My essay, проверьте, покритикуйте! Спасибо!

[Kitt]

Maimiti_Isabella, спасибо за разбор и советы!

[Katya_d]

Maria Mirabell, ecли Вас не затруднит, пришлите мне тоже, пожалуйста, и графики и эссе. [email protected]
Зарание большое Вам спасибо.

[Irina Ch.]

Maria Mirabell, ecли Вас не затруднит, пришлите мне тоже, пожалуйста, и графики и эссе. [email protected] Зарание большое Вам спасибо.

И мне если не сложно пришлите - [email protected]. Буду вам очень признательна.

[Irina Ch.]

Огромная просьба ко всем покритиковать, нужна прямо жесткая критика. (но автора просьба не убивать ) тема была взята здесь же, чуть выше.

All education, primary, secondary and further education, should be free to all people and paid for by the government.
Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Nowadays, to be well educated is very important and it is a topical question and is open for debate. Each person knows that through learning we develop and discover the World. I think that everyone has to get such opportunity as receiving any kind of education for free. In the following paragraphs I will explain my own point of view.

First of all, I want to point that every person must study and nevermind which family he or she is from. For, instance, the boy is very smart and talented but he was born in a poor family which can not afford him study at the university or college because of its price. So, should not he study at all? From this point we will receive the huge number of uneducated people. In this case the level of unemployment will grow up. Such things can not be admitted by the goverment.

Second of all, free education will provide the goverment with well qualifed and skilled professionals. Whose from their side will help in country development. I even can allow a thought that goverment may send the graduates to work in the special places during several years as a price for free education. Such experience was well organised and used in practice in the USSR. It was wonderful opportunity to find the job without searching.

To sum up, I want to say that education takes great part in our lifes. Everyone must have such facility as free education and to use this opportunity or not must be up to them.

[Vanderley]

Irina Ch., напишите пожалуйста на что вы претендуете.

[Irina Ch.]

лично я ни на что не претендую, но девочка которая это пишет и усердно сейчас занимается претендует на 7. точнее она не претендует. просто ей очень нужно получить 7.

[Vanderley]

лично я ни на что не претендую, но девочка которая это пишет и усердно сейчас занимается претендует на 7. точнее она не претендует. просто ей очень нужно получить 7.

Я когда спрашивал это, меня интересовали не ваши амбиции. Мне надо было знать насколько строго вас критиковать.

All education, primary, secondary and further education, should be free to all people and paid for by the government.
Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Nowadays, to be well educated is very important and it is a topical question and is open for debate - [Во-первых, части сложно-подчиненного предложения надо разделять запятыми. Во-вторых, тут перемудрено с ними(сложноподчинёнными предложениями), 3 в одном это явный перебор. Особенно если учесть что это баяны бабаяны.]. Each person knows that through learning we develop - [посредством обучения мы развиваем мир? почему кстати Мир с большой буквы?] - and discover the World. I think that everyone has to get such opportunity as receiving any kind of education to free - [Сильно завернуто. Не надо мудрить. Предложение не должно быть длинным и перемудренным, иначе его не поймут. Get, а потом сразу receiving? Это надо переписать как-нить попроще. Что-нибудь типа Every person should be granted a right to free education.] -. In the following paragraphs I will explain my own point of view - [Немного оборвано как по мне. Я бы дописао point of view on this situation/problem].

First of all, I want to point - [я прочекал longman, бывает point out, просто point - это другое] - that every person must study and nevermind - [regardless of] - which family he or she is from. For, -[for instance - это одно выражение, откуда запятая между словами?] - instance, the boy - [что за the, я не про какого боя не слышал.] - is very smart and talented but he was born in a poor family which can not afford him study - [Я не встречал примеров когда после afford сразу бы шло дополнение. В лонгмане тоже нету такого - afford. Прочекайте употребление этого слова.] - at the university or college because of its price. So, should not he study at all? From this point we will receive the huge number of uneducated people. - [покажите где до этого был поинт. Вы пишете сначала, что образование должно быть бесплатным. Потом говорите про семью которая не может себе позволить платное обучение. А потом откуда-то появляется поинт. В чём он?] - In this case the level of unemployment will grow up. Such things can not be admitted by the goverment.

Second of all, free education will provide the goverment with well qualifed and skilled professionals. - [А платное образрвание нет?] - Whose - [which] - from their side - [это дословный перевод с русского. наверное on their part будет лучше.] - will help in - [вроде не бывает help in. Смотрите help] - country development. I even can allow a thought that goverment may send the graduates to work in the special places during several years as a price for free education. Such experience was well organised and used in practice in the USSR. It was - [артикль?] - wonderful opportunity to find the job - [что за the job? какая-то определённая?] - without searching. - [три последних предложения - оффтопик. Это эссе про бесплатное образование, а не о том какая классная вещь распределение.]

