My essay, проверьте, покритикуйте! Спасибо!

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Maimiti_Isabella, спасибо за критику. Если не трудно, направтье в нужное русло по следующей информации.


1. through
Словрь Lingvo 10. Один из вариантов - "в течение, в продолжение, на протяжении"

2. therefore
Словрь Lingvo 10 - "поэтому, следовательно"

Видимо, надо выкинуть lingvo и использовать другой словарь?

1. что такое Lingvo не знаю и желания узнать не имею. Кроме того, кроме просто словарного значения слова существуют а) значения слова б) употребление в предложении. Судя по тому как вы употребили слово therefore в Lingvo 10 последнего нет. Или вы просмотрели

'мой' словарь: Cambridge Free English Dictionary and Thesaurus

Нужны какие-то другие "плюшки" вместо денег.

Да, например, приобрести новые skills, experience or to 'give something back' or just because I can.

А по поводу работы и туризма - волонтер же не будет 24 часа 7 дней в неделю DO THE JOB, вот в свободное от работы время и можно побыть туристом )

Неужели вашего работодателя волнует чем вы заниметесь в свободное от работы время?

Тут мысль была вот в чем. Не могу представить человека, который захочет бесплатно работать на работе )

Я думаю, мы с вами о цене договоримся? Только учтите, я дорого беру

[NestyIvan]

Здравствуйте. Посмотрите пожалуйста.

Nowadays it is easy to apply for and be given a credit card. However, some people experience problems when they are not be able to pay their debts back. In your opinion, do the advantages of credit cards outweigh the disadvantages?


With modern bank system it is easy to have a permanent access to immediate credits. To my way of thinking, people should be careful with credit cards, because this opportunity has both positive and negative aspects.

First of all, there are several benefits of having “bank in the pocket”. A person with a credit card does not have to fill application forms in a bank office and wait some time for a positive response, the credit is available at any time. That is extremely valuable in emergency situations, when the access to money should be immediate. Another positive aspect is that people are able to spend more, thereby their buying ability raises. This certainly helps in stimulation of markets, which is of great value for economic development of a country.

However, people should be aware of all the responsibilities of having a credit card. In most cases banks tend to provide as much loans as possible due to the interest charges. Moreover, the genuine terms and conditions of the credit agreement are usually neatly hidden. Afterwards, some innocent individuals believe they were given the unlimited resources and begin purchasing much more products than they actually need. This leads to the situation when the credit card holder totally emptied the account and is unable to pay the fees. Thus, what should have been the first aid and assistance in need becomes a reason for desperation.

In conclusion, I am inclined to believe that individuals should be rational when using a credit card in order to obtain all of the advantages of having it.

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Здравствуйте. Посмотрите пожалуйста.

Nowadays it is easy to apply for and be given a credit card. However, some people experience problems when they are not be able to pay their debts back. In your opinion, do the advantages of credit cards outweigh the disadvantages?


With modern bank system it is easy to have a permanent access to a loan with a credit card. To my way of thinking, people should be carefully with debts, since credit cards have both positive and negative aspects.

to a loan with a credit card - what do you mean? What's the correlation between the loan and the credit card?

be carefully with debts --> careful

with debts, since credit cards have both positive and negative aspects - coherence issues.

[Vyacheslav16]

However, some people experience problems when they are not be able to pay their debts back.

be - лишнее.

A person with a credit card do not have to fill application forms

does not have to...

the loan is available on any time.

at any time.

thereby their buying ability raise.

raises

which is of great value for economic developing of a country.

I would use "development".

In conclusion, I inclined to believe that

am inclined...

Во многих случаях артикли употреблены неправильно, на мой взгляд.

Самое главное - Task Achievement. По-моему, Вы увильнули от прямого ответа на вопрос. То есть, другими словами, Вы не ответили на вопрос.

С учетом последнего пункта, боюсь, больше 5.0 не набрать.

[NestyIvan]

to a loan with a credit card - what do you mean? What's the correlation between the loan and the credit card?

А вот это даже интересно, т.к. wiki говорит: "A credit card allows small short-term loans".
Но значения в словаре кэмбриджа на loan и credit немного разные. Подскажите пожалуйста - всё-таки есть большая разница смысловая?

В любом случае спасибо.

Надо бы мне свои идеи чётко и прямо высказывать...

[Maimiti_Isabella]

А вот это даже интересно, т.к. wiki говорит: "A credit card allows small short-term loans".
Но значения в словаре кэмбриджа на loan и credit немного разные. Подскажите пожалуйста - всё-таки есть большая разница смысловая?

