My essay, проверьте, покритикуйте! Спасибо!

[Вера Букина]

а где такие скромные требования? у меня все экзамены были от 5 Overall и более, 5 был самый худший.

Мы планируем попробовать податься в Новую Зеландию, а я конкретно - как супруга, а там требования к парнерам не меньше 5 если нет желания платить деньги за обязательные курсы уже в НЗ... Так как мое эссе - на 5 тянет?

[Vinodel]

Maimiti_Isabella огромное Вам спасибо за проверку.
Я сдаваться планирую где-то в январе месяце. Прошлый раз я сдавал 1.5 года назад и получил 5.5, с того времени усиленно занимаюсь где-то год. Сейчас мне нужна 7

Насчет vocabulary for IELTS, я практически прошел кэмбриджский, вещь супер, всё что мог оттуда вытянул.
У меня к вам вопрос, наверно, основная моя проблема в том, что я по максимуму пытаюсь не повторятся в словах, фразах, мыслях, из-за этого пишу синонимы в которых не уверен, например letter- envelop, improve-enhance и т.д. получаетса, что в ряде случаев делаю ошибки , хотя можно повторится и не допустить ошибку. Как в такой ситуации быть? Или придумал фразу ну супер пупер, а ты в ней не уверен. Как быть?
P.S. Хе,хе хуже всего выпендрится и облажаться

VOVKA, Вы сам занимаетесь или у преподавателя? Если да, то подскажите у кого. Спасибо заранее.

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Так как мое эссе - на 5 тянет?

С лихвой.
Но если будете еще тренироваться, то неплохо было бы выбирать темы, написанные без ошибок. Это чтобы сразу учить нормальный английский, а не Chingish. И не забудьте также посмотреть 2-ую часть задания, т.е. инструкции как раскрывать тему. Например, в вашей теме не указано надо ли приводить примеры. И если да, то какие - личные или на уровне страны.

[Вера Букина]

С лихвой.
Но если будете еще тренироваться, то неплохо было бы выбирать темы, написанные без ошибок. Это чтобы сразу учить нормальный английский, а не Chingish. И не забудьте также посмотреть 2-ую часть задания, т.е. инструкции как раскрывать тему. Например, в вашей теме не указано надо ли приводить примеры. И если да, то какие - личные или на уровне страны.

Спасибо огромное за комментарий. Тема - это домашнее заданее, которое нам выдали на курсах. Задано написать эссе типа Problem and Solution. Подскажите, пожалуйста, где ошибки в теме, чтобы запомнить.

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Спасибо огромное за комментарий. Тема - это домашнее заданее, которое нам выдали на курсах. Задано написать эссе типа Problem and Solution. Подскажите, пожалуйста, где ошибки в теме, чтобы запомнить.

Discuss the problem and suggestion what might be done about it -> and suggest.
Кроме того, как я уже сказала, темы IELTS на этом не останавливаются. Дальше должна быть фраза как это сделать, т.е. привести примеры личные примеры или на примере вашей страны.

Из бросающихся в глаза ошибок - серьезные проблемы с артиклями. Если вы решите эту проблему хотя бы частично, то Ваша эссе 'возрастет' в глазах экзаменатора.

И, как всегда, непрошенный совет : учите не просто слова, а слова 'в окружении'. Например, Вы употребляете слово awareness (and this is very good as this shows off your vocab skills), но в то же время 'забываете', что слово за to be aware следует of. Следовательно, the awareness of -> the lack of awareness of

Ну и 'интересная' ошибка (люблю такие!)
In conclusion, although smoking among young people is a big problem modern society (подумайте о смысле) -> In conclusion, although modern society smoking is a big problem among young people

[Sergio471]

Прокомментируйте, пожалуйста, моё эссе

In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?

It is true that obesity has become really serious problem and one of the main causes of low levels of health and fitness in some countries. There are several reasons of that, and certain measures could be taken in order to avoid it.

