My essay, проверьте, покритикуйте! Спасибо!

[Алексей Викторович]

Я тоже задумался про Relationship. Всегда думал, что:
Relationship to the new teacher. But relationships between a teacher and his students.
Потому как и у нас есть "отношение", а есть "отношения".
Но промпт переводит "relationships between a teacher and his students" и "relationship between a teacher and his students" одинаково...
И еще в теме вопрос стоит

Others believe that it is better if they have friendly relationships with their teachers

в тексте заменить без ущерба для понимания a = any, the = exactly this/these и прочесть результат.

Ага я тоже примерно такое читал.[/quote]

[Алексей Андреевич]

Дамы и господа! Выношу на ваш суд еще одно творение моего литературного гения. На сей раз писал на тему, которая была на экзаменах в конце мая этого года. Честно говоря, выбрал её именно потому, что мне она показалась очень непростой на первый взгляд. Надо сказать, что на второй и на третий взгляд она легче не стала. Если кто-нибудь уже писал на эту тему, то буду признателен за выложенное на форуме сочинение. Ведь все познается в сравнении! Спасибо заранее.

P.S.: Не подскажете, а что делать, если у меня на тренировках написания эссе ВЕCЬ answer sheet перечеркнут, исправлен, да и почерк очень слабо читается? Как к этому относятся examiners? Поделитесь опытом, кто сдавал имея не очень каллиграфический почерк

It is common nowadays that people leave their communities to work in other countries. Is it good or bad for people and for communities? Give answer to the problem and give some supporting examples.
N.B.: тема в ветке была на русском, поэтом перевел как понял.

Every country nowadays has its own place in the world economy. There are some special features that let a country develop in its own way. Due to some historical and geographical reasons there are communities that can afford only very particular opportunities for their members. Therefore moving to other countries is sometimes the only way out for those people who have different plans for their future. In this essay I shall try to look deep into the problem and describe why moving to work to other countries is an advantage for immigrants as well as for their communities.

Firstly, moving to another country often lets person’s talents and abilities be fully recognized. Living in his community with some definite skills required, such a person would never have his talent applied. For example, after the Second World War many scientists moved from Germany to the USA. If not, their discoveries would have never been made.

Secondly, a change of the community lets see things in a different way and brings a lot of help to the country a person lived in before. It is a well-known fact that former Soviet citizens who immigrated to the Western countries greatly contributed to the collapse of the communist regime.

Moreover, there is a great advantage for a community as well, because immigration is a process that has many directions. A person, who leaves his community, always gives a chance for someone who is more suitable and meets the demands of the society better.

In conclusion, I should say that in my opinion immigration process brings mutual benefit both to a person and to a community he or she leaves. As long as immigration exists, there will always be advantages for everyone.

287 words
43 min

[lx]

Эссе хорошее: имхо 7-7.5.

Скорее, мелкие "придирки":
1. мне кажется тут всё же должен быть какой-то глагол:
If not, their discoveries would have never been made.

2. повторяется несколько раз let/lets... М.б. использовать синонимы, типа allows/leads to/etc?

Well done, mate!

Не подскажете, а что делать, если у меня на тренировках написания эссе ВЕCЬ answer sheet перечеркнут, исправлен, да и почерк очень слабо читается? Как к этому относятся examiners? Поделитесь опытом, кто сдавал имея не очень каллиграфический почерк

писать карандашом и пользоваться ластиком.
калиграфический почерк не требуют. главное, чтобы читая можно было отличить e от l, q от g, a от u, t от f и тд

[Алексей Викторович]

Every country nowadays has its own place in the world economy. There are some special features that let a country to develop in its own way. Due to some historical and geographical reasons there are communities that/which can afford only very particular opportunities for their members. Therefore moving to other countries sometimes is (я бы здесь поставил) the only way out for those people who have different plans for their future. In this essay I shall (классический английский?) try to look deep into the problem and describe why moving to work to other countries is an advantage for immigrants as well as for their communities.

Firstly, moving to another country often lets person’s talents and abilities to be fully recognized. Living in his community with some definite skills required, such a person would never have his talent applied. For example, after the Second World War many scientists moved from Germany to the USA. If not, their discoveries would have never been made.

Secondly, a (не надо?) change of the (кажется тоже не надо) community lets to see things in a different way and brings a lot of help to the country a person lived in before. It is a well-known fact that former Soviet citizens who immigrated to the Western countries greatly contributed to the collapse of the communist regime.

Moreover, there is a great advantage for a community as well, because immigration is a process that has many directions. A person, who leaves his community, always gives a chance for someone who is more suitable and meets the (не надо) demands of a society better.

