My essay, проверьте, покритикуйте! Спасибо!

[green]

Если судить по последнему эссе, то нет

видимо, оно не лучшее у меня, но ориентироваться лучше все-таки с запасом, так что сэкономлю на экзамене Если уж сейчас не получится, видимо, надо общий уровень еще выше тянуть, а не шлифоваться

[green]

Извините за "плодовитость", но тренироваться-то надо

Some people prefer to spend their lives doing the same things and avoiding change. Others, however, think that change is always a good thing.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Mankind was always divided into two big parts – those who prefer living at the same place and working at the same job and those who love everything new. At all times people argued what is the best way to live their lives and now this matter remains as exciting as ages ago. I suppose that both sides have strong evidence of being right and I will try to consider these points of view.

Stability and reliability are the principal arguments of the first idea’s followers. How can we live out without any particular and known things in our lives? Society at the most consists of citizens who want to think about their plans in advance. It is hard to deny that building your own house or upbringing your children are much easier if you are confident about you job and income next year or what schools are located near your place. Many people like feeling safe and predictable.

At the same time, we would lie saying that is the only essential thing because change is the driving force of any progress. How could we have lived in contemporary environment if every person has decided to live in familiar conditions and not to change lifestyle? In my opinion, really open-minded people are the only who able to make any significant discoveries and develop brilliant new ideas, sometimes in spite of breaking some rules or even laws. So, I believe that changes by themselves are always positive and they are the absolutely necessary condition for any evolution and moving forward.

Summarise all these facts and points of view, I can conclude that we as a society would not be able to survive if only one type of thinking on this matter exists. I do think that it is the best way for most of people – to live that way they used to, but as for me personally – I would like to change my life according to my current views and not only my habits.


326 слов, 50 минут (знаю, что не будет такой роскоши, но тяжело обеспечить экзаменационные условия, когда никто и ничто не отвлекает...)

[Stayer]

6 - 6.5. I'd say 6.5 but considering the nerves and other exam 'blues', could be 6.0. У Вас серьезные проблемы с paragraphing, a за это оценка снижается.

used to
However,
money/the price (no 'extra')
get some modality here: clothing can/could help affect

etc

tailored suit
the comfort

Нет. Оба действия проходили одновременно (I witnessed), поэтому необходимо употребить Past Simple в боих частях предложения.

спасибо большое еще раз.

не смогли бы вы порекомендовать в каком направлении стоит работать, чтобы добрать недостающие 0.5 балла?

[Maimiti_Isabella]

спасибо большое еще раз.

не смогли бы вы порекомендовать в каком направлении стоит работать, чтобы добрать недостающие 0.5 балла?

You've got several big tasks as far as I can see from reading just a couple of you essays


1. get a textbook, Advanced English level and work on your general English level. Make sure it's not one of the Runglish ones. I'd recommend Cutting Edge or Opportunities or similar.
2. Work on your grammar. You don't really make mistakes but you don't have enough variety of grammatical structures to get 7. So I'd say something like Grammar for IELTS
3. Vocabulary for IELTS or any other Vocabulary in Context book to practise using 'smart' words.
4. And read read read, especially magazines and websites like Scientific America, Discover channel, ABC (Au), newspapers.
5. Work on your sentence structure. The key word here is 'variety'!

The way I see it, you just need to develop your English.

[Favorite]

Пожалуйста, посмотрите мою работу. Очень страюсь искоренить из себя шаблоны.

Тема: Fashion has negative effect on young people. Do you agree?

The recent survey of the ancient Egypt tables has shown that people were interested in fashion over three thousand years ago. For time being, fashion affects our life beginning from clothes and household items and finishing with the choice of a profession. Especially, fashion tendencies play a tremendous role for youth. Weather this vogue’s influence has positive or adverse effect is a frequent topic of discussions.

Proponents of fashion claim that definition “to be fashionable” is not limited dress and contemporary technological devices only. Healthy life style and necessity of high education are regarded to vague also. These fashion tendencies embolden young people to keep themselves in a good physical condition, choosing right diet and doing regular exercises as well as devote their time and energy to study hard in order to be educated because it is fashionably.