To sum up, I want to say that education takes great part in our lifes. - [Это не сам ап. Вас не просили писать про роль образование. Да вы этого и не делали. Так почему вы это в сам апе пишете?] - Everyone must have such facility as free education and to use - [must to use?] - this opportunity or not must be up to them - [Я последнюю фразу не понимаю].

[Furan]

Выкладываю мое очередное творение.
спасибо заранее


In the past, shopping was a routine domestic task. Many people nowadays regard it as a hobby.
To what extent do you think this is a positive trend?

Over the last couple of decades shopping has become remarkably popular and is now an essential part of modern society. It is important process almost for everyone because people need to buy some products and goods for their daily life as well as for special occasions (commonly-known events such as New Year Eve celebration and Cristmas time). Although some members of society may argue that shopping has some downsides, it is agreed that it also beneficial for the economy as well as for peoples's mental health. This will be shown by analyzing habits of members within the area of sales and personal lifestyle.

Firstly, it is well-known, that every human tend to consume as much commodities as they can during the whole period of life. Moreover, it is impossible to imagine a person within the modern society without necessity to buy a various products for daily life, such as clothes, cosmetics as well as food. Because of that, one of the major sector of economy have been created, such is production and sales of goods. On top of that, it is clear why the part of economy is based on peoples preferences and habits. One of the most crucial people's habit is shopping. Therefore, it is shown that the economy prosperity depends on the one of the commonly-known hobby named shopping. Is is obvious that this connection is beneficial for development of every community.

Secondly, according to latest research, it is believed that the process of buying goods influenced positively on peoples well-being as well as mental health besause of many reasons. The first reason is that shopping is an physical activity when people walking around huge department stores as well as boutique shops trying to find preferrable piece of commodity. Thus, undoubtedly, is positive for body and general health as a kind of physical activity, according to doctor's opinion. Therefore, it can be clearly seen that shopping is a significant kind of hobby. The second positive factor, which should be mentioned, is that this kind of hobby is essential for human mental health. For example, when members of society preparing for celebration such major events as Cristmas and New Year Eve celebration, they tend to be unstressed when buying some presents for friends and family. Moreover, during this process they create social networks and this hobby becomes a lifestyle. Thus, it is clear why it is positive trend.

Finally, according to everything mentioned above i am incline to believe that this kind of modern hobby is essential for society in terms of positive unfluence. Furthermore, it is shown that shopping is a part of everyday activity and a major part of modern economy. On top of that, i generally think that it is crucial process for soceity development and one of the most significant part of peoples lifestyle.

[Irina Ch.]

Я когда спрашивал это, меня интересовали не ваши амбиции. Мне надо было знать насколько строго вас критиковать.

Критиковать со всей строгостью, по другому результата точно не будет. Спасибо вам огромное!

[Irina Ch.]

Цитата: Сообщение от Irina Ch. Посмотреть сообщение All education, primary, secondary and further education, should be free to all people and paid for by the government. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Nowadays, to be well educated is very important and it is a topical question and is open for debate - [Во-первых, части сложно-подчиненного предложения надо разделять запятыми. Во-вторых, тут перемудрено с ними(сложноподчинёнными предложениями), 3 в одном это явный перебор. Особенно если учесть что это баяны бабаяны.]. Each person knows that through learning we develop - [посредством обучения мы развиваем мир? почему кстати Мир с большой буквы?] - and discover the World. I think that everyone has to get such opportunity as receiving any kind of education to free - [Сильно завернуто. Не надо мудрить. Предложение не должно быть длинным и перемудренным, иначе его не поймут. Get, а потом сразу receiving? Это надо переписать как-нить попроще. Что-нибудь типа Every person should be granted a right to free education.] -. In the following paragraphs I will explain my own point of view - [Немного оборвано как по мне. Я бы дописао point of view on this situation/problem]. First of all, I want to point - [я прочекал longman, бывает point out, просто point - это другое] - that every person must study and nevermind - [regardless of] - which family he or she is from. For, -[for instance - это одно выражение, откуда запятая между словами?] - instance, the boy - [что за the, я не про какого боя не слышал.] - is very smart and talented but he was born in a poor family which can not afford him study - [Я не встречал примеров когда после afford сразу бы шло дополнение. В лонгмане тоже нету такого - afford. Прочекайте употребление этого слова.] - at the university or college because of its price. So, should not he study at all? From this point we will receive the huge number of uneducated people. - [покажите где до этого был поинт. Вы пишете сначала, что образование должно быть бесплатным. Потом говорите про семью которая не может себе позволить платное обучение. А потом откуда-то появляется поинт. В чём он?] - In this case the level of unemployment will grow up. Such things can not be admitted by the goverment. Second of all, free education will provide the goverment with well qualifed and skilled professionals. - [А платное образрвание нет?] - Whose - [which] - from their side - [это дословный перевод с русского. наверное on their part будет лучше.] - will help in - [вроде не бывает help in. Смотрите help] - country development. I even can allow a thought that goverment may send the graduates to work in the special places during several years as a price for free education. Such experience was well organised and used in practice in the USSR. It was - [артикль?] - wonderful opportunity to find the job - [что за the job? какая-то определённая?] - without searching. - [три последних предложения - оффтопик. Это эссе про бесплатное образование, а не о том какая классная вещь распределение.] To sum up, I want to say that education takes great part in our lifes. - [Это не сам ап. Вас не просили писать про роль образование. Да вы этого и не делали. Так почему вы это в сам апе пишете?] - Everyone must have such facility as free education and to use - [must to use?] - this opportunity or not must be up to them - [Я последнюю фразу не понимаю].