В любом случае спасибо.

Надо бы мне свои идеи чётко и прямо высказывать...

Понятия не имею, есть ли разница или нет. Но вашу фразу я могу понять только в одном значении: если у меня есть кредитная карта, то я имею право на loan (например, на машину) автоматически. Т.е. я иду в банк и мне его дают без дальнейших вопросов и проверок.

Кредитная карта дает кредит, а не loan У loan и проценты другие, и условия другие.

[mati]

Мне кажется, самая главная проблема- нет ответа на вопрос "do the advantages of credit cards outweigh the disadvantages?"
Кроме того в задании к любому ессе- дайте кнолидж и експириенс. Надо четко- один параграф-нолидж, второй- експириенс.
Это- ключевые ошибки, ведут к низкому Task achievement

[al_and_lena]

Добрый день!
Покритикуйте, пожалуйста.
Заранее спасибо.

Throughout history, people have dreamed of living in a perfect society. However, there is still no agreement about what a perfect society would be like.

What, in your opinion, would be the most important element of a perfect society? What can people do to help create an ideal society?

No matter how well humanity had been living, there has always been a better place in it's dreams. Plenty of ideas have been created to describe a well-constructed happy society, starting from Thomas More's Utopia. Despite the fact that none of them has been commonly accepted, I believe that the most important part about them is people's lives.

Human life has been always neglected in favour of benefitting all of mankind. In attempt to achieve a utopian society, people in power have always sacrificed numerous lives of individuals. However, every soul is an important part of society as we imagine it. Since perfect world should be happy place for everyone, it should not be built upon people’s lives.

There would not be any remedy to cure humanity and to create a perfect world until the sanctity of human life was placed into its foundation. The first thing, from where people should start, might be respect towards one another. Eventually, it will prompt people to appreciate more their associates and what they do and to reappraise old values.

Secondly, people should take care of their neighbours. It has become a normal way of life to pass by someone in need and not even think about how to help that person. Only after implementing these changes might the world become a better place.

I am sure all these changes can transform any society to almost perfect one; and I hope that they won’t take long to appear.

[will.i.am]

A Canadian friend recently sent you a present by post. You want to thank him/her.

Write a letter to your friend. In your letter

• say how you felt when you received the present
• describe what you like about it
• explain how you will use the present

Dear Sidney,

How are'u doing? It seems that it's been a long time since we met last so I hope you're well and things are getting better. As to why I'm writing, I'd like to say that I received your present successfully and I'd also like to thank you for it.

You'd probably like to know my feelings about it when it was delivered to me. Well, I'd say that it was totally unexpected and you can't imagine how blissfully happy I was when I realized that it was a snowboard.

To be honest, there is a myriad of things and details which I like about it. In a nutshell, not only has it unimaginably colorful pattern but it is also extremely comfortable in use.

As you could have heard, the skiing season in the Alpes has already been opened so I'm going to snowboard all the season. At the moment I'm an amateur in snowboarding but I'm absolutely sure my skills in this type of winter activity would improve owing to your gift.

Well, that's it from me for now. I wish your best and hope to see you soon!

Yours,

Mike

[Maimiti_Isabella]

A Canadian friend recently sent you a present by post. You want to thank him/her.

Write a letter to your friend. In your letter

• say how you felt when you received the present
• describe what you like about it
• explain how you will use the present

Dear Sidney,

How are'u doing? It seems that it's been a long time since we met last so I hope you're well and things are getting better. As to why I'm writing, I'd like to say that I received your present successfully and I'd also like to thank you for it.

You'd probably like to know my feelings about it when it was delivered to me. Well, I'd say that it was totally unexpected and you can't imagine how blissfully happy I was when I realized that it was a snowboard.

To be honest, there is a myriad of things and details which I like about it. In a nutshell, not only has it unimaginably colorful pattern but it is also extremely comfortable in use.

As you could have heard, the skiing season in the Alpes has already been opened so I'm going to snowboard all the season. At the moment I'm an amateur in snowboarding but I'm absolutely sure my skills in this type of winter activity would improve owing to your gift.

Well, that's it from me for now. I wish your best and hope to see you soon!

Yours,

Mike

Переписываем!

Всю эти дребедень о long time no see убираем, в начале подобного письма ей вообще не место! The reason I'm writing - об этом забываем НАВСЕГДА!

