My essay, проверьте, покритикуйте! Спасибо!

[Polina_K]

ещё о пунктуации, довольно доходчиво
owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/607/02/

[Polina_K]

Many years ago the only way for people to communicate was “face-to-face” talk or by writing (style: употребить ways, использовать существительное) paper letters. However, as technology was developing (лучше бы оборотом "due to continuous technology development") new means of communication such as Internet or telephone appeared. This has created a lot of opportunities for people to enter various relations that were (нужно had been) not possible earlier.
One of the technological achievement (нужно множественное), an Internet, allows to communicate without a delay and physical presence. One of the sphere (нужно множественное) of human life that was hardly influenced by the Internet – (лишнее тире) is a private one. Persons becomes a virtual friends (правильно People make virtual friends) or even marry without ever seeing each other. Unfortunately, the last (the latter) kind of interaction does not always result in creation of real family with kids (children, it's not good to use colloquial speech in essays) that is hardly good for the society as a whole.
The another (нельзя the + another) part of the people (лучше human) life that is affected by technological development is a business environment. Using the possibilities of the world web human beings now can make business transactions that were not possible in the past. For example, a customer may make an order using in (лишний предлог) Intranet (a type of Internet connected (нужно существительное, например, connection) opened to a specified counterparts (нельзя артикль a с множественным числом) ). This type of communication allows customer to see the stock level of the seller, to issue an order and to know the exact delivery day at one moment.
Taking all these points into consideration (нужна запятая) I would like to conclude that when new technology arises (нужна запятая) it quickly embeds in our life and the way we communicate with each other. However, when some new kinds of relations may have a positive impact, other’s (лишний апостроф) may have a zero influence on our lives.

[Polina_K]

These days more and more people tend to live with their friends or even alone instead of staying with families. It is believed that this controversial tendency could be disadvantageous for a community as well as for the whole of society. Despite this opinion (нужна запятая - 'Despite' and 'in spite of' are followed by a noun or noun phrase and are followed by a comma when introducing the sentence. If 'despite' or 'in spite of' are used in the middle of a sentence, no commas are required.) I am inclined to believe that it is more beneficial for communities if their members are living (здесь лучше Present Simple, после if) independently or with flat mates (лучше писать слитно flatmates).

Firstly, it is clear to me that personal success depends on the environment in which a person has grown up. One of the most important aspect (нужно множественное) of this (сюда хорошо вставить существительное, например, experience) is the ability to make your (лучше their) own decisions in life. Once somebody becomes an adult, it is impossible (лучше вместо also, которое дальше по тексту, вставить сюда both) to be independent and also make your (лучше their, you - не рекомендуется для эссэ) own decisions living with parents. Whereas in contrast, (избыток связок) a person who lives with close friends or by themselves (лучше alone) has more freedom of choice to choose (тавтология, два однокоренных слова) between things and possible activities. This also creates the useful skill of how to manage your own life and develop a future career. I think it would obviously be more beneficial for the community to have members who are independent and proactive.

Secondly, if a person resided alone, it would be a positive factor in terms of searching for a partner and creating a family. It is statistically proven, (лишняя запятая) that it is much easier to create a family with someone if you live an independent life. Another significant point could be that young people, who left home, are more experienced in general and as a result (нужно выделить запятыми оборот) more attractive to the opposite sex in comparison with the opposite social group. Thus, it is a positive factor which influences community development because of inevitable increase in the number of families.

To conclude, taking into account everything I mentioned above, it seems to me that there are plenty of pros for communities when young adult members are separated from their mothers and fathers. I strongly believe, that this is a positive influence for the community and for the whole of society as well.

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Всем привет. Разъясните пожалуйста такой вопрос: обязательно ли делать отступ/indentation в начале каждого из параграфов?

Of course, not. To skip a line between the paragraphs is a much more preferable alternative.

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Вспомнил, это из 101 Helpful Hints:

You can mix. 101 - it's yesterday's news.

