My essay, проверьте, покритикуйте! Спасибо!

[SunRise]

Это разговорное выражение в необразованных кругах моего и более старшего поколения. Молодое поколение даже не очень образованное по-моему так уже не говорят. Во всяком случае в Сиднее.

Спасибо за разъяснение! Нам бы дотянуть в плане англ. до того необразованного поколения....

[SunRise]

wasting -> wasting of - the noun is waste. It is a waste of time.
In according to - according to or in accordance with.
outside of that -> outside of school? (too repetitive), at home (better) - after school
... moment in this system ... -> ...moment OF this system... ? - such education system
children have a heap of time for self-developing -> children have a enough of time for self-development - heaps of can mean a lot, but it is informal. enough time - no of.
it is makes pupils to remember -> it makes pupils to (?) remember - let/make do(bare infinitive).
theirself -> their-self - themselves
chance for using - chance to use
as far as they want to have free time -> children have a good chance to use time management if they want to have free time - can be as long as they ...
I would be want to say -> ? - what's be what? I would like to say.

Other corrections are more or less fine.

PS: almost forgot what about the comma I highlighted?

What can I say....
Study, study and study again, as said one of marxism-leninism's classic.

P.S. My teacher every time replaces my "I would be want to say" with "I would like to say", but I repeat it again and again.

[Goran Dražić]

I saw advertisement of newest Nokia's devices -> I saw advertisement of THE newest Nokia's devices - the latest
both phones was of awful... -> both phones were of awful... - Also, I would say they were in black.
in __ Chinese language -> in THE Chinese language - Correct. In Chinese, but in the Chinese language.
As far as I know only English I had to turn off that. -> I had to turn it off because I know only English - much better. Study the difference and the use of as long as and as far as.
To solve this unkind situation I going to make some action. - unkind -> unpleasant. make action -> take action.
shop send me phones I exact ordered -> shop send me exact phones that I ordered (?) - Right. Plus the before exact.
I would be want - not just stupid, but grammatically incorrect. What kind of form is be want?

[Goran Dražić]

P.S. My teacher every time replaces my "I would be want to say" with "I would like to say", but I repeat it again and again.

Where does this be comes from? Is it like я -> I хотів -> would like би -> be сказати -> say?

[SunRise]

Where does this be comes from? Is it like я -> I хотів -> would like би -> be сказати -> say?

You are quite right about the way "be" come to that phrase.

Thanks for review of the second part of my text!

[Goran Dražić]

Dear Madam or Sir
I am writing to complain about quality of mobile devices I ordered and bought in your internet-shop. - separate paragraph to express the reason for writing.

At the beginning of June 2013 I saw advertisement of newest Nokia's devices and then google shown than these products are available in your online shop. So I ordered Nokia Lumia 720 in yellow case and Nokia Lumia 620 in pink case (order number 1234566789 from 5 June 2013). Yesterday, 12 June, devices were delivered to my office. I was very happy until opened the package. - I would skip/shorten the internet bit and concentrate on what they ask you to write about - the details of order.


First of all, both phones was of awful black colour – I and my wife hate this colour. The second, when I turned on Lumia 720, I saw that all interface was in Chinese language. As far as I know only English I had to turn off that. The second phone – Lumia 620 – did not work at all. As result I have got headache for my own money. - try to keep neutral tone and concentrate on things they can fix. Avoid being emotional.


To solve this unkind situation I going to make some action. First of all, I get back these devices and your internet-shop will pay for that. Then that there are options: either your shop send me phones I exact ordered or you pay back my money. I would be want to see your view how to resolve this problem as fast as possible. - your tone is totally inappropriate. You sound like you are threatening them. There are two types of complaints - mild and strong. This one is a mild one because it happened for the first time. Try to be more polite.


Sincerely yours,
Alex - are you their friend?

[Goran Dražić]

You are quite right about the way "be" come to that phrase.

Sorry for that.

[Goran Dražić]

Will try to write some notes on TR/CC parts of your essay later. Have to work some time

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Не знал. Вот оно советское образование.

Так, спору ради: в советское время учили правильно

[dazik]

идете вот сюда:
British National Corpus (BYU-BNC)
печатаете make a conclusion, then hit the search button.

Делаем тоже самое вот здесь: Oxford Dictionaries Online

Но все-таки лучше 3 раза: Cambridge Free English Dictionary & Thesaurus

Только уговор: расскажите потом всем, что вы сделали с Lingvo

Кстати, гугл таких фраз миллионы выдает. Mistakes can easily go viral!
С лингво делала только копи-пасте. У меня установлен Lingvox3.
Там еще вот так есть:
"to draw / make up a conclusion — делать вывод"

А я так всегда писала. Вот обидно, выучишь- а оказывается неверно. Еще в разных словарях смотреть нужно для верности. Спасибо, удалю из обихода.

[dazik]

Вам тоже 7 нужны?

Ага, 3 раза сдавала. Writing 5.5. Keep fighting

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Кстати, гугл таких фраз миллионы выдает. Mistakes can easily go viral!
С лингво делала только копи-пасте. У меня установлен Lingvox3.
Там еще вот так есть:
"to draw / make up a conclusion — делать вывод"

Спасибо, удалю из обихода.

Удалите Lingvo. Так будет надежнее. (тем более, что я вообще не знаю что это такое)

[Vyacheslav16]

Удалите Lingvo. Так будет надежнее. (тем более, что я вообще не знаю что это такое)

Электронный словарь ABBYY Lingvo x5: русско-английский словарь, англо-русский словарь и другие электронные словари
У меня тоже продукт этой фирмы установлен, только не x3, а x5. Вроде ABBYY респектабельная компания, не?
Но на счет проверки другими словарями буду иметь в виду. Мне больше всего Longman нравится, там очень ходовые и понятные примеры, и не замудрено.

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Электронный словарь ABBYY Lingvo x5: русско-английский словарь, англо-русский словарь и другие электронные словари

Thanks, but no thanks.

У меня тоже продукт этой фирмы установлен, только не x3, а x5. Вроде ABBYY респектабельная компания, не?

No idea, sorry!

[dazik]

dazik, мне Ваше эссе понравилось тем, что Вы, находясь между двумя крайними позциями, сумели все разложить по полочкам и понятно выразить свое мнение.
На счет синонимов draw (make) a conclusion. В моем эссе тоже есть пара мест, где они вместо моего слова вставляют свое. Мне кажется, что это просто личные предпочтения проверяющего. Например, мой шотландец ничего не сказал по поводу моих вариантов. В Вашем случае draw точно не ошибка.

Видимо, не совсем по полочкам я разложила, раз они пишут:An attempt to accomplish the task response is visible. 6.5
Т.е. я только попыталась, но не ответила.