My essay, проверьте, покритикуйте! Спасибо!

[Vinodel]

Здравствуйте,
Покритикуйте, пожалуйста, мое Essay. Моя цель - 6.

Some people believe that many of the problems in today`s world are caused by a lack of cultural understanding. What can be done to help people to understand cultures which are different from their own?



Nowadays cultural misunderstanding is a crucial issue all over the world. A lot of people feel that almost all problems on our planet are a result of problems in interaction and communication between people of different cultures. I particularly believe that the governments of every country have to take urgent action in this matter and overcome this problem. In this essay some possible measures which could be helpful for facilitating cultural understanding will be discussed.


First of all, using a global language is a key-factor to combating this issue. At the moment English is considered to be the most widely used language in the world. Obviously, if individuals expressed their thoughts in the same tongue, it would definitely be easier to explain local customs, traditions and religion to foreigners. For example, some local traditions of eastern countries are, in some way, arduous to grasp for the westerner and, moreover, completely impossible to translate. Only by possessing a sole language is it possible to find a solution to understanding these customs.


The second idea is to visit other continents and regions as much as possible. While on holiday or on a business trip, people should learn local traditions and the history of the country they are in. In this way they can be closer to one another. In addition to this, governments should pay more attention to cancelling all restrictions in obtaining visas and try to make it less time-consuming and stressful. Evidently enough, if individuals had the opportunity to participate in cultural events in other countries, it would be significantly easier to learn different cultures.


Taking everything into account, it has become evident that it is quite plausible to overcome cultural misunderstanding. The only thing we need to do is to eliminate the obstacles to communication and make our world more global.

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Здравствуйте,
Покритикуйте, пожалуйста, мое Essay. Моя цель - 6.

Some people believe that many of the problems in today`s world are caused by a lack of cultural understanding. What can be done to help people to understand cultures which are different from their own?



Nowadays cultural misunderstanding is a crucial issue all over the world. A lot of people feel that almost all problems on our planet are a result of problems in interaction and communication between people of different cultures. I particularly believe that the governments of every country have to take urgent action in this matter and overcome this problem. In this essay some possible measures which could be helpful for facilitating cultural understanding will be discussed.


First of all, using a global language is a key-factor to combating this issue. At the moment English is considered to be the most widely used language in the world. Obviously, if individuals expressed their thoughts in the same tongue, it would definitely be easier to explain local customs, traditions and religion to foreigners. For example, some local traditions of eastern countries are, in some way, arduous to grasp for the westerner and, moreover, completely impossible to translate. Only by possessing a sole language is it possible to find a solution to understanding these customs.


The second idea is to visit other continents and regions as much as possible. While on holiday or on a business trip, people should learn local traditions and the history of the country they are in. In this way they can be closer to one another. In addition to this, governments should pay more attention to cancelling all restrictions in obtaining visas and try to make it less time-consuming and stressful. Evidently enough, if individuals had the opportunity to participate in cultural events in other countries, it would be significantly easier to learn different cultures.


Taking everything into account, it has become evident that it is quite plausible to overcome cultural misunderstanding. The only thing we need to do is to eliminate the obstacles to communication and make our world more global.

6 точно есть! Думаю, что за конкретно это эссе можно и 6.5 получить. Надеюсь, что всегда так пишете (и письма тоже!), и это эссе не является приятным исключением.

[Vinodel]

6 точно есть! Думаю, что за конкретно это эссе можно и 6.5 получить. Надеюсь, что всегда так пишете (и письма тоже!), и это эссе не является приятным исключением.

Надеюсь Вы правы! В прошлый раз я, так же, перед экзаменом выложил свое essay и Вы сказали что на 6 тянет. Пишу по-разному, зависит от топика. Бывает тема такая, что думаю долго над идеей, а потом быстро пишу с ошибками...

Спасибо!!!

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Надеюсь Вы правы! В прошлый раз я, так же, перед экзаменом выложил свое essay и Вы сказали что на 6 тянет. Пишу по-разному, зависит от топика. Бывает тема такая, что думаю долго над идеей, а потом быстро пишу с ошибками...




IELTS 31 марта 2012: L-6,0 R-5,0 W-6,0 S-5,5

Спасибо!!!

Вот видите, я сказала, и вы получили!

Не забудьте, что письмо тоже на оценку влияет и легко может ее вниз потянуть.

[GoldenJoe]

Очередная попытка. Ошибки можно не смотреть, с преподом разберем. Интресна примерная оценка. Спасибо )

Some people think that it is better to educate boys and girls in separate schools. Others, however, believe that boys and girls benefit more from attending mixed schools.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

.
Education is the most important part of young people being. However, what schools are more profited: single-sex or co-educational? Both of these types have supporters in the society.

One group claims that separate schools are more advantageous for pupils. First reason is that in school time young people are encouraged to concentrate on rather studying subjects than relations and conversations with opposite sex because it might worsen the learning progress. For example, it happens quite often when one boy who has good marks falls in love with one girl in his class and starts thinking only about this girl and the relationship; as a result the marks descend. Second idea is there are some different subjects such as Sewing and Turning connected with specific feature of boys and girls.

