My essay, проверьте, покритикуйте! Спасибо!

[Anastasy_]

Покритикуйте. можете приблизительный балл сказать?
Computers can translate all kinds of languages well. Will children need to learn foreign languages in the future? Or can they rely on computers to do all their translations for them? Discuss and state your own opinion.


It is a fact that computers are playing big role in our life at the present time. People are maximizing potential uses of computers. One of the features of this device is translation of different languages. But can we put trust in computer translation?
One of the advantages of computer translation is speed. If a person doesn’t have any idea about a foreign language, one can utilize this special application to translate any text with the computer. But there is one important issue about this – will this translation awards be accurate with the meaning of the text? Will it be comprehensible to the other language? It is a fact that electronic translators interpret texts word for word. There is a common glitch that phrases lose their meaning in computer interpretation. My personal view it is a result of differences in cultures and the mentality of various nations.
On the other hand many people argue that computers can replace live translators and teachers of foreign languages. This point of view means that people can rely on computers to do all translations. So children will not feel the need of learning foreign languages. They can effectively communicate with people from other countries with the assistance of the computer. But I believe that in this case a problem of understanding each other will take a place and it may happen because of reasons I have written about above.
It strikes me that studying of foreign languages must be a requirement for children at school because when they learn, for example, English language they will also get the opportunity to know about the culture and history of England as well as the people of English nation. And not only England but also Great Britain. Also knowledge of foreign language promotes mental development. Of course children may use computers as a tool in learning language, optionally as a vocabulary of words and sentences to check orthography or for instant translation. But if they want to translate the whole meaning of their phrases children must use their mind.

[Rus_R]

Some people say that the Internet is making the world smaller by bringing people together. To what extent do you agree that the internet is making it easier for people to communicate with one another?

Invention of the Internet completely changed our lives. Nowadays people have almost unlimited access to an information, remote education and very easy communication.
The first communication programs like ICQ or Mirc were able only to transfer text messages within the intranet or the Internet and were used by narrow group of people closely connected with computers. They were very simple, but some of them are still in use.
Next big step in electronic communication was made with E-mail. The biggest benefit from it received a business, as communications became faster and more secure. It is so easy today to make an order in Chinese and sold it to Germany being in the USA. Twenty years ago you had to make an expensive call or wait letter for ages. Easy and effective communications opened new markets and possibilities.
Current means of communication are functional and can be used on a number of devices such as smartphones, tablets, laptops, PCs. They can transfer text, images, voice and even video. No matter where you are now, because you are accessible any time and the only thing you need for this is the Internet. When I started my studies about fifteen years ago, we didn't have even landline phone, so I wrote letters to my friend. Today I can call by Skype or write a message on Facebook or drop a line with Wiber.
I'm pretty sure that the Internet made a huge contribution to simplify our life, made it more effective and us closer to each other. It is a great instrument and it is our task to use it effective and for good.

Это мои первые попытки, наверное пока не очень складно. Буду рада замечаниям и советам.

[NestyIvan]

Хоть я и "косепор", но попробую посмотреть.

In today’s world, the number of road accidents is great enough to be a problem. There is an opinion that government is not only who (is not the only one who. не уверен, что относительно government так можно) should take part in the case of decrease a quantity (м.б. стоит упростить? take part in decreasing the quantity...)of misadventures on roads. Individuals have to be responsible for their behavior during (while) driving(см. правила пунктуации для as well as) as well as authorities should help them. Arguments for combined obligation will be showed (simple future passive) below.

[COLOR=black]On the one hand, government should do everything to support safe driving. First of all, they have to provide qualitative roads, visible road signs and necessary lighting. It is not a secret (что-то тут должно быть) the most serious accidents occur during night (лучше - over the night time period. см. over vs during) or where (are) no warning signs. Thus, if authorities would (это исключение из условного типа предложения?) intensify their participation controlling how properly the road service maintain roads and allocating funds for this work (извините, я не понял это предложение). It could allow diminishing the number of car accidents. Secondly, traffic police are(is a?) valuable resource in this case. (артикль?)Control of traffic regulations gives (артикль) confidence that nobody is allowed to break laws without (артикль?) punishment. It goes without saying that traffic police doing much (a lot; great work) to insist on lawbreakers to be calm and polite on the roads.