One of the main causes of obesity and health problem is lack of exercise. Nowadays, people are very busy and do not have time to do some sport, which makes their muscles and bones weaker. Moreover, even having enough time for going to gym people prefer to spend their time in front of TV. For example, many people I know have not done any sport for years because of their laziness or lack of time. There is also one important reason of decrease of levels of health and fitness; most people eat junk food instead of healthy products. So far, many surveys were made about harmfulness of fast food which is, unfortunately, becoming more and more popular.

There are some ways of how to prevent described tendency. First of all, people should be encouraged through advertising and media to care about their health and to do sport. Also, children at schools should be taught by teacher about how to be fit and healthy in the modern world. To justify my point, in such developed countries as Canada and Australia some training courses about health and food are being broadcasted at the present. Such social programs should certainly be provided by the governments of countries.

To conclude, lack of exercise and unhealthy food are the main causes of health and fitness problems in some countries. Nevertheless, specific measures could be taken to prevent it, such as using media and teaching children at schools about importance of health care.

[Vanderley]

MAKuznetsoff, глядя на то, чем вы занимаетесь, мне становится понятно почему вы 3 года не можете на 6 баллов сдать.

[OPD]

Проверьте пожалуйста и мою работу, буду очень благодарна за полезные советы и конструктивную критику. Сдаю экзамен 10 декабря, нужна семерка...
Employers should give their staff at least 4 weeks holiday a year as longer holidays make employees better at their jobs. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Over the last 5 years the question of stress has become remarkably popular all over the world. Many scientists try to find ways for reducing stress effect on people and as a sequence to rise the quality of people's work. However, I am inclined to think that the possible solving of this problem is pretty simple; people should be given longer vacations for getting possibility to rest from their routine duties and reduce stress.

The first argument that should be mentioned is that regarding to the recent scientific researches, stress can be accumulated and in this case people need longer time to become healthy. So this fact seems to be true, as people who are under stress are usually so exhausted that short holidays do not let them to rest enough and as a result some employees are not able to do their job effectively. Thus, there is an obvious link between long holidays and efficient working process.

Another substantial ground in favour of longer holidays is that when people have long vacation, they can divide it into parts, so they can have a rest two or three times an year. I assume that such a situation can improve people's mental health as not only are they able to elude their stresses on work, but they also can travel more frequently. For instance I have five weeks vacation, therefore usually I have two holidays on the seaside and also I can visit my grandparents who live in countryside. So I can definitely be described as a person who is not under stress. Therefore, it is obvious that longer holidays help people to stay health.

In conclusion, taking these points into consideration, it seems to me that long holidays as one of the most effective ways for reducing people's stress and for improvement working results. Therefore, I assume that it would be perfect if all employers took this point into consideration.

[Vanderley]

Please explain.

Explanation: вместо того, чтобы кого-то лажать и везде искать врагов, учиться надо, и прийдёт оценка.

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Знатоки английского, вот это мне написал коллега из Британии. Как вы думаете на какой балл тянет?

I have been working on the SERVER-1 & SERVER-2 backup server last night to resolve the issues with the disk storage unit being shown as full due to the disk space hitting the high watermark and have successfully managed to complete backups for some of the servers.

Because of this, I will update the backup report today and let you know when it has been completing so you can send it out.

8 or 8.5 - difficult to judge as this is but a short paragraph on a technical issue written by a techie and not an essay.

[Goran Dražić]

Hello everyone. I would be grateful if someone can check this essay. Criticism in almost any form is welcome

Topic: Some employers reward members of stuff for their exceptional contribution to the company by giving them extra money. This practice can act as an incentive for some but may also have a negative impact on others. To what extent is this style of management effective? Are there better ways of encouraging employees to work harder?

Essay:
The last decades have clearly shown that motivating employees by the means of rewarding is much more effective than by punishment. Many companies practise providing the most creative members of staff with bonuses. Some people, however, believe that this strategy may discourage employees who occupy positions that do not involve creativity.

On the one hand, paying part of the salary in a form of a bonus is more effective than having it included in regular salary. Understanding that they can earn more, employees feel more motivated and work harder.

While money may be an excellent benefit for the creative part of the company, some employees may not be satisfied with the system. There are plenty of positions such as security guards or support engineers, which are essential for the company but do not involve any creativity or extra contribution. Such people may feel that their work is not acknowledged.

