My essay, проверьте, покритикуйте! Спасибо!

[Voyager2017]

Потрясающая простыня. И главное, абсолютно не по делу.

Да, действительно, в данной теме это явный оффтопик. Извините, увлекся полемикой.

На этом наши дороги расходятся навсегда

Жаль, вы очень интересный собеседник. В любом случае, я помню и ценю ваши усилия по помощи участникам форума (включая предоставление ссылок про подготовку к PTE персонально для меня) и благодарен за них. Так что прошу прощения, если случайно чем-то вас задел.

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Да, действительно, в данной теме это явный оффтопик. Извините, увлекся полемикой.



Жаль, вы очень интересный собеседник. В любом случае, я помню и ценю ваши усилия по помощи участникам форума (включая предоставление ссылок про подготовку к PTE персонально для меня) и благодарен за них. Так что прошу прощения, если случайно чем-то вас задел.

Полемики не было и не будет. Мне не о чем с вами 'полемизировать'. У меня - знания, умения и профессионализм, а у вас - полемика. Так о чем речь?

Задеть меня тоже нельзя. Меня могут 'задеть' только те, с кем я реально общаюсь на постоянной основе и чьим мнением я дорожу. Виртуальные персонажи меня не 'трогают'. (заметьте, я тоже виртуальный персонаж )

Еще раз, будет такой подход в Австралии, не будет работы. Без всякой 'полемики'

А насчет всего остального, поживем-увидим.

[Maimiti_Isabella]

В ближайшие 2 дня могу проверить 2 эссе. Присылайте. Но не забудьте про мои правила.

[Ira Chabanova]

В ближайшие 2 дня могу проверить 2 эссе. Присылайте. Но не забудьте про мои правила.

Здравствуйте. Укажите, пожалуйста, а где можно ознакомиться с вашими правилами? Прошу прощения за вопрос, я на форуме новичек, заблужусь, пока буду их искать... Признательна за понимание.

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Здравствуйте. Укажите, пожалуйста, а где можно ознакомиться с вашими правилами? Прошу прощения за вопрос, я на форуме новичек, заблужусь, пока буду их искать... Признательна за понимание.

Я поместила это предложение 25-го числа, а сегодня уже 3 след. месяца. У меня сейчас больше нет времени на проверку, и в ближайшие недель 5 не будет.

[Ira Chabanova]

Да, я это видела, конечно же. Вопрос о правилах был на будущее.

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Да, я это видела, конечно же. Вопрос о правилах был на будущее.

http://www.gday.ru/forum/ielts/45491...ml#post5054938

[poitur]

Мегранд, ёб твою мать, какие у тебя знания, какие умения, какой наxyй профессионализм?

[Ira Chabanova]

Покритикуйте/оцените и мое эссе, пожалуйста

Покритикуйте/оцените и мое эссе, пожалуйста.
Тема:
"When people migrate to other countries, for example in search of employment, they tend to search for a forge close bonds with people of the same nationality.
- Why do you think it happens?
- What effects do you think this has on the migrants themselves and the host country?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledgу or experience."

Questions related to migration process and its role in a world`s society are frequently discussed nowadays. While some people believe that migrants should collaborate only with people from the same countries or regions, others argue with this position. Personally, I think that that each new family, that had moved to another country, should be fully integrated to a new society and become part of it. This essay will discuss the topic in details prior to drawing a conclusion.

There is no doubt that coming to another country people feel anxiety because they feel completely unusual conditions with unknown neighbours, culture and possibly language. In order to decrease the level of stress, they are looking for someone who can understand their emotions and will help to cope the fear. Also, it is clear that newcomers almost always have some difficulties with integrating to a new society, that is why they prefer to organize their own national community to feel safety and to be sure, that there are “yours” people, who will always back you up.

At the same time an impact of new coming people should be mentioned. First of all people become more patient and helpful when they have passed a complicated migration process, it means that in a new life conditions they also will not ignore somebody’s troubles and will do everything they can to help. It should be also stated that different nationalities have its own culture and coming together with another they create multicultural society, where each person can learn more about the wolrd’s nationalities.

In conclusion, I believe that with time the process of alliance will be much faster and easier, that will encourage people to take some risk and try to change their routine. After analyzing the subject, it has become quite evident that fast and successful integration of immigrants possible only with willingness and efforts from local population and support from the government.

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Покритикуйте/оцените и мое эссе, пожалуйста.
Тема:
"When people migrate to other countries, for example in search of employment, they tend to search for a forge close bonds with people of the same nationality.
- Why do you think it happens?
- What effects do you think this has on the migrants themselves and the host country?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledgу or experience."

Questions related to migration process a.

Прежде всего
0. Брать темы, которые по крайней мере звучат по английски и на английскoм.
1. Приложить время и усилия, чтобы разобраться что такое эссе и как пишется Introduction, т.е. его роль и структура
2. Английская пунктуация. http://www.gday.ru/forum/ielts/21900...F6-%F2%EE.html

[Maimiti_Isabella]

могу проверить одно эссе. Вот прямо сейчас.