Ссори, только часть посмотрел...

[АнатолийI]

In summary, after analyzing the discussed subject, it becomes undeniable that the problem of reducing the number of road accidents will be able to be solved by common efforts of individuals and government. Both of them should unite together to achieve success in this case.

Too many mistakes and other problems! Would you like to revise the Conclusion?

Нашел одну (to be solved). Больше ничего криминального, кроме вычурности может быть. Показал сотруднику-англичанину. Он заметил, что можно бы предложения покороче сделать и всё.
Прошу указать что не так.

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Нашел одну (to be solved). Больше ничего криминального, кроме вычурности может быть.

In summary, after analyzing the discussed subject, it becomes undeniable that the problem of reducing the number of road accidents will be able to solve by common efforts of individuals and government. Both of them should unite together to achieve success in this case.

will be solved/ can be solved - но никак не выделенное красным. В активном залоге (we will be able to solve the problem) так сказать можно, но не в пассивном.

what do you mean by 'common efforts'? Do you mean 'joint efforts' / 'concerted efforts'?

Both/both parties

unite together - a разве можно unite не together?

--> All interested / concerned parties should unite in their effort to combat the problem in order to achieve the desired results.

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Покритикуйте. можете приблизительный балл сказать?
Computers can translate all kinds of languages well. Will children need to learn foreign languages in the future? Or can they rely on computers to do all their translations for them? Discuss and state your own opinion.


It is a fact that computers are playing big role in our life at the present time. People are maximizing potential uses of computers. One of the features of this device is translation of different languages. But can we put trust in computer translation?
One of the advantages of computer translation is speed. If a person doesn’t have any idea about a foreign language, one can utilize this special application to translate any text with the computer. But there is one important issue about this – will this translation awards be accurate with the meaning of the text? Will it be comprehensible to the other language? It is a fact that electronic translators interpret texts word for word. There is a common glitch that phrases lose their meaning in computer interpretation. My personal view it is a result of differences in cultures and the mentality of various nations.
On the other hand many people argue that computers can replace live translators and teachers of foreign languages. This point of view means that people can rely on computers to do all translations. So children will not feel the need of learning foreign languages. They can effectively communicate with people from other countries with the assistance of the computer. But I believe that in this case a problem of understanding each other will take a place and it may happen because of reasons I have written about above.
It strikes me that studying of foreign languages must be a requirement for children at school because when they learn, for example, English language they will also get the opportunity to know about the culture and history of England as well as the people of English nation. And not only England but also Great Britain. Also knowledge of foreign language promotes mental development. Of course children may use computers as a tool in learning language, optionally as a vocabulary of words and sentences to check orthography or for instant translation. But if they want to translate the whole meaning of their phrases children must use their mind.

Bolded words and question marks показывают, что вы не изучили требования к formal and semi-formal стилю.
Кроме того, очень много ошибок в артиклях, вернее их отсутствии.

(и если будете писать в след. раз, пожалуйста, пропускайте строчки между абзацами)

Прежде чем писать эссе рекомендую ознакомиться с требованиями.

Хотя, если вам достаточно 6, то наверное можно оставить и так.

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Some people say that the Internet is making the world smaller by bringing people together. To what extent do you agree that the internet is making it easier for people to communicate with one another?

Invention of the Internet completely changed our lives. Nowadays people have almost unlimited access to an information, remote education and very easy communication..

Исходя из Introduction делаю вывод, что след. абзац будет о том, как unlimited access to information изменил нашу жиснь. Потом вы будете рассуждать о distance education, а лишь потом об общении между людьми.

Обратите внимание, что в теме ничего не говорится про доступ к информации и образованию, т.е. вы полностью изменили тему эссе.

