My essay, проверьте, покритикуйте! Спасибо!

[WinSoft]

Вы простите, но когда я вижу такое, я даже не читаю дальше.

Что-то не так с топиком или ошибки в задании? Вроде скопировала в точь с первоисточника...

[illi4]

Что-то не так с топиком или ошибки в задании? Вроде скопировала в точь с первоисточника...

Вашим первоисточником должен быть Cambridge IELTS, а не сомнительные сайты.

[WinSoft]

illi4, большое спасибо за фидбек.
У меня в целом, очень плохо с аргументацией
Хорошие идеи в голову не приходят сразу, особенно, при сжатых временных рамках. Надо как-то научиться генерировать идеи на ходу.

[illi4]

illi4, большое спасибо за фидбек.
У меня в целом, очень плохо с аргументацией
Хорошие идеи в голову не приходят сразу, особенно, при сжатых временных рамках. Надо как-то научиться генерировать идеи на ходу.

План с тезисами составляете? Если нет - попрактикуйтесь. Это навык, который можно натренировать.

[WinSoft]

illi4, да, составляю. Именно на написание плана уходит бОльшая часть времени. Буду оттачивать, спасибо за совет!

[illi4]

illi4, да, составляю. Именно на написание плана уходит бОльшая часть времени. Буду оттачивать, спасибо за совет!

В идеале, это должно занимать около 3х минут.
Можете прошерстить книгу Саймона с идеями по разным темам на моем гуглодиске (IELTS - Books-basic - Writing (Collection of books) - Simon e-book).

[WinSoft]

В идеале, это должно занимать около 3х минут.
Можете прошерстить книгу Саймона с идеями по разным темам на моем гуглодиске (IELTS - Books-basic - Writing (Collection of books) - Simon e-book).

Как раз ее распечатала, буду изучать, примерять аргументы.
Отдельное спасибо за ваш гуглодиск, на выходных прочитала базовые книги по райтингу, очень жалею, что не прочла их раньше.

[andriko]

Нацелен получить 7 за райтинг, подскажите что нужно изменить/добавить/убрать. Спасибо.

In some countries, teenagers have jobs while they are still students. Do you think this is a good idea? Support your opinion by using specific reasons and details.

Over the last few decades situation on our job market has changed significantly. Various employers prefer to hire students for some types of job, because they are open-minded, and overwhelmed with different ideas. Definitely, it worth to mention that some people criticize this, while other, including myself, believe that partial work is excellent opportunity to obtain extra experience. In my opinion, person, who combines education with the temporary job, would be more responsible in the future; however disadvantages of this method can’t be forgotten.
Firstly, a working student has a lot of benefits. He learns how face money’s problems. Surely, the most important aspect is – this teenager discovers a real value of money. As soon as he or she realizes an importance of keeping a budget, he becomes more independent and self-confident. Furthermore, from my point of view, one of the biggest human’s concerns is - wasting money for various useless items. Therefore, people should learn how to spend money carefully.
Secondly, as well as I know, practical knowledge and additional experience will be a major advantage in searching of full-time job after graduating a university, In addition, some employers prefer to hire students, because young talented individuals may bring something really brilliant and new, also students are flexible for changes and have critical thinking.
However, semi-stydying has dozens of drawbacks. I can’t deny the fact that student may not have enough time to meet friends or even to prepare for some exams. I think, person, who wants to compound work and university, should understand this fact, and make decision thoughtfully.
In conclusion, people, by sacrificing their leisure time, become more trustworthy and reliable. This situation would affect them positively in any case and bring more benefits in the future.

[EgorAy]

Inner city traffic congestion is still a serious problem in many cities. Much of this congestion is caused by there being simply too many cars on our roads. What could be done to encourage people not to use their cars?
One of the problems people in megalopolises have to face up is heavy traffic, which is becoming worse and worse. Tackling this problem will not only lessen/ reduce time spent on commuting but can also contribute to the well-being and budget of commuters.

The high volume of traffic in city centres stems from the fact that reduced cost of cars, making them more and more affordable for the public so commuters tend to use private cars. The easiest way to overcome the problem of heavy traffic jams would be public transport with all modern conveniences. If governments provided facilities like Wi-Fi, applications that will show information about the location and the route of transport online and air-conditioning in public transport, then the number of people taking up buses or trains to commute would rise sharply. A good illustration of this is
developed countries where public transport use is encouraged by the provision of the aforementioned facilities in that type of transport.

