My essay, проверьте, покритикуйте! Спасибо!

[Алексей Андреевич]

а по поводу письма:

Dear Sir,
I am writing to you in connection with a birthday party I plan to organize in your hotel for my best friend. Therefore I would be grateful if could you provide me with some information.
The party is to take place on 20th of January. We sent 32 invitations, but some of our friends would not be able to come, so there would be 29 of us. Hence, I would appreciate if you could inform me about vacant rooms available for that day. Some guests will come from abroad and will certainly need a place to stay for the night.
The second reason for me to write to you is our birthday dinner. I chose your hotel for its being famous for the perfect Italian cuisine. My friend lived in Italy and he would be pleased to find his favourite food at the party. I read in the advertisement in the newspaper that you had a large restaurant in the main building. Could you mention in your answer if it is available for the 20th of January?
Moreover, I would appreciate if you send me all the necessary forms required for rooms and restaurant reservation.
Thank you for your time. I am looking forward to your answer.
Yours faithfully, Alexey.

Мои исправления выделены, в целом грубых ошибок не много, но читать тяжело - предложения построенны по-русски...

Спасибо за замечания! Согласен, что слог грубоват. Так всегда бывает: то "прет" из тебя на чисто Kings' English, то вымучиваешь каждое предложение. Еще насчет исправления:
Some guests will come from abroad and will certainly need a place to stay for the night.
Все же мне кажется (опять интуитивно), что место will в отношении гостей надо просто present simple оставить, разве нет? Разве два will в одном предложении корректно?
А the в данном случае точно обязательно? Set expression? Я ж имел ввиду на ночь-другую

А еще интересует все ж общее мнение, дотянет ли это письмецо вкупе с вышевыложенным сочинением на общую семерку? Я не гордый, я согласен на 7.0... Просто очень семерки все нужны.

З.Ы.: а что заканчивали, если не секрет? Просто меня после почти шести лет "английского молчания" совсем lack of practice подводит. А ведь это должна быть моя специальность, судя по диплому.

[L.Daisy]

Some guests will come from abroad and will certainly need a place to stay for the night.
Все же мне кажется (опять интуитивно), что место will в отношении гостей надо просто present simple оставить, разве нет? Разве два will в одном предложении корректно?

У меня два will в одном предложении не вызывают внутреннего протеста
Но обосновать я это грамматически, увы, не смогу
Скажу так: ваш вариант тоже вроде нормально звучит, но если бы я писала это предложение - у меня было бы два will

А the в данном случае точно обязательно? Set expression? Я ж имел ввиду на ночь-другую

упс, сорри, это я не так поняла: с определенным артиклем получается, что на одну ночь с 20-го на 21-е... а если эти ваши гости могут и дольше задержаться, то тогда, наверно, лучше оставить неопредленный...

мда... плохой из меня исправитель, получается...

А еще интересует все ж общее мнение, дотянет ли это письмецо вкупе с вышевыложенным сочинением на общую семерку? Я не гордый, я согласен на 7.0... Просто очень семерки все нужны.

мое сугубо личное ИМХО - в сочетании с тем эссе дотянет
НО! учтите, я пока даже свои оценки не знаю... поэтому оценщик из меня никакой...

[Алексей Викторович]

The second reason for me to write to you is our birthday dinner. I chose your hotel for its being famous for the perfect Italian cuisine. My friend lived in Italy and he would be pleased to find his favourite food at the party. I read in the advertisement in the newspaper that you had (f почему в прошедшем времени)a large restaurant in the main building. Could you mention in your answer if is it (если вопрос то надо так?) available for(не лучше ли at или by) the 20th of January?

I chose your hotel for its being famous for the perfect Italian cuisine.

ИМХО самая красивая фраза.

[Алексей Андреевич]

The second reason for me to write to you is our birthday dinner. I chose your hotel for its being famous for the perfect Italian cuisine. My friend lived in Italy and he would be pleased to find his favourite food at the party. I read in the advertisement in the newspaper that you had (f почему в прошедшем времени)a large restaurant in the main building. Could you mention in your answer if is it (если вопрос то надо так?) available for(не лучше ли at или by) the 20th of January?

