My essay, проверьте, покритикуйте! Спасибо!

[Maimiti_Isabella]

В итоге, нужно ли подставлять мнение в body, или достаточно вынести в conclusion? или в отдельный параграф в body как у IeltsLiz?
Это критично, тк по моим подсчетам, 50% тем discuss, 40% agree и 10% другие.

Зависит от постановки задания. Задания в IELTS всегда сформулированы так, что они как бы представляют вам план эссе.

Я несколько 'игр' на эту тему здесь проводила. Вы посмотрели? Или дайте мне любую тему в которой вы сомневаетесь, и мы вместе посмотрим.

Еще была отличная тема от пользователя Vanderley, тоже на эту же тему.

Также, правда ли что в случае отклонения оценки за эссе от overall > 1.5, 3й проверяющий, глава комиссии, выносит вердикт по нему, и апеллировать смысла не имеет?

Апеллировать всегда есть смысл почти, если вы in doubt. И статистика даже на этом форуме это подтверждает.
Если же отклонение большое, то результаты могут быть withheld до настоящей проверки. Вот тогда действительно апелляция бесполезна. Посмотрите, здесь не так давно была темa по поводу result withheld.

[unhindered]

Постановка задания, вызывающая у меня вопрос - "discuss both views and give your opinion". Например, следующий вопрос:

Some people think that the best way to improve road safety is to lower the maximum speed limit. Others think that there are better alternative ways to do this. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.


While it is commonly believed that tightening speed restrictions is the most efficient measure to reduce traffic accident rate, many state that there are better methods to solve this issue. I completely disagree that the best way to prevent road accidents is lowering speed limits because there are other no less capable methods to consider. Both points of view will be discussed in this essay and my own opinion will be further elaborated.

On the one hand, it is logical to force drivers to move slower to save people on the roads. This is because if drivers nowadays maintained lower speeds, they would have more time to react in case of dangerous situations. However, with the introduction of autopilots, which possess orders of magnitude faster reaction times, this problem will be solved naturally and I disagree that lowering the speed limit is the only way to diminish traffic accidents rate for this reason. For example, Google driverless cars can maintain 36% higher speeds in cities while still having 93% lower accident rates than human drivers.

On the other hand, more effective methods to prevent road collisions have been found. Indeed, as with the airplanes, the most common reason of car crashes is a human error, be it a reckless driving, talking over the phone while behind a wheel, driving under influence or something else in this category. Thus, eliminating the root cause of the vast majority of these reasons by replacing a human with an automatic algorithm controlling a car is the most effective method. Therefore, I agree that adoption of harsher speed limits is not the most efficient measure to prevent deaths on the roads. For example, after driverless Tesla cars had become popular in Oslo, the authorities registered a 43% decrease in the amount of drink and driving road accidents.

In conclusion, there has been an extensive argument over whether lowering the maximum permitted speed is the most efficient measure to save lives in traffic or better alternatives exist and my own opinion is that harsher policies when it comes to speed allowances is not the most viable option to address this issue but novel technologies is.

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Постановка задания, вызывающая у меня вопрос - "discuss both views and give your opinion". Например, следующий вопрос:

Some people think that the best way to improve road safety is to lower the maximum speed limit. Others think that there are better alternative ways to do this. Discuss oth sides and give your opinion.


While it is commonly believed that tightening speed restrictions is the most efficient measure to reduce traffic accident rate, many state that there are better methods to solve this issue. I completely disagree that the best way to prevent road accidents is lowering speed limits because there are other no less capable methods to consider. Both points of view will be discussed in this essay and my own opinion will be further elaborated.

...
In conclusion, there has been an extensive argument over whether lowering the maximum permitted speed is the most efficient measure to save lives in traffic or better alternatives exist and my own opinion is that harsher policies when it comes to speed allowances is not the most viable option to address this issue but novel technologies is.

Все верно с точки зрения структуры - сначала discuss, a потом give your opinion, т.е. после discussion.

