My essay, проверьте, покритикуйте! Спасибо!

[Zelzer]

Polina_K, спасибо за review. Folks = Forks - да, эт я жестко попутал=)
Wonder пришлось использовать, т.к. тяжело было подобрать синоним к слову ask. Но тут согласен что к стилю не очень подходит. Hope хотелось использовать, но только сейчас увидел хороший вариант
Про Best Wishes где-то читал что вроде как подходит для формальных писем.

[Zelzer]

Эссе

Посмотрите пожалуйста теперь эссе

Topic: Today more people are travelling than ever before.
Why is this the case? What are the benefits of travelling for the traveller?

Essay:

It's a well-known fact that travelling businesses are flourishing nowadays. There are numerous travel agencies all over the world, people tend to take journeys on weekends, holidays or vacations. Tourism is becoming more and more popular leisure activity.
To find out why it's becoming so popular, it worth examining the tends which lead to such intense activity.
The first probable reason may be the decrease of travelling costs. Every day new technologies appear which make means of transportation cheaper, therefore decrease the travelling costs. Moreover new technologies often reduce the time of transportation what allows people to plan their time and use days-off more efficiently. Technologies make travelling accessible and convenient for wide range of people.
The second reason is connected with benefits which people get from travelling. In fact, many people prefer to spend their vacations on new territories they have never visited before. First of all it gives them a chance to learn and see something new they've never seen before. And for many people it's also a place where they can relax from the disturbing world since in this case they often can't understand the language of people speaking around.
To summarize all said I want to add some facts from my experience. Travelling for me has always been a nice opportunity to visit new places, get acquainted with new people who share different cultures. Being a student I can't afford many of modern opportunities but I believe soon I'll have means to travel and then of course use any opportunity to see the world.

[SunRise]

Всем добрым людям добрый день.
Оцените, пллзз, мое творение. Темы для письма и эссе взял из рассылки с IELTS-Blog.com (IELTS-Blog::IELTS test in Sydney, Australia – May 2013 (General Training))
Писал без учета времени. Только сейчас поправил кое-какие опечатки. Остальное выглядит так, как я бы его сдавал на тесте.
Хочу вырваться из плена 6.0. В идеале бы, конечно, 7 и выше... Но пока имею то, что имею. Вот и прошу сказать, что я имею. Строго, конкретно. Ну, как вы это прекрасно делаете на протяжении более, чем 200 страниц.

Writing task 1 (a letter)
Write a letter of complaint to the manager of an online shopping site about a few products that you bought and aren’t happy with. In your letter
- Give details of your order.
- Explain about the problem with the products.
- Say what you want the manager to do about it.
------------
Dear Madam or Sir
I am writing to complain about quality of mobile devices I ordered and bought in your internet-shop. At the beginning of June 2013 I saw advertisement of newest Nokia's devices and then google shown than these products are available in your online shop. So I ordered Nokia Lumia 720 in yellow case and Nokia Lumia 620 in pink case (order number 1234566789 from 5 June 2013). Yesterday, 12 June, devices were delivered to my office. I was very happy until opened the package.


First of all, both phones was of awful black colour – I and my wife hate this colour. The second, when I turned on Lumia 720, I saw that all interface was in Chinese language. As far as I know only English I had to turn off that. The second phone – Lumia 620 – did not work at all. As result I have got headache for my own money.


To solve this unkind situation I going to make some action. First of all, I get back these devices and your internet-shop will pay for that. Then that there are options: either your shop send me phones I exact ordered or you pay back my money. I would be want to see your view how to resolve this problem as fast as possible.


Sincerely yours,
Alex
-------------------



Writing Task 2 (an essay)
In many countries school-age children are spending their free time in doing homework. Is it a good or bad thing? What is your own opinion? Give examples to support your view.
-----------
Nowadays some parents think that their children do not have enough free time because of too much homework. Other people have idea that it is good a idea to study at home in additional to school.


First of all, mostly pupils absolutely agree with point of view, that homework is only wasting their free time. In according to this idea children should get all knowledge at school and have a rest outside of that. I read about such option applied in some Scandinavian countries. I can see only one positive moment in this system of education – children have a heap of time for self-developing. Other side of this moment is that most of children will spend their free time for playing football, computer games instead of reading.


Other idea, I fully support, is that homework is necessary of child's developing. On the one hand, it is makes pupils to remember at least part of knowledges and to use it by theirself, i.e. without teacher's help. On the other hand, children have a good chance for using time management, as far as they want to have free time. In other words, children should divide their time between homework and free time. In addition, homework trains their responsibility. No teacher is at home and nobody says what to do, but homework should be completed. As result pupil get not only school knowledges, but, as bonus, additional skills, as responsibility and time management. These skill will be useful in adult life.


