My essay, проверьте, покритикуйте! Спасибо!

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Marcella,

I have trouble with the topic again as I just don't understand what's there to discuss. Is it even IELTS?

Both of your strategies are OK though in the first one I'd offer some kind of concession (I hope you know what it is) to acknowledge a different point of view. This can be done either in the Intro or in Body paragraphs.

But again, as I have trouble even comprehending this topic, I cannot provide any examples. Maybe you would like to have a look at a more conventional topic with a similar task, i.e. do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

(You've always had a knack for digging out the most unusual things! )

[Marcella]

Marcella,

(You've always had a knack for digging out the most unusual things! )

блин, я не специально )) Эта тема попалась мне на экзамене месяц назад.

спасибо за помощь!

[Nadine_Ch]

Прошу помощи!

Уважаемые форумчане, пожалуйста, не могли бы Вы прокомментировать моё эссе и дать хотя бы several tips, что я делаю не так. Бьюсь уже не первый год. И хотя мне казалось, что моя писанина много улучшилась, я раз за разом получала 6,5, а нужно 7. Спустя пол-года, хочу снова попытать счастья... Форум читаю регулярно, вроде и логика начала работать... Но что не так? Буду безмерно благодарна за комментарии!

Some parents think that helping their children with homework is good. Others think children should do their homework on their own. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

It has been a well-known fact nowadays that school homework which children have to do regularly is rather difficult. Therefore some parents prefer to give a hand their offsprings with the school tasks while others believe that pupils have to cope themselves. I would totally support the latter opinion even though the former also has several considerable arguments.

The first reason why mothers and fathers tend to help their children with homework is controlling. When they sit near to their child they could control the process by correcting mistakes and giving advice. At this rate, parents become assured that the educational process is under their control and it would guarantee exellent marks at school. Another reason which encourage adults to do school homework together with their youngers is a desire to spend more time with them. While children are still need parents, the latters try enjoy this time thoroughly.

However, I certainly believe that doing homework independently could help young students to develop personal skills such as independence, curiosity, and ability to reflect. If youngers everytime feel support behind them they would never develop their brains and unlikely study to make decisions on their own. Additionally, modern adults probably are not very experienced at contemporary curriculum programs that might lead to misunderstanding and getting confused their offsprings. In these terms it may totally disrupt all the educational process as teachers at school and parents explained schooling materials in distinct ways.

To conclude, despite the fact that the desire of being with youngers as long as possible and help them with everything may justify their parents, I would stend for another opinion and allow students to fully develop themselves by doing their homework on their own.

[Тина]

Уважаемые форумчане, пожалуйста, не могли бы Вы прокомментировать моё эссе и дать хотя бы several tips, что я делаю не так. Бьюсь уже не первый год. И хотя мне казалось, что моя писанина много улучшилась, я раз за разом получала 6,5, а нужно 7. Спустя пол-года, хочу снова попытать счастья... Форум читаю регулярно, вроде и логика начала работать... Но что не так? Буду безмерно благодарна за комментарии!

Some parents think that helping their children with homework is good. Others think children should do their homework on their own. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

It has been a well-known fact nowadays that school homework which children have to do regularly is rather difficult. Therefore some parents prefer to give a hand their offsprings with the school tasks while others believe that pupils have to cope themselves. I would totally support the latter opinion even though the former also has several considerable arguments.

The first reason why mothers and fathers tend to help their children with homework is controlling. When they sit near to their child they could control the process by correcting mistakes and giving advice. At this rate, parents become assured that the educational process is under their control and it would guarantee exellent marks at school. Another reason which encourage adults to do school homework together with their youngers is a desire to spend more time with them. While children are still need parents, the latters try enjoy this time thoroughly.

However, I certainly believe that doing homework independently could help young students to develop personal skills such as independence, curiosity, and ability to reflect. If youngers everytime feel support behind them they would never develop their brains and unlikely study to make decisions on their own. Additionally, modern adults probably are not very experienced at contemporary curriculum programs that might lead to misunderstanding and getting confused their offsprings. In these terms it may totally disrupt all the educational process as teachers at school and parents explained schooling materials in distinct ways.

