My essay, проверьте, покритикуйте! Спасибо!

[dionist]

Я бы писала в духе гуманизма: мол, конечно, экономическая составляющая важна, но еще важнее - как живут люди и счастливы ли они. Например, китайцы, несмотря на свой прогресс, согласно статистике - одна из самых несчастных наций, зато итальянцы, даже в самых бедных деревнях просто живут и радуются жизни. Это первое, что в голову пришло.

про счастье сложно писать это часто вопрос культуры, а не успеха страны.
А вот, например, crime rate, pollution оч оценимы и актуальны для всех.
В голову приходят еще идеи про обеспеченную старость и вопросы защиты прав человека в государстве.

PS и конечно, наука и медицина

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Что бы вы написали по такой теме, помогите пожалуйста, а то я упала почему-то в ступор .... Economic progress is one way to measure success of one country, while some people think there are other factors. What other factors should be considered? Within these factors, do you think anyone is more important than the others?

Еще возможные идеи:
1. продолжительность жизни как показатель развития страны (наука, здравоохранение, окр. среда, мат, состояние);
2. можно определить уровень развития по тому как развит средний класс;
3. уровень развития страны - отношение государства к детям и старикам

[Favorite]

Пожалуйста, посмотрите такую работу. Тему эссе придумал и написал сам (под влиянием жаркого спора с коллегой). Спасибо заранее.
Some people say that a child of any age should have a pet while others are sure that a small child can not care for the pet properly and in this case buying a pet has not any merits. What is your opinion?

Almost all parents face their offspring’s request to buy a pet. Many people believe that having a pet from the very childhood allows the kid more likely to become a full-grown personality. Meantime, some people suppose that a little child is not able to take the responsibility and care for its pet. On obtaining what age a child may be bought a pet is a frequent theme of discussions.

Opponents of pets for little children claim that often kids compare such a gift to a new toy and do not perceive that any animal needs food or rest similar to any alive creature. Besides, children may forget to feed the pet or walk with it due to the childish distraction. That is why, are not the parents ready to be liable and care for the pet it would be preferable to postpone taking it in the home.

However, a great number of people fairly presume that a domestic animal would be beneficial even for a child aged one year. The utmost advantage pets give us is the unconditional love and the positive emotions we all need in. By the same token the pet is indispensable for children undergoing some intercourse difficulties. Social scientists have proved that the communicating with the domestic animals facilitates kids to express their feelings as well as learns being compassionate.

To summarize, one cannot but agree that the animals in the home may imply dirt, veterinary and meal expenditures or early getting up and walking in any weather. Nevertheless, I personally think that the gladness and the small home happiness our pets provide overweigh the problems connected. Not without reason it is said a pet is the single bliss which can be bought.

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Пожалуйста, посмотрите такую работу. Тему эссе придумал и написал сам (под влиянием жаркого спора с коллегой). Спасибо заранее.
Some people say that a child of any age should have a pet while others are sure that a small child can not care for the pet properly and in this case buying a pet has not any merits. What is your opinion?

Almost all parents face their offspring’s request to buy a pet. Many people believe that having a pet from the very childhood allows the kid more likely to become a full-grown personality. Meantime, some people suppose that a little child is not able to take the responsibility and care for its pet. On obtaining what age a child may be bought a pet is a frequent theme of discussions.

Opponents of pets for little children claim that often kids compare such a gift to a new toy and do not perceive that any animal needs food or rest similar to any alive creature. Besides, children may forget to feed the pet or walk with it due to the childish distraction. That is why, are not the parents ready to be liable and care for the pet it would be preferable to postpone taking it in the home.

However, a great number of people fairly presume that a domestic animal would be beneficial even for a child aged one year. The utmost advantage pets give us is the unconditional love and the positive emotions we all need in. By the same token the pet is indispensable for children undergoing some intercourse difficulties. Social scientists have proved that the communicating with the domestic animals facilitates kids to express their feelings as well as learns being compassionate.

To summarize, one cannot but agree that the animals in the home may imply dirt, veterinary and meal expenditures or early getting up and walking in any weather. Nevertheless, I personally think that the gladness and the small home happiness our pets provide overweigh the problems connected. Not without reason it is said a pet is the single bliss which can be bought.

