My essay, проверьте, покритикуйте! Спасибо!

[Yuriy_Kor]

Maimiti_Isabella,
То есть я правильно написал "This essay agrees..."? А писать "I agree..." не совсем верно? И на какой приблизительно Score эссе залуживает?

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Maimiti_Isabella,
То есть я правильно написал "This essay agrees..."? А писать "I agree..." не совсем верно? И на какой приблизительно Score эссе залуживает?

В Аcademic module - да и вообще в нормальном эссе - в британо-австралийско-новозеландском английском вообще нет места для 'I', a уж в Introduction это вообще преступление.

Вы неправильные вопросы задаете. Вы изучили что такое academic essay или на форум надеетесь? У меня в дневнике достаточно ссылок на это есть, на сайты австралийских университетов. Вот и будет там вам ответ. А не от неизвестно от кого на форуме, скрывающихся под неизвестно каким ником.
Т.е. как всегда: верить никому нельзя... а мне можно

ПС Эссе не читала.

[Yuriy_Kor]

Thanks

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Thanks

Если уж так хочется 'I' - то в Conclusion. Но аккуратно, чтобы не переборщить. Один разочек, если уж очень хочется.

Причем чем лучше английский, тем меньше 'I'. И это понятно - больше возможностей продемонстрировать свои 'таланты'.

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Оказывается в моем Symbaloo было много ссылок в 'никуда'. Только что многое обновила для Writing Task 2

[Антон_У]

В Аcademic module - да и вообще в нормальном эссе - в британо-австралийско-новозеландском английском вообще нет места для 'I', a уж в Introduction это вообще преступление.

Вот я тут не согласен с преступлением. В первой части, да, нельзя, а вот в эссе - можно.
Все зависит от вопроса. Если спрашивают, до какой степени ВЫ согласны или не согласны, как тут можно избежать? Использовать можно и нужно, если это отвечает на вопрос. Важно не перестараться.
Я сам сдавал академик, занимаясь с преподавателем, который этот IELTS и проверяет, и никаких ограничений на I нет особых. 7.5 за академик райтинг я получил раза три. На восьмерку не вышло.
Важно не переусердствовать, вот и все.

Вот кстати, интересные обсуждения на эту тему:
Personal Pronouns in Essays for IELTS

От туда:

Summary
So to sum up, it is ok to use personal pronouns in essays for IELTS, but don't overuse them as it may start sounding too informal.
Certainly make use of them in opinion essays in your introduction and / or conclusion as this will make your opinion very clear.

You are less likely to use them in your body paragraphs, but it is not wrong to do so.

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Вот я тут не согласен с преступлением.

Goodonya!

7.5 за академик райтинг я получил раза три.

IELTS я не сдавала, поэтому похвастаться оценкой не могу. Тем более 3 раза! 7.5!


(Дальше я не читала)

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Over the next couple of days I can check 2 essays (or Tasks 1). Please follow my 'requirements'.

First in, first served.

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Всем спасибо, that's it for now.

[Maimiti_Isabella]

FreedoM_Olga, check your personal messages.

[aydin]

Всем Привет!

Нужна 7 по writing. Спасибо.

Some countries improve their economy to gain high standard of living, but some social values can be lost during this transition. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? Give your opinion and examples.

In today's world, many developing nations change their economy to boost the quality of life, but it has certain drawbacks too. This essay will examine the advantages and disadvantages of improving a country's economy. 
The benefits of modernization of the nation's economy leads to prosperous future of their citizens. Firstly, government opens its door to foreign investors. As a result, they create new job opportunities and the unemployment rates decrease. Moreover, the poverty rates begin to fall. For example, Singapore was a poor country and after changing the economy and business rules the quality of living began to grow rapidly. Secondly, as a country's profit begins to increase, the quality of medical service and education also improves. Furthermore, the high standard of living decreases the crime rates and the country become safer for its citizens.  
On the other hand, improving nation's economy may cause a negative effect on social values. To improve economy people need to spend more time in the work place. This will decrease people's free time and they can not meet their friends or family members and working parents would not have enough time to spend with their children. Also, society will lose some important values such as tolerance and sharing. For example, people in Singapore have less time for visiting relatives and friends compared to other countries.  
In conclusion, although improving a nation's economy may lead to lost social values, I think that it can bring more benefits to its citizens in the form of a high standard of living.

