My essay, проверьте, покритикуйте! Спасибо!

[Dremlin]

Покритикуйте и моё, плз

It is generally believed that some people are born with certain talents, for instance for sport or music, and others are not. However, it is sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sports person or musician.

Discuss both views and give your opinion.



Over the centuries, generations of scientists have been struggling to understand the nature of genius. While it is widely accepted that some children are simply born gifted, many specialists argue that talent is a result of diligent work and intensive practice. Personally, I agree with the both points of view to some extent.

Apparently, some people learn certain skills much easier than others; in many cases, this becomes noticeable at an early age. The most obvious and quite reasonable explanation of the phenomenon is that such people are born with innate gifts. Indeed, a number of scientific research projects have demonstrated that talented children have slightly different brain activity compared to others. Besides this, one’s success in sports depends directly on characteristics of his or her body, predetermined by DNA. For example, physical strength is limited by the placement of muscles on bones.

In spite of these considerations, many factors may be more important than pure talent. Undoubtedly, nurture is one of the main influences on the development of specific skills. For example, if a child is regularly taught music lessons and often practices with peers, he or she may become a good musician. Also, it is generally believed that hard work is more important than innate gifts; outstanding professionals such as Tiger Woods and Mark Zuckerberg stress that only practice makes perfect.

In conclusion, achievement of remarkable results by some people can be explained by a broad variety of hypotheses, including the existence of natural talent or the influence of upbringing; this topic still remains contentious due to lack of profound evidence. Although I believe in the importance of practice, I am convinced that there is a widening gulf between ordinary people and real geniuses.

Personally, I agree with the both points of view to some extent. - Вас не спрашивают согласны Вы или не согласны. Вам по любому нужно рассмотреть обе точки зрения.

practice / practise - посмотрите.

артикли немножко нужно проработать.

А так в целом, имхо, хорошее эссе. А сколько Вам нужно? Сдавали IELTS до этого?

[illi4]

Personally, I agree with the both points of view to some extent. - Вас не спрашивают согласны Вы или не согласны. Вам по любому нужно рассмотреть обе точки зрения.

Как же "не спрашивают", а "and give your opinion" - это что?

practice / practise - посмотрите.

Whoops, да. Спасибо

артикли немножко нужно проработать.
А так в целом, имхо, хорошее эссе. А сколько Вам нужно? Сдавали IELTS до этого?

Спасибо. С артиклями можете подсказать, где ошибся? Перечитал перед отправкой пару раз. Мне нужно 8 за каждый модуль (в т.ч. Writing), сдавать буду первый раз 10го мая.

UPD: "В британском английском существительное Practice ("практика") пишется через c, а глагол Practise ("практиковать(ся), упражнять(ся)") пишется через s. Оба слова произносятся одинаково – [ 'præktis ]. В американском английском оба слова обычно пишутся через c"

[Polina_K]

Покритикуйте и моё, плз

It is generally believed that some people are born with certain talents, for instance for sport or music, and others are not. However, it is sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sports person or musician.

Discuss both views and give your opinion.



Over the centuries, generations of scientists have been struggling to understand the nature of genius. While it is widely accepted that some children are simply born gifted, many specialists argue that talent is a result of diligent work and intensive practice. Personally, I agree with the both points of view to some extent.

Apparently, some people learn certain skills much easier than others; in many cases, this becomes noticeable at an early age. The most obvious and quite reasonable explanation of the phenomenon is that such people are born with innate gifts. Indeed, a number of scientific research projects have demonstrated that talented children have slightly different brain activity compared to others. Besides this, one’s success in sports depends directly on characteristics of his or her body, predetermined by DNA. For example, physical strength is limited by the placement of muscles on bones.

In spite of these considerations, many factors may be more important than pure talent. Undoubtedly, nurture is one of the main influences on the development of specific skills. For example, if a child is regularly taught music lessons and often practices with peers, he or she may become a good musician. Also, it is generally believed that hard work is more important than innate gifts; outstanding professionals such as Tiger Woods and Mark Zuckerberg stress that only practice makes perfect.

In conclusion, achievement of remarkable results by some people can be explained by a broad variety of hypotheses, including the existence of natural talent or the influence of upbringing; this topic still remains contentious due to lack of profound evidence. Although I believe in the importance of practice, I am convinced that there is a widening gulf between ordinary people and real geniuses.