Nevertheless, drawbacks of vague can not be underestimated. The social scientists prove that a question of first-rate importance for teenagers is being a part of a group. Young people often act under peer pressure, in particular, wearing determinate clothes or listening to a concrete music. In case young individual has no an opportunity for being likewise others or having the same up-to-date gadget he or she may feel insecurity and lack of self-confident. Moreover, such unsatisfactory can lead to committing a crime even.

In addition, sometimes following fashion, young people choose an occupation they have not real aptitude to. Evidences demonstrate us a great number of lawyers and accountants nowadays which undergo from absence of job. Had these young people thought carefully couple years ago they would not have been disappointed today.

To summarize all mentioned above, I personally think that reasonable following vague has a positive influence on youth. However, the blind desire to be a fashionable person may cause losing individuality.

[Yulia_N]

Всем привет. Подскажите, как улучшить мое эссе. Все совсем плохо?

эссе: в то время как люди во всем мире могут сегодня получать информацию и читать новости в интернете многие полагают что в ближайшем будущем обычные газеты и журналы исчезнут из нашей жизни. согласны вы или нет?

Nowadays thanks for the development of the Internet, computers and other electronic devises more and more people prefer to read news and magazines using high technologies. I agree with the point that in future paper sources of information will be replaced with digital devises. There are several reasons why this will happen.

One of the major benefits of using computer devices that is cheap and convenient to post information and update it. For example, updating one web site with necessary information takes less money and save more time than to print a new circulation of newspapers and public it. Moreover, you should not pay money for the paper and equipment and also you do not need paying for selling. Thus, using the Technology can save the money, which is so important for the commercial.

Another advantage of using the Internet recourse while reading an article is that the one can always receive up-to-date information and give his opinion which is a great benefit for a person. It is not a secret that there are a lot of blogs are posted on livejournal.com portal and a web site has the option to write the comment on one or another article. In addition, the rate of such web sites is really high. In comparison, the popularity of this web site is grown in 3 times for the past 2 years.

All things considered can show that the WWW reduces such notions as magazines and newspapers, but new options became available such as a news web site, a magazine web size, which are in common with the old notions. Nevertheless, the technology capped the audience and gave the new ways of using information, but, i believe, it will takes years while newspapers and magazines will disappeared in these kinds we have now.

[Maimiti_Isabella]

....

Проверю в пятницу. Раньше, увы! не получится.

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Всем привет. Подскажите, как улучшить мое эссе. Все совсем плохо?

эссе: в то время как люди во всем мире могут сегодня получать информацию и читать новости в интернете многие полагают что в ближайшем будущем обычные газеты и журналы исчезнут из нашей жизни. согласны вы или нет?

Если хотите, чтобы я посмотрела, то есть 2 условия:
1. я не проверяю эссе с темой сформулированной на русском
2. я не проверяю эссе с темой сформулированной на Chinglish or Konglish.

Ваше эссе попадает под п.1 в данный момент.

[Yulia_N]

Спасибо. Репетитор уже проверил, но мне хотелось бы про объективно знать свой уровень на данный момент и над чем стоит поработать. Что посоветуете почитать для учлучшения и сделать речь более насыщеной и более литературной.

[Stayer]

You've got several big tasks as far as I can see from reading just a couple of you essays


1. get a textbook, Advanced English level and work on your general English level. Make sure it's not one of the Runglish ones. I'd recommend Cutting Edge or Opportunities or similar.
2. Work on your grammar. You don't really make mistakes but you don't have enough variety of grammatical structures to get 7. So I'd say something like Grammar for IELTS
3. Vocabulary for IELTS or any other Vocabulary in Context book to practise using 'smart' words.
4. And read read read, especially magazines and websites like Scientific America, Discover channel, ABC (Au), newspapers.
5. Work on your sentence structure. The key word here is 'variety'!

The way I see it, you just need to develop your English.

спасибо! как раз только закончил Cambridge IELTS Grammar, Vocabulary, посмотрю другие...

вот немного улучшения под влиянием Cambridge - conditionals, perfect, smart words

If children behave badly ,should their parents accept responsibility and also be punished?

In today's chaotic life which speed continually increases people who are busy at work have less and less time for social activities. This puts pressure on family life and their children in particular. So should parents be held responsible for doings of their children in this case or not? This essay will try to find an answer to this question.