С чем у вас здесь проблемы?

ПС - если хотите, то проверю ваше эссе, но чуть попозже.

[unhindered]

Все верно с точки зрения структуры - сначала discuss, a потом give your opinion, т.е. после discussion.

С чем у вас здесь проблемы?

Вопрос, нужно ли present opinion в body paragraphs (I agree with 1st/2nd side...). Проверьте, пожалуйста, если не трудно

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Вопрос, нужно ли present opinion в body paragraphs (I agree with 1st/2nd side...). Проверьте, пожалуйста, если не трудно

Простите, давайте сначала. О каком opinion в Body paragraphs вообще может идти речь, если вас просят сначала discuss?

Учитесь анализировать задание. Каждое задание в IELTS имеет 3 (или 4 части)
1. общий топик
2. конкретный топик / фокус данного эссе.
3. задание

[unhindered]

Понятно, в таком случае, похоже что придется переписать

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Понятно, в таком случае, похоже что придется переписать

Кaк перепишете, присылайте на проверку. Завтра-послезавтра проверю.

[Natalix83]

Здравствуйте, покритикуйте пожалуйста моё эссе!

Тема: Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

Эссе
Many people believe that mothers and fathers have to show their adolescents how to be good in social life. Nevertheless, another people think that educational system must do that. In this essay I discuss both points of view and give my own opinion on the matter.

Parents have various opportunities to help their sons and daughters to be good in society. They can show good example to them how to be good person in social life. The good illustration of this is drinking and smoking, if parents don't use it in their life, their children will not use it too.

Moreover, mothers and fathers responsible for their children and must take care of them. They spend a lot of time with their children and can help them to improve their behavior. For instance, when child steal something, parent must told about it with him and prevent such stuff in the future.

On the other hand, educational system shows to students what happens with bad people in real life. Students know what happens if they don't be good. One example of this is exclusion from the school for bad behavior or bad marks. Because of this most students tried to be good at school and after graduating it.

In conclusion, I believe that both arguments heve their merits. Teachers and parents must teach young generation how to be good member of society. But on my opinion Mothers and fathers spend more time with their adolescents and they can better teach them how to be good in social life.

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Здравствуйте, покритикуйте пожалуйста моё эссе!

Тема: Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

Эссе
Many people believe that mothers and fathers have to show their adolescents how to be good in social life. Nevertheless, another people think that educational system must do that. In this essay I discuss both points of view and give my own opinion on the matter.

Parents have various opportunities to help their sons and daughters to be good in society. They can show good example to them how to be good person in social life. The good illustration of this is drinking and smoking, if parents don't use it in their life, their children will not use it too.

Moreover, mothers and fathers responsible for their children and must take care of them. They spend a lot of time with their children and can help them to improve their behavior. For instance, when child steal something, parent must told about it with him and prevent such stuff in the future.

On the other hand, educational system shows to students what happens with bad people in real life. Students know what happens if they don't be good. One example of this is exclusion from the school for bad behavior or bad marks. Because of this most students tried to be good at school and after graduating it.

In conclusion, I believe that both arguments heve their merits. Teachers and parents must teach young generation how to be good member of society. But on my opinion Mothers and fathers spend more time with their adolescents and they can better teach them how to be good in social life.

Хотите больше 5.5 - 6 - учите английский. По настоящему учите, а не 'все говорят, что у меня хороший английский'.

[Владимир_В]

Добрый вечер, прошу покритиковать эссэ.

Тема:
Some people claim that technology products have too short a lifespan and become redundant after just a few years. They say that the only way to increase product longevity is for governments to make legal requirements.
To what extent do you think laws are needed to increase a technological product’s life?


Эссе:
Many have noticed that the lifetime of modern devices does not satisfy users’ expectations. Vendees associate it with the lack of appropriate quality standards regulations. In this essay, I completely agree that such laws should be adopted since this deteriorating tendency depends on manufacturers only.