In conclusion I would be want to say that homework should not be considered as competitors for pupil's free time, but as useful for many purposes addition.
-----------

[[rcf]]

MariAussie,

[yamov]

Ребята, мы тут недавно в FB у Maimiti_Isabella "разворошили" в поисках ошибок написанное тут одним из пользователей задание к письму:

You have been traveling from London to Oxford by National Express coach. Reaching Oxford you found that your bag had been stolen from the luggage department of the coach. You contacted the lost property department of National Express, but they did not have any information about your bag.

Write a letter to the manager of National Expresses lost property department. In your letter
• explain what happened
• describe your lost bag
• say what you expect him to do.

И только в этом задании есть по крайней мере около 8ми грамматических и лексических ошибок, не говоря о некорректной формулировке самого задания.

Будьте внимательны при выборе источников для подготовки к тесту. Лучше всего пользоваться как минимум материалом, составелнном носителями языка. А еще лучше - известными и проверенными изданиями.

[Anton PL]

[rcf], Скажите, а у Вас осталась еще возможность послать эссе на проверку в ielts-blog.com?

Если да, то отправьте, пожалуйста, вот это:

Developments in technology have caused environmental problems. Some say this can be solved by living a simple life, others think that technology can solve these problems. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

There is no quantitative measure of the technical progress but there are no doubts that technology has dramatically risen recently. But one of the worst disadvantages of this rising is the water, air, and soil pollution. There are two opposite views how to deal with this problem: refuse of technology or improve it. Both views should be considered, before conclusions will be made.

First way to keep the environment clean is “living a simple life”. It means a refusal from modern industry, which will cause an absence of goods, drugs, fertilizer and other stuff. Modern forms of agriculture also will become unavailable (because of their negative impact on the environment, and lack of fertilizer). These measures are very simple and cheap, but imperfect industry and old-school farming will be unable to provide the same amount of food and goods as the modern ones.

Another way to save the environment is improving of technology to reduce a negative impact on nature. It includes using the renewable power sources, installing cleaning facilities to neutralize industrial wastewater, and filters to avoid the soil and air pollution. These measures are expensive, but it will help to avoid a lack of food and goods.

In my opinion, the solution is improving of technology to keep environment clean. But it should be complemented by reducing redundant consumption and increasing of responsibility of humankind in reproduction process to avoid overpopulation. Otherwise, this measure will become futile on the overpopulated Earth.

[[rcf]]

dazik, 51212
Vyacheslav16, 51213
Anton PL, отправил

[dazik]

[rcf],
Спасибо!

[Vyacheslav16]

dazik, 51212
Vyacheslav16, 51213
Anton PL, отправил

Спасибо! Я так понимаю, все попытки закончились?
Интересно оценили, в Comments похвалили ... и поставили 6,5!

[dazik]

Понять бы еще по сути поконкретнее. С опечатками и грамматикой ясно.
Вот, например, мне заменили:

1) While some experts believe..., others estimate higher the effects of environmental factors. НА
others estimate the effects of environmental factors.
И что получилось? Другие люди оценивают эффект влияния окружающей среды. Но как они его оценивают- хорошо ли, плохо ли? Как будто не хватает чего-то. Может здесь я слово просто не то выбрала, может просто Evaluate надо было бы?

2) make a conclusion НА draw a conclusion.
Я считала, что эти слова имеют одинаковые значения.
Lingvo вот что говорит: делать вывод — draw (make) a conclusion;
Можно ли это ошибкой назвать?

Может знающие люди подскажут?

[dazik]

Подскажите пожалуйста, обязательно ли запятую ставить в выражении:
At first sight ,it seems that ... ?

[dazik]

Спасибо! Я так понимаю, все попытки закончились?
Интересно оценили, в Comments похвалили ... и поставили 6,5!

И стараешься, и вроде неплохо, кажется, выходит, а результат 6.5. Вдвойне обидно
Такая же проблема.

[MariAussie]

[rcf], спасибо!

[Vyacheslav16]

dazik, мне Ваше эссе понравилось тем, что Вы, находясь между двумя крайними позциями, сумели все разложить по полочкам и понятно выразить свое мнение.
На счет синонимов draw (make) a conclusion. В моем эссе тоже есть пара мест, где они вместо моего слова вставляют свое. Мне кажется, что это просто личные предпочтения проверяющего. Например, мой шотландец ничего не сказал по поводу моих вариантов. В Вашем случае draw точно не ошибка.

[Vyacheslav16]

И стараешься, и вроде неплохо, кажется, выходит, а результат 6.5. Вдвойне обидно
Такая же проблема.

Вам тоже 7 нужны?