My essay, проверьте, покритикуйте! Спасибо!

[sergey_a]

Вы говорите ей проверить еще раз, т.е. 1 раз Вы уже писали что-то?

напишу как если-б Вы ничего еще не писали.

I applied for assessment on 4 January. My application number is 123456. Taking into account that advertised time on your website for assessment is 1 month, I would like to to inquire regarding the current status of my application.

[диматрон]

Вы говорите ей проверить еще раз, т.е. 1 раз Вы уже писали что-то?

Да, я ей уже писал.

Taking into account that advertised time on your website for assessment is 1 month, I would like to to inquire regarding the current status of my application.

Это не грубо, не? Так-то мне нравится Спасибо.
А то, что я писал вообще коряво?

[sergey_a]

ИМХО не грубо, а по существу

в Вашем мне не понравилось что постоянно про оплату им говорите. Хотя если в предыдущем письме Вам написали, что не видим оплаты Вашей, то Ваш вариант более уместен.

[Maimiti_Isabella]

До конца недели могу проверить 1-2 эссе. Присылайте. Условия см. выше.

[Maimiti_Isabella]

No more essay for a couple of weeks at least.

[Yusik]

Maimiti_Isabella,а можно к вам заранее в очередь записаться?

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Maimiti_Isabella,а можно к вам заранее в очередь записаться?

Присылайте.
Неожиданно я расправилась с работой раньше, чем думала. Завтра будет время посмотреть.

[Yuriy_Kor]

Доброго времени суток! Покритикуйте, пожайлуста, мое essay. Писал по структуре близкой к рекомендациям illi4.
Заранее благодарен!!!

Never fight against things you cannot change by yourself. Do you agree or disagree?

There are different opinions in regard to the question of whether anyone should go through in difficult situations. It is a common belief that people ought to avoid things, which they could not change. Personally, I think that this matter is somewhat controversial and is open for debate. 48

The main reason why we should fight till the final result is that we never know whether we might outdo some things or not. In fact, just little amount of men can predict future situations but not always. Other humans can feel or foresee next events in more or less extent depending on their own experience and analytic skills. Consequently, a man who sees complication on the way can change his/her own behavior, actions and, finally, reach a purpose sooner or later. For example, when I cannot attract some clients to my business, I never give up and change my strategy. 95

Another reason why the discussed trend has my negative attitude is that most of humans do not know about their abilities. This is because we are lazy by nature and like to be in a comfort zone. One of the worst thoughts is “You never know you might enjoy it if try it”. I always reject opinion like this and try to go through although in diverse ways. Anyway, majority of our effects and acts are related to the strength of our desire. I always remember that an effort never dies and I will have the next opportunity. 98

In conclusion, I completely disagree that people should give up things which they cannot overcome. Not only do you never say die but you also can reach more outcome because of increasing your activity while outdoing difficulties. You just need to want to do it. 43

Total 290 words.

[illi4]

Доброго времени суток! Покритикуйте, пожайлуста, мое essay. Писал по структуре близкой к рекомендациям illi4.
Заранее благодарен!!!

1. Берите темы из официальных источников (cambridge ielts). Это чушь какая-то, а не задание.

2. Перечитывайте мануалы о том, как писать эссе, вдумчиво. В частности, Вам надо разобраться как минимум со следующим:
- что такое topic sentence и как их раскрывать
- чем эссе отличается от сочинения
- что такое coherence и cohesion

"In fact, just little amount of men can predict future situations but not always", "Not only do you never say die but you also can reach more outcome because of increasing your activity while outdoing difficulties", и т.д. - это ужас какой-то, извините уж.

[Yuriy_Kor]

illi4, может тема действительно идиотская была. Просмотрите, пожайлуста, еще одно на более приземленную тему. Системные ли у меня ошибки. Спасибо!

International travel has many advantages to both travelers and the country that they visited. Do advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

There are different opinions in regard to the question of whether benefits of foreign tourism are more significant than drawbacks of them for travelers as well as nation. Both sides of the argument will be analyzed before a logical conclusion is drawn and my own perspective is given. 48

From one point of view, international tourism has some inconveniences, which appear for men. In the first place, in the world that we live in today this is a security. Indeed, we currently hear about terrorism almost every week and in different parts of the Earth. In addition, people have some complications with expenses, visas and changes of climate. Likewise, countries that have many foreign travelers ought to arrange safety, discipline, and, even, ecological issues. Also, there are difficulties for citizens such as high price for goods and recreational services. 90

In spite of these considerations, disadvantages of foreign tourism are outweighed by a number of merits. In particular, humans can get familiar with exotic culture and cuisine, get to see the place they have not seen before. Especially it is notable when Europeans go to others edges (e.g. Asia or Africa) and try their life. Additionally, countries, which accept many visitors, have opportunity to build roads, hotels and, thus, create jobs for citizens. To my knowledge, nation’s economics of Georgia, Taiwan, Spain etc. evolve in such a way. If travelers enjoy their trips, they will recommend these destinations to their friends. 99

In conclusion, there is an amount of merits and drawbacks relating journeys abroad as for tourists as for countries. However, after analyzing the subject, my personal view is that advantages have much more weight in the life of both people and nations than disadvantages that should be considered by the governments. 51

Total 288 words.

[illi4]

Yuriy_Kor, да, систематические. Более того, использование этого шаблона в совокупности с Вашим уровнем английского выглядит как memorised.

Пример предложений, которые вызовут полнейшее недоумение у не рускоговорящего читателя:
- international tourism has some inconveniences, which appear for men
- in the world that we live in today this is a security
- people have some complications with expenses, visas and changes of climate
- countries that have many foreign travelers ought to arrange safety, discipline, and, even, ecological issues
- it is notable when Europeans go to others edges (e.g. Asia or Africa) and try their life
- my personal view is that advantages have much more weight in the life of both people and nations than disadvantages that should be considered by the governments

Учите английский в первую очередь

[Yuriy_Kor]

illi4, спасибо за коментарии. Горькие, но правда.
Подскажите, пожайлуста:
- если бы Вы были экзаменатором IELTS, какой бал Вы бы поставили за мое essay о туризме?
- у меня преобладает низкий уровень английского или руинглиш?
- можно ли избавиться (или почти избавиться) от руинглиша с местным преподавателем не жившим в англо-язычной среде? Или же нужен преподаватель-нейтив, или наш, но живший в англоязычной среде?
Спасибо за ответы.

[illi4]

Могу ответить только на второй вопрос - одно связано с другим и у вас и то, и то.

[Yuriy_Kor]

Ну а с Вашего опыта как от этого эффективнее избавиться (улучшить англ.)?

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Maimiti_Isabella,а можно к вам заранее в очередь записаться?

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