I chose your hotel for its being famous for the perfect Italian cuisine.

ИМХО самая красивая фраза.

Спасибо!
Had, потому что read - в прошедшем. Sequence of tenses.
По порядку слов и available for вроде тоже все именно так и должно быть, хотя, по-моему, предлог может быть и другой.

[Алексей Викторович]

Покритикуйте тоже пожалуйста. Самому если чесно не очень нравится. На какую оценку можно расчитывать?

People prefer to shop in supermarkets rather than in small shops and local markets. Why do you think it happens. Is it a positive or negative trend?
----------------------------------------
During last time a great number of supermarkets appeared. Some people suppose that buying goods at big shops is much better and useful. Opponents, claim that decreasing of number of small shops and markets has some disadvantages and danger, The given question is not easy to answer but in this essay I will look at this issue.

Being an ordinary customer os such supermarkets I can point out its advantages and why people prefer it. Generaly, all supermarkets suggest a huge variety of products and goods. Also, usually a level of prices is lower. Furthermore, not the least factor is a presence of additional services such as kid's ground, perking zone and cafeteries.

What for the kind of such trend, I guess it has a positive effect for customers but some negative effect for economy. It is going without saying that increasing of a number of supermarkets leads to decreasing of prices, rising of diverse services and changing of a country-market. In this situation customers have mainly the benefits.

On the other hand, such changes could be a reason for closing of small shops, loosing people their job, establishing of a price politics by supermarkets. Also, as far as I am concerned, huge supermarkets bring some danger for environment. Although, as a customer I can not realize such changes.

As we can see, there are many aspects of this questionn. Taking into consideration, the listed points of view, it can be concluded that generally supermarkets have more advantages than disadvantages and the given trend of changes of people's preferences is more positive.

[Алексей Андреевич]

Покритикуйте тоже пожалуйста. Самому если чесно не очень нравится. На какую оценку можно расчитывать?

People prefer to shop in supermarkets rather than in small shops and local markets. Why do you think it happens. Is it a positive or negative trend?
----------------------------------------
During last time a great number of supermarkets appeared. Some people suppose that buying goods at big shops is much better and useful. Opponents, claim that decreasing of number of small shops and markets has some disadvantages and danger, The given question is not easy to answer but in this essay I will look at this issue.

Being an ordinary customer os such supermarkets I can point out its advantages and why people prefer it. Generaly, all supermarkets suggest a huge variety of products and goods. Also, usually a level of prices is lower. Furthermore, not the least factor is a presence of additional services such as kid's ground, perking zone and cafeteries.

What for the kind of such trend, I guess it has a positive effect for customers but some negative effect for economy. It is going without saying that increasing of a number of supermarkets leads to decreasing of prices, rising of diverse services and changing of a country-market. In this situation customers have mainly the benefits.

On the other hand, such changes could be a reason for closing of small shops, loosing people their job, establishing of a price politics by supermarkets. Also, as far as I am concerned, huge supermarkets bring some danger for environment. Although, as a customer I can not realize such changes.

As we can see, there are many aspects of this questionn. Taking into consideration, the listed points of view, it can be concluded that generally supermarkets have more advantages than disadvantages and the given trend of changes of people's preferences is more positive.

Мне честно тоже не очень нравится. Есть некоторые ошибки местного характера:

What for the kind of such trend

- "Что касается такого направления?" не по-английски. По крайней мере, не разу не встречал.

loosing people their job

- это по-любому ошибочно. leads to people loosing their jobs - еще допустимо.

a price politics

- нельзя. по-русски совсем. может проще: supermarkets dictating/establishing/maintaining their own prices?

huge supermarkets bring some danger for environment

- если упомянул, то надо развить аргумент и подтвердить фактами.

Есть ошибки в спеллинге - но это незначительно, и в артиклях - тоже фигня mostly.
А в целом, создалось впечатление, что немного не упорядочено, не четко изложена основная мысль - что это все хорошо, что сцпермаркеты такие - растакие. Контраргументы тоже не совсем вписываются в структуру.