However, there are people who want to drive to work. Given this circumstance, a golden mean between automobilists and local authorities has to be reached in order to solve the problem of bumper-to-bumper traffic. Local authorities can encourage this segment of people to use “smart” and greener types of transport by imposing a ban on conventional types of cars and promoting carbon-emission free cars. For instance, smart cars such as the Tesla can be connected to traffic-management centers to find different routes and calculate how much time they will take. up This will enable drivers of such cars to find a way round traffic congestion/ jams especially during the rush hours.

In conclusion, the problem of traffic congestion can be tackled by improving public transportation and encouraging “smart” types of cars.

Хочу мин 6.5

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Нацелен получить 7 за райтинг, подскажите что нужно изменить/добавить/убрать. Спасибо.

In some countries, teenagers have jobs while they are still students. Do you think this is a good idea? Support your opinion by using specific reasons and details.

Over the last few decades situation on our job market has changed significantly. Various employers prefer to hire students for some types of job, because they are open-minded, and overwhelmed with different ideas. Definitely, it worth to mention that some people criticize this, while other, including myself, believe that partial work is excellent opportunity to obtain extra experience. In my opinion, person, who combines education with the temporary job, would be more responsible in the future; however disadvantages of this method can’t be forgotten.
Firstly, a working student has a lot of benefits. He learns how face money’s problems. Surely, the most important aspect is – this teenager discovers a real value of money. As soon as he or she realizes an importance of keeping a budget, he becomes more independent and self-confident. Furthermore, from my point of view, one of the biggest human’s concerns is - wasting money for various useless items. Therefore, people should learn how to spend money carefully.
Secondly, as well as I know, practical knowledge and additional experience will be a major advantage in searching of full-time job after graduating a university, In addition, some employers prefer to hire students, because young talented individuals may bring something really brilliant and new, also students are flexible for changes and have critical thinking.
However, semi-stydying has dozens of drawbacks. I can’t deny the fact that student may not have enough time to meet friends or even to prepare for some exams. I think, person, who wants to compound work and university, should understand this fact, and make decision thoughtfully.
In conclusion, people, by sacrificing their leisure time, become more trustworthy and reliable. This situation would affect them positively in any case and bring more benefits in the future.

С моей точки зрения - очень неплохой потенциал. Вы четко поняли задачу и почти с ней справились (речь идет о Task Response). Заключение, к сожалению, 'не заключает', так как вдруг в нем речь зашла о каких-то там people, о которых вообще речи нигде не было.

Уберите из эссе никому ненужные и непонятно зачем туда добавленные 'я'. В эссе также нельзя использовать contractions.

В общем, работать есть над чем, так как абсолютно ясно, что вы не достаточно хорошо изучили что такое academic essay.

С хорошим преподавателем мне кажется, до 7-ки недалеко. Но опять-же мы не знаем сколько времени у вас заняло это эссе и как вы пишете на другие темы.

[andriko]

В общем, работать есть над чем, так как абсолютно ясно, что вы не достаточно хорошо изучили что такое academic essay.

Спасибо за отзыв. но мне нужен дженерал модуль, извините что не уточнил вначале

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Спасибо за отзыв. но мне нужен дженерал модуль, извините что не уточнил вначале

Существуют только два типа эссе: литературное и академическое. Я не думаю, что вы предендуете на славу Оскара Уайльда или на крайний случай Стива Мартина. Из советских эссеистов - Илья Эренбург или Юлий Олеша (из известных имен)

Модуль IELTS никакого отношения к типу эссе не имеет. - just follow this link for more info on academic essays. As you're obviously at the beginning of your IELTS prep., I hope it would help you understand what an essay is and how to approach the task.

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Inner city traffic congestion is still a serious problem in many cities. Much of this congestion is caused by there being simply too many cars on our roads. What could be done to encourage people not to use their cars?
One of the problems people in megalopolises have to face up is heavy traffic, which is becoming worse and worse. Tackling this problem will not only lessen/ reduce time spent on commuting but can also contribute to the well-being and budget of commuters.

