My essay, проверьте, покритикуйте! Спасибо!

[Maimiti_Isabella]

The fuel price is not affordable.
trasportation - OK

[evstigneeff]

Доброго времени суток всем!!!
Проверьте плиз, покритикуйте...

In some countries today young people are less respectful and polite to others. What could
be the reasons behind such behavior? What can be done about it?

Nowadays, representatives of a young generation are not so respectful and courteous to other people as they used to be in the past. The purpose of this essay is to examine root causes of this problem, and then I will propose possible ways to tackle it.

It is undeniable that there are diverse reasons of lack of esteem to others from the side of young people. First of all, due to a high pressure on work and a shortage of spare time many working individuals don't pay a lot of attention to an upbringing of their offsprings. A plenty of parents don't teach their siblings morals and ethics, and they usually don't tell about a significance of a respect to another members of society. In addition, numerous modern movies and TV shows tend to have a great negative impact on minds of young people.

Nevertheless, it is worth mentioning that there are also certain measures to be taken in order to improve this situation on the whole. First, caregivers have to understand that if they don't bring up their children, young boys and girls will not develop essential moral qualities including an esteem to other people. Therefore, adults should make efforts to find some time in order to educate youngsters. Secondly, authorities are supposed to control and perhaps even censor contemporary films and TV programs to avoid a possible harm for adolescents.

In conclusion, I am inclined to believe that the main reasons of a less amount of teenagers' respect to any other person are an insufficient attention of parents to a nurture of young people and a harmful influence of modern cinema and television. However, after analyzing the issue, it has become quite evident that this issue can be addressed by paying more attention by caregivers to an education of juveniles and a strict supervision of movies and TV shows by the government.

[Vanderley]

In some countries today young people are less respectful and polite to others. What could
be the reasons behind such behavior? What can be done about it?

Nowadays, representatives of a young generation are not so respectful and courteous to other people as they used to be in the past. The purpose of this essay is to examine root causes of this problem, and then I will propose possible ways to tackle it.

It is undeniable that there are diverse reasons of lack of esteem to others from the side of young people. First of all, due to a high pressure on work and a shortage of spare time many working individuals don't pay a lot of attention to an upbringing of their offsprings. A plenty of parents don't teach their siblings morals and ethics, and they usually don't tell about a significance of a respect to another members of society. In addition, numerous modern movies and TV shows tend to have a great negative impact on minds of young people.

Nevertheless, it is worth mentioning that there are also certain measures to be taken in order to improve this situation on the whole. First, caregivers have to understand that if they don't bring up their children, young boys and girls will not develop essential moral qualities including an esteem to other people. Therefore, adults should make efforts to find some time in order to educate youngsters. Secondly, authorities are supposed to control and perhaps even censor contemporary films and TV programs to avoid a possible harm for adolescents.

In conclusion, I am inclined to believe that the main reasons of a less amount of teenagers' respect to any other person are an insufficient attention of parents to a nurture of young people and a harmful influence of modern cinema and television. However, after analyzing the issue, it has become quite evident that this issue can be addressed by paying more attention by caregivers to an education of juveniles and a strict supervision of movies and TV shows by the government.

[evstigneeff]

Не понял ваши исправления. Всё что выделено красным (в основном как всегда ненавистные мною артикли) не правильно? Но это нужно заменить чем-то другим (вы не написали чем) или убрать? Поясните плиззз...

[Rus_R]

Скажите пожалуйста, а siblings можно употреблять в значении "дети"? Я думала это братья-сестры.

[Vanderley]

evstigneeff, что вообще ни одного? А в словаре смотрели?

• work
• as
• esteem
• respect
• дальше сами

from the side of - прямой перевод с русского.
Поубирать сокращения. Это признак неформального стиля.
А про артикли, так вы ж их наставили перед неисчисляемыми. Тема сложная, но это ж самое первое что мы про артикли учим.

[illi4]

Всем привет.

Моя жена практикуется в writing, и не очень понятно, на сколько ей ещё нужно подтянуться, чтобы получить заветные 4.5. Ужасные ielts-blog оценили тексты на 6 и 6.5 (что особо адекватно), Майк Уотти ещё проверяет, хотелось бы узнать максимум мнений.