On the other hand, followers of mixed schools think that this type is more benefit. First, the co-educational schools are better because in real life boys and girls would interact with each other in various situations and it is a good idea to grow this skills from young ages. Second, pupils may learn opinions from each other in discusses on subjects, especially liberal subjects such as Literacy or History, because boys and girls often pay attention to different details and give different views on same events.

In conclusion, studying in co-educational schools, in my opinion, is more useful to young people because it prepares them for adult life and teaches them to receive new knowledge in spite of opposite gender impact. However, the choice should been available for parents and children what type of school to prefer.

[Vinodel]

Вот видите, я сказала, и вы получили!

Не забудьте, что письмо тоже на оценку влияет и легко может ее вниз потянуть.

Maimiti_Isabella, Вы опять были правы! Спасибо за адекватную оценку!!!

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Maimiti_Isabella, Вы опять были правы! Спасибо за адекватную оценку!!!

Это хорошо или плохо?

[Vinodel]

Это хорошо или плохо?

Думаю хорошо! Ваша оценка соответствует той, которая получается на экзамене!

[alexpeks]

стабильно получаю 5.5. за Эссе, хотя преподаватель ставит от 6 до 7.
одно из последних сочинений, подскажите пож, в чем основные проблемы
Спасибо
Topic
Some people say success can be achieved through hard work and determination, others argue it is reached by using money and personal appearance. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.


There are a lot of examples about people who have become successful nowadays. Some human beings suppose that it is possible only by working flatout and making strong decisions. Others think that financial resources and personal look are the main components of success, whilst I firmly believe that there are strong arguments on both sides.

In respect of the influence of the money and personal outward on success, in some areas and situation it is impossible to gain a personal satisfaction without cash and face; for instance, if a person want to gain popularity in a model business, it will not be possible with a low height or an ordinary appearance. In terms of money, as a prerequisite of success, sponsored by rich parents child have all chances to become wealthy in the life. As an example, children of affluent parents have been successful in music or on TV frequently. Consequently, money has a great effect on some spheres of life.

However, not only do money and personal look make an impact on the success, but also an ability to take high workload and a determination are very important for it. In some fields like science and politics it is especially significant to have a strong character and to work hard. For example, money and face cannot make a great scientist from a simple person. As a result, only substantial labor and talent to solve a problem can lead person to serious breakthroughs.

In conclusion, it is necessary to point out that all mentioned in this essay factors are equally important for success gaining in different spheres. It is very crucial for person to choose right field of activity based on his or her abilities and opportunities.

[agronom]

стабильно получаю 5.5. за Эссе, хотя преподаватель ставит от 6 до 7.
одно из последних сочинений, подскажите пож, в чем основные проблемы
Спасибо
Topic
Some people say success can be achieved through hard work and determination, others argue it is reached by using money and personal appearance. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.


There are a lot of examples about people who have become successful nowadays. Some human beings suppose that it is possible only by working flatout and making strong decisions. Others think that financial resources and personal look are the main components of success, whilst I firmly believe that there are strong arguments on both sides.

In respect of the influence of the money and personal outward on success, in some areas and situation it is impossible to gain a personal satisfaction without cash and face; for instance, if a person want to gain popularity in a model business, it will not be possible with a low height or an ordinary appearance. In terms of money, as a prerequisite of success, sponsored by rich parents child have all chances to become wealthy in the life. As an example, children of affluent parents have been successful in music or on TV frequently. Consequently, money has a great effect on some spheres of life.

However, not only do money and personal look make an impact on the success, but also an ability to take high workload and a determination are very important for it. In some fields like science and politics it is especially significant to have a strong character and to work hard. For example, money and face cannot make a great scientist from a simple person. As a result, only substantial labor and talent to solve a problem can lead person to serious breakthroughs.

In conclusion, it is necessary to point out that all mentioned in this essay factors are equally important for success gaining in different spheres. It is very crucial for person to choose right field of activity based on his or her abilities and opportunities.

вы пишите как на русском(обороты.порядок слов...)на английском мысли излогаются по другому.

[floy_libra]

Я не спец, но мне, помимо артиклей и т.п. проблем бросилось в глаза, что по структуре у вас порядок пунктов в интро один, а по абзацам он у вас наоборот. Затем, заключение я бы переделала. Вся эта фраза с point out - это вы как бы еще новую инфу даете, что не делается в заключениях. Там нужно повторить то, о чем вы уже говорили. И нужно вставить еще в последней фразе что-нибудь типа "in my view", т.к. ваше мнение иначе не прослеживается, в начале заявили, и все .