Прошу прощения - это всего лишь мое собственное мнение, которое наверняка не совпадет с мнением examiner. Но, тезка, мне кажется, что стоит поработать над структурированием. Извини, если критика чрезмерна, хотел как лучше. [/quote]

[lx]

Покритикуйте тоже пожалуйста. Самому если чесно не очень нравится. На какую оценку можно расчитывать?

People prefer to shop in supermarkets rather than in small shops and local markets. Why do you think it happens. Is it a positive or negative trend?
----------------------------------------
During last time a great number of supermarkets appeared. Some people suppose that buying goods at big shops is much better and useful. Opponents, claim that decreasing of number of small shops and markets has some disadvantages and danger, The given question is not easy to answer but in this essay I will look at this issue.

Being an ordinary customer os such supermarkets I can point out its advantages and why people prefer it. Generaly, all supermarkets suggest a huge variety of products and goods. Also, usually a level of prices is lower. Furthermore, not the least factor is a presence of additional services such as kid's ground, perking zone and cafeteries.

What for the kind of such trend, I guess it has a positive effect for customers but some negative effect for economy. It is going without saying that increasing of a number of supermarkets leads to decreasing of prices, rising of diverse services and changing of a country-market. In this situation customers have mainly the benefits.

On the other hand, such changes could be a reason for closing of small shops, loosing people their job, establishing of a price politics by supermarkets. Also, as far as I am concerned, huge supermarkets bring some danger for environment. Although, as a customer I can not realize such changes.

As we can see, there are many aspects of this questionn. Taking into consideration, the listed points of view, it can be concluded that generally supermarkets have more advantages than disadvantages and the given trend of changes of people's preferences is more positive.

Рац-предложения

During last time a great number of supermarkets appeared. -> А great number of supermarkets has appeared today.
Не уверен, но, т.к. есть much, напрашивается что-то в духе:
... is much better and useful. -> ... is much better and useful than...
...decreasing of number of small shops -> decrease in number of...
...disadvantages and dangerS
...such supermarkets I can point out its advantages -> ...such supermarkets I can point out THEIRS advantages
a level of prices is lower -> ...prices are lower than.../...prices are low.
What for the kind of such trend - не понятно. Обычно со слова What начинаются вопросы!
М.б. написать: In my view, this trend has a positive effectS for customers, but some negative effectS for (the) economy.

It is going without saying that increasing of a number of supermarkets leads to decreasing of prices, rising of diverse services and changing of a country-market.
-> Перебор -ING.
On the other hand, such changes could be a reason for closing of small shops, loosing people their job, establishing of a price politics by supermarkets. -> Перебор -ING.


Also, as far as I am concerned, huge supermarkets bring some danger for environment. - Хорошо бы пример после этой фразы.

Сорри, если переборщил с правками.

ИМХО: 5.5 м.б. 6

[Алексей Викторович]

Я затем и писал что б раскритиковали. Пасибо! Щас буду делать работу над ошибками

[Алексей Викторович]

Не будем останавливаться на достигнутом В муках творчества родилось такое. Сам не пойму хорошо или нет. Чувствую, что использовал много повторений. Но зато вроде структуру продумал получше. На 6-7 потянет?

Women are always better parents than men. How far you agree with this? Give your opinion in not less than 250 words.
----------------------------------------
The theme of the role of parents is open for debate and frequently generates a great deal of heated debate. Some people suppose that women are better as parents then men. Opponets say that men and women are playing different roles which can not be compared. The given question is not easy to answer but in this essay I will try to look at this issue.

Usually, women are supposed to better parents becouse of the mother's instincts. Being more tender mother can look after a child better than father. So, most of children prefer fo be with mother of grandmother. Although, Ii guess that given opinion is used by children who do not completely understand the role of father.

Also, the given point of view could appered because usually women have more free time and spend it with child. On the other hand, when child was born men need to work more. What leads to the reduce of attention to family. However, in my opinion, such situation is normal.

In addition, it need to be mentioned that at the first time of a childhood a child and whole family are supplied with money which are earned by father. So, the father's role should not be reduced. And after that we can say that men have another duties then women such as to earn money, to protect family and to teach children some special "men" character.