In conclusion, I should say that in my opinion an immigration process brings mutual benefit both to a person and to a community he or she leaves. As long as immigration exists, there will always be advantages for everyone.

Дааа, тема реально сложная. Но вполне возможно что 7 чисто за уровень англицкого поставят. Мощно задвинул, мощно. Надо брать опыт использования этих "moving to ... lets person" и "If not ... would have never been" и т.п.

[Dop2007]

1. мне кажется тут всё же должен быть какой-то глагол:
If not, their discoveries would have never been made.

Это же 3rd conditional:
If they hadn't moved, their discoveries would have never been made.
или
If they hadn't, their discoveries would have never been made.

[Алексей Андреевич]

There are some special features that let a country to develop in its own way.

let smb/smth do smth without TO

Дааа, тема реально сложная. Но вполне возможно что 7 чисто за уровень англицкого поставят. Мощно задвинул, мощно. Надо брать опыт использования этих "moving to ... lets person" и "If not ... would have never been" и т.п.

Спасибо, тезка. Насчет выделенных артиклей - это извечный вопрос. По-моему, там все же большинство я верно поставил. На самом деле, как мне кажется, ошибки с артиклями не настолько существенны, как нас всегда учили. Но это только ИМХО.

Спасибо всем откликнувшимся. Надеюсь, что и мои публикации станут хоть чем-нибудь полезны форумчанам. Если все будет идти по заранее намеченному плану, то может еще на недельке пару писем выложу на ваше рассмотрение.

[Алексей Андреевич]

[quote]Я готовилась месяц в усиленном режиме, самостоятельно... Каждый день писала минимум по одному письму и по одному сочинению. Составила планы почти на все темы, которые здесь на форуме выкладывают сдавшие экзамен.
И тема у меня на экзамене была именно эта: про учителей/учеников и страх И ваше сочинение мне искренне понравилось

хотите критики? пожалуйста:
in all times - если вы хотели сказать "во все времена", то тогда at all times
work harder at class - in class
create more free atmosphere - мне кажется free atmosphere это более технический термин, если вы хотите сказать наше свободная атмосфера, то это atmosphere of freedom
feel themselves - в английском feel это не возвратный глагол, поэтому просто feel involved
вот вам моя критика

но все равно это ваше they are not computers with some information to be written on their hard drives, but active participants of the world of new discoveries - это просто шедевр вы же понимаете, что это использование стилистического приема (метафоры ), причем очень яркого и уместного в данном случае![quote]

Спасибо. Сообщите потом оценки, если не затруднит. Что-то мне подсказывает, судя по критике, что ваше образование было связано с изучением английского несколько теснее, чем просто в стандартной школе и/или ВУЗе. Случаем не иняз заканчивали?

[lx]

1. мне кажется тут всё же должен быть какой-то глагол:
If not, their discoveries would have never been made.

Это же 3rd conditional:
If they hadn't moved, their discoveries would have never been made.
или
If they hadn't, their discoveries would have never been made.

If they hadn't, their discoveries would have never been made.
Насчёт этого варианта - согласен. Но, в исходном тексте нет глагола had.
Или можно его "опустить"?

[Алексей Андреевич]

1. мне кажется тут всё же должен быть какой-то глагол:
If not, their discoveries would have never been made.

Это же 3rd conditional:
If they hadn't moved, their discoveries would have never been made.
или
If they hadn't, their discoveries would have never been made.

If they hadn't, their discoveries would have never been made.
Насчёт этого варианта - согласен. Но, в исходном тексте нет глагола had.
Или можно его "опустить"?

Честно говоря, я и сам засомневался. Писал просто интуитивно, с четким осозанием того, что так писать МОЖНО. Хотя на второй взгляд - вроде глагол напрашивается. Надо покопаться в грамматических дебрях, наверное. А вобще, лучше проще, но лучше.

[Алексей Андреевич]

И снова я со своими "перлами" На этот раз решил предоставить вашей критике письмо. Спасибо всем откликнувшимся заранее!

You are going to organize a birthday party for your friend in a local hotel. Write about your plans to the manager of the hotel, describe where you know the hotel from, write the time of the party, etc.

Dear Sir,

I am writing to you in connection with a birthday party I plan to organize in your hotel for my best friend. Therefore I would be grateful if you provide me with some information.

The party is to take place on 20th of January. We sent 32 invitations, but some of our friends would not be able to come, so there would be 29 of us. According to this, I would appreciate if you could write me about vacant rooms available for this day. Some guests come from abroad and will certainly need a place to stay for a night.