There are several reasons why parents should take responsibility for their children's behavior. First of all, there is a firm belief in almost any society that parents have to teach their youngsters norms of interaction accepted withing the society. The public expects them to do so and be accontable for their child's mistakes when they fail to live to such expectations. Secondly, punishment directed to teenagers will not yield any positive results. They have no ability to distinguish between good and bad things, which makes it impossible to get a message of wisdom across their minds. Finally, each child is different and finding a key to an individual might prove to be a real challenge. In this regard, only parents who know personality of their child can work out a sound solution.

Some say that children must face consequences of their actions themselves. To begin with, taking responsibility for offensive behavior benefits a child. The sooner a person can learn the difference between appropriate and inappropriate behavior the faster he or she will adapt to realities of everyday's life. Besides, nurturing parents who tolerate every activity of their children, good or bad one, might actually do more harm to them than good. If they raise an overconfident child fearless to outside pressures he or she might get affected by results of his or her wrong doings far more severely than that who are ready for them when exposed to adult life. Moreover, knowing what is right or wrong will help children to behave more responsibly. A child who has been punished before will likely be inclined to make a more calculated decision in order to avoid getting into the same trap again.

In conclusion, I think that children should be forced to face the justice for their offences just like any other member of our society. It will relief pressure from their parents and help children to become better citizens who tolerate people that leave around them.

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Пожалуйста, посмотрите мою работу. Очень страюсь искоренить из себя шаблоны.

И получилось очень даже неплохо!

Тема: Fashion has negative effect on young people. Do you agree?

http://www.gday.ru/forum/members/mai...1-favorite.jpg

[Maimiti_Isabella]

If children behave badly ,should their parents accept responsibility and also be punished?

Is it an ‘agree or disagree essay’ or an ‘opinion essay’? Без понимания задачи невозможно проверить эссе. Поэтому, пожалуйста напишите тему эссе полностью

In today's chaotic life which speed continually increases people who are busy at work have less and less time for social activities. This puts pressure on family life and their children in particular. So should parents be held responsible for doings of their children in this case or not? This essay will try to find an answer to this question.

Пожалуйста, проверьте предложения на предмет наличия s+v в каждом clause.

О каком возрасте Вы говорите, когда употребляете слово teenager? У меня возникают серьезные проблемы с пониманием след. отрывка:
...teenagers will not yield any positive results. They have no ability to distinguish between good and bad thing...
Т.е. Вы считаете, что 15-летний, например, не может отличить добро от зла?
И последнее, перечитайте Ваше эссе, пожалуйста. Мне почему-то кажется, что Вы сами найдете то, что не 'звучит'. Я проверю все позже, когда Вы дадите точную формулировку темы.

К сожалению, я должна подтвердить свое первое впечатление: уровень английского надо подтягивать прежде всего. На данном этапе можно расчитывать на 6, (6.5 on a very good day). Если же требуется 7. то до нее надо работать серьезно над английским.

[Favorite]

Maimiti_Isabella, спасибо большое за подробный разбор моей работы.
Правда, потратил больше часа на разбор, осмысление и запоминание своих ошибок. Единственное. так и не понял замечание в 3-ем абзаце "check structure". Как нужно было правильно?
Сейчас стараюсь писать по сочинению в день. Сколько из них можно будет предложить вам на проверку дабы не забивать эфир собою?

[JGM]

"check structure". Как нужно было правильно?

Насколько я понял, слушая Райена, должно быть так в каждом параграфе, кроме introduction и conclusion:

- идея
- подтверждение
- фиксация идеи

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Maimiti_Isabella, спасибо большое за подробный разбор моей работы.
Правда, потратил больше часа на разбор, осмысление и запоминание своих ошибок. Единственное. так и не понял замечание в 3-ем абзаце "check structure". Как нужно было правильно?
Сейчас стараюсь писать по сочинению в день. Сколько из них можно будет предложить вам на проверку дабы не забивать эфир собою?

Там написано было Sentence stucture, т.е. проверьте порядок слов и/или наличие подлежащих и сказуемых. Кроме того, я этом предложении (я там не упомянула, так как в принципе пыталась понять - безуспешно - о чем говорится во второй части предложения) ошибка в употребленииof the relative pronoun.

Сколько можно присылать - не знаю, так как моя работа часть бывает непредсказуемой с точки зрения нагрузки.

Может, кто-нибудь еще начнет проверять 'за компанию'.