Начинаем письмо с чувства горячей благодарности за подарок.

В том виде, как вы пишете письмо сейчас - вы уже 'потеряли' друга, и подарок вам явно не понравился. Скорее всего вы его re-gift

Письмо ДРУГУ - вы так с друзьями разговариваете и так за подарок благодарите?!

Hi Sidney

Thank you so much for the present! It was such a pleasant / nice surprise, especially as it was totally unexpected. A snowboard! It was like all my dreams come true! .... blah-blah-blah-blah

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Добрый день!
Покритикуйте, пожалуйста.
Заранее спасибо.

Throughout history, people have dreamed of living in a perfect society. However, there is still no agreement about what a perfect society would be like.

What, in your opinion, would be the most important element of a perfect society? What can people do to help create an ideal society?

No matter how well humanity 1./2. had been living, there has always been a better place in 3. it's dreams. Plenty of 4. ideas have been created to describe a well-constructed happy society, starting from Thomas More's Utopia. Despite the fact that none of them has been commonly accepted, I believe that the most important part about 5. / 6. them is people's lives.

Есть проблема с тем как вы выражаете свои мысли, т.е. мысли есть, а английского для них не хватает
1./2. зачем Past Perfect? --> Present Perfect
+ я вообще не понимаю смысл слова well здесь? И как может humanity использоваться в данном контексте?
3. its vs. it's Но вообще-то ни то, ни другое.
4. Невозможно create + ideas - these words don't collocate.
5. Repetition
6. ... part of them is people's lives - я даже на русском не смогла понять о чем идет речь. Сорри.

I am sure all these changes can transform any society to almost (7) perfect one8. ; and I hope that they won’t take long 9. to appear.

7. а --> a perfect one
8. повторите значение и употребление точки с запятой
9. to realise / to accomplish

[will.i.am]

You have recently moved to a different house.

Write a letter to an English-speaking friend. In your letter

• explain why you have moved
• describe the new house
• invite your friend to come and visit

Dear Garry,

How are'u doing? I hope you're well and things are getting better. I'd like to share with you some great news regarding my move to the new place where I live in now.

You'd probably like to know what made me to come to the decision of changing. The thing is that I recently have been offered to buy a property. The price was ridiculously cheap so it would be an unforgivable mistake for me to miss such a chance.

You'll never guess what it looks like. In a nutshell, it's a lovely three-bedroom house where a breathtaking view on the bay opens. I really enjoy living here, especially, in the light of the fact that I've spent ten long years in a tiny flat in no-go area.

By the way, why don't you drop in on me this summer for a week or so. I'm entirely sure you won't regret about it as there are plethora of outdoors activities you might be pleased doing, such as fishing or swimming.

Well I think that's all for now. Write back soon and tell me what you think of my suggestion.

Best wishes,

Fedya

[Maimiti_Isabella]

You have recently moved to a different house.

Write a letter to an English-speaking friend. In your letter

• explain why you have moved
• describe the new house
• invite your friend to come and visit

Dear Garry,

How are'u doing? I hope you're well and things are getting better. I'd like to share with you some great news regarding my move to the new place where I live in now.

You'd probably like to know what made me to come to the decision of changing. The thing is that I recently have been offered to buy a property. The price was ridiculously cheap so it would be an unforgivable mistake for me to miss such a chance.

You'll never guess what it looks like. In a nutshell, it's a lovely three-bedroom house where a breathtaking view on the bay opens. I really enjoy living here, especially, in the light of the fact that I've spent ten long years in a tiny flat in no-go area.

By the way, why don't you drop in on me this summer for a week or so. I'm entirely sure you won't regret about it as there are plethora of outdoors activities you might be pleased doing, such as fishing or swimming.

Well I think that's all for now. Write back soon and tell me what you think of my suggestion.

Best wishes,

Fedya

Not bad and I haven't noticed any grammar or structural mistakes (though the text bolded in green is an example of the latter). The main problem is in the weird mix of formal and informal language. As the result, some of the parts seem sarcastic, but I'm not sure which ones - the formal or the informal

The formal words and phrases that don't 'belong'L plethora, might be pleased doing, entirely, You'd probably like to know, I'd like to share with you, regarding, etc

Also, what do you mean by 'I hope you're well' and 'things are getting better'? Was Garry ill or something?

drop in vs. drop in on me

[Vanderley]

I haven't noticed any grammar or structural mistakes

what made me to come

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Yeah, and this one as well