My essay, проверьте, покритикуйте! Спасибо!

[Maimiti_Isabella]

aydin
Check you personal messages.

[Maimiti_Isabella]

I can check one essay right now, and one more tomorrow.

Please follow my 'rules' of submission

[Maimiti_Isabella]

I can check one essay right now, and one more tomorrow.

Please follow my 'rules' of submission

Предложение пока в силе.
Но к концу недели начнется традиционный дурдом на работе.

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Yiryi_Kor, please check your personal messages.

[sv.mandler]

Всем привет
Буду рада любым советам и замечаниям GT, нужна 8

Using a computer every day can have more negative than positive effects on your children. Do you agree or disagree?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

There is an opinion that young people are more likely to be negatively affected by regular computer use than benefit from it. I strongly disagree with this statement. In my opinion, academic growth and social benefits from daily use of computers outweigh any possible risks.

From an academic standpoint, using a computer on a daily basis can help children to progress in school. A huge range of tools and services provided to explore a variety of topics that are of interest help children learn how to collect and analyse information, solve problems and think critically, improve writing and reading abilities. In addition, there are a galore of strategy-related computer games. Playing such games is a good way of increasing one’s concentration level, boosting self-confidence and improving thinking capability.

Socially, using the possibilities provided by computers allows children to enter a wider cultural world. By using social networks, playing computer games, children develop greater cross-cultural awareness. This critical ability assists the child to learn new languages, new cultures, obtain new knowledge, gain new experience and make friends with people who leave all over the world. Moreover, some observations show that one of the best way to help children be more involved in social life, spend more time with peers and make new friendships is to buy them a computer.

In conclusion, everyday computer use brings a number of positive aspects to young individuals’ life. Not only does it contribute to academic performance improvement, but it also has a positive impact on children’s social development.

[Maimiti_Isabella]

sv.mandler,
why haven't you sent it to me?

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Господа,

Разрешите напомнить, что для того, чтобы повысить балл в IELTS надо таки учить английский!

[sv.mandler]

sv.mandler,
why haven't you sent it to me?

Поменяла email ,форум перестал пускать, пришлось по новой регистрироваться
Жду пока наберется 10 сообщений

[sv.mandler]

Господа,

Разрешите напомнить, что для того, чтобы повысить балл в IELTS надо таки учить английский!

Все так плохо?

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Поменяла email ,форум перестал пускать, пришлось по новой регистрироваться
Жду пока наберется 10 сообщений

You're kidding me? Can you read personal messages if I send you one? I'll try in 10 minutes - some chores first.

Все так плохо?

This has nothing to do with you. (and I haven't read your essay yet)

[sv.mandler]

Can you read personal messages if I send you one?

I hope I can

[Maimiti_Isabella]

I hope I can

Let's do it differently then.

Check your FB

[Tory Lavr]

Буду признательна за обратную связь. Моя цель - минимум 7. Прошлый раз сдала на 6.5

When a country develops its technology, the traditional skills and ways of life die out. It is pointless to try and keep them alive.

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Some think that the conventional skills and lifestyle will extinct with the development of technology, so there is no sense to preserve them. This essay strongly disagrees with this statement because traditions help nations to remain unique and they are the only way to survive for many of them.

The main reason why it is important to honour customary style of living is that it provides national identity of the country. Language, way of living, traditions are all aspects that define nationality and band people together within one country. Over the centuries it has been proven that nations that had strong culture and traditions experienced more rapid socio-economic development than separated ones. For example, Japan owes its success on the world arena to its people with deep national feelings who manage to combine the usage of modern robotics with the conventional way of living.

Another reason why preservation of traditional competence and style of living is essential is due to the fact that there are a lot of developing countries with a lack of access to technology. Advanced technology is available mostly in the developed countries while economy in the developing countries is based on conventional agricultural lifestyle. To illustrate, in Belarus in the majority of rural areas, households produce dairy product, poultry, crops in the manner it was produced centuries ago as this is how they can only afford it.

In conclusion, conservation of traditional skills and customs is crucial for many nations because, on the one hand, it helps to unite population and, on the other hand, it helps to support living in the third world countries.

[economist]

Решил в первый раз набросать эссе, и понял, что все очень плохо. Ворд нашел штук 15 опечаток. Мне хватило 20 минут, преположим, что за остальные 20 минут я нашел и исправил опечатки. На сколько тянет сам текст, каковы существенные недочеты структуры, размера, вокаба, грамматики и устойчивых выражений, кроме коротокого вывода (это я уже понял, когда закончил писать)?

Rich countries should help poorer countries when they suffer natural disasters. Do you agree?

It is widely believed that rich countries should provide material and financial help to the poorer ones in the face of adversity. Natural disasters like floods, wood firestorms, hurricanes and tornadoes usually come out of nowhere. Undeveloped countries simply do not possess enough resources to prevent such things and save lives. To my estimation, countries, which have an ability of great forecasting of natural disasters, material resources and field experience of prevention people’s lives losses, must provide help in situations like these.

Firstly, not only more developed countries can fight with the consequences of natural disasters more efficiently, but their forecasting systems and methods are way more superior. Therefore, sharing of prognosis will cost them nothing, and in the meantime can deliver sufficient help at the stage of evacuation.

Secondly, field experience is priceless. Let’s face it: general training of the rescuers is way better in the First World countries. It’s not a one-gated game, it is mutually beneficial! Richer countries provide specialists to the poorer ones, specialists improve their field experience and become able to act more efficiently. When the next disaster comes to a particular rich country, its troops are ready.

To conclude, I do believe that this kind of help is humane, as well as beneficial to its providers. Therefore, it must be provided at any expense.

[Dmytri]

По моему мнению, у этого эссе проблема в том что оно написано немного в сторону от темы. В задании спрашивается должны ли богатые страны помогать бедным во время катаклизмов, а не о методах этой помощи.
Хотя может я и ошибаюсь...прошу не пинать за критику.
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