При таких ошибках - будет это 6 баллов или меньше или больше? просто хоть знать отчего плясать. она уже дважды сдавала экзамен и оба раза получала по 6,0. Скоро у нее еще один экзамен, нужна заветная 7. может подскажете на что обратить особое внимание?

[Vanderley]

Irina Ch., я думаю это опять в район 6. Тут и пишется местами не по теме и вокубуляр не ахти. Можете глянуть AWL lists. Это может помочь с необходимым для эссе словарным запасом. Ну и план пишите всегда думая о том, насколько релевантны ваши аргументы, чтобы избежать уходов от темы и невнятных заключений.

[Goran Dražić]

Выкладываю мое очередное творение.
спасибо заранее


In the past, shopping was a routine domestic task. Many people nowadays regard it as a hobby.
To what extent do you think this is a positive trend?

Over the last couple of decades shopping has become remarkably popular and is now an essential part of modern society. It is important process almost for everyone because people need to buy some products and goods for their daily life as well as for special occasions (commonly-known events such as New Year Eve celebration and Cristmas time). Although some members of society may argue that shopping has some downsides, it is agreed that it also beneficial for the economy as well as for peoples's mental health. This will be shown by analyzing habits of members within the area of sales and personal lifestyle.

Firstly, it is well-known, that every human tend to consume as much commodities as they can during the whole period of life. Moreover, it is impossible to imagine a person within the modern society without necessity to buy a various products for daily life, such as clothes, cosmetics as well as food. Because of that, one of the major sector of economy have been created, such is production and sales of goods. On top of that, it is clear why the part of economy is based on peoples preferences and habits. One of the most crucial people's habit is shopping. Therefore, it is shown that the economy prosperity depends on the one of the commonly-known hobby named shopping. Is is obvious that this connection is beneficial for development of every community.

Secondly, according to latest research, it is believed that the process of buying goods influenced positively on peoples well-being as well as mental health besause of many reasons. The first reason is that shopping is an physical activity when people walking around huge department stores as well as boutique shops trying to find preferrable piece of commodity. Thus, undoubtedly, is positive for body and general health as a kind of physical activity, according to doctor's opinion. Therefore, it can be clearly seen that shopping is a significant kind of hobby. The second positive factor, which should be mentioned, is that this kind of hobby is essential for human mental health. For example, when members of society preparing for celebration such major events as Cristmas and New Year Eve celebration, they tend to be unstressed when buying some presents for friends and family. Moreover, during this process they create social networks and this hobby becomes a lifestyle. Thus, it is clear why it is positive trend.

Finally, according to everything mentioned above i am incline to believe that this kind of modern hobby is essential for society in terms of positive unfluence. Furthermore, it is shown that shopping is a part of everyday activity and a major part of modern economy. On top of that, i generally think that it is crucial process for soceity development and one of the most significant part of peoples lifestyle.

TA is a major problem of this piece of writing. The task clearly asks you to write whether it is a positive trend that shopping is morphing from a daily routine into a hobby. A big part of what you wrote is just about shopping. You see, shopping is good for the economy and people's health regardless of whether you are doing it for pleasure or because you have to.