Essentially, fabricators feel free to limit the usage of high-quality components in producing processes. For instance, I own two almost identical watches of the same brand and look, but different years of release. The younger copy died in a year later after purchasing. Surprisingly, the older one still functions perfectly regardless of its age. Moreover, it is a common practice for fabricators to reduce the production expenditures by applying the cheapest electronic components, which consequently declines the life expectancy of these apparatus. Despite people’s claims, producers are not willing to overpay; therefore, only the government can force them to change the status quo.

Furthermore, manufacturers have created miscellaneous marketing strategies to hide the fact of using substandard parts. As an example, once I have replaced my smartphone with a new device of its brand, the old one died soon. To clarify, many companies are eager to release new versions of a certain device before the last one becomes disabled. Corporations literally pique the market for advanced sales of a novelty among the consumers who have been already satisfied with the previous model. Nevertheless, this tricky tactic definitely works while the government allows it to exist.

In conclusion, manufacturers have their hands untied to produce bad-quality products whereas it remains profitable. Generally, consumers are annoyed with devices’ lifespans that fall short of their expectations. In my opinion, the government should regulate the constructional standards of fabricated goods that have been labeled as unsatisfying for any reason.

Сердечно прошу конструктивной критики, поскольку преподаватели который год в восторге, а на экзамене выше 6.5 прыгнуть не получается =(

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Добрый вечер, прошу покритиковать эссэ.

Тема:
Some people claim that technology products have too short a lifespan and become redundant after just a few years. They say that the only way to increase product longevity is for governments to make legal requirements.
To what extent do you think laws are needed to increase a technological product’s life?

....

Сердечно прошу конструктивной критики, поскольку преподаватели который год в восторге, а на экзамене выше 6.5 прыгнуть не получается =(

Я в полном восхищении от преподавателей, которые смогли понять эту тему. Я ее не понимаю. Это что-то из области 'Генетика продажная девка империализма'? Т.е. государство издало законы, и технологии зажили долго и счастливо?

Вот у вас PhD in electronics. Продлят ли новые гос. законы жизнь электронного оборудования? (если что, мой муж electronics engineer)

[Владимир_В]

Я в полном восхищении от преподавателей, которые смогли понять эту тему. Я ее не понимаю. Это что-то из области 'Генетика продажная девка империализма'? Т.е. государство издало законы, и технологии зажили долго и счастливо?

Нет, скорее "покупатель покупает девайс и ожидает, что минимум 5 лет он проживет. Девайс дохнет через год. Покупатель злится и делает вывод, что это какой-то заговор, и только государство (с помощью волшебных 3,14здюлей) способно заставить производителя делать девайсы, которые не будут дохнуть ранее, чем того ожидает Покупатель"


Законом можно поставить критерии на закупку определенных комплектующих made in japan, например, а не китайских. Соответственно, девайс из японских деталек при должном Quality Control может жить в разы дольше, чем без оного и из китайских комплектующих.

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Нет, скорее "покупатель покупает девайс и ожидает, что минимум 5 лет он проживет. Девайс дохнет через год. Покупатель злится и делает вывод, что это какой-то заговор, и только государство (с помощью волшебных 3,14здюлей) способно заставить производителя делать девайсы, которые не будут дохнуть ранее, чем того ожидает Покупатель"

Спасибо за перевод на русский.

Осталось выяснить из какой проверенной книги по подготовке к IELTS вы выдернули тему, которая требует перевода на русский, чтобы ее понять.

Предлагаю издать закон, согласно которому осциллограф должен жить 1000 лет.

[Владимир_В]

Осталось выяснить из какой проверенной книги по подготовке к IELTS вы выдернули тему, которая требует перевода на русский, чтобы ее понять.

Из е-мейл рассылки English lessons with Adam (канал на ю-тьюбе)

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Из е-мейл рассылки English lessons with Adam (канал на ю-тьюбе)

Ну если от Адама, то я умываю руки! (но все-таки проверьте у Евы, насколько вменяем ее муж)