As we can see, there many aspects to this question. Taking into consideration the listed points of view, it can be concluded that women actually show better behaviour toward children. Nevertheless, in my opinion, parents can not be compared because of different roles and duties.

[L.Daisy]

The theme of the role of parents is open for discussion and frequently generates a great deal of heated debate. Some people suppose that women are better as parents than men. Opponets say that men and women are playing different roles which can not be compared. The given question is not easy to answer but in this essay I will try to look at this issue.

Usually, women are supposed to be better parents because of the mother's instincts. Being more tender mother can look after a child better than father. So, most of children prefer to be with mother or grandmother. Although, I guess that given opinion is used by children who do not completely understand the role of father.

Also, the given point of view could have appeared (could appear) because usually women have more free time and spend it with child. On the other hand, when child was born men need to work more. That leads to the reduction of attention to family. However, in my opinion, such situation is normal.

In addition, it needs to be mentioned that in the beginning of a childhood a child and whole family are supplied with money which are earned by father. So, the father's role should not be reduced. And after that we can say that men have other duties than women such as to earn money, to protect family and to teach children some special "men" character traits.

As we can see, there many aspects to this question. Taking into consideration the listed points of view, it can be concluded that women actually show better behaviour towards children. Nevertheless, in my opinion, parents can not be compared because of different roles and duties.

Выделены те исправления, где ошибки мне бросились в глаза... отсутствие артиклей очевидно, даже не исправляла... на 7 точно не тянет
Не претендую на эксперта в написании сочинений, но мне кажется, что здесь нет главного... вам задали вопрос: насколько вы согласны. Вы отвечаете, что их нельзя сравнивать. Ваше мнение отсутствует и нельзя понять, какой точки зрения лично вы придерживаетесь, я бы более четко обозначила свою позицию.
Обратите внимание на структуру эссе, на уравновешенность аргументов... они все какие-то "размытые" и нечеткие.

[alternative]

Women are always better parents than men. How far you agree with this? Give your opinion in not less than 250 words.
----------------------------------------
The theme of the role of parents is open for debate and frequently generates a great deal of heated debate. Some people suppose that women are better as parents then men. Opponets say that men and women play different roles which can not be compared. The given question is not easy to answer but in this essay I will try to look at this issue.

Usually, women are supposed to be better parents because of the mother's in-born instincts. Being more tender mother can look after a child better than father. So, most of children prefer fo be with mother of grandmother (It's hard to understand what was meant. Try to restate this sentence). Although, I guess that given opinion is used by children who do not completely understand the role of father.

Also, the given point of view could happen because usually women have more free time and tend to devout it to their child. On the other hand, when the child was born men need to work more. That leads to the lack of attention to the family. However, in my opinion, such situation is common and normal.

In addition, it needs to be mentioned that usually within a couple of years after the child was born the whole family is dependent upon money earned by the father . So, the father's role should not be underestimated(instead of it can be used the verb "diminished"). And after that we can say that men have another duties then women such as to earn money, to protect family and to teach children some special "men" character.

As we can see, there are many opinions that need to be taken into acount answering to this question. Taking into consideration the listed points of view, it can be concluded that women actually show better behaviour toward children (sounds strange...Don't you think? In Russian: ...женщины демонстрируют лучшее поведение по отношению к детям. Please, restate the sentence even in Russian then I can help a little better). Nevertheless, in my opinion, parents can not be compared because of different roles and duties.

[Dop2007]

А как вам это? Над артиклями поработал, должно быть лучше


TOPIC: Nowadays an increasing number of people change their job or place of residence. Advantages and disadvantages.


Comparing to the recent past, people are much more mobile in this day and age. It's becoming normal to change job and place to live frequently. Some people think of it as of great advantage of the modern time. Others express concerns that this tendency might have negative impact on economy and culture. This essay will examine this problem and give arguments on both opinions.

Firstly, this way of life really gives new opportunities to people. The development of economy and the processes of globalization make it possible for a person to live and work almost anywhere around the globe. Change of surroundings and new exciting experiences are useful for self-education and development of a person. Besides, these changes usually bring positive emotions, which help to fight stresses and have overall good effect on health.