* information не может использваться неопределенным артиклем, так как это неисчисляемое существительное.
* то образование, о кот. вы говорите, называется distance / online education

[Rus_R]

Исходя из Introduction делаю вывод, что след. абзац будет о том, как unlimited access to information изменил нашу жиснь. Потом вы будете рассуждать о distance education, а лишь потом об общении между людьми.

Обратите внимание, что в теме ничего не говорится про доступ к информации и образованию, т.е. вы полностью изменили тему эссе.

* information не может использваться неопределенным артиклем, так как это неисчисляемое существительное.
* то образование, о кот. вы говорите, называется distance / online education

О, спасибо, дествительно отошла от темы, введение получилось очень размытое, общее.

[АнатолийI]

После первичной чистки выношу на допроверку в порядке очереди. Спасибо.

Government should not be expected to take sole responsibility for reducing the number of road accidents; individuals should share this responsibility.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In today’s world, the number of road accidents is great enough to be a problem. There is an opinion that government is not only who should take part in the case of decrease a quantity of misadventures on roads. Individuals have to be responsible for their behavior during driving as well as authorities should help them. Arguments for combined obligation will be showed below.

On the one hand, government should do everything to support safe driving. First of all, they have to provide qualitative roads, visible road signs and necessary lighting. It is not a secret the most serious accidents occur during night or where are no warning signs. Thus, if authorities would intensify their participation controlling how properly the road service maintain roads and allocating funds for this work. It could allow diminishing the number of car accidents. Secondly, traffic police are the valuable resource in this case. Control of traffic regulations gives confidence that nobody is allowed to break laws without punishment. It goes without saying that traffic police doing a lot to insist on lawbreakers to be calm and polite on the roads.

On the other hand, individuals must aspire to be superb drivers themselves. They have to keep their vehicles in the work conditions doing it regulary. Citizens must respect a law driving without over speeding and being sober. In addition, they should avoid driving personal transport during storms or snowfalls. Almost everyone can give a few examples when some road accidents happened due to incorrect driver’s behavior. Neither bans nor penalties could improve road situation without willing of individuals to support this idea.

In summary, after analyzing the discussed subject, it becomes undeniable that the problem of reducing the number of road accidents will be able to solve by common efforts of individuals and government. Both of them should unite together to achieve success in this case.

Ещё раз
спасибо всем кто помогал здесь и в ветке "Пишем эссе пошагово"

In today’s world, the number of road accidents is great enough to be a problem. There is an opinion that government is not single stakeholder which should take part in decrease the quantity of misadventures on roads. Individuals have to be responsible for their behavior while driving as well as authorities should help them. Arguments for combined obligation will be shown below.

On the one hand, government should do everything to support safe driving. First of all, they have to provide qualitative roads, visible road signs and necessary lighting. It is not a secret that the most serious accidents occur over nighttime or in places where there are no warning signs. Thus, if authorities intensify their participation controlling how properly the road service maintain roads and allocating funds for this work, it will allow to diminish the number of car accidents. Secondly, traffic police is a valuable resource in this case. Сontrol of traffic regulations gives confidence that nobody is allowed to break laws without punishment. It goes without saying that traffic police do a lot to insist on lawbreakers to be calm and polite on the roads.

On the other hand, individuals must aspire to be superb drivers themselves. They have to keep up their vehicles in the working conditions. Citizens must respect the law driving without speeding and being sober. In addition, they should avoid driving personal transport during storms or snowfalls. Almost everyone can give a few examples when some road accidents happened due to incorrect driver’s behavior. Neither bans nor penalties could improve road safety without individuals willing to bear responsibility in this issue.

In summary, after analyzing the subject, it becomes undeniable that the problem of reducing the number of road accidents can be solved by joint efforts of individuals and government. Both concerned parties should unite in their effort to combat the problem and achieve success.

[Goran Dražić]

In today’s world, the number of road accidents is great enough to be a problem. There is an opinion that government is not only which should take part in decrease the quantity of misadventures on roads. Individuals have to be responsible for their behavior while driving as well as authorities should help them. Arguments for combined obligation will be shown below.