Общее впечатление - много заученных 'умных' фраз, кот. вступают в прочиворечие с остальным английским. Таким образом и будет оцениваться - много домашних заготовок.

Favorite, не сочтите за настойчивость, но надо бы все-таки заняться английским. Эссе Вы пишете неплохо с точки зрения структуры, и на вопрос Вы отвечаете. Но вот английский все-таки не на самом хорошем уровне.

[Favorite]

Maimiti_Isabella, спасибо за ответ. Больше эссе писать не буду. Благодаря Вам и другим участникам научился структурировать, избегая шаблонов и отвечать на вопрос. Пару часов в день читаю вслух статьи из АВС Au. Много фраз/предложений запоминаю оттуда (вот и домашние заготовки), так что дисбаланс в эссе будет еще. Тем не менее очень рассчитываю (мечтаю) на 7. Через три недели сообщу результат.

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Через три недели сообщу результат.

G'luck и будем ждать результатов.

Не забудьте немного модальности в эссе добавить и все 'тяжелые' связки выкинуть.
On obtaining what age a child may be bought a pet is a frequent theme of discussions.

BTW, the sentence below doesn't make any sense at all.:
On obtaining what age a child may be bought a pet is a frequent theme of discussions.

You summary is not actually summarising the essay but adds new info. The underlined is mentioned in the conclusion for the first time and hence is not summarising the ideas mentioned before. This would affect the overall mark negatively:
To summarize, one cannot but agree that the animals in the home may imply dirt, veterinary and meal expenditures or early getting up and walking in any weather.

[Favorite]

You summary is not actually summarising the essay but adds new info.

Как же я сам то не увидел!!!
Еще раз спасибо за помощь.

А можно Вы проверите измененное conclusion?
To summarize, a pet in the home is the vast responsibility the considerable part of which is laying on the parents' shoulders. Although, I think that due to that benefits and bliss the pet provides, it is worth taking for the child.

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Как же я сам то не увидел!!!
Еще раз спасибо за помощь.

А можно Вы проверите измененное conclusion?
To summarize, a pet in the home is the vast responsibility the considerable part of which is laying on the parents' shoulders. Although, I think that due to that benefits and bliss the pet provides, it is worth taking for the child.

you summary -> your summary. Sorry, my bad!
1) vast is used when talking about size, which means it doesn't fit into the context given ->serious, major, big, considerable, significant, huge. There are also other 'set' uses of 'vast' but they are beyond the currect discussion. However, please note, in this sentence you can use 'a vast task' (but not 'a vast responsibility").
2) Although, s+v, s+v - this means your sentence structure is wrong.
3) bliss is a total misfit in this context
4) worth taking for the child? - what is worth taking for a child?

To summarise, having / owning/ looking after a pet is a responsibility which should not be taken lightly, and the considerable share of it rests (ends up resting) on the parents' shoulders. However, it is worth considering having a pet, due to the obvious benefits it offers children.

[Favorite]

Все, пошел стреляться.
Maimiti_Isabella. ну как Вам удается так легко писать?

[tailor]

привет, а можно еще одно покритиковать? И как лучше\быстрее избавиться от ру-инглиша? Вроде пишется несложно, только бывает слова забываю

Schools should concentrate more on academic subjects which could be more beneficial for the children in the future. They should concentrate less on less important subjects such as sports and music. Do you agree or disagree?
+I agree in case that in present time exercises and classes should be more complex always teachers should teach students the most applicable to them things in adult life. Therefore in time when they are decided to be some one in adult life, they are should getting more likely classes. Well, let's describe those things a little bit wired then it now.
+In first time let me show a few samples. For instance, if student classes would be separated on few sub-classes such as math and physics, history and philology, music and choreography as well as sports. Hence teenagers must be able to choose one of those groups to study in that area more deep, also this way studying may tough them being more stronger in they knowledge and experience in future. Always that can save those own time to learn an important things, despite if they are interesting in everything they can tough whatever they want and have fun in it.
+By the way splits school classes on sub-classes must be more convenient not only for students, besides to teachers. Because in collage or school in familiar studying approaches will be hired different persons to teach in class rooms, that would make them less tired and angry then usually, always more happy as well as keep they neurons in them.
+To sum it up, let's say what everything written above just my own point of view, therefore it can be accepted, hilarious or just ignored at all, but anyway I thought that is it right way to study something.