[Maimiti_Isabella]

.....

В четверг или в пятницу наверное смогу посмотреть. До этого времени не будет.

[dzelichenko]

General Writing

Всем привет. Готовлюсь к сдаче General Ielts. Штурмую тесты. Ниже выкладываю свое задание writing (письмо и эссе), как я их честно успел написать за час отведенного времени (со всеми ошибками). Буду благодарен за фидбек. А также хоть приблизительно понимать, на какой балл это может тянуть.


Task 1 (20 min). A letter
You have recentely moved to a different house.
Write a letter to an English-speaking friend. In your letter
- Explain why you have moved?
- decribe the new house
- invite your friend to come and visit

At lest 150 words

Dear James,
How are you doing? I hope you are OK. I haven't seen you for ages and decided to write a letter. I believe we have so much to discuss. But let me be first.
As you remember, i wanted to move to a new house, but couldn't afford it due to the lack of money. Fortunatelly, situation changed and the bank approved my application for mortgage. Three months ago i bought a beautiful house and moved to it.
It is lcated ten kilometers South of Moscow in a small village with new-built houses. It is two-store building with basement and a territoty around it. My dreams came true and now i and my family can enjoy spending eveneings outside the noisy city. Every weekend we go cycling around the lakeswich are situated not far from our house. Moreover my wife made a special design inside and now it looks like an old British houses we can watch on TV.
I can't decribe all advantages of my new house, but i hope to see here next month. I remind you, that you promised to visit Moscow. You can stay here without any problems as long as you want.
See you!
Daniel


Task 2 (40 min)
Today more people travelling than even before.
Why is this case?
What are the benefits of travveling for traveller?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant excamples from your own knowledge or experience. At least 250 words


Travelling is definetily a part of our life. No doubt that nowdays travelling is more popular than it was before. One of the most interesting questions is "why it is so?". In this essay i will try to find answer for this question.
In my opinion the first and the main reason is development of transport system due to the technical progress. In last one hundred years it has changed dramatically. The new typr of transport appeared: fast cars and planes. Roads has been built continiously. I remember my travelling from Moscow to the USA. I attended both coasts, including New-York, Florida and California. It took three weeks. You can imagine, how long it would have been for people living in the 19th century. The could spend whole life diring jorney from the East Coast to the West Coast. Now we spend about six hours, travelling by plane.
Secondly, tourism has grown. Governments of many countries understood benefits from it for the economy. They try to attract people from all over the world and invest in development of this industry.
The other reason is the growing level of people's life. Travelling become more affordable. Middle-class workers in Europe can travel at least once a year.
But what are the benefits of travelling? Why people enjoy it? As for me it is the best way to know something new about the world. Changing the environment affects on our mood in a good way. Travelling is a best way to find new friends indeed.
Taking all this factors into consideration, i can assume that tourism, iprovements of transport system as well as growing level of life allow people travel more than it was before.

[Ветерок]

Всем привет. Готовлюсь к сдаче General Ielts. Штурмую тесты. Ниже выкладываю свое задание writing (письмо и эссе), как я их честно успел написать за час отведенного времени (со всеми ошибками). Буду благодарен за фидбек. А также хоть приблизительно понимать, на какой балл это может тянуть.