The high volume of traffic in city centres stems from the fact that reduced cost of cars, making them more and more affordable for the public so commuters tend to use private cars. The easiest way to overcome the problem of heavy traffic jams would be public transport with all modern conveniences. If governments provided facilities like Wi-Fi, applications that will show information about the location and the route of transport online and air-conditioning in public transport, then the number of people taking up buses or trains to commute would rise sharply. A good illustration of this is
developed countries where public transport use is encouraged by the provision of the aforementioned facilities in that type of transport.

However, there are people who want to drive to work. Given this circumstance, a golden mean between automobilists and local authorities has to be reached in order to solve the problem of bumper-to-bumper traffic. Local authorities can encourage this segment of people to use “smart” and greener types of transport by imposing a ban on conventional types of cars and promoting carbon-emission free cars. For instance, smart cars such as the Tesla can be connected to traffic-management centers to find different routes and calculate how much time they will take. up This will enable drivers of such cars to find a way round traffic congestion/ jams especially during the rush hours.

In conclusion, the problem of traffic congestion can be tackled by improving public transportation and encouraging “smart” types of cars.

Хочу мин 6.5

У вас очень приличный английский, и прослеживается 'чувство' языка, т.е. вы уполтребляете appropriate language. Эссе читается достаточно легко и предложения 'сбалансированы'.

из проблем:
несколько проблем с sentence structure
word choices are not always to your benefit.
через чур короткое Conclusion

6.5 получите, если будете так писать на экзамене (не забудем еще и про Task 1!), a скорее всего и 7.

[Vikiki]

Буду признательна за любую критику и совету по улучшению написания. Нужно 8.0

Nowadays university education is very expensive. Some people say that universities should reduce their fees, especially for the less fortunate students or those coming from rural areas. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

It is certainly true that universities tuition fees are extremely high these days. Many people argue that higher education providers should make the cost of study cheaper for some categories of students. I completely agree with this opinion, because it will enable gifted students from different backgrounds to get their degrees and increase the level of public education.

The main reason why I believe that universities should establish more reasonable tuition fees for some students is that it will allow the talented youth to get higher education. Indeed, there are many pupils demonstrating high scores in different subjects at school, whose parents are not able to support their further education. If universities decrease the cost of studies for such students, it will give them an opportunity to enroll a course. For example, many universities in Russia give grants for talented youths, so that students from different parts of the country can enter a prestigious university in Moscow.

Another reason why I support the notion that higher education should be more available for different categories of students is that it will raise the number of educated people in the society. By providing grants and discounts to those who are unable to pay full fees, universities will increase the number of graduates and the total level of education in community.

In conclusion, I totally agree that higher education providers should reduce tuition fees for certain categories of students. Not only does this give a chance to enter a university for gifted students, but also contribute to the increase in the level of education of the society.

[Vikiki]

Technology allows food to be produced in greater quantities and at lower prices. Some people believe this is a positive development, while others feel that the change is harmful. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Over the past few decades a series of technological breakthroughs made it possible to produce greater quantities of food at lower cost. While some people claim this is a beneficial trend, others subscribe to the opposite view. Both sides of the argument will be analysed before a logical conclusion is drawn and my own perspective is given.

On one side of the argument there are people who claim that the advantages of technological appliances in food industry considerably outweigh its drawbacks. The main reason for believing this is that technology allows to increase crops and provide food for a greater number of people. This is particularly important these days as the population of our planet is constantly growing. In addition to this, with the help of the applied science the cost of the food production can be reduced considerably. A good illustration of this is genetically modified food, which is cheap and rich in nutritional value.

At the same time, it is also possible to make the opposing case. It is frequently argued that technology reduces the quality of food and can even make it dangerous. For example, some recent stories in the media highlighted that genetically modified food can cause serious diseases, such as cancer. As well as this, technology posess a threat to the environment. This is due to the fact that pesticides used to protect crops from the insects destroy soil and pollute water.

In conclusion, both sides of the argument have their merits. However, after analysing opposing camps, my personal view is that using technology in food industry has a negative effect. Not only does it endangers people's health, but also destroys the biosphere.