Secondly, this tendency might also be good for economy as well as useful for society. Companies get more educated and experienced workers, who are accustomed to work in different conditions and thus, are more opened for everything new. Society also benefit from newcomers as they bring new culture to the region with them.

However, some negative aspects can also be pointed out. Some countries notice that due to a big rate of migration their traditions are becoming forgotten. Nowadays two different countries can look almost alike because of a big number of immigrants. Besides that, people who move much from place to place usually break their connections with friends and relatives, which is obviously bad.

To conclude, the modern way of life, when people tend to change often their jobs and places of residence has lots of advantages both for a person and for the society. However, when making such decisions we should also consider possible problems and think about other people living around us.

[L.Daisy]

Compared to the recent past, people are much more mobile in this day and age. It's becoming normal to frequently change job and place to live. Some people think of it as of great advantage of the modern time. Others express concerns that this tendency might have negative impact on economy and culture. This essay will examine this problem and give arguments on both opinions.

Firstly, this way of life (какой именно way of life вы имеете в виду?) really gives new opportunities to people. The development of economy and the processes of globalization make it possible for a person to live and work almost anywhere around the globe. Change of surroundings and new exciting experiences are useful for self-education and development of a person. Besides, these changes usually bring positive emotions, which help to fight stresses and have overall good effect on health.

Secondly, this tendency might also be good for economy as well as useful for society. Companies get more educated and experienced workers, who are accustomed to work in different conditions and thus, are more open for everything new. Society also benefits from newcomers as they bring new culture to the region with them.

However, some negative aspects can also be pointed out. Some countries notice that due to a big rate of migration their traditions are becoming forgotten. Nowadays two different countries can look almost alike because of a big number of immigrants. Besides that, people who move much from place to place usually break their connections with friends and relatives, which is obviously bad (я бы здесь еще написала, почему это плохо).

To conclude, the modern way of life when people tend to change often their jobs and places of residence has lots of advantages both for a person and for the society. However, when making such decisions we should also consider possible problems and think about other people living around us.

Хорошее эссе я думаю не меньше 7-ки

[Алексей Андреевич]

А как вам это? Над артиклями поработал, должно быть лучше


TOPIC: Nowadays an increasing number of people change their job or place of residence. Advantages and disadvantages.


Comparing to the recent past, people are much more mobile in this day and age. It's becoming normal to change job and place to live frequently. Some people think of it as of great advantage of the modern time. Others express concerns that this tendency might have negative impact on economy and culture. This essay will examine this problem and give arguments on both opinions.

Firstly, this way of life really gives new opportunities to people. The development of economy and the processes of globalization make it possible for a person to live and work almost anywhere around the globe. Change of surroundings and new exciting experiences are useful for self-education and development of a person. Besides, these changes usually bring positive emotions, which help to fight stresses and have overall good effect on health.

Secondly, this tendency might also be good for economy as well as useful for society. Companies get more educated and experienced workers, who are accustomed to work in different conditions and thus, are more opened for everything new. Society also benefit from newcomers as they bring new culture to the region with them.

However, some negative aspects can also be pointed out. Some countries notice that due to a big rate of migration their traditions are becoming forgotten. Nowadays two different countries can look almost alike because of a big number of immigrants. Besides that, people who move much from place to place usually break their connections with friends and relatives, which is obviously bad.

To conclude, the modern way of life, when people tend to change often their jobs and places of residence has lots of advantages both for a person and for the society. However, when making such decisions we should also consider possible problems and think about other people living around us.

Мне тоже понравилось. Согласен, что эссе тянет на 7 как минимум. Даже придраться не к чему: грамматика в норме, со спеллингом проблем нет, структура как по учебнику, тема аргументированно раскрыта, предложения простые и легко читаемые. Вопрос только: сколько времени затрачено? Уложились в 40 минут? Слов-то на первый взгляд достаточно

[Dop2007]

Ура, спасибо! Мне 7 и нужна
К сожалению, такие "рассуждательные" темы мне с трудом даются, потратил минут 50. Но опять же - писал на работе, то есть отвлекался постоянно.
Надеюсь на экзамене уложиться в отведенное время.