My essay, проверьте, покритикуйте! Спасибо!

[Stayer]

Is it an ‘agree or disagree essay’ or an ‘opinion essay’? Без понимания задачи невозможно проверить эссе. Поэтому, пожалуйста напишите тему эссе полностью

If children behave badly, should their parents accept responsibility and also be punished? Give your opinion and reasons.

О каком возрасте Вы говорите, когда употребляете слово teenager? У меня возникают серьезные проблемы с пониманием след. отрывка:
...teenagers will not yield any positive results. They have no ability to distinguish between good and bad thing...
Т.е. Вы считаете, что 15-летний, например, не может отличить добро от зла?

пытался подобрать synonym к children 10-12 лет

Спасибо!

[Maimiti_Isabella]

пытался подобрать synonym к children 10-12 лет

youngsters


teenager - офциально начинается с thirteen, но на самом деле все считают, что с я12, когда заканчивают primary school (к ним еще можно обращаться pupils/children) и идут в high school (там они уже students, и во многих школах к ним уже обращаются Mr White, например)

Так, на всякий случай, в Австралии в 14 лет можно по решению суда уже разводиться со своими родителями. Можно иметь свою Medicare card, и врач уже не имеет права рассказывать родителям о проблемах со здоровьем их детей, если только дети не дают на это разрешение.

[Favorite]

Пожалуйста, посмотрите еще одно эссе. Заранее спасибо.

Air travels are available for the rich people only while the majority of people can not get the benefits from the development of air travel. To what extent do you agree?


In the middle of the previous century the passenger aircrafts were fairly counted as a transport facility for the very rich people because this industry was new and too little planes were available. The continuous evolvement of airlines over the last fifty years has allowed an individual with quite a small income to travel by air. However, some people claim that the circle of the potential passengers is restricted due to an extremely high price for airlane tickets.

Indeed, for time being the operating and overhead expenses of airline has grown utterly in comparison with the recent past and this negative tendency seems not to be going to halt. The air companies have to keep their ticket prices at high level just to survive.

Nevertheless, were air travels beneficial for the wealthy people only would this industry have the field of activity? The air companies attempt to be affordable for as much as possible amount of people. For instance, mainly the huge airbus used for carriage of passengers. Apparently, than more tickets have been sold for a trip than cheaper the ticket was for a person.

By more token, for diminishing the ticket price the passengers are offered the limited comfort level. In particular, so-called air discounters announce the program “Fly with us but eat out”. Put it differently, an individual has the option between getting the needed place fast even though a little uncomfortably and wasting time traveling by train with the convenience.

To summarize, I agree that the air journeys are considered as rather expensive ones. Although, the majority of the airlines have the suggestion combining the traffic speed with the reasonable economy.

[tailor]

привет, что можете сказать по поводу моего шедевра? 261 слово, 38 минут.

ой!

News is playing a vital role in our life today and people are getting much influenced by the news now. Is this a positive/negative development?
+In present modern live fresh news are very important to hear or read about to everyone. Therefore if we're not receive the latest information appropriate to things which we're use frequent or just like to do, then can be screwed or at least be out of conversant or unwitting.
+However, but obtain fresh news depends how relevant information which we're receive from those news. For instance, are very important news acquire to everyone it's a weather news. It obviously, because if we've not had fresh news about current weather we may be go out in a wrong clothe. By the way, if outside goes a rain and we've not umbrella or cowl it makes sloppy your coat or shirt. Always makes it inconvenient to dry it then.
+On another side news about new advertisement older usually things as new one, like coca-cola or new hamburger of MacDonald. These news do wrong influence on the people. Also they are want to go out immediately in the rainy weather as well as forgot about special wear to eat new hamburgers or sup it new cola or both. In this case it can impact our brain cells and health to sum up.
+In conclusion I will glad to say what news are important of course mostly if it is a local news about country or around it. Anyway people should self filtering it and kept in minds just important things. Because remember or knows about everything what happening on another country or hole world it is a just spending time also appropriate to enthusiasts.

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Пожалуйста, посмотрите еще одно эссе. Заранее спасибо.
Air travel only benefits for richest people but majority of people can’t receive the advantages of the development of air travel. To what extent do you agree?

Простите, но я уже много раз говорила, что проверяю только те эссе, в кот. тема сформулирована по английски. Chinglish, Runglish, Konglish, Singlish, etc - не являются стандартными нормами англиского языка и ничего не дают для развития вашего английского.

[Maimiti_Isabella]

привет, что можете сказать по поводу моего шедевра? 261 слово, 38 минут.

ой!

