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Но, я ещё раз повторюсь что в Agree/Disagree (extent) эссе не стоит использовать структуру с боди параграфами, описывающими разные точки зрения. Такая структура должна быть в Discuss essay. В Agree/Disagree - примите точку зрения и доказывайте её!
Я много что наисправлял, но всё не так плохо, как кажется
Но, я ещё раз повторюсь что в Agree/Disagree (extent) эссе не стоит использовать структуру с боди параграфами, описывающими разные точки зрения. Такая структура должна быть в Discuss essay. В Agree/Disagree - примите точку зрения и доказывайте её!
Я много что наисправлял, но всё не так плохо, как кажется
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Всем привет. Посмотрите пожалуйста кому не лень. Конечно за неделю грамматика и словарный запас сильно не изменились, но тем не менее, замечания illi4 постарался учесть, старался использовать как можно больше синонимов и выверять каждое предложение
Nowadays many students have the opportunity to study for part or all of their courses in foreign countries.
While studying abroad brings many benefits to individual students, it also has a number of disadvantages.
Do you agree or disagree?
In today’s world, many young people choose to enter universities to become successful in their life and some of them choose foreign universities. Не хватает ещё одного предложения в духе "некоторые думают что...". I strongly agree that studying abroad has more merits than drawbacks. This will be shown by analyzing the advantages of an international diploma and mastering language skills and [?] some disadvantages like separation with a family and difficulties of living abroad.
On the one hand (см выше), people who have received education (или have got a degree) in prestigious universities are usually (дабы не было overgeneralization)more competitive in the labor market. For example (instance более неформально), most of companies' chiefs pay strong attention to qualification of a recruiter and a diploma especially in tandem with knowledge of a foreign language in a high level could play a big role during an interview with an employer (избегайте написания длинных предложений, если не уверены в порядке слов и грамматике). However, a diploma of an unpopular university/institution can not offer any privilege when applying for a job (какова добавочная стоимость этого предложения? как оно доказывает thesis sentence?). Thus this makes it clear the main advantage of international education (переведите на русский ).
(см. комментарий выше - нужно было писать параграф по-другому, Вы не то доказываете )
On the other hand, studying abroad brings some disadvantages (кому?). For example, foreign students are separated from their relatives and friends for a long period of time and this can make them feel melancholy. Furthermore, living and studying abroad usually requires a lot of money (вторая часть предложения непонятна) and students have to visit their universities and work simultaneously. Fortunately, these troubles are temporary (?). From this it becomes quite evident that such kind of problems could not outweight advantages which were mentioned above.
In conclusion, I completely agree that courses in a foreign university can (sould - это как будто Вы даёте рекомендацию курсам ) be extremely/eminently/immensely helpful for everybody who does not afraid difficulties. After analyzing this subject, I would probably (убирайте probably. это ваша позиция!)recommend that students weigh their strength before entering in a foreign university. (непонятно)
Nowadays many students have the opportunity to study for part or all of their courses in foreign countries.
While studying abroad brings many benefits to individual students, it also has a number of disadvantages.
Do you agree or disagree?
In today’s world, many young people choose to enter universities to become successful in their life and some of them choose foreign universities. Не хватает ещё одного предложения в духе "некоторые думают что...". I strongly agree that studying abroad has more merits than drawbacks. This will be shown by analyzing the advantages of an international diploma and mastering language skills and [?] some disadvantages like separation with a family and difficulties of living abroad.
On the one hand (см выше), people who have received education (или have got a degree) in prestigious universities are usually (дабы не было overgeneralization)more competitive in the labor market. For example (instance более неформально), most of companies' chiefs pay strong attention to qualification of a recruiter and a diploma especially in tandem with knowledge of a foreign language in a high level could play a big role during an interview with an employer (избегайте написания длинных предложений, если не уверены в порядке слов и грамматике). However, a diploma of an unpopular university/institution can not offer any privilege when applying for a job (какова добавочная стоимость этого предложения? как оно доказывает thesis sentence?). Thus this makes it clear the main advantage of international education (переведите на русский
).(см. комментарий выше - нужно было писать параграф по-другому, Вы не то доказываете
) On the other hand, studying abroad brings some disadvantages (кому?). For example, foreign students are separated from their relatives and friends for a long period of time and this can make them feel melancholy. Furthermore, living and studying abroad usually requires a lot of money (вторая часть предложения непонятна) and students have to visit their universities and work simultaneously. Fortunately, these troubles are temporary (?). From this it becomes quite evident that such kind of problems could not outweight advantages which were mentioned above.
In conclusion, I completely agree that courses in a foreign university can (sould - это как будто Вы даёте рекомендацию курсам
) be extremely/eminently/immensely helpful for everybody who does not afraid difficulties. After analyzing this subject, I would probably (убирайте probably. это ваша позиция!)recommend that students weigh their strength before entering in a foreign university. (непонятно)
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