the task. Students can be taught in the classroom by a cyborg and communicate with each other.
• Finally, I would make topic sentences more general to show the general idea of the paragraph. Also, it would be a good idea to use topic sentences to show the outline of your essay.
  The essay asks you if technology will replace teachers in the classroom. Your answer is - despite some advances that technology brings, it won't be able to fully replace humans(because there are thing they cannot do). Actually you say that that there are some problems associated with such education, but let's use my idea.
  So why not to say that "On the one hand, technology brings certain benefits." and then elaborate and give examples. Then, in the second body paragraph, you could say that "However, despite the advantages that technology brings, there are duties that cannot be performed by electronic teacher" and then again you could explain and give examples.
  Finally, in the conclusion you can rephrase these topic sentences and make a conclusion similar to the one you did.

GR and LR are still a source of huge problems for you. Here is the list of grammar and vocabulary problems:

• Nowadays progress by huge steps goes forward. - The word order should be - subject - verb - object. Nowadays progress goes forward by huge steps. I'm not sure this is how they would put it in English though
• Processes that could be met only in fiction movies yesterday - do not omit that. First of all, they don't do it in academical writing. Secondly, sometimes it makes it hard to understand the sentence(like in this very case). It took me a while to understand that you are saying that "processes ... are present" and not "the processes could be met".
• Processes ... now are - word order again. Try not to separate subject and verb. It's possible when your verb consists of two words like in "processes have already become" though(but it's not the case here).
• Technology developing is impressive. - technological debelopement.
• Will be teachers mandatory element of education in future or he can be replaced by some subtle software or device? - Firstly, there is an opinion that questions in essays are not a good idea. Secondly, look at you word order again. Will be teachers - Will teachers be, he can be replaced - can he be replaced. Who is he? And finally what kind of software is subtle software?
• knowledges - this is so very bad You see what's wrong here, right?
• One of the viewpoints is that young man could get new knowledges only through THE internet - this sentence is confusing. At first I thought that you meant that you can get information on the internet only. Not in books or from other people, but only on the internet. The examiner might have such problem too. I would make the sentence into something like "The internet is sufficient enough to get any information".
• have an examination - I would say take an exam.
• will isolated - what tense form is it?
• sort of - very informal.
• will born - will bear?
• intercommunicate - what's the difference between communicate and intercommunicate?
• teacher in the classroom needS for answering any question, additional explanation - who's answering the question? A teacher? Problems with word order again. Need is a transitive verb. It should be its object that follows it, not some other word. So, it should be "needs additional explanation for ...".
• If student did not understand some material, he can ask more and more - what kind of conditional is that? Who is he? Finally, study when you need a comma in conditional. It's easy.
• I disagree with topic sentence - you have two topic sentences in you body paragraphs. With which one do you disagree?
• I am sure teacher and student will be partners - do not omit that. In this case it doesn't affect the meaning, but still...
• There was another stuff I din't like, but I couldn't explain why on fly, so I chose not to mention it.

Hope this helps.

[Romka_Ast]

Здравствуйте... Представляю вашей критике свои сочинялки заранее спасибо

Some people feel that certain workers like nurses, doctors and teachers are undervalued and should be paid more, especially when other people like film actors or company bosses are paid huge sums of money that are out of proportion to the importance of the work that they do.

-How far do you agree?
-What criteria should be used to decide how much people are paid?
You should use your own ideas, knowledge and experience and support your arguments with examples and relevant evidence.

Undoubtedly, people are underestimate useful of hard work from worker such as doctors, teachers and nurses. Although, human’s life depend on them.
I totally agree that employes such as nurses, doctors and teachers are deserve more salary than they get today. But I disagree that everybody film actors and company bosses have lot of money. Firstly, in most countries , people who fond of these professions to take not enough money .For example doctors , teachers and nurses get about 300-400 dollar pet month in Russia, Kazakhstan, Ukraine, Poland and many others countries. Secondly , lots of film actors or company bosses do not take a big salary. On the contrary , about 80% of them get money just as people which showed above. I sure, that it depends on their qualification and as far as they have a professional qualities and skills. For instance , about 5% of all actors and actresses in America such as John Travolta, Uma Turman, Silvester Stallone get much of money from their work. Overall, about 95% of actors are very poor. In comparison, on the whole. approximately 3 per cent of company bosses have success such as Donald Trump, Paris Hilton and her family, Bill Geits.
In conclusion , in my opinion , people who love their proferrion and seeks to improve their knowledges constantly, can reach a success and will get a good wages.