В целом, хорошее эссе.
Немного по поводу Task response
"diligent work and intensive practice" не совсем то же самое, что и "any child can be taught"
Вместо Цукерберга я бы привела пример музыканта, сам пример раскрыл бы не так роль практики, как роль учителя

При такой теме я бы выбрала одну точку зрения для своего мнения (либо каждого ребенка можно научить, либо не каждого - вряд ли возможны оба варианта ).

[illi4]

В целом, хорошее эссе.
Немного по поводу Task response
"diligent work and intensive practice" не совсем то же самое, что и "any child can be taught"
Вместо Цукерберга я бы привела пример музыканта, сам пример раскрыл бы не так роль практики, как роль учителя
При такой теме я бы выбрала одну точку зрения для своего мнения (либо каждого ребенка можно научить, либо не каждого - вряд ли возможны оба варианта ).

Да, действительно, спасибо.

[Dremlin]

Как же "не спрашивают", а "and give your opinion" - это что?

Discuss both views and give your opinion. - это вы должны дать свою точку зрения в конце, что Вы и сделали. Просто понимаете Вы написали, что как будто Вы подразумеваете, что у Вас есть варианты соглашаться с тем, что от Вас требуют в задании или нет. Но у Вас нет вариантов как только Discuss both views.

Спасибо. С артиклями можете подсказать, где ошибся?

Перечитал перед отправкой пару раз. Мне нужно 8 за каждый модуль (в т.ч. Writing), сдавать буду первый раз 10го мая.

a result of diligent work - я бы написал the result.
at an early age - я бы опустил артикль.
of the phenomenon - of this phenomenon
due to lack of profound evidence. - на счет lack не уверен. Нужен ли артикль, а evidence я бы поставил во множественном числе.

По поводу балла ничего не могу сказать...

[illi4]

Discuss both views and give your opinion. - это вы должны дать свою точку зрения в конце, что Вы и сделали. Просто понимаете Вы написали, что как будто Вы подразумеваете, что у Вас есть варианты соглашаться с тем, что от Вас требуют в задании или нет. Но у Вас нет вариантов как только Discuss both views.

Ну не знаю, очень спорно. Множество мануалов говорят об обратном. В частности, книга саймона.

a result of diligent work - я бы написал the result.
at an early age - я бы опустил артикль.
of the phenomenon - of this phenomenon
due to lack of profound evidence. - на счет lack не уверен. Нужен ли артикль, а evidence я бы поставил во множественном числе.

the result - да, наверное.
at an early age - не соглашусь. Раньше разбирали подобные примеры у препа, обычно говорят at an early age т.к. непонятно какой конкретно early age
the / this - можно и так, и так, 100%
due to lack of profound evidence - lack можно с артиклем, когда говорим о конкретике, но совет преподов - лучше не ставить вообще. Есть же общее правило избегать артиклей когда можно. В данном контексте лучше evidence а не evidences т.к. я говорю об "общем" и употребляю profound.

[Dremlin]

Ну не знаю, очень спорно. Множество мануалов говорят об обратном. В частности, книга саймона.

Ок.

at an early age - не соглашусь. Раньше разбирали подобные примеры у

at an early age - ок. Просто я думал, вы в общем (concept) говорите..
На счет феномена - да конечно можно и так и так...

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Покритикуйте и моё, плз

It is generally believed that some people are born with certain talents, for instance for sport or music, and others are not. However, it is sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sports person or musician.

Discuss both views and give your opinion.



Over the centuries, generations of scientists have been struggling to understand the nature of genius. While it is widely accepted that some children are simply born gifted, many specialists argue that talent is a result of diligent work and intensive practice. Personally, I agree with the both points of view to some extent.

Apparently, some people learn certain skills much easier than others; in many cases, this becomes noticeable at an early age. The most obvious and quite reasonable explanation of the phenomenon is that such people are born with innate gifts. Indeed, a number of scientific research projects have demonstrated that talented children have slightly different brain activity compared to others. Besides this, one’s success in sports depends directly on characteristics of his or her body, predetermined by DNA. For example, physical strength is limited by the placement of muscles on bones.

In spite of these considerations, many factors may be more important than pure talent. Undoubtedly, nurture is one of the main influences on the development of specific skills. For example, if a child is regularly taught music lessons and often practices with peers, he or she may become a good musician. Also, it is generally believed that hard work is more important than innate gifts; outstanding professionals such as Tiger Woods and Mark Zuckerberg stress that only practice makes perfect.

In conclusion, achievement of remarkable results by some people can be explained by a broad variety of hypotheses, including the existence of natural talent or the influence of upbringing; this topic still remains contentious due to lack of profound evidence. Although I believe in the importance of practice, I am convinced that there is a widening gulf between ordinary people and real geniuses.