Как считаете, тянет ли это на уровень 4.5?

Спасибо.

Task1: You are a student at an English language school in Brighton and are living in private accommodation with other flat mates. You have not had hot water or heating for some time. The landlord’s workmen have tried to fix the problem but without success. Write a letter to the landlord. In your letter:
• state your reason for writing
• describe the problems and explain how you feel
• propose a solution and risk the landlord to take action

Dear Mr. Smith,

The pronciple reason for writing this letter is that in your house workmen repaired heating but problem remained.

I and my flatmates rent your house and we have some problems with heating and hot water for a long time. We feel discomfort and inconvenience because we have not hot water and problems with heating. In the house is very cold. Also, winter comes next month and we want to solve this problems.

I want to propose solutions for problems in your house. We will invite our friend and he will repair what we need. His name is Bob and he is a very well workman. Also, he does not need money. Bob will do it free. In result, you will save your money and time.

I hope this matter will be resolved as soon as possible.

I look forward to hearing from you at your earliest convenience.

Yours sincerely,
Kristina ZZZZ


Task 2: In many countries schools have severe problems with students’ behavior. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions do you suggest?

Questions related to problems with childrens’ behavior in many schools are frequently discussed nowadays. While some people believe that this causes several significant problems, others argue with this position. Personally, I think that problems with students behavior resulted in many issues, which can be resolved by the administration of schools and parents. This essay will discuss the topic in details prior to drawing a conclusion.

There is no doubt that there are several complications related to the discussed problem. In the first place, media and TV have influence on children. Kids watch movies or news but they can see the cruelty and violence. Also, overreliance videogames affect the psychological state of children. Some parents do not control children abd kids play videogames or watch TV all day. All these factors have a negative effect on students.

At the same time, the problem can be solved. First of all, the school administration can make more additional lessons and attract the interest of students to different sections. For example, sport, art and many other sections. Additionaly, children will not have time to watch TV or play video games. Of course, parents must to control the time their kids.

In conclusion, I believe that the bad behavior of students is a serious problem. After analyzing the subject, it has become quite evident that the related issues can be solved both by the administration of schools and parents.

[Rus_R]

Вы кажется писали, что жена начинает англ с нуля. На мой взгляд написано больше чем на 4.5, эссе особенно мне понравилось.

[illi4]

Вы кажется писали, что жена начинает англ с нуля. На мой взгляд написано больше чем на 4.5, эссе особенно мне понравилось.

Да, практически с нуля. Старается.
Ок, спасибо. Разницу между 6.5, 7 и 8 я понимаю, но вот как выглядит 4.5, не знаю

[Rus_R]

Впечатляющие результаты, особенно в части словарного запаса, Вы ей помогаете или она с преподавателем занимается?

[illi4]

Впечатляющие результаты, особенно в части словарного запаса, Вы ей помогаете или она с преподавателем занимается?

Помогаю + с преподом.
Ну Вы учитывайте, что она писала это со словарём, а не в условиях полной изоляции Плюс для эссе я ей шаблон написал.

[Vanderley]

illi4, я уверен, что проблем не должно быть. Параграфы четкие есть, структура есть, топик сентенсы есть. Это все должно вытянуть CC и TA до уровня 6. GR и VC будут пониже конечно, но в 5-5.5 в общем должно попадать.

[Marcella]

Vanderley,
Generation вроде исчисляемое. Оксфордский словарь, по крайней мере, даёт примеры a new generation

[Vanderley]

Marcella, конечно исчисляемое. Я тут на сто процентов не скажу, мне просто эта фраза немного слух режет. Лонгман говорит the younger/older generation.

Когда я написал про неисчисляемые, я имел в виду an education, a shortage, an esteem и a respect.

[illi4]

Marcella, конечно исчисляемое. Я тут на сто процентов не скажу, мне просто эта фраза немного слух режет. Лонгман говорит the younger/older generation.

Солидарен, правильно говорить the younger generation. The - потому что имеется единственное в своём роде поколение. Словосочетания "young generation" не встречал - либо "the younger generation", либо "the growing generation".