To conclude, despite the fact that the desire of being with youngers as long as possible and help them with everything may justify their parents, I would stend for another opinion and allow students to fully develop themselves by doing their homework on their own.

Извините за критику, но не смогла пройти мимо...
Странно читать что вы бьетесь год и делаете такие ошибки...или вернее после года у вас такой стиль...
1. Мнение свое просят дать после того как обсудите все стороны. Зачем вы начали. 2 й параграф с него?
2. В параграфах как то аргументы не доведены до конца...т.е.хочется какого то заключительного предложения после каждого аргумента.
3. Конклюжн тоже хочется видеть мнение и почему вы так решили.
Мне кажется что если б не было этих простых промахов получили б вы свои 7

[Mrs X]

а вот мое ессе на эту тему

Some parents think that helping their children with homework is good. Others think children should do their homework on their own. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people believe that children should do their homework without any help, while opponents of this idea consider that helping their offspring with homework is acceptable. They both are right in their own way.

Firstly, helping children with homework has some advantages. When parents help their children with school homework it might help them to get close because they will spend more time together. They will know each other very well and understand each other needs easily. Moreover, after spending time with parents the youngsters can trust more and rely on their parents. Young persons would realise that parents try to help and understand where the lack of knowledge is and not forcing them to do anything. Also, children become more confident with peers after understanding and resolving problems. However, in this way, there can be some disadvantages. For example, the youngsters might manipulate parents and this will led parents to do all homework instead of students.

On the other hand, children will become independent doing their homework on their own. This would teach them to rely on their own knowledge. Because of that they have to develop their knowledge by reading different sources, discuss the homework with parents or think analytically. For example, a mathematical problem. If they are completely stumped, they should not be afraid to ask for clues and advice from family. Parents help them not by doing entire things, but direct them by giving some advice how to solve the problem or certain possible answers.

As we see, there are some different path how to help your child with their homework. I, as a parent, am fully convinced, that children should do their homework independently, it will help them to develop and rely on their own knowledge and only in extreme cases they should ask for help parents or teachers.

что скажете, бывалые?

[<кирилл>]

Some parents think that helping their children with homework is good. Others think children should do their homework on their own. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

всё нето

что скажете, бывалые?

незнаю может я так привык, но в opinion essays у меня structure - 3 paragraphs (по 3-4 предложения)
intro
1 - Some parents think that helping their children with homework is good
2- Others think children should do their homework on their own.
3 - I THINK: children should be helped by teachers
conclusion - одни считают так, другие сак,а вот я так-то.

[Nadine_Ch]

Извините за критику, но не смогла пройти мимо...
Странно читать что вы бьетесь год и делаете такие ошибки...или вернее после года у вас такой стиль...
1. Мнение свое просят дать после того как обсудите все стороны. Зачем вы начали. 2 й параграф с него?
2. В параграфах как то аргументы не доведены до конца...т.е.хочется какого то заключительного предложения после каждого аргумента.
3. Конклюжн тоже хочется видеть мнение и почему вы так решили.
Мне кажется что если б не было этих простых промахов получили б вы свои 7

Тина, спасибо! Собственно для критики и выставила, какие могут быть извинения..
С первыми двумя пунктами согласна, осталось только понять, каким образом завершать поддержку аргументов. Тем же, с чего начинала?
Что касается заключения, разве там нет моего мнения? Я поддерживаю в нем вторую сторону и говорю, что лучше...

[Maimiti_Isabella]

а вот мое ессе на эту тему

......

что скажете, бывалые?

Я не 'бывалая'. Сказать?

[Nadine_Ch]

Я не 'бывалая'. Сказать?

А можно мне немного критики?)) Или много)

[Тина]

Тина, спасибо! Собственно для критики и выставила, какие могут быть извинения..
С первыми двумя пунктами согласна, осталось только понять, каким образом завершать поддержку аргументов. Тем же, с чего начинала?
Что касается заключения, разве там нет моего мнения? Я поддерживаю в нем вторую сторону и говорю, что лучше...