It is crucial for companies which practise paying bonuses to come up with a solution which would make every employee feel appreciated. One of the ways to accomplish this is to introduce nominations like employee of the month, where all members of staff can be rewarded. Another possible solution is to organise regular corporate events and team buildings, so that all employees can feel a part of whole team.

To sum up, I believe that bonus system is a wise tool to motivate employees to be creative. However, company's management should think about ways to acknowledge the work of all members of staff as this will make everyone feel appreciated and stimulate to work harder.

Thanks in advance, Goran.

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Проверьте пожалуйста и мою работу, буду очень благодарна за полезные советы и конструктивную критику. Сдаю экзамен 10 декабря, нужна семерка...
Employers should give their staff at least 4 weeks holiday a year as longer holidays make employees better at their jobs. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

6 - 6.5

И давайте рассмотрим только два первых предложения.

Over the last 5 years the question of stress has become remarkably popular all over the world. Many scientists try to find ways for reducing stress effect on people and as a sequence to rise the quality of people's work.

Слово popular обычно имеет положительное значение -> надо заменить
try to find ways for reducing stress effect-> to find ways to do something. И Вы, кстати, это знаете поэтому и продолжаете с to rise
as a sequence -> and, as a consequence,
to rise the quality of people's work - doesn't make sense.

С точки зрения coherence очень большие сомнения вызывает Over the last 5 years. А что случилось за последние 5 лет? - Вы вроде нигде это не об'ясняете?

[Asdviper]

Подскажите и на счет моего. Сдавать первый раз собираюсь тоже 10.12. и тоже нужна семера.
Topic: Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults.
Discuss both these views and give you own opinion.

The problem of raising children has long been the subject of intense debate and this is a question that certainly does not have one correct answer. I could agree with the both statement to a certain extent, as I believe that either a sense of competition and co-operate among the young people contribute their success in the adult life. Furthermore, there are several approved facts in this matter.

On the one hand, a sense of competition allows offspring become more confident in the future. According to recent report United Nations Organization in this area, about 59 per cent of adults are confident in their life. Moreover, they had achieved their own aims. As a result, it is clear that competition is essential fact of pupil`s life.

On the other hand, co-operation is mandatory. Interaction between children develops their senses of partnership. For instance, in obedience to another survey the co-operation allows young people to choose their futher step toward subsequent goal. Therefore it is obvious that partnership is obligatory.

Taking into account everything mentioned above I am inclined to believe that co-operation and competition between pupils have similar effect. Moreover, government should encourage parents in these directions in order to our subsequent generation will be more successful in the future.

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Прокомментируйте, пожалуйста, моё эссе

In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?

It is true that obesity has become really serious problem and one of the main causes of low levels of health and fitness in some countries. There are several reasons of that, and certain measures could be taken in order to avoid it.

One of the main causes of obesity and health problem is lack of exercise. Nowadays, people are very busy and do not have time to do some sport, which makes their muscles and bones weaker. Moreover, even having enough time for going to gym people prefer to spend their time in front of TV. For example, many people I know have not done any sport for years because of their laziness or lack of time. There is also one important reason of decrease of levels of health and fitness; most people eat junk food instead of healthy products. So far, many surveys were made about harmfulness of fast food which is, unfortunately, becoming more and more popular.

There are some ways of how to prevent described tendency. First of all, people should be encouraged through advertising and media to care about their health and to do sport. Also, children at schools should be taught by teacher about how to be fit and healthy in the modern world. To justify my point, in such developed countries as Canada and Australia some training courses about health and food are being broadcasted at the present. Such social programs should certainly be provided by the governments of countries.

To conclude, lack of exercise and unhealthy food are the main causes of health and fitness problems in some countries. Nevertheless, specific measures could be taken to prevent it, such as using media and teaching children at schools about importance of health care.

Я бы сказала, что 6. It's difficult to point to specific problems - except for the problem with the use of articles - it's more like your general level of English. There's no sophistication, both lexically and grammatically, that's required for a higher mark.

[OPD]

Maimiti_Isabella, спасибо большое за полезные советы, буду грызть дальше