My essay, проверьте, покритикуйте! Спасибо!

[tailor]

See my comment posted yesterday at 07:56:
http://www.gday.ru/forum/1403397-post1610.html
ой!
as well as my answer to you on the same day:
http://www.gday.ru/forum/1403403-post1611.html


I'm not going to comment on your essay unless your target score is 5.5

ой!
anyway, could you point me?
presumably for few samples...

[Maimiti_Isabella]

...

OK
From the point of view of the essay writing skills, everything is more or less OK. But you just can't help yourself, can you?

By more token, for diminishing the ticket price the passengers

Your job now is to 'look after' your English, i.e. read and analyse good examples of writinig. Pay special attention to vocab and how words work together (i.e. collocations). Try to analyse different sentence structures and copy them, using your own ideas.

To put it straight, what you need to do is to learn to write English without struggling to find words to express your ideas. This will be good for other skills anyway.

Please, don't reverse to the so called IELTS tricks, just invest some time into developing your English and then we can get back to your test skills.

When are you going to sit for IELTS?

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Здравствуйте, уважаемые все! Готовлюсь сдавать Academic module, буду очень благодарна любым комментариям по поводу эссе .

I generally quite liked it!

There are some words misused or wrongly used (e.g. 'chaser') but the overall impression is very good.

Did you write this under exam conditions? Did you have your dictionary 'help' you?

If the same thing is written under test taking conditions, you would get a very good mark, I have no doubt.

[Favorite]

OK
But you just can't help yourself, can you?

Т.е. своими силами мне не справиться? Без репетитора

Try to analyse different sentence structures and copy them, using your own ideas.

Распечатал штук 30 эссе, написанных экзаменаторами из всех-всех учебников. Когда читаю их (вслух) все так ясно, а сажусь сам и торможу, торможу ...
write and speak English without struggling to find words to express your ideas. Вот что нам все нужно! Слов-то в голове уйма, а вытащить нужное в нужное время и место, проблема

When are you going to sit for IELTS?

20 мая. Причем нужна 7

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Т.е. своими силами мне не справиться? Без репетитора

You just can't help yourself - Эта фраза означает 'не можете остановиться' и относится к Вашему употребления неизвестно с какой целью By more token

Распечатал штук 30 эссе, написанных экзаменаторами из всех-всех учебников. Когда читаю их (вслух) все так ясно, а сажусь сам и торможу, торможу ...

Я вообще-то говорила про читать на английском, а не читать эссе ... Так только штампов наберетесь. У Вас с формой и идеями все в порядке, надо английский набирать.
Читайте научно-популарные журналы, смотрите документальные передачи - пытайтесь запомнить обороты, слова, и, как я уже сказала collocations. BBC and ABC (Au) - самое - оно! Там и скрипты есть.

write and speak English without struggling to find words to express your ideas. Вот что нам все нужно! Слов-то в голове уйма, а вытащить нужное в нужное время и место, проблема
20 мая. Причем нужна 7

Ну так Вы же здесь жить собираетесь, а здесь даже аборигены говорят на английском Well, sort of...

Причем нужна 7

Шанс есть неплохой, если только нервы не подведут.

[Favorite]

Читайте научно-популарные журналы, смотрите документальные передачи - пытайтесь запомнить обороты, слова, и, как я уже сказала collocations. BBC and ABC (Au) - самое - оно! Там и скрипты есть.

Понял, исчезаю на неделю, погрузившись в ВВС.

Шанс есть неплохой, если только нервы не подведут.

Ох умеете Вы сначала ушат холодной воды вылить, а потом полотенце предложить.
Искренне, спасибо за поддержку!

[nochkav]

I generally quite liked it!

There are some words misused or wrongly used (e.g. 'chaser') but the overall impression is very good.

Did you write this under exam conditions? Did you have your dictionary 'help' you?

If the same thing is written under test taking conditions, you would get a very good mark, I have no doubt.

Thank you very much for your comment! Yes, it was written under exam conditions on "IELTS" paper, but I was not sure about using several words, since I "copied" them from French equivalents and guessed right only by chance.

[Stayer]

youngsters


teenager - офциально начинается с thirteen, но на самом деле все считают, что с я12, когда заканчивают primary school (к ним еще можно обращаться pupils/children) и идут в high school (там они уже students, и во многих школах к ним уже обращаются Mr White, например)

youngsters я уже использовал раз, то есть можно повторится?

посмотрите пожалуйста, вот из нового.. интересует насколько правильна структура, потому как все еще в поиске правильной 'стратегии'.

Some people believe in the traditional idea that the woman’s place is in the home, while others say that idea is outdated and that women should play an increasingly important role in the workplace of the future. What is your opinion?

Today it becomes common to see women in many professions that were considered ‘for men’ only long time ago. While there is an argument that women should have the right of choice and choose whatever job they like, I also believe that there is a case for saying that they should devote more time to raising children and becoming good wives at home.