[Krassofka]

Romka_Ast, опять-таки, я не эксперт, но все же кое-что поправлю, если можно
1) people are underestimate - два глагола. У Вас часто встречается эта ошибка. Если есть основной глагол, то вспомогательный "to be" не нужен ---> people underestimate
Предложение не согласовано.
я бы это выразила примерно так: Undoubtedly, people tend to underestimate significance of doctors, teachers and nurses for our society...
2) human’s life depend on them. -- м.б., human lives? если как у Вас, обратите внимание, life + третье лицо ед. число, значит должно быть depends.
3) I totally agree that employes such as nurses, doctors and teachers are deserve more salary than they get today - опять два глагола. more salary - higher salary? не ошибка, но employees чаще так пишется
4) But I disagree that everybody film actors and company bosses have lot of money. С "but" лучше не начинать предложения -> however
теперь у Вас два подлежащих, everybody и actors/bosses. Нужно all actors...
a lot of money
5) people, who fond of these professions to take not enough money
не понятно. People of these professions do not earn enough money? или they are not paid enough? = they are underpaid
6) pet month - per month
7) others countries - other countries
take a big salary = to draw / earn / get / receive a salary
9) get money just as people which showed above - get the same amount of money as people mentioned above
10) I sure,... - глагол to be потерялся. I am sure
11) that it depends on their qualification and as far as they have a professional qualities and skills - depends both on their qualification and professional skills. В любом случае, артикль "а" перед множ.числом не должен быть.
12) get much of money from their work - не поняла. ...earn a lot?
13) In comparison, on the whole. approximately 3 per cent... нагромождение какое-то...
14) In conclusion , in my opinion , people who love their proferrion and seeks to improve their knowledges constantly, can reach a success and will get a good wages. - хм. in conclusion, in my opinion - считаю, что это перебор.
seeks to improve - может, want to extend? В любом случае, откуда окончание -s? Подлежащее - люди, множ. число.
profession - опечатка, видимо
knowledges - неисчесляемое, без -s
a success/a wages - неисчесляемое/множественное число, артиклей не должно быть.

Ошибок много...исправила далеко не все.

Общее впечатление по содержанию (это личное мнение): Вы теряете логику. Например, отвечая на вопрос о критериях, говорите, что зарплата должна зависеть от квалификации, знаний и навыков. И дальше: Например, только 5% актеров зарабатывают много. т.е. Вы имеете в виду, что только эти актеры квалифицированы? Какие критерии определения квалификации тогда? Все как будто по кругу. Может, я не очень внятно объясняю...

На всякий случай прошу прощения, если вдруг где-то ошиблась в пояснениях.
В любом случае, удачи!!

[SunRise]

Hi, SunRise. It's great you keep practising. However, there is still a lot you have to do to get the score you need.

Here are some comments.

TA and CC: Although you manage to stay on the topic of education and technologies, there are a couple of flaws:

• In the introduction you keep talking about technology for four sentences without mentioning education even remotely. This is too much. It would probably be okay to mention technology in the first sentence and then move to the main topic of "technology versus humans in education process", but the way you organise your intro is definitely unacceptable.
• Another thing I don't like is some of your ideas. For example, in second body paragraph you make an assumption that children will be isolated, which isn't mentioned in the task. Students can be taught in the classroom by a cyborg and communicate with each other.
• Finally, I would make topic sentences more general to show the general idea of the paragraph. Also, it would be a good idea to use topic sentences to show the outline of your essay.
  The essay asks you if technology will replace teachers in the classroom. Your answer is - despite some advances that technology brings, it won't be able to fully replace humans(because there are thing they cannot do). Actually you say that that there are some problems associated with such education, but let's use my idea.
  So why not to say that "On the one hand, technology brings certain benefits." and then elaborate and give examples. Then, in the second body paragraph, you could say that "However, despite the advantages that technology brings, there are duties that cannot be performed by electronic teacher" and then again you could explain and give examples.
  Finally, in the conclusion you can rephrase these topic sentences and make a conclusion similar to the one you did.