[Maimiti_Isabella]

стабильно получаю 5.5. за Эссе, хотя преподаватель ставит от 6 до 7.
одно из последних сочинений, подскажите пож, в чем основные проблемы
Спасибо
Topic
Some people say success can be achieved through hard work and determination, others argue it is reached by using money and personal appearance. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Меня сейчас закидают камнями (как обычно в подобных ситуациях!), но не может быть так тема написана на IELTS! Допущена грубейшая ошибка в пунктуации. Если вам такую тему дал ваш преподаватель, не исправив при этом ошибку, то bolded текст смотрится вполне закономерно.

см. пункт 6 на первой же странице в первом же сообщении: http://www.gday.ru/forum/ielts/20381...our-essay.html

[alexpeks]

Тему переписывал я, так что не исключаю) можете дать пример одного предложения (тот же смысл и слова, но чтобы порядок слов был английский)

[illi4]

Покритикуйте и моё, плз

It is generally believed that some people are born with certain talents, for instance for sport or music, and others are not. However, it is sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sports person or musician.

Discuss both views and give your opinion.



Over the centuries, generations of scientists have been struggling to understand the nature of genius. While it is widely accepted that some children are simply born gifted, many specialists argue that talent is a result of diligent work and intensive practice. Personally, I agree with the both points of view to some extent.

Apparently, some people learn certain skills much easier than others; in many cases, this becomes noticeable at an early age. The most obvious and quite reasonable explanation of the phenomenon is that such people are born with innate gifts. Indeed, a number of scientific research projects have demonstrated that talented children have slightly different brain activity compared to others. Besides this, one’s success in sports depends directly on characteristics of his or her body, predetermined by DNA. For example, physical strength is limited by the placement of muscles on bones.

In spite of these considerations, many factors may be more important than pure talent. Undoubtedly, nurture is one of the main influences on the development of specific skills. For example, if a child is regularly taught music lessons and often practices with peers, he or she may become a good musician. Also, it is generally believed that hard work is more important than innate gifts; outstanding professionals such as Tiger Woods and Mark Zuckerberg stress that only practice makes perfect.

In conclusion, achievement of remarkable results by some people can be explained by a broad variety of hypotheses, including the existence of natural talent or the influence of upbringing; this topic still remains contentious due to lack of profound evidence. Although I believe in the importance of practice, I am convinced that there is a widening gulf between ordinary people and real geniuses.

[illi4]

стабильно получаю 5.5. за Эссе, хотя преподаватель ставит от 6 до 7.
одно из последних сочинений, подскажите пож, в чем основные проблемы
Спасибо

Попробую, хотя я ещё ни разу не сдавал и вообще не претендую на истину
Не воспринимайте в штыки - я перечитал, довольно жёстко получилось, но это из лучших побуждений
Общее впечатление - вы пытаетесь "напоказ" использовать сложные предложения, точку с запятой, сложные конструкции, но при этом допускаете ошибки в порядке слов и грамматике. Я бы посоветовал попробовать писать эссе попроще, позаниматься с преподавателем (чтобы вы подтянули обычные вещи до хорошего уровня), и только после начинать использовать сложные конструкции.

Topic
Some people say success can be achieved through hard work and determination, others argue it is reached by using money and personal appearance. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.


There are a lot of examples about people who have become successful nowadays. Some human beings suppose that it is possible only by working flatout and making strong decisions. Others think that financial resources and personal look are the main components of success, whilst I firmly believe that there are strong arguments on both sides.

В эссе нельзя писать a lot of. Working flat out - неформально, не пойдёт для эссе. Human beings - наоборот, слишком академично. Strong decisions - непонятно, что значит strong? Financial resources, personal look - тоже не особо удачно.


In respect of the influence of the money and personal outward on success, in some areas and situation it is impossible to gain a personal satisfaction without cash and face; for instance, if a person want to gain popularity in a model business, it will not be possible with a low height or an ordinary appearance. In terms of money, as a prerequisite of success, sponsored by rich parents child have all chances to become wealthy in the life. As an example, children of affluent parents have been successful in music or on TV frequently. Consequently, money has a great effect on some spheres of life.

Нет первого "основного" предложения с идеей. Первое предложение тут не особо читабельно, много маленьких слов (остальные тоже, впрочем). И причём тут personal satisfaction? Тема спрашивает о достижении целей, а не дзене
Cash and face - это такая идиома? Ни-ни.
Ещё порядок слов периодически неправильный.
И, например, деньги сами по себе не могут "has a great effect", неправильно сформулирована мысль.

However, not only do money and personal look make an impact on the success, but also an ability to take high workload and a determination are very important for it. In some fields like science and politics it is especially significant to have a strong character and to work hard. For example, money and face cannot make a great scientist from a simple person. As a result, only substantial labor and talent to solve a problem can lead person to serious breakthroughs.

Мои предодаватели рекомендовали мне не начинать первое предложение параграфа с however или on the other hand. Not only не совсем правильно употребляется. Порядок слов. Грамматика.


In conclusion, it is necessary to point out that all mentioned in this essay factors are equally important for success gaining in different spheres. It is very crucial for person to choose right field of activity based on his or her abilities and opportunities.

Аналогичные замечания.