Those who argue that there should be no prejudice at workplace typically make the following argument. This is that females must have the same freedom in pursuing any career they want just as males do. Everyone should be equal and treated the same way no matter of their gender, race or other personal characteristics. For instance, if job prospects got assessed by their skills and experience, then all of us would have identical opportunities in getting a position at desired institution.

In contrast, there is one major argument on the other side of the debate which concerns the family. It is a known fact that women are better carers when compared to men. They have natural ability to look after children, keep a household and run family budget too. Besides, only a woman can create warmth inside the home which will improve well-being of all its inhabitants.

My personal position is that there is no clear answer to this question as there are such strong arguments on both sides. Perhaps it is possible for single woman to make a career while others to become successful moms. It will depend on individual’s needs and life priorities.

[dionist]

Maimiti_Isabella, thank you for grading! I really appreciate it!

Нужна 7-ка? Думаю, что 7.5 - вполне возможно.

В универ нужно 7 по всем минимум, до этого сдавал и как раз врайтинг подкачал (6.5 было, overall - 7.5). Сейчас, после GRE, набрался сил, и очень хотелось бы 8 по врайтингу. Реально?

У Вас попадаются руссизмы и не всегда правильный выбор слов..

А вот это самое страшное и сложно лечится. Будем стараться

Пример руссизма:...

facing - да, спасибо
prospect - имел ввиду prospective, спутал)
Concerning the gender question, the idea of writing his or her never seemed appealing to me, thus, I wanted to vary the gender Recently, I found "they", so would like to stick to this one.

Some of the linking words you are using 'undeniabley', 'it is true' look quite out of place in your essay as the essay of much higher level than that.

Are those bad? Never thought of this...

Check the prepositions (or lack of them) after words 'enrol' (v) and influence (v)/ influence (n)

My bad, my bad

You are doing a good job! Good luck with IELTS. Don't forget to practise under IELTS exam conditions.

Thanks again! yes, and I do practice under ielts conditions

PS do you think adding one or two idioms to task2 essay seems like a good idea? Considering it is academic writing...

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Понял, исчезаю на неделю, погрузившись в ВВС.


Ох умеете Вы сначала ушат холодной воды вылить, а потом полотенце предложить.
Искренне, спасибо за поддержку!

Но ушат-то подействовал и смыл всю гадость, кот. было напичкано Ваше эссе. Так что теперь можно поливаться цветочки из лейки, понемногу и 'осторожно', чтобы цвели

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Are those bad? Never thought of this......

They're not bad but they don't 'match' your level of writing. They feel like an out of tune note.

[Maimiti_Isabella]

.......life priorities.

простите за откровенность, но я пока не вижу особенно никакого прогресса. Вы пишете стабильно на 6 - 6.5 (последнее - если повезет). Вам нужен 'прорыв', т.е. принципиально другой уровень владения языком. Тренировка эссе для этого негодится.
Ву понимаете о чем я говорю?

Посвятите свое время именно изучению английского, безотносительно экзамена. Не забудьте, 6.5 - 7 - это Advanced level, суда же по эссе у Вас очень хороший Upper Intermediate.

IMHO.

[JGM]

Покритикуйте, пожалуйста и мое тоже.

Nowadays young children are using mobile phones. Some people think it is a positive development, while others think it’s a negative one. Discuss. What is your opinion?

Nowadays young children are using mobile phones. Some people think it is a positive development, while others think it’s a negative one. Discuss. What is your opinion?

These days more and more children are possessing such modern gadgets as, indeed, cell-phones are. While some believe that it is absolutely applicable in modern life many parents see it could be very dangerous and may lead to negative consequences. It will be discussed in this order below.


From the one hand, a mobile phone brings to both, children and their parents, a convenience. Extremely busy parents, in order to reach their kid and check it out where he or she is or how it is going, have just to dial a phone number. There is no doubt, that it is a positive side of the question. It allows parents to keep their fingers on the pulse every time even they are at work or wherever. Sometimes it even could help to save children's life.


From the other hand, having a valuable device a kid has a chance to be threatened. It is not a secret that young people have a tendency to brag about their new toy among coevals. With astonishing immediacy they demonstrate it to classmates during a break. As a result, sometimes, it could raise someone's horrible envy what, in its turn, may lead toward the perpetration of a crime against the owner of the “treasure”. Thus, having hi-end models of cell-phones is not so good for children.


To conclude, despite the mobile phones make our life more comfortable, parents should give an account that they are jeopardizing their children purchasing too much expensive things for them. It is much more safer to buy relatively cheaper one.

[zhanylka]

Что бы вы написали по такой теме, помогите пожалуйста, а то я упала почему-то в ступор .... Economic progress is one way to measure success of one country, while some people think there are other factors. What other factors should be considered? Within these factors, do you think anyone is more important than the others?

[nochkav]

Я бы писала в духе гуманизма: мол, конечно, экономическая составляющая важна, но еще важнее - как живут люди и счастливы ли они. Например, китайцы, несмотря на свой прогресс, согласно статистике - одна из самых несчастных наций, зато итальянцы, даже в самых бедных деревнях просто живут и радуются жизни. Это первое, что в голову пришло.