См. мои правила: http://www.gday.ru/forum/ielts/45491...ml#post5054938

[aqsw2210]

Здравствуйте! Проверьте, пожалуйста, мое эссе:
Without capital punishment (the death penalty) our lives are less secure and crimes of violence increase. Capital punishment is essential to control violence in society.


Almost any day of the week we can look at a newspaper and read articles discussing pros and cons of repeal the capital punishment. There are several points of view on this matter. The first claims that the death penalty can be considered unsuitable punishment due to the fact that right to life is the basic right of any human being, and no one can infringe this right, irrespective of the person’s deeds. Moreover, innocent people can face wrongful execution. Such unfair sentences take away lives of innocent people and make other citizens lose faith in law and justice.
An alternative point is based on the advantages of the death penalty and considers it as the best option for decline crime rate in the country.
On the one hand, it is obvious that capital punishment is necessary for the society. It does not matter whether you like it or not you have to recognize the fact that it is an effective deterrent to major crimes. The death penalty is the only way to punish the criminals as they commit serious crimes which directly aid in controlling the violence at least to some extent.
On the other hand, the governments spend large sums of the national budget on maintenance of prisoners. Instead, this money can be used for the development of the society and welfare of the people. Moreover, nobody can deny that it is exceedingly difficult to replace with something else totally.
However, this attitude may cause a lot of concerns among persons who believe that capital punishment is not a solution and it is important to note that some individuals can be wrongly convicted. But it is necessary to take into account all the circumstances of each individual case.
From my point of view, although capital punishment has some disadvantages, I think that it proves to be the best way of controlling criminals, lessening governmental expenses and preventing other people from doing crimes. In any way, an attitude to this issue always depends on a particular person’s character and his or her personal background.

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Здравствуйте! Проверьте, пожалуйста, мое эссе:
Without capital punishment (the death penalty) our lives are less secure and crimes of violence increase. Capital punishment is essential to control violence in society.

А задание-то какое? Что от вас хотят-то?

Проверять я все равно не буду, но и никто не будет, потому что это эссе неизвестно о чем, в связи с отсутствием essay task.

[aqsw2210]

Without capital punishment (the death penalty) our lives are less secure and crimes of violence increase. Capital punishment is essential to control violence in society.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Almost any day of the week we can look at a newspaper and read articles discussing pros and cons of repeal the capital punishment. There are several points of view on this matter. The first claims that the death penalty can be considered unsuitable punishment due to the fact that right to life is the basic right of any human being, and no one can infringe this right, irrespective of the person’s deeds. Moreover, innocent people can face wrongful execution. Such unfair sentences take away lives of guiltless people and make other citizens lose faith in law and justice.

An alternative point is based on the advantages of the death penalty and reckons it as the best option for decline crime rate in the country.
On the one hand, it is obvious that capital punishment is necessary for the society. It does not matter whether you like it or not you have to recognize the fact that it is an effective deterrent to major crimes. The death penalty is the only way to punish the criminals as they commit serious offenses which directly aid in controlling the violence at least to some extent.
On the other hand, the governments spend large sums of the national budget on maintenance of prisoners. Instead, this money can be used for the development of the society and welfare of the people. Moreover, nobody can deny that it is exceedingly difficult to replace with something else totally.
However, this attitude may cause a lot of concerns among persons who believe that capital punishment is not a solution and it is important to note that some individuals can be wrongly convicted. But it is necessary to take into account all the circumstances of each individual case.
From my point of view, although capital punishment has some disadvantages, I think that it proves to be the best way of controlling criminals, lessening governmental expenses and preventing other people from doing crimes. In any way, an relation to this issue always depends on a particular person’s character and his or her personal background.

[od1n]

Almost any day of the week we can look at a newspaper and read articles discussing pros and cons of repeal the capital punishment. There are several points of view on this matter. The first claims that the death penalty can be considered unsuitable punishment due to the fact that right to life is the basic right of any human being, and no one can infringe this right, irrespective of the person’s deeds. Moreover, innocent people can face wrongful execution. Such unfair sentences take away lives of innocent people and make other citizens lose faith in law and justice.
An alternative point is based on the advantages of the death penalty and considers it as the best option for decline crime rate in the country.
On the one hand, it is obvious that capital punishment is necessary for the society. It does not matter whether you like it or not you have to recognize the fact that it is an effective deterrent to major crimes. The death penalty is the only way to punish the criminals as they commit serious crimes which directly aid in controlling the violence at least to some extent.
On the other hand, the governments spend large sums of the national budget on maintenance of prisoners. Instead, this money can be used for the development of the society and welfare of the people. Moreover, nobody can deny that it is exceedingly difficult to replace with something else totally.
However, this attitude may cause a lot of concerns among persons who believe that capital punishment is not a solution and it is important to note that some individuals can be wrongly convicted. But it is necessary to take into account all the circumstances of each individual case.
From my point of view, although capital punishment has some disadvantages, I think that it proves to be the best way of controlling criminals, lessening governmental expenses and preventing other people from doing crimes. In any way, an attitude to this issue always depends on a particular person’s character and his or her personal background.

Так я не понял, to what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? Should examiners deduce it? Also split your writing into sections more explicitly as it's not really clear what are your paragraphs here.