CC is another worrying area. It is really difficult to follow you thoughts, in part, because there are no logic. For example, in your first body paragraph you wrote:

every human tend to consume as much commodities

it is impossible to imagine a person within the modern society without necessity to buy a various products

Because of that, one of the major sector of economy have been created

which shows that we depend on production of different goods. But then you drew a conclusion that is the opposite of what your had just written:

Therefore, it is shown that the economy prosperity depends on the one of the commonly-known hobby named shopping.

And this isn't the only problem with CC there is. My general advise for you here will be. Try to make your paragraphs shorter(about 4 sentences so that it is easier not to get lost) and write a short plan of how your paragraph should develop.
GR. Here you did a lot of small mistakes and several serious ones. Following are some of them:

• third person singular - every human tends, major sector has.
• articles - it is an important process; why a part of economy is based; why it is a positive trend; it is a crucial process.
• subject or verb missing(IMPORTANT!!!) - it is also beneficial for the economy; thus, undoubtedly, "some subject here" is positive for body;
• plural forms - peoples's, peoples -> people's; one of the major sectors; one of he most significant parts;
• verb forms(other than 3rd person singular) - when people walking -> walk; when members of society preparing -> prepare;

V is simple and when becomes more complex often loses connection with real English. What I really don't like about your writing in terms of vocabulary is that sometimes you start "flooding" - adding unnecessary words:

• positive for body and general health - what is the difference between positive effect on body and positive effect on general health?
• events such as New Year Eve celebration and Cristmas time - why celebration and time?

This makes me stop reading each time I stumble over such expression.

All in all, I think you can do better

[migrant]

Hello everyone! Я только начинаю готовиться к эссе, написал первое и хотел бы, чтобы Вы рассмотрели и сказали, на сколько я могу претендовать.
The graph shows the changing of quantity of elder people in societes of three countries - Japan, Sweden and USA - from 1940 till 2040.
We can see, that in the middle of 20th century the percentage of the people over 65 was quite low, only 5% of population in Japan and less then 10% in in Sweden and USA/ After 1960 the quote began to grow in Sweden and in USA and increased up to 15% in the end of 20th century. The graph shows that there is the predicted increasing of the proportion up to 25% in future. In Japan the percentage dipped down to 3% after 1940 and stood under 5% till the beginning of the 21st century. We can see comporatively quick increasing, which is predicted from 2010 till 2030, as a result of it the quantity will grow up to 25% and more/
Overall, the number of people over 65 years in all of three countrieswas simular low in 1940, and is expected to increase not less then 25% till 2040.

Нужно сдать тест на 6 overall. Заранее спасибо.

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Hello everyone! Я только начинаю готовиться к эссе, написал первое и хотел бы, чтобы Вы рассмотрели и сказали, на сколько я могу претендовать.


Нужно сдать тест на 6 overall. Заранее спасибо.

2 замечания, прежде всего:
1. это не эссе
2. непонятно что описываем. Где картинка?

Английский, возможно, на слабую 6-ку, так как очень много элементраных ошибок. Но так как нет графика, то невозможно определить ответили ли вы на вопрос задания, т.е. task achievement неизвестен.

Из бросающихся глаза ошибок (and this is only the first sentence):
quantity vs. number
elder vs. elderly
the changing vs. the changes of/in

[realset]

Покритикуйте пожалуйста новичка. Хочу 7

People in developed countries have the tendency to buy more and more things (whether they need them or not). Is it a positive or a negative development?

The common trend in modern rich countries is the consumption of more and more products, even without a real need. People often buy fancy clothes, modern gadgets and expensive cars just because they can afford it. Although such tendency is boosting economical growth, I would argue that this has more drawbacks then benefits.

To some extent, extensive purchases positively affect the economical situation. The economy of developed countries tends to be highly influenced by the level of customer's activity. A good illustration for this is the United States where income from internal customer consumption of goods and services is the largest part of the budget. Therefore, by buying things, no matter essential or not, people help manufacturers and the state to support constant growth.

On the other hand, consumerism has strong negative impact on environment. It is evident that excessive production harms environment through unnecessary consumption of limited natural resources and energy, which are required to produce goods. Thus, highly developed countries use their dominating position to obtain and utilize more gas, oil and water and at the same time produce much more waste and pollution than less prosperous neighbors.

Another point is that the tendency to buy more not only affects ecology, but also leads to a number of social problems. At first, the luxury shown by wealthy citizens from developed countries provokes envy of poor people and lead to instability and conflicts. In addition, the economy relying on high level of consumption becomes unbalanced. For instance, the recent descent of Detroit, the most important auto industry center in the U.S., was mainly caused by the domestic customers who lost their interest to car purchases.

Although there are both positive and negative effects of increasing buyers activity in developed countries, I am convinced that the disadvantages of the tendency outweigh the advantages.