On the one hand, government should do everything to support safe driving. First of all, they have to provide qualitative roads, visible road signs and necessary lighting. It is not a secret that the most serious accidents occur over nighttime or where are no warning signs. Thus, if authorities intensify their participation controlling how properly the road service maintain roads and allocating funds for this work, it will allow diminishing the number of car accidents. Secondly, traffic police is a valuable resource in this case. Сontrol of traffic regulations gives confidence that nobody is allowed to break laws without punishment. It goes without saying that traffic police doing a lot to insist on lawbreakers to be calm and polite on the roads.

On the other hand, individuals must aspire to be superb drivers themselves. They have to keep their vehicles in the work conditions doing it regularly. Citizens must respect a law driving without speeding and being sober. In addition, they should avoid getting their own automobiles during storms or snowfalls. Almost everyone can give a few examples when some road accidents happened due to incorrect driver’s behavior. Neither bans nor penalties could improve road safety without willing of individuals to support this idea.

In summary, after analyzing the discussed subject, it becomes undeniable that the problem of reducing the number of road accidents can be solve by joint efforts of individuals and government. Both concerned parties should unite in their effort to combat the problem and achieve success.

is not only which - you need a noun or a pronoun after is not. Only is neither of them. Who was fine.
Individuals have to be responsible for their behavior while driving as well as authorities should help them. - as well as links two nouns, verbs, adjectives, not two simple sentences.
qualitative roads - qualitative vs quality(adjective)
the most serious accidents occur over nighttime - at night?
where are no warning signs - in places where there are no signs.
allow diminishing - allow is followed by infinitive.
Сontrol of traffic regulations - control = regulations. It's a bit confusing.
traffic police doing a lot - what kind of tense form is this?
traffic police doing a lot to insist on lawbreakers to be calm - 1. insist that lawbreakers are calm. 2. just lawbreakers?
keep their vehicles in the work conditions - I suspect this is direct translation from Russian.
They have to keep their vehicles in the work conditions doing it regularly. - doing what regularly? Can you regularly keep something in good conditions? keep = regularly.
Citizens must respect a law - which one? the law.
Citizens must respect a law driving without speeding and being sober. - this is an interesting one. Respect a law being sober or without being sober? Being sober is closer to without
they should avoid getting their own automobiles - getting automobile? They should switch to public transport or they should avoid travelling by personal transport.
without willing of individuals to support this idea - 1. Word order - without individuals willing to support this idea. 2. Which idea are you talking about?
after analyzing the discussed subject - same stuff.
can be solve - misprint?

[al_and_lena]

Добрый день!
Покритикуйте, пожалуйста.
Заранее спасибо.

Government should not be expected to take sole responsibility for reducing the number of road accidents; individuals should share this responsibility.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Give reasons to your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

At the present time, the authority and police are usually blamed for the [DEL]a[/DEL] number of car crashes. However, such accusations [DEL]it is[/DEL] are often used as [DEL]an[/DEL] excuses for the carelessness of road users. These [DEL]Such[/DEL] people have raised a number of objections and have refused to share obligations for road safety [DEL]safety on roads[/DEL]. There are several reasons why I believe such attitude is erroneous.

First of all, it is certainly true that the government owns the road infrastructure and is responsible for its safety. The authority is interested in providing the country with modern transport network so as to help its economy development. On the other hand, government is only one of many participants such as pedestrians, car manufacturers, providers of the highways and so forth. Thus, it would be simply unfair to put the blame only on the authority.

The second objection which raised indicates that the government duty is protection of its citizens from any external and internal dangers. However, authority can't and shouldn't watch every step of each road user; it only provides the most possible convenient and safest environment. Therefore, safety of individuals is in their own hands and common sense to use roads properly.

Finally, it is often argued that the government can regulate car manufacturing, highways constructing and the emergency services to make them safer and effective. Taking into consideration the cost of such means, which even most developed and rich countries can't afford nowadays, and impossibility to predict all danger on the road we can assume that the situation would remain a high-risk gamble for a long time if all sides did not take their part in its solving.