The second reason for me to write to you is our birthday dinner. I chose your hotel for its being famous for the perfect Italian cuisine. My friend lived in Italy and he would be pleased to find his favourite food at the party. I read in the advertisement in the newspaper that you had a large restaurant in the main building. Could you mention in your answer if it is available for the 20th of January?

Moreover, I would appreciate if you send me all the necessary forms required for rooms and restaurant reservation.

Thank you for your time. I am looking forward to your answer.
Yours faithfully, Alexey.

212 words
21 minute
1 spelling mistake corrected while transferring the text to the computer.

[Ulya]

И снова я со своими "перлами" На этот раз решил предоставить вашей критике письмо. Спасибо всем откликнувшимся заранее!

You are going to organize a birthday party for your friend in a local hotel. Write about your plans to the manager of the hotel, describe where you know the hotel from, write the time of the party, etc.

Dear Sir,

I am writing to you in connection with a birthday party I plan to organize in your hotel for my best friend. Therefore I would be grateful if you provide me with some information.

The party is to take place on 20th of January. We sent 32 invitations, but some of our friends would not be able to come, so there would be 29 of us. According to this, I would appreciate if you could write me about vacant rooms available for this day. Some guests come from abroad and will certainly need a place to stay for a night.

The second reason for me to write to you is our birthday dinner. I chose your hotel for its being famous for the perfect Italian cuisine. My friend lived in Italy and he would be pleased to find his favourite food at the party. I read in the advertisement in the newspaper that you had a large restaurant in the main building. Could you mention in your answer if it is available for the 20th of January?

Moreover, I would appreciate if you send me all the necessary forms required for rooms and restaurant reservation.

Thank you for your time. I am looking forward to your answer.
Yours faithfully, Alexey.

212 words
21 minute
1 spelling mistake corrected while transferring the text to the computer.

I planing to organize
The party is to take place - не надо to
Some guests come from - will come?
The second reason for me to write to you, I read in the advertisement in the newspaper - как-то очень громозко и по-русски )
it is available for the 20th of January? - it will be available?
all the necessary forms - кажеться, что без the

PS Я далеко не спец! )

[L.Daisy]

Сообщите потом оценки, если не затруднит. Что-то мне подсказывает, судя по критике, что ваше образование было связано с изучением английского несколько теснее, чем просто в стандартной школе и/или ВУЗе. Случаем не иняз заканчивали?

Оценок еще пока нет... моя печальная история с отправкой/возвратом/повторной отправкой результатов экзамена еще не закончилась...
как получу сертификат -оценки сообщу...
*шепотом... Ну и вы, конечно, правы - у меня лингвистическое образование...
Но это не значит, что экзамен сдала хорошо - оценки могут быть для меня позорными я когда готовилась к экзамену - у меня бывало и по 10 ошибок в ридинге все эти тру/фолс/нот гивен... за все остальные части не переживаю, но ридинг (на экзамене где-то как раз около 10 вопросов такого типа было) - из-за него волнуюсь...

[bearw08]

I read in the advertisement in the newspaper that you had a large restaurant in the main building.

А не Present Perfect здесь ли здесь?

[L.Daisy]

I planing to organize
The party is to take place - не надо to

сорри, что вмешиваюсь, но...
I am planning to organize или I plan to organize
The party is to take place - это правильно... в данном случае, to be становится модальным глаголом
и надо именно all the necessary forms

а по поводу письма:

Dear Sir,
I am writing to you in connection with a birthday party I plan to organize in your hotel for my best friend. Therefore I would be grateful if could you provide me with some information.
The party is to take place on 20th of January. We sent 32 invitations, but some of our friends would not be able to come, so there would be 29 of us. Hence, I would appreciate if you could inform me about vacant rooms available for that day. Some guests will come from abroad and will certainly need a place to stay for the night.
The second reason for me to write to you is our birthday dinner. I chose your hotel for its being famous for the perfect Italian cuisine. My friend lived in Italy and he would be pleased to find his favourite food at the party. I read in the advertisement in the newspaper that you had a large restaurant in the main building. Could you mention in your answer if it is available for the 20th of January?
Moreover, I would appreciate if you send me all the necessary forms required for rooms and restaurant reservation.
Thank you for your time. I am looking forward to your answer.
Yours faithfully, Alexey.

Мои исправления выделены, в целом грубых ошибок не много, но читать тяжело - предложения построенны по-русски...

[Ulya]

I planing to organize
The party is to take place - не надо to

сорри, что вмешиваюсь, но...
I am planning to organize или I plan to organize
The party is to take place - это правильно... в данном случае, to be становится модальным глаголом
и надо именно all the necessary forms
Мои исправления выделены, в целом грубых ошибок не много, но читать тяжело - предложения построенны по-русски...

Спасибо)