Да, поддержать теми же аргументами только другими словами. Тогда как то законченные получается заключение

[Mrs X]

Я не 'бывалая'. Сказать?

Конечно )

[Maimiti_Isabella]

А можно мне немного критики?)) Или много)

Так вас вроде уже много и покритиковали? Впрочем, я посмотрю. Чуть попозже.

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Конечно )

Вот смотрите:

Also, children become more confident with peers after understanding and resolving problems. However, in this way, there can be some disadvantages. For example, the youngsters might manipulate parents and this will led parents to do all homework instead of students.

Все было хорошо с точки зрения Task Response, и вдруг вы выдали выделенное слово. Я вполне понимаю, что вы делаете - concession - и это хорошо, но это слово принадлежит второму Body paragraph, так как это 2-я часть задания (2 opposing views). В результате, просите, 'Смешались в кучу кони, люди, и залпы тысячи орудий слились в протяжный вой'. Делать такие вещи надо осторожно. Например, This approach, however, might lead to students manipulating their parents into doing their homework for them instead. Обратите внимание на положение слова however в данном предложении. Это позволяет не концентрировать на нем внимание и указывает на продолжение мысли, а не сравнивает advantages and disadvantages.

Второй Body Paragraph для меня вообще непонятен. Вы же вроде показываете, что речь будет идти о On the other hand, children will become independent doing their homework on their own, i.e. the : advantages of this approach. И вдруг вы переходите к обсуждению того, как это хорошо, когда они просят родителей о помощи. Но ведь это тема of the first body paragraph!

Аll in all, I feel absolutely confused after reading your essay. Sorry.

Английский не комментрирую, но вот это не должно было быть вообще на вашем этапе развития английского и подготовки к экзамену: For example, a mathematical problem. (уверена, что это typo!)

[Mrs X]

Вот смотрите:


Все было хорошо с точки зрения Task Response, и вдруг вы выдали выделенное слово. Я вполне понимаю, что вы делаете - concession - и это хорошо, но это слово принадлежит второму Body paragraph, так как это 2-я часть задания (2 opposing views). В результате, просите, 'Смешались в кучу кони, люди, и залпы тысячи орудий слились в протяжный вой'. Делать такие вещи надо осторожно. Например, This approach, however, might lead to students manipulating their parents into doing their homework for them instead. Обратите внимание на положение слова however в данном предложении. Это позволяет не концентрировать на нем внимание и указывает на продолжение мысли, а не сравнивает advantages and disadvantages.

Второй Body Paragraph для меня вообще непонятен. Вы же вроде показываете, что речь будет идти о On the other hand, children will become independent doing their homework on their own, i.e. the : advantages of this approach. И вдруг вы переходите к обсуждению того, как это хорошо, когда они просят родителей о помощи. Но ведь это тема of the first body paragraph!

Аll in all, I feel absolutely confused after reading your essay. Sorry.

Английский не комментрирую, но вот это не должно было быть вообще на вашем этапе развития английского и подготовки к экзамену: For example, a mathematical problem. (уверена, что это typo!)

ок, спасибо за критику, будем работать!

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Some parents think that helping their children with homework is good. Others think children should do their homework on their own. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

It has been a well-known fact nowadays that school homework which children have to do regularly is rather difficult. Therefore some parents prefer to give a hand their offsprings with the school tasks while others believe that pupils have to cope themselves. I would totally support the latter opinion even though the former also has several considerable arguments.

В принципе, я абсолютно согласна с 'предыдущими ораторами'. Вас просят обсудить и выразить мнение, а вы выдаете свое мнение еще до обсуждения. Таким образом вы изменили задание. Это главное. И да, заключение должно быть все-таки более сильное и развернутое.

Теперь немног о другом:

It has been a It has been a well-known fact nowadays that school homework which children have to do regularly is rather difficult.

Простите, а если это a well-known fact, уже известен какое-то время (has been), то почему я об этом ничего не знаю? И многие мои знакомые тоже не знают. Это я к чему - не надо делать подобных заявлений, которые ничем не подкреплены и не могут быть подкреплены.