GR and LR are still a source of huge problems for you. Here is the list of grammar and vocabulary problems:

• Nowadays progress by huge steps goes forward. - The word order should be - subject - verb - object. Nowadays progress goes forward by huge steps. I'm not sure this is how they would put it in English though
• Processes that could be met only in fiction movies yesterday - do not omit that. First of all, they don't do it in academical writing. Secondly, sometimes it makes it hard to understand the sentence(like in this very case). It took me a while to understand that you are saying that "processes ... are present" and not "the processes could be met".
• Processes ... now are - word order again. Try not to separate subject and verb. It's possible when your verb consists of two words like in "processes have already become" though(but it's not the case here).
• Technology developing is impressive. - technological debelopement.
• Will be teachers mandatory element of education in future or he can be replaced by some subtle software or device? - Firstly, there is an opinion that questions in essays are not a good idea. Secondly, look at you word order again. Will be teachers - Will teachers be, he can be replaced - can he be replaced. Who is he? And finally what kind of software is subtle software?
• knowledges - this is so very bad You see what's wrong here, right?
• One of the viewpoints is that young man could get new knowledges only through THE internet - this sentence is confusing. At first I thought that you meant that you can get information on the internet only. Not in books or from other people, but only on the internet. The examiner might have such problem too. I would make the sentence into something like "The internet is sufficient enough to get any information".
• have an examination - I would say take an exam.
• will isolated - what tense form is it?
• sort of - very informal.
• will born - will bear?
• intercommunicate - what's the difference between communicate and intercommunicate?
• teacher in the classroom needS for answering any question, additional explanation - who's answering the question? A teacher? Problems with word order again. Need is a transitive verb. It should be its object that follows it, not some other word. So, it should be "needs additional explanation for ...".
• If student did not understand some material, he can ask more and more - what kind of conditional is that? Who is he? Finally, study when you need a comma in conditional. It's easy.
• I disagree with topic sentence - you have two topic sentences in you body paragraphs. With which one do you disagree?
• I am sure teacher and student will be partners - do not omit that. In this case it doesn't affect the meaning, but still...
• There was another stuff I din't like, but I couldn't explain why on fly, so I chose not to mention it.

Hope this helps.

Goran, huge thanks for your DETAIL analysis of my scribble!!!
I need critical review of my essay and you have done that.
Now I should take a time for understanding all of your remarks - too much very useful information at once...
Thanks and thanks again!!!

[Goran Dražić]

Now I should take a time for understanding all of your remarks - too much very useful information at once...

Do not hesitate to ask if you need clarification.

[tesaxi]

Всем добрый день!
Оцените, пожалуйста, мое произведение. Строго, но так, чтобы я понял, что именно.
Тему взял из рассылки IELTS-Blog::IELTS test in Australia – October 2012 (General Training)
Затратил ровно час.
Цель - получить 6,5 или выше.

Some people think that it is better for a child to grow up in the countryside than in the city, others disagree. Discuss both views, and give your own opinion.


Parents, who can chose where their kids will grow, have a dilemma about place for that – should be that in or out of the city. Mothers and fathers know that environment exert a huge influence on person, especially growing. Living place define many surrounded factors: peoples, they duties, characters, health, type and quality of food, water, air, plants and animals.


First viewpoint is that children should grow out of the city. Benefits of that option are obvious. Child breathes a clear air, eats natural vegetables and fruits. He uses to see people who made understandable job with real results instead of faceless labour in the city. Also young man could not only look for some pets, he can see some wild animal in their wild life. Moreover, young person can see horizon, sunrise and sunset, can listen voices of Nature through the window. After all, he is isolated from main city's problems like overpopulation, large traffic and overall colourlessness. And vanity. I would preferred my children drink natural milk, eat fruits and vegetables from own garden and delay as long as possible meeting with noisy and dusty city.


