My essay, проверьте, покритикуйте! Спасибо!

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Получила я офер из универа но просят английский на 6,5 по каждому и оверал 7, а я знаю что я никогда не напишу на 6,5(

Жду ответа из другого универа- у них требования к английскому поменьше

А у Вас там нет програм с Direct Entry? В Австралии, например, это хорошая возможность для тех, кто не хочет/не может и т.д. сдавать IELTS, TOEFL, CAE, etc

PS I don't trust unis that are happy to accept students with the score below 6.5

[Тина]

Вы молодец что будете продолжать писать и слать, не забудьте также и прислушиваться к советам!

Я вот свои писанину вообще боюсь где-то выкладывать!!! Но у меня и с русским всегда была проблема, я не умела и не умею до сих пор сочинения писать и слишком сложно все излагаю.

Когда читаю эссе на 8 баллов написанные, то всегда думаю- ну я же все эти слова знаю, и написано просто и понятно, но почему я не могу так написать??? Это для меня загадка.
У меня похоже пока только пассивный запас слов, я читаю, понимаю, но не использую эти слова в своей речи ((

Получила я офер из универа но просят английский на 6,5 по каждому и оверал 7, а я знаю что я никогда не напишу на 6,5(

Жду ответа из другого универа- у них требования к английскому поменьше

Мне кажется вы себя недооцениваете!!!
Может стоит взять несколько уроков у хорошего преподавателя и добиться нужной цели??
Ну не верю я что человек, который живет в англосреде не может написать эссе на 6,5

[Tuktuk]

No comment, как говорится. Мое дело предупредить.

От 6 до 7 - как до Луны.

От comment (к эссе) я не отказывался.
Очень нужны.

[Maimiti_Isabella]

От comment (к эссе) я не отказывался.
Очень нужны.

Любой абзац - это мини эссе. А Вступление и Заключение - тем более.


В этом Заключении я вообще ничего не поняла. Вообще. Даже если переведу на русский, то все равно ничего непонятно.

In conclusion, I believe both arguments have their merits. On balance, however, I feel that only feeling responsibility for own society is possible to create the environment which will be comfortable for making business. That is to say, social activities create customers who are able to make a profit for companies. Given this situation, it is recommended for companies to take part is charity.

Это мой второй и последний комментарий. Все, что я считала нужным, я уже сказала в пред. сообщении.

[Mrs X]

А у Вас там нет програм с Direct Entry? В Австралии, например, это хорошая возможность для тех, кто не хочет/не может и т.д. сдавать IELTS, TOEFL, CAE, etc

PS I don't trust unis that are happy to accept students with the score below 6.5

Некоторые универы разрешают не сдавать инглиш если закончил подготовительный курс (Access course), а не которые говорят без IELTS не берем.

вот требования University of Leeds -- English requirements for candidates for whom English is not their first language:

IELTS: 7.0 overall with no less than 6.5 in any element

и вот Шеффилд Халам юни на один и тот же курс

IELTS

If English is not your first language you will need an IELTS score of 6.5 with a minimum of 5.5 in all skills, or a recognised equivalent. If your level of English language is currently below IELTS 6.5 we recommend you consider an appropriate Sheffield Hallam University Pre-sessional English course which will enable you to achieve the required level of English. Please note that the Health & Care Professions Council (HCPC) require IELTS 7.0 with no element below 6.5 for registration.

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Некоторые универы разрешают не сдавать инглиш если закончил подготовительный курс (Access course), а не которые говорят без IELTS не берем.

У нас это называется Direct Entry.

Остальное я прокомментировала выше.

University of Leeds:
If you don't meet our direct entry requirements

Our Language Centre offers pre-sessional Academic English courses directly before the start of semester 1 and semester 2 for students who do not meet our direct entry language requirements. To apply for a pre-sessional course you will need to complete the study abroad online application form (you do not need to apply separately for the pre-sessional course).

[Тина]

Мое очередное эссе.
Уже набирая, увидела много мест для улучшения и исправления...

Очень интересно ваше мнение, и как всегда оценка.

Буду благодарна за любые комментарии.

Crime appears to be rising in most countries in the world, especially among young people.
Identify the possible causes of this trend, and propose some solutions you think would be effective.


Over the last few decades a crime rate has increased significantly all around the globe. Unfortunately, it is the youngsters who mostly commit offences. This essay will analyse the factors of this problem and propose several effective ways to solve them.

The main reason why the soaring number of teenagers contravene the law is the lack of their awareness at Constitutions and laws. For the most parts, schools provide their students with subjects related to children’s rights and obligations, but not the diversity of crimes and punishments. In addition, existed legislations are immensely lenient for minor crimes, as they mostly consider fines as a penalty for them. As a consequence, youngsters are not afraid of committing different offences that cannot be accompanied by strong sentences.

To curb juvenile delinquency educational institutes should consider providing their students with lessons about crime and punishment. Children should be familiar with principal offences, penalties for them and what harmful effect could they have on people’s entire lives. If teenagers realized the adverse influence of violating the law, they would not commit offences. Moreover, governments should implement acts with stronger penalties. For instance, minor crimes should be not only sentenced with fines, but also include community service. This could make impossible for parents to pay for their children’s criminal behaviour.

In conclusion, such drawbacks of social regulations as the lack of education and lenient acts lead to growth of criminal activity among young people. A coordinated response by both educational and law institutions may lessen the severity of the juvenile delinquency. The measures should be taken urgently to prevent greater issues in future.