News is playing a vital role in our life today and people are getting much influenced by the news now. Is this a positive/negative development?
+In present modern live fresh news are very important to hear or read about to everyone. Therefore if we're not receive the latest information appropriate to things which we're use frequent or just like to do, then can be screwed or at least be out of conversant or unwitting.
+However, but obtain fresh news depends how relevant information which we're receive from those news. For instance, are very important news acquire to everyone it's a weather news. It obviously, because if we've not had fresh news about current weather we may be go out in a wrong clothe. By the way, if outside goes a rain and we've not umbrella or cowl it makes sloppy your coat or shirt. Always makes it inconvenient to dry it then.
+On another side news about new advertisement older usually things as new one, like coca-cola or new hamburger of MacDonald. These news do wrong influence on the people. Also they are want to go out immediately in the rainy weather as well as forgot about special wear to eat new hamburgers or sup it new cola or both. In this case it can impact our brain cells and health to sum up.

+In conclusion I will glad to say what news are important of course mostly if it is a local news about country or around it. Anyway people should self filtering it and kept in minds just important things. Because remember or knows about everything what happening on another country or hole world it is a just spending time also appropriate to enthusiasts.

Ваш английский на уровне где-то 5, т.е. Intermediate. Если требуется score выше 5.5, то надо заниматься прежде всего английским.

[Favorite]

Простите, но я уже много раз говорила, что проверяю только те эссе, в кот. тема сформулирована по английски. Chinglish, Runglish, Konglish, Singlish, etc - не являются стандартными нормами англиского языка и ничего не дают для развития вашего английского.

Ой, был невнимателен при выборе темы из своего списка, подготовленного на основе многосисленных учебников. О ваших требованиях помню и уже давно не пользуюсь ничем сторонним кроме учебников. Видно еще с прошлого года осталась такая тема.

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Ой, был невнимателен при выборе темы из своего списка, подготовленного на основе многосисленных учебников. О ваших требованиях помню и уже давно не пользуюсь ничем сторонним кроме учебников. Видно еще с прошлого года осталась такая тема.

Исправьте тему: попробуйте без 'поисков нормального' английского, а собственными силами. Потом проверю, обещаю!

[Favorite]

Исправьте тему: попробуйте без 'поисков нормального' английского, а собственными силами. Потом проверю, обещаю!

Исправил тему, как я ее понимаю. Правильно?

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Исправил тему, как я ее понимаю. Правильно?

Ой, накрутили!

Some people think that air travel only benefits the rich (or rich people, without 'the') while .... здесь уже возможно большое количество вариантов:

...while the majority do not gain any advantages from the development of air travel
... while the underpriviliged can not enjoy the recent developments in air travel

Короче, для второй части задания - sky is the limit


Теперь еще одно замечание.
'
Хотя я лично считаю эссе типа 'tо what extent' очень полезными для понимания essay writing skills, они уже перестают (если не перестали уже!) быть частью IELTS.

Ваше эссе проверю завтра.

[tailor]

доброе время суток, немогли бы резюме дать по поводу еще одного ...
Nowadays, more jobs and work are done by machines. What are the effects of this on individual and society? Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? Discuss.
+In these essay let me discuss about products ready in automated manufacture and they influence on society. Well, in present life we uses lots of products derived in factory by machined process always to avoid agrarian way. Hence it makes products delivered from convener cheaper, then the some products provided by naked hands, so, lets describe it more deep.
+For instance, when you have travel to the market to bough something to wear, it can be a new coat or sweater mostly you have a look at industrial derived clothes. Therefore you may found here much more equal morels in different colors or just with another sized buttons on it. Also it makes automate proceed things no soul at all, that is just things to wear it everyday.
+On another side, the most of special clothes prepared by hands in special tailors companies. They do everyone clothe by himself as well as uses usual tings to do that, so it makes clothes more different than on the factory and souls tailors inside them. Also customer may require everything what they want, bay the way suggest changes while developing new one and control how that goes. However, but during market traveling they are may changes sailers.
+To conclude minds in above, I will glad underline it. As I said before, clothed derived in a factory less specialize or fashionable then wears in anyway branded it or not, that clothe may purchase and wear everyone. Therefore clothes received from tailors more fashionable, because it done once and no one else would not wear the some of clothe.

[Maimiti_Isabella]

доброе время суток, немогли бы резюме дать по поводу еще одного ...
Nowadays, more jobs and work are done by machines. What are the effects of this on individual and society? Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? Discuss..

See my comment posted yesterday at 07:56:
http://www.gday.ru/forum/1403397-post1610.html

as well as my answer to you on the same day:
http://www.gday.ru/forum/1403403-post1611.html

I'm not going to comment on your essay unless your target score is 5.5

[dionist]

Приветствую всех,

Я буду весьма признателен каждому замечанию. Итак, IELTS Writing task 2, Academic module.

Задание:
In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies.
Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.