The other viewpoint told about kids from countryside will not be ready to rapid rhythm of the modern life – that vanity disliked by the first category of parents. Sure, child could not look the sunsets, but he clear imagines huge scales like megalopolis, trip to other side of the large city or even to other city or country. He used to interact with thousands peoples, traffic jam is usual state of street movement.


Choosing best place for children is the real problem for modern life. Both of viewpoint talking above are constructive and in spite of their difference, all parents want their children will be healthy and happy.

само сочинение, даже на русском звучит так-сяк. Должно бить вступление, далее раскритие теми, дге рассматривается проблема, описание негативних моментов далее поситивних моментов и заклучение..
Типа в кратсе " В наши дни очень остро стоит вопрос вибора бла бла бла жить в близости к городу есть свои плуси и минуси, также как и в деревне. Близость к городу дает нам бла бла бла, но к сожалениу ето все бла бла бла. Живя в деревне, ми теряем возможность бла бла бла, но дети могут ощхутить всу прелесть бла бла бла. Каждий родитель кладет на веси дание возможности и вибирает сам, что лучше для него и прежде всего его детей. Мой вибор бил би однозначно в сторону бла бла бла.
1. Parents, who can chose where their kids will grow, have a dilemma about place for that – should be that in or out of the city
Закрученое предложение. Я б написала что то типа:
It's a hard choice for every parent whether their kids should live in the convenience of city having all its benefits or in the peace of country lifestyle...
grow v dannom sluchae dolzhno bit ispol'zovat'sya s up eg grow up, potomu kak zvuchit "viraschivat" vmesto "rosti"
2. Mothers and fathers know that environment exert a huge influence on person, especially growing
Sounds stupid too, sorry mate
Unfortunately, apart of adults, young growing bodies are not used to where they came to, so it is critically important to make a right choice for every parent.
3. Living place define many surrounded factors: peoples, they duties, characters, health, type and quality of food, water, air, plants and animals.
kogda perechislyaesh voda, vozduh, rosteniya i zhivotnie i prochee, eto kak to glupovato, eto voobsche dnim slovom zovetsya "environment"
Everything is taking on the scale when you choosing right place to live in: quality and cost of living, lifestyle, enviroment, etc.
4. First viewpoint is that children should grow out of the city.
zvuchit uzhe kak zakluchenie, nezheli rasskritie temi. Kak ya uzhe pisala temu nuzhno raskrivat' tipa optsii takie, negativ takoj, benefiti takie i potom zakluchenie, moj vibor takov..
5. Child breathes a clear air, eats natural vegetables and fruits. He uses to see people who made understandable job with real results instead of faceless labour in the city.
crap
chto oznachaet "people who made understandable job with real results"????
Na schet natural'nosti fruktov ovoschej nemnogo tozhe togo..Oni vezde natural'nie, tolko gde to luchshe gde to huzhe, v kakih to gorodah tozh samoe, chto "s ogoroda tolko snyatie". Poetomu ya b povstavlyala "v bolshinstve sluchaev svezhee" ili chto to v etom duhe
kogda pishesh clear air, eto prezhde vsego oznachaet imenno primes' v vozduhe, tipa dust ili pesok tipa pesochnoj buri. Esli imeetsya vidu vihlobnie gazi, tosleduet pisat' "fresh air" kak opposite zagryaznennomu.
faceless labour ne ponyatno tozhe chto skazano. So slovom labour nuzhno voobsche akkuratno, labour takzhe oznachaet rodovoj process! Ya dumau vi chto to drugoe hotely skazat'...


Izvinyaus' dalshe u mnu energiya ischerpalas' komentirovat'..