[Maimiti_Isabella]

ну как Вам удается так легко писать?

Мне как раз так совсем 'не легко' писать, самой писать гооооооораздо проще, чем подделываться под мысли и построение предложений других

[dazik]

However, it is worth considering having a pet, due to the obvious benefits it offers children.

Извините, что вторгаюсь, просто возник вопрос - можно ли подряд 2 инфинитива ставить? я имею в виду considering having. я всегда думала что -нельзя. ?

[Maimiti_Isabella]

просто возник вопрос - можно ли подряд 2 инфинитива ставить? я имею в виду considering having. я всегда думала что -нельзя. ?

Начнем с того, что выделенные слова ну никак под определение 'инфинитив' не подходят.

Что все-таки имеется в виду под 2-мы инфинитивами, кот. нельзя подряд ставить?

e.g. When are you going to learn to pace yourself as the workload is becoming almost unmanageable? - попадает под определение 2 infinitives или нет?

[Irina_ru]

И снова здравствуйте (с) =)

Привет всем, кто меня еще помнит и кто не знает вовсе =)

Друзья, мне снова нужна ваша помощь. После некоторого апгрейта моего английского я снова приступила к подготовке к экзамену.
Дело в том, что с частью 1 (графики и таблицы) у меня возникают некоторве сложности, ибо я долгое время готовилась к general а про графики информации не очень много.

С ессе у меня почему-то часто получается, что я не всю тему охватываю. Даже не знаю как с этим бороться. Грамматика тоже понятное дело, подхрамывает местами. В общем, буду рада абсолютно любым комментариям и замечаниям.

Итак часть 1.

The table below shows the sales at a small restaurant in downtown business district.

Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant.



Table represents information about daily sales of small restaurant in business district of the city. Data shows information for week of October from 7 to 13.

First of all, the most evident fact about difference in incomes from sales between lunch and dinner. Dinner was more lucrative time from two represented.

Secondly, another noticeable point about most profitable day. In Friday restaurant have got biggest profit (totally $ 6 850) for whole week. In comparison, less of all sales was on Sunday. $ 1 550 in lunch time and $ 2 450 in dinner. Totally, restaurant have got $ 4 000 in this day.

In general, according to the table, less popular days are weekend time (Saturday and Sunday). In this two days sales did not overtake more than $ 3 000 for dinner and $ 2 000 for lunch. Whereas, during business days profit never has dropped less sums mentioned above respectively. Influence on this situation may occur business district in which that restaurant have placed.

[Irina_ru]

Эссе:

As the world becomes technologically advanced, computers are replacing more and more jobs.

Describe some jobs positions that may be lost because of computers, and discuss at least one problem that may result.


It is common today usage computers and technology in many parts of human's life. This can be seen from escalating distribution of different gadgets in various areas of our activities. It is argued that in the nearest future computers and other advanced technology may replace most of important jobs. Some examples will be shown below.

Firstly, in education area teachers may be substituted for computers. As a good illustration of this is an experiment provided by British scientists in one of England’s secondary schools. According to this experiment all lessons for two months were teach by computers and examined as well. Result of this experiment represents no difference in pupil’s score. This example clearly shows that teachers in the nearest future may lose their position. It is obvious, that even now computers may replace people from such key position like education.

Secondly, all house work including cleaning will be done by special computerized robots soon. Evidence for this has announced by Japanese scientists. According to last invention, already existed robot with extraordinary complex of computer’s software. This machine can understand, for example, when floor should be cleaned or determine due time for dishwashing. It works without human’s regulation or any distance control. Then looking at this example, there is no doubt that cleaner as a profession will be lost as soon as those robots become common among our society. From this it can be concluded, that even such old and necessary job in nowadays, can be substituted by computer in the future.

Taking into consideration everything mentioned above, I am inclined to believe that people will be not replaced by computers totally. Anyway every business area should remain with human face and mind. As has been shown, technological progress going ahead by significant steps. It is expected, this development may be very helpful in many areas of human’s life.