Essay (396 words, about 37 minutes):

In the modern world, university education plays a major role both in individual’s life and the society. Practically every prospect student finds himself standing before an important decision, the one that will be highly influential on his or her life – the decision of choosing university subject. In fact, in some countries young high school alumni are provided with the opportunity to travel or take some job for a year between graduating and enrolling university.

Undeniably, there are some of us who struggle with the problem of deciding on the future very seriously. It is true, that a youngster, who has just finished school, is fighting maybe the most stressful moments of his life trying to solve this problem; the choice is not an easy one, as there is a plethora of opportunities. The problem looks even more challenging if taking into account that a recent pupil, now graduate, have yet to truly understand the taste of the “real world”. In such a light, postponing the decision for one year may sound great.

However, it certainly does have some drawbacks. In reality a lot of students have already decided on the path during their senior year of high school. Thus, taking entire year seems not really reasonable, as they are slowing their career paths and keeping themselves from diving into the field they have chosen.
Moreover, the very institution of school serves the purpose of preparing young generation for their adult lives. At the same time it also helps to realize the potential in students and helps them to choose their future. The problem is that after spending one year doing some odd work it is simply harder to enroll university. To add appeal to the point of view that students should go straight to universities, there are even special agencies that provide services for reveling an aptitude for different subjects in students and helping them to find out what they want do to in the future.

To sum up, the decision of spending one year working and traveling could not be judged as simply wrong or right. In my opinion, it is rather up to the students to make their choice, while schools have to do their job: to inform their pupils about pros and cons of this decision and help to realize the potential of the young that will aid them in fulfilling their dreams.

[nochkav]

Здравствуйте, уважаемые все! Готовлюсь сдавать Academic module, буду очень благодарна любым комментариям по поводу эссе

Some people believe that there should be fixed punishments for each type of crime. Others, however, argue that the circumstances of an individual crime, and the motivation for committing it, should always be taken into account when deciding on the punishment.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

There is no doubt that everyone guilty in committing crime should be punished. Trying to achieve this aim, government institutions develop law books classifying crimes into categories and describing an adequate punishment for each of them. However, the variety of circumstances and unique conditions cannot be fully reflected in the laws. The question is whether the justice should take them into account or not.

An opinion exists that the act of crime does not depend on the situation and always remains beyond the law. It does not mean what was the motivation of the killer if he is guilty in killing. Moreover, even if the jury defines the circumstances as mitigating or aggravating, they cannot actually define the degree of mitigation or aggravation. These law articles may also be misused by the criminals willing to delude the jury.

From the other point of view, all the aspects of the act of law violation should be kept in mind while making decision on the punishment. In fact, a victim who kills her chaser in order to protect herself and a terrorist who kills harmless people in order to scare citizens do not commit the same murder. Consequently, they require different approaches, and judging whether a person is more or less guilty is left either for the jury or for the system of precedents.

Each of these instruments has its drawbacks. The jury is by the human nature fair only to a certain limit and is always looking at the situation from their own point of perception. The precedents, as it was already mentioned, cannot cover all the possible circumstances of all the criminal acts.

To sum up, I suppose that the circumstances of a crime should influence the judgment. Yet, it seems that there is no way to make it completely fair.

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Приветствую всех,

Я буду весьма признателен каждому замечанию. Итак, IELTS Writing task 2, Academic module.

Задание:
In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies.
Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.

Essay (396 words, about 37 minutes):.

Нужна 7-ка? Думаю, что 7.5 - вполне возможно.

У Вас попадаются руссизмы и не всегда правильный выбор слов, а вообщем-то других ошибок особенно не заметила (но я быстро читала)

Пример руссизма:
finds himself standing ->finds himself facing
неправильная форма слова
prospect student - pective/potential student
'himself', what about the other gender? You don't consider females worthy mentioning?
Неправильный выбор слова:
alumni только когда речь идет об университетах., и все равно не в этом значении. В остальных случаях high school graduates or high scholl leavers
rather - too conversational
Organiastional drawbacks
every paragraph is a mini essay, so you need to start from identifying the topic of the paragraph. This means no use of reference words in the first sentence when you talk about main ideas:
However, it certainly does have some drawbacks (what's 'it'?)

This is just to show you where to move from here. I'd advise you to read more pereodicals and watch TV in English.

Also, you need to add some modality to your essays as they might sound too strong.

Some of the linking words you are using 'undeniabley', 'it is true' look quite out of place in your essay as the essay of much higher level than that.

Also, what's the story with your paragraphing? Is it a copy 'n paste problem? I mean the one which starts with 'moreover'. Is it a new para or the continuation of the previous one?

Check the prepositions (or lack of them) after words 'enrol' (v) and influence (v)/ influence (n)

You are doing a good job! Good luck with IELTS. Don't forget to practise under IELTS exam conditions.