[SunRise]

само сочинение, даже на русском звучит так-сяк. Должно бить вступление, далее раскритие теми, дге рассматривается проблема, описание негативних моментов далее поситивних моментов и заклучение..
Типа в кратсе " В наши дни очень остро стоит вопрос вибора бла бла бла жить в близости к городу есть свои плуси и минуси, также как и в деревне. Близость к городу дает нам бла бла бла, но к сожалениу ето все бла бла бла. Живя в деревне, ми теряем возможность бла бла бла, но дети могут ощхутить всу прелесть бла бла бла. Каждий родитель кладет на веси дание возможности и вибирает сам, что лучше для него и прежде всего его детей. Мой вибор бил би однозначно в сторону бла бла бла.
1. Parents, who can chose where their kids will grow, have a dilemma about place for that – should be that in or out of the city
Закрученое предложение. Я б написала что то типа:
It's a hard choice for every parent whether their kids should live in the convenience of city having all its benefits or in the peace of country lifestyle...
grow v dannom sluchae dolzhno bit ispol'zovat'sya s up eg grow up, potomu kak zvuchit "viraschivat" vmesto "rosti"
2. Mothers and fathers know that environment exert a huge influence on person, especially growing
Sounds stupid too, sorry mate
Unfortunately, apart of adults, young growing bodies are not used to where they came to, so it is critically important to make a right choice for every parent.
3. Living place define many surrounded factors: peoples, they duties, characters, health, type and quality of food, water, air, plants and animals.
kogda perechislyaesh voda, vozduh, rosteniya i zhivotnie i prochee, eto kak to glupovato, eto voobsche dnim slovom zovetsya "environment"
Everything is taking on the scale when you choosing right place to live in: quality and cost of living, lifestyle, enviroment, etc.
4. First viewpoint is that children should grow out of the city.
zvuchit uzhe kak zakluchenie, nezheli rasskritie temi. Kak ya uzhe pisala temu nuzhno raskrivat' tipa optsii takie, negativ takoj, benefiti takie i potom zakluchenie, moj vibor takov..
5. Child breathes a clear air, eats natural vegetables and fruits. He uses to see people who made understandable job with real results instead of faceless labour in the city.
crap
chto oznachaet "people who made understandable job with real results"????
Na schet natural'nosti fruktov ovoschej nemnogo tozhe togo..Oni vezde natural'nie, tolko gde to luchshe gde to huzhe, v kakih to gorodah tozh samoe, chto "s ogoroda tolko snyatie". Poetomu ya b povstavlyala "v bolshinstve sluchaev svezhee" ili chto to v etom duhe
kogda pishesh clear air, eto prezhde vsego oznachaet imenno primes' v vozduhe, tipa dust ili pesok tipa pesochnoj buri. Esli imeetsya vidu vihlobnie gazi, tosleduet pisat' "fresh air" kak opposite zagryaznennomu.
faceless labour ne ponyatno tozhe chto skazano. So slovom labour nuzhno voobsche akkuratno, labour takzhe oznachaet rodovoj process! Ya dumau vi chto to drugoe hotely skazat'...


Izvinyaus' dalshe u mnu energiya ischerpalas' komentirovat'..

И вам огроменное спасибо!
Я прекрасно понимаю, что писать эссе - не мое призвание. Если бы не необходимость сдачи теста, я бы и не морочил голову ни вам (форумчанам), ни себе. Ну и отсутствие необходимости использовать англ. на работе приводит к появлению корявых предложений, на которые вы обратили внимание. Оттуда же неправильное употребление слов. А еще я люблю строить длинные предложения и далеко не всегда могу их, при переводе, разделить на части.
Ваша "рыба" выглядит гораздо лучше моего э.... творения.
И вы и Горан не поняли часть моих предложений. Я сам бы не смог сейчас перевести их. Что-то я хотел сообщить, безусловно. Но что именно, сам не понимаю.
Разумеется я учту все, о чем вы написали.

[tesaxi]

И вам огроменное спасибо!
Я прекрасно понимаю, что писать эссе - не мое призвание. Если бы не необходимость сдачи теста, я бы и не морочил голову ни вам (форумчанам), ни себе. Ну и отсутствие необходимости использовать англ. на работе приводит к появлению корявых предложений, на которые вы обратили внимание. Оттуда же неправильное употребление слов. А еще я люблю строить длинные предложения и далеко не всегда могу их, при переводе, разделить на части.
Ваша "рыба" выглядит гораздо лучше моего э.... творения.
И вы и Горан не поняли часть моих предложений. Я сам бы не смог сейчас перевести их. Что-то я хотел сообщить, безусловно. Но что именно, сам не понимаю.
Разумеется я учту все, о чем вы написали.

haha, ya sama to nalyapala oshibok, duzhe bistro pisalo )))
ya v svoe vremya IELTS sdala na 5.5 kazhis' iz 5 prohodnih, angliskij voobsche zhut' bil..nicho tak..