Я бы за это эссе поставила твердую 7.5, но достаточно близко к 8.
Из того что совсем не понравилось: widening gulf between ordinary people and real geniuses
Интересно, почему это он (1) widening, (2) что такое real geniuses и (3) какое это отношение имеет к топику?

Все остальное OK.
Из советов:
1. cross out 'specialists' --> many argue

many specialists argue that talent

2. better wording: talented children have --> talented children exhibit

talented children have slightly different brain activity

3. better wording: may become --> may eventually become --> may eventually develop into a good musician

may become a good musician

4. practice vs. practise
5. innate gifts - repeated twice. Any particular reason for that?

[illi4]

Я бы за это эссе поставила твердую 7.5, но достаточно близко к 8.
Из того что совсем не понравилось: widening gulf between ordinary people and real geniuses
Интересно, почему это он (1) widening, (2) что такое real geniuses и (3) какое это отношение имеет к топику?

Хм, да, это совсем неудачно.

Все остальное OK.
Из советов:
1. cross out 'specialists' --> many argue
2. better wording: talented children have --> talented children exhibit
3. better wording: may become --> may eventually become --> may eventually develop into a good musician
4. practice vs. practise
5. innate gifts - repeated twice. Any particular reason for that?

Спасибо. 1, 2, 3 - взял на вооружение. 5 - косяк из-за невнимательности.
4 - нельзя ли просто употреблять practice (см. сообщение выше - насколько я понял, в амер англ не используют practise).

[Maimiti_Isabella]

4 - нельзя ли просто употреблять practice (см. сообщение выше - насколько я понял, в амер англ не используют practise).

Можно, если все остальное правописание у вас тоже будет на американском английском Кстати это не снизит оценку с 9 до 8.5

И в пред. сообщении забыла написать:
depends directly on characteristics of his or her body --> ... .. directly on their constitution

[illi4]

Покритикуйте ещё одно, плз Спасибо!

Some people believe that children are given too much free time. They feel that this time should be used to do more school work.
How do you think children should spend their free time?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.
Write at least 250 words.

Answer:

It is certainly true to say that the way to bring up a child is a contentious topic for many parents. While some adults believe that youth should spend their leisure time on learning, others think that children should rest however they want. Although I agree that schoolwork is important, I am convinced that there must be more to life than only studying.

Undoubtedly, children should be encouraged to learn since childhood is the best time to gain academic knowledge. In fact, a number of scientific research projects have demonstrated that students who manage to postpone relaxation until the completion of their homework are generally more successful in the prime of their life. On the contrary, if children spend too much time with peers, parents may eventually lose their authority; unsupervised young boys may even be involved in juvenile delinquency.

In spite of these considerations, rest is a crucial factor not only in studying, but in social life as well. Socialization with peers is extremely important for every child; young children should learn how to make acquaintances and friends since soft skills may be more beneficial than academic knowledge. Also, if children spend their leisure time alone, they may feel lonely and unfulfilled. Additionally, it is impossible to bring up a versatile person when a child spends his or her time solely on doing homework.

In conclusion, I believe that adults should encourage youth to spend some time on their hobbies, relaxation, and socialization with peers. On the other hand, parents should certainly supervise the academic achievements of their children and help them when necessary. I am sure that a good balance will result in a child growing up to become a productive member of society

[agronom]

Покритикуйте ещё одно, плз Спасибо!

Some people believe that children are given too much free time. They feel that this time should be used to do more school work.
How do you think children should spend their free time?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.
Write at least 250 words.

Answer:

It is certainly true to say that the way to bring up a child is a contentious topic for many parents. While some adults believe that youth should spend their leisure time on learning, others think that children should rest however they want. Although I agree that schoolwork is important, I am convinced that there must be more to life than only studying.

Undoubtedly, children should be encouraged to learn since childhood is the best time to gain academic knowledge. In fact, a number of scientific research projects have demonstrated that students who manage to postpone relaxation until the completion of their homework are generally more successful in the prime of their life. On the contrary, if children spend too much time with peers, parents may eventually lose their authority; unsupervised young boys may even be involved in juvenile delinquency.

In spite of these considerations, rest is a crucial factor not only in studying, but in social life as well. Socialization with peers is extremely important for every child; young children should learn how to make acquaintances and friends since soft skills may be more beneficial than academic knowledge. Also, if children spend their leisure time alone, they may feel lonely and unfulfilled. Additionally, it is impossible to bring up a versatile person when a child spends his or her time solely on doing homework.