Task 1 (20 min). A letter
You have recentely moved to a different house.
Write a letter to an English-speaking friend. In your letter
- Explain why you have moved?
- decribe the new house
- invite your friend to come and visit

At lest 150 words

Dear James,
How are you doing? I hope you are OK. I haven't seen you for ages and decided to write a letter. I believe we have so much to discuss. But let me be first.
As you remember, i wanted to move to a new house, but couldn't afford it due to the lack of money. Fortunatelly, situation changed and the bank approved my application for mortgage. Three months ago i bought a beautiful house and moved to it.
It is lcated ten kilometers South of Moscow in a small village with new-built houses. It is two-store building with basement and a territoty around it. My dreams came true and now i and my family can enjoy spending eveneings outside the noisy city. Every weekend we go cycling around the lakeswich are situated not far from our house. Moreover my wife made a special design inside and now it looks like an old British houses we can watch on TV.
I can't decribe all advantages of my new house, but i hope to see here next month. I remind you, that you promised to visit Moscow. You can stay here without any problems as long as you want.
See you!
Daniel


Task 2 (40 min)
Today more people travelling than even before.
Why is this case?
What are the benefits of travveling for traveller?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant excamples from your own knowledge or experience. At least 250 words


Travelling is definetily a part of our life. No doubt that nowdays travelling is more popular than it was before. One of the most interesting questions is "why it is so?". In this essay i will try to find answer for this question.
In my opinion the first and the main reason is development of transport system due to the technical progress. In last one hundred years it has changed dramatically. The new typr of transport appeared: fast cars and planes. Roads has been built continiously. I remember my travelling from Moscow to the USA. I attended both coasts, including New-York, Florida and California. It took three weeks. You can imagine, how long it would have been for people living in the 19th century. The could spend whole life diring jorney from the East Coast to the West Coast. Now we spend about six hours, travelling by plane.
Secondly, tourism has grown. Governments of many countries understood benefits from it for the economy. They try to attract people from all over the world and invest in development of this industry.
The other reason is the growing level of people's life. Travelling become more affordable. Middle-class workers in Europe can travel at least once a year.
But what are the benefits of travelling? Why people enjoy it? As for me it is the best way to know something new about the world. Changing the environment affects on our mood in a good way. Travelling is a best way to find new friends indeed.
Taking all this factors into consideration, i can assume that tourism, iprovements of transport system as well as growing level of life allow people travel more than it was before.

6,0 overall. Письмо более-менее, эссе, как по мне, глубоко не очень.

артикли, формы глаголов, времена, пунктуация )

[Ветерок]

Всем Привет!

Нужна 7 по writing. Спасибо.

Some countries improve their economy to gain high standard of living, but some social values can be lost during this transition. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? Give your opinion and examples.

In today's world, many developing nations change their economy to boost the quality of life, but it has certain drawbacks too. This essay will examine the advantages and disadvantages of improving a country's economy. 
The benefits of modernization of the nation's economy leads to prosperous future of their citizens. Firstly, government opens its door to foreign investors. As a result, they create new job opportunities and the unemployment rates decrease. Moreover, the poverty rates begin to fall. For example, Singapore was a poor country and after changing the economy and business rules the quality of living began to grow rapidly. Secondly, as a country's profit begins to increase, the quality of medical service and education also improves. Furthermore, the high standard of living decreases the crime rates and the country become safer for its citizens.  
On the other hand, improving nation's economy may cause a negative effect on social values. To improve economy people need to spend more time in the work place. This will decrease people's free time and they can not meet their friends or family members and working parents would not have enough time to spend with their children. Also, society will lose some important values such as tolerance and sharing. For example, people in Singapore have less time for visiting relatives and friends compared to other countries.  
In conclusion, although improving a nation's economy may lead to lost social values, I think that it can bring more benefits to its citizens in the form of a high standard of living.

6,0 не более
Слабый вокабулярчик, структура не очень, напихано везде линкеров, где только можно. Я бы прям железобетонно ничего не утверждал (только если на руках есть неоспоримые факты), а посему - больше больше модальных глаголов. )