[SunRise]

haha, ya sama to nalyapala oshibok, duzhe bistro pisalo )))
ya v svoe vremya IELTS sdala na 5.5 kazhis' iz 5 prohodnih, angliskij voobsche zhut' bil..nicho tak..

Проходной балл сейчас повыше и желающих уехать побольше. И имм. законодательство построже. А все остальное почти не изменилось.

[Wikipuk]

Вот еще раз попотел. Прошу покритиковать.

Does modern technology make life more convenient, or was life better when technology was simpler?

The great pace of technological change the world has witnessed in the last few years can truly take one’s breath away. Modern high-tech wizardry can be found in every street of every town on the planet in the hands of people of all ages. In its triumphal march, modern technology has conquered the hearts and minds of entire generations, turning its eager users into staunch defenders of its self-proclaimed benefits. The jury, however, is still out on whether it has actually made our lives any better.

The dizzying array of gadgets, computer tablets, mobile phones and games consoles has made information accessible at the touch of a button, capturing the imagination of the young in particular. Penetrating every sphere of human activity, modern technology has brought in its wake some undeniable advantages such as speeding up the processes that previously took time and effort to complete and melting the miles between continents by making long-distance communication child’s play.

The giant spider, the Internet, spinning its world-wide web and reaching out further its wireless tentacles, precipitated a major change in the way people interact. Whereas in the past people would have called on their friends in person, by paying a visit, now they would just pick up the phone or send an e-mail, which, for all its advantages, can become an excuse for not seeing someone anymore. In fact, people may become too absorbed in their smart phones to even look at each other, let alone communicate the old-fashioned way. Children, too, may spend most part of their formative years distracted in front of one screen or another, something that can’t be healthy whichever way you look at it.

The old joke that ‘computers are good at solving problems that did not exist before’ holds true if the time wasted because of computers is taken into account: the time we would otherwise have spent with our nearest and dearest. Days, weeks and months flash before our eyes unnoticed in the timeless cyber world, in a wildly accelerated life.

The conclusion that follows is quite simple: while modern technology has indeed made life more convenient, it has also made it faster, less personal, and filled it with countless time-consuming distractions that often prevent us from sharing a good life with those around us.

Word count: 385

[Romka_Ast]

Romka_Ast, опять-таки, я не эксперт, но все же кое-что поправлю, если можно
1) people are underestimate - два глагола. У Вас часто встречается эта ошибка. Если есть основной глагол, то вспомогательный "to be" не нужен ---> people underestimate
Предложение не согласовано.
я бы это выразила примерно так: Undoubtedly, people tend to underestimate significance of doctors, teachers and nurses for our society...
2) human’s life depend on them. -- м.б., human lives? если как у Вас, обратите внимание, life + третье лицо ед. число, значит должно быть depends.
3) I totally agree that employes such as nurses, doctors and teachers are deserve more salary than they get today - опять два глагола. more salary - higher salary? не ошибка, но employees чаще так пишется
4) But I disagree that everybody film actors and company bosses have lot of money. С "but" лучше не начинать предложения -> however
теперь у Вас два подлежащих, everybody и actors/bosses. Нужно all actors...
a lot of money
5) people, who fond of these professions to take not enough money
не понятно. People of these professions do not earn enough money? или they are not paid enough? = they are underpaid
6) pet month - per month
7) others countries - other countries
take a big salary = to draw / earn / get / receive a salary
9) get money just as people which showed above - get the same amount of money as people mentioned above
10) I sure,... - глагол to be потерялся. I am sure
11) that it depends on their qualification and as far as they have a professional qualities and skills - depends both on their qualification and professional skills. В любом случае, артикль "а" перед множ.числом не должен быть.
12) get much of money from their work - не поняла. ...earn a lot?
13) In comparison, on the whole. approximately 3 per cent... нагромождение какое-то...
14) In conclusion , in my opinion , people who love their proferrion and seeks to improve their knowledges constantly, can reach a success and will get a good wages. - хм. in conclusion, in my opinion - считаю, что это перебор.
seeks to improve - может, want to extend? В любом случае, откуда окончание -s? Подлежащее - люди, множ. число.
profession - опечатка, видимо
knowledges - неисчесляемое, без -s
a success/a wages - неисчесляемое/множественное число, артиклей не должно быть.