In conclusion, I believe that adults should encourage youth to spend some time on their hobbies, relaxation, and socialization with peers. On the other hand, parents should certainly supervise the academic achievements of their children and help them when necessary. I am sure that a good balance will result in a child growing up to become a productive member of society

ИМХО
should spend their leisure time-should spend their free(out of classes,spare..)time

children should rest however they want.-whenever they want(have opportunities...)



придут более изощренные и опытные форумчане-проверят по полной.
мне в общем понравилось.

[illi4]

ИМХО
should spend their leisure time-should spend their free(out of classes,spare..)time
children should rest however they want.-whenever they want(have opportunities...)
придут более изощренные и опытные форумчане-проверят по полной.
мне в общем понравилось.

Спасибо, но я с обоими замечаниями не очень согласен Ибо whenever - это совсем другой смысл, "however they want" это обычная конструкция. Ну и "spend leisure time" тоже говорят.
Но вот spare можно было куда-нибудь всунуть, спасибо.

[Dremlin]

Покритикуйте ещё одно, плз Спасибо!

Some people believe that children are given too much free time. They feel that this time should be used to do more school work.
How do you think children should spend their free time?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.
Write at least 250 words.

Answer:

It is certainly true to say that the way to bring up a child is a contentious topic for many parents. While some adults believe that youth should spend their leisure time on learning, others think that children should rest however they want. Although I agree that schoolwork is important, I am convinced that there must be more to life than only studying.

Undoubtedly, children should be encouraged to learn since childhood is the best time to gain academic knowledge. In fact, a number of scientific research projects have demonstrated that students who manage to postpone relaxation until the completion of their homework are generally more successful in the prime of their life. On the contrary, if children spend too much time with peers, parents may eventually lose their authority; unsupervised young boys may even be involved in juvenile delinquency.

In spite of these considerations, rest is a crucial factor not only in studying, but in social life as well. Socialization with peers is extremely important for every child; young children should learn how to make acquaintances and friends since soft skills may be more beneficial than academic knowledge. Also, if children spend their leisure time alone, they may feel lonely and unfulfilled. Additionally, it is impossible to bring up a versatile person when a child spends his or her time solely on doing homework.

In conclusion, I believe that adults should encourage youth to spend some time on their hobbies, relaxation, and socialization with peers. On the other hand, parents should certainly supervise the academic achievements of their children and help them when necessary. I am sure that a good balance will result in a child growing up to become a productive member of society

1. Не знаю как Вам, но мне не нравится слово youth, я бы заменил на schoolchildren или offspring.
2. learning / studying - "I hate studying. I like learning. Learning is beautiful." (C) Natalie Portman.
3. others think that children should rest however they want - should take rest how they want (in a way they want)
4. there must be more to life than only studying - there must be more in their lives apart from studying.
5. children should be encouraged to learn since childhood is the best time to gain academic knowledge. children should be encouraged to learn since childhood because it is the best time to gain academic knowledge. Хотя я бы поспорил.
Еще много чего не понравилось. Например повторение одних и тех же слов youth, child/children, academice knowledge...

Имхо, эссе соу соу... Конечно же смотря сколько Вам нужно.

[illi4]

1. Не знаю как Вам, но мне не нравится слово youth, я бы заменил на schoolchildren или offspring.
2. learning / studying - "I hate studying. I like learning. Learning is beautiful." (C) Natalie Portman.
3. others think that children should rest however they want - should take rest how they want (in a way they want)
4. there must be more to life than only studying - there must be more in their lives apart from studying.
5. children should be encouraged to learn since childhood is the best time to gain academic knowledge. children should be encouraged to learn since childhood because it is the best time to gain academic knowledge. Хотя я бы поспорил.
Еще много чего не понравилось. Например повторение одних и тех же слов youth, child/children, academice knowledge...

Имхо, эссе соу соу... Конечно же смотря сколько Вам нужно.

Я с Вашими комментами не совсем согласен, но спасибо за отзыв Поясню:
1. Мои преподы говорят, что youth - это ок, но в начале предложения нэйтивы его обычно не употребляют. А вот kids и youngsters употреблять не стоит. За offsprings - спасибо (действительно, можно использовать в предложениях, где фигурируют родители). По поводу повторений child/children/youth/young boys and girls - ну что поделать, тема такая, о детях
2. Я поэтому и писал studying
3. Преподы не делали замечаний насчёт however they want (употреблял несколько раз). Загуглил - много раз встречается и в эссе, и в формальных статьях. Нет?
4. Нет, я использовал since вместо because, в предложении другой смысл.

Мне нужна 8ка.