[MariaAn]

Когда читаю эссе на 8 баллов написанные, то всегда думаю- ну я же все эти слова знаю, и написано просто и понятно,

Значит можете! На 6.5. написать на самом деле не так сложно .
Хотелось просто Вас подбодрить, раз уж вы в Leeds живете, значит, у вас вообще дела лучше наших! Может Вам просто взять пару уроков face-to-face, чтобы препод помог вам излагать мысли в более сложных структурах или пользоваться "более заумными" словами вместо разговорных.

[zigmund82]

Мое очередное эссе.
Уже набирая, увидела много мест для улучшения и исправления...

Очень интересно ваше мнение, и как всегда оценка.

Буду благодарна за любые комментарии.

Crime appears to be rising in most countries in the world, especially among young people.
Identify the possible causes of this trend, and propose some solutions you think would be effective.


Over the last few decades a crime rate has increased significantly all around the globe. Unfortunately, it is the youngsters who mostly commit offences. This essay will analyse the factors of this problem and propose several effective ways to solve them.

The main reason why the soaring number of teenagers contravene the law is the lack of their awareness at Constitutions and laws. For the most parts, schools provide their students with subjects related to children’s rights and obligations, but not the diversity of crimes and punishments. In addition, existed legislations are immensely lenient for minor crimes, as they mostly consider fines as a penalty for them. As a consequence, youngsters are not afraid of committing different offences that cannot be accompanied by strong sentences.

To curb juvenile delinquency educational institutes should consider providing their students with lessons about crime and punishment. Children should be familiar with principal offences, penalties for them and what harmful effect could they have on people’s entire lives. If teenagers realized the adverse influence of violating the law, they would not commit offences. Moreover, governments should implement acts with stronger penalties. For instance, minor crimes should be not only sentenced with fines, but also include community service. This could make impossible for parents to pay for their children’s criminal behaviour.

In conclusion, such drawbacks of social regulations as the lack of education and lenient acts lead to growth of criminal activity among young people. A coordinated response by both educational and law institutions may lessen the severity of the juvenile delinquency. The measures should be taken urgently to prevent greater issues in future.

По написанию помочь не могу, у самого 7ка, а несколько идей могу подкинуть. Я бы написал, что необходимо предотвращать такие преступления, уделяя внимание воспитанию, а именно создавать программы помощи матерям одиночкам, помогать неустроенным семьям (многодетным, пьющим и тп), в школах открывать спортивные и другие секции, должен работать детский психолог, контролировать жестокость на телевидении и компьютерных играх и наоборот побольше выпускать обучающих передач. Привел бы пример какой-нибудь (у соседей был ребенок оболтус с двумя приводами в полицию, а после того как пошел в спортивную секцию как шелковый ).

[NortT]

ААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААА

Listening:8
Reading:8
Writing:7
Speaking:8
Overall:8

[Maimiti_Isabella]

ААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААА

Listening:8
Reading:8
Writing:7
Speaking:8
Overall:8

Congratulations!!! It was a long road, wasn't it?

Are you done? or you want to get an 8 in Writing?

[NortT]

Congratulations!!! It was a long road, wasn't it?

Sure, but I'm happy that it was not as long as other IELTS takers had

Are you done? or you want to get an 8 in Writing?

No. I don't think that it's possible for me. However, I'll miss IELTS, it was my drug for 2 years

[Тина]

ААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААААА

Listening:8
Reading:8
Writing:7
Speaking:8
Overall:8

Ооооооооооогооооо!!!
Поздравляю!!!!!!
Это супер крутые результаты!!!
Вы их заслужили!!!!!

[zigmund82]

Мое очередное эссе.
Уже набирая, увидела много мест для улучшения и исправления...

Очень интересно ваше мнение, и как всегда оценка.

Буду благодарна за любые комментарии.

Crime appears to be rising in most countries in the world, especially among young people.
Identify the possible causes of this trend, and propose some solutions you think would be effective.


Over the last few decades a crime rate has increased significantly all around the globe. Unfortunately, it is the youngsters who mostly commit offences. This essay will analyse the factors of this problem and propose several effective ways to solve them.

The main reason why the soaring number of teenagers contravene the law is the lack of their awareness at Constitutions and laws. For the most parts, schools provide their students with subjects related to children’s rights and obligations, but not the diversity of crimes and punishments. In addition, existed legislations are immensely lenient for minor crimes, as they mostly consider fines as a penalty for them. As a consequence, youngsters are not afraid of committing different offences that cannot be accompanied by strong sentences.

To curb juvenile delinquency educational institutes should consider providing their students with lessons about crime and punishment. Children should be familiar with principal offences, penalties for them and what harmful effect could they have on people’s entire lives. If teenagers realized the adverse influence of violating the law, they would not commit offences. Moreover, governments should implement acts with stronger penalties. For instance, minor crimes should be not only sentenced with fines, but also include community service. This could make impossible for parents to pay for their children’s criminal behaviour.

In conclusion, such drawbacks of social regulations as the lack of education and lenient acts lead to growth of criminal activity among young people. A coordinated response by both educational and law institutions may lessen the severity of the juvenile delinquency. The measures should be taken urgently to prevent greater issues in future.

Кстати, сегодня на Martin Place была акция против youth crimes. Проходил мимо, вспомнил про эссе и решил поделиться. То есть в Австралии меры предпринимают))

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Sure, but I'm happy that it was not as long as other IELTS takers had


No. I don't think that it's possible for me. However, I'll miss IELTS, it was my drug for 2 years

Just don't leave Тина all alone with her listening problems. You will still help her, won't you?