Ошибок много...исправила далеко не все.

Общее впечатление по содержанию (это личное мнение): Вы теряете логику. Например, отвечая на вопрос о критериях, говорите, что зарплата должна зависеть от квалификации, знаний и навыков. И дальше: Например, только 5% актеров зарабатывают много. т.е. Вы имеете в виду, что только эти актеры квалифицированы? Какие критерии определения квалификации тогда? Все как будто по кругу. Может, я не очень внятно объясняю...

На всякий случай прошу прощения, если вдруг где-то ошиблась в пояснениях.
В любом случае, удачи!!

благодарю..честно это наверное самая тяжелая тема была из всех моих эссеев. одно дело когда дали бы на раздумье о зарплатах докторов учителей и нёрс. совместить это с актерами куда не шло..но вот еще с управляющими бизнесс компанией....как то не сходится..поэтому логика конечно не совсем ,но как мог. попытался сравнить сравниваемое а про боссов в отдельную выделил. странное задание к эссе конечно. большое..в любом случае спасибо..

в совершенстве работа выглядит так ,если интересно

Undoubtedly, peoplE Underestimate THE usefulnESS OF of hard work from workerS such as doctors, teachers and nurses. Although THE LIVES OF HUMANS depend on them.
I totally agree that employEes such as nurses, doctors and teacherS Deserve more salary than they get today. But I disagree that ALL film actors and company bosses have A lot of money. [Firstly, in most countries , people who make up of these professions don’t take enough money] .For example doctors , teachers and nurses get about 300-400 dollarS peR month in Russia, Kazakhstan, Ukraine, Poland and many others countries. Secondly , lots of film actors or company bosses do not take a big salary. On the contrary , about 80% of them get money in the same way as THE peoplE DO Above. I’M sure that it depends on their qualification and as WHETHER they havE Professional qualities and skills. For instance , about 5% of all actors and actresses in America such as John Travolta, Uma Turman, Silvester Stallone get A LOT of money from their work. Overall, about 95% of actors are very poor. In comparison, on the whole. approximately 3 per cent of company bosses have success such as Donald Trump, Paris Hilton and her family AND Bill Geits.
In conclusion , in my opinion , people who love their profeSSion and seeK to CONSTANTLY improve their knowledgE, can ACHIEVE success and will get a good wagE.

[Maimiti_Isabella]

в совершенстве работа выглядит так ,если интересно

.

Что бы это значило? (риторический вопрос )

[island-au]

Ну что ж, уважаемая публика. Настал и мой черед просить по сабжу.

Письмо по теме последнего экзамена. "Хочу вернуть билеты"

Dear Sir/Madam

I am writing to enquire about your ticket returning policy. I have already bought two tickets on your next week “Romeo and Juliette” play. But, due the fact of personal circumstances, I want to return these two tickets. Yesterday I went to theater’s sales point that situated at North Hill Ave, but salesman denied to accept my tickets, because I had bought these tickets via internet service “Buy tickets now”. Then, I have sent an email request to support team of this internet service. But they also denied to return my money. Support said, that I have to write letter to theater’s administration, and only then, they will be accept ticket’s return.
So, I am writing to request tickets return acceptance letter, which I have to send to “Buy tickets now” support team. Only in this case I have a chance to get my money back.


Faithfully your,
Customer Customerovich
+380(00)000-000-00

[Romka_Ast]

Что бы это значило? (риторический вопрос )

простите не так выразился..изучая английский ,русский забываешь)