In conclusion, I strongly believe that both the government and individuals have to take responsibility for lowering quantity [DEL](с неисчисляемыми сущ.) amount[/DEL] of road accidents. Each of them has its own power to change current situation for the better. I hope that the government would get more citizens involved into solving the problem [DEL]the problem solving[/DEL] and they would join this with more responsible attitude.

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Добрый день!
Покритикуйте, пожалуйста.
Заранее спасибо.

Governments should not be expected to take sole responsibility for reducing the number of road accidents; individuals should share this responsibility.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Give reasons to your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

At the present time, authorities and police are usually blamed for a number of car crashes (1). However, it (2) is often used as an excuse for the carelessness of road users. Such people (3) have raised a number of objections and have refused to share obligations (4) for safety on roads (5). There are several reasons why I believe such attitude is erroneous.


In conclusion, I strongly believe that both government (6) and individuals have to take responsibility for lowering amount (7) of road accidents. Each of them has its own power to change ( current situation for the better. I hope that government (8, 6) would get more citizens involved into the problem solving (9) and they would join this (10) with more responsible attitude.

1. a number of - check out the meaning.
2. the reference is not clear. What does 'it' refer to?
3. which ones? The meaning is not clear, especially as they 'raised objections' to something we do not know.
4. are you sure this is the word you want to use? obligations vs. responsibilities. The first one actually means you have to do this under the moral or legal system. obliged vs. being responsible
5. road safety
6. the government / governments
7. a very basic mistake: number vs. amount
8. missing article
9. problem solving is a process, not the final result --> into solving the problem
10. what does 'this' refer to?

And finally Why didn't you change the wording in the Conclusion and repeated 'take responsibility'?

And finally finally When you say I hope that government (8, 6) would get more citizens involved, doesn't this mean that this is the responsibility of the government after all? I believe this statement contradicts your position of shared responsibility.

(Body paragraphs только быстро просмотрела и комментировать не буду).

[al_and_lena]

Мои "пять копеек".

Добрый день, покритикуйте пожалуйста.

With rapidly growing number of vehicles steadily increase (subject/verb agreement – the number of … increases) the number of emergency situations on roads. There is an (articles) opinion that governments should not be the only power entitled to tackle this problem. I agree with this statement, and inclined (tenses – I incline) to believe that people, as participants of the road traffic, should be more conscious.

Modern governments play significant managing role, but in case of improving road safety their abilities are limited. Authorities exert a lot of efforts in order to create control over drivers, pedestrians and transport condition (plurals - conditions). Despite enormous amount of resources being spent on this issue every year the situation barely becomes better. Probably, some severe rules might be established by governments, but negative aspects of such an act ”this” sounds better for me will overweight possible achievements. Obviously, a government simply cannot control every person on the road; thereby solution of this problem should be expected from another direction.

It seems that people abiding rules more respectfully is the way to reduce number of incidents on roads. Participants of the road traffic would improve safety more effectively, if there were less drunk drivers, fans of breaching the speed limits and pedestrians crossing roads in inappropriate places. People should be more concerned about following the road rules, because in this case they will not expose to risk their lives and others. Moreover, this would be a relief for authorities, if less efforts were required for sustain the order and safety on roads.

In conclusion, the number of vehicles will be constantly increasing in future and, in my opinion, (punctuation) people have no other options but to joint their efforts with authorities in order to make roads more safe (comparative degree - safer).

[NestyIvan]

Мои "пять копеек".

Спасибо.
Меня, правда, уже полинчевали на тему введения и заключения. Поэтому я их переделывал уже.

"such an act ”this” sounds better for me" - если переделывать на this, то и артикль надо убирать и усиление пропадёт...
"transport condition (plurals - conditions)" - да, тут ошибка. Надо вообще переделать на "technical condition of vehicles".

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Спасибо.
Меня, правда, уже полинчевали на тему введения и заключения. Поэтому я их переделывал уже.

"such an act ”this” sounds better for me" - если переделывать на this, то и артикль надо убирать и усиление пропадёт...
"transport condition (plurals - conditions)" - да, тут ошибка. Надо вообще переделать на "technical condition of vehicles".

roadworthiness of both public and private vehicles.