[Dremlin]

Здравствуйте.
Просвятите плиз. Если в задании спрашивают To what extent do you agree or disagree? или просто Do you agree or disagree? Как правильнее писать эссе? придерживаться одной стороны или обеих?

Плиз, разъясните, а то один препод говорит одно, второй - другое..

[Polina_K]

Плиз, разъясните, а то один препод говорит одно, второй - другое..

Посмотрите примеры эссэ на девятку на сайте ielts-simon.com/ielts-help-and-english-pr/ielts-writing-task-2/

Там своё мнение упоминается уже в introduction и дальше разворачивается.

Впрочем, в книге Ace the Ielts рекомендуется и обычная структура - одно мнение, другое мнение, своё мнение.

[Dremlin]

Посмотрите примеры эссэ на девятку на сайте ielts-simon.com/ielts-help-and-english-pr/ielts-writing-task-2/

Там своё мнение упоминается уже в introduction и дальше разворачивается.

Впрочем, в книге Ace the Ielts рекомендуется и обычная структура - одно мнение, другое мнение, своё мнение.

Спасибо Полина. В принципе понятно, что можно и так и так написать, хотя мой препод говорит что всегда нужно рассматривать обе стороны, так как это более профессионально.
На мой взгляд, что придет первое более-менее приличное в голову, отсюда и плясать..

[Polina_K]

Спасибо Полина. В принципе понятно, что можно и так и так написать, хотя мой препод говорит что всегда нужно рассматривать обе стороны, так как это более профессионально.
На мой взгляд, что придет первое более-менее приличное в голову, отсюда и плясать..

Препод - асессор IELTS?

Вот, нашла как раз у Саймона

IELTS Writing Task 2: both sides or one side?

Can you see the difference between the two questions below?

A) Explain the positives and negatives of this development.
B) Is this a positive or negative development?

and these two questions:

A) What are the advantages and disadvantages?
B) Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

and these two questions:

A) Discuss both views and give your opinion.
B) To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Answer:
The difference is that for all of the (A) questions you must explain both sides of the argument, whereas the (B) questions can be answered by giving both sides or by supporting only one side, depending on the view that you express in your introduction.

This is still the most common confusion that students ask me about. Make sure you understand the difference between the questions above; if you're still unsure, look through all of my task 2 lessons to see further advice and examples.

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Спасибо Полина. В принципе понятно, что можно и так и так написать, хотя мой препод говорит что всегда нужно рассматривать обе стороны, так как это более профессионально.
На мой взгляд, что придет первое более-менее приличное в голову, отсюда и плясать..

Рассматривание 2-х сторон в подобных заданиях (analytical writing) - для этого как правило требуется более продвинутое знание английского.

[katero]

Polina, спасибо большое за разбор. Читаю и сама удивляюсь - как м ожно болеее гладко было написать.

[Polina_K]

Polina, спасибо большое за разбор. Читаю и сама удивляюсь - как м ожно болеее гладко было написать.

На здоровье . Чтобы был более "гладкий" стиль, попробуйте больше читать на английском. Особенно, новостей BBC, Financial Times, может, нехудожественные книги на интересные вам темы. Я пользуюсь электронной книгой Kindle, куда загружаю книги и статьи, читаю и смотрю непонятные мне слова, наводя курсор на слово. При этом сверху или снизу появляется статья из англо-русского словаря.

Впрочем, когда человеку несколько раз укажут, в чём заключается его стилистическая ошибка, он довольно быстро разбирается .

[Dremlin]

Препод - асессор IELTS?
Вот, нашла как раз у Саймона
Answer:
The difference is that for all of the (A) questions you must explain both sides of the argument, whereas the (B) questions can be answered by giving both sides or by supporting only one side, depending on the view that you express in your introduction.

Да, я это тоже прочитал. Спасибо.

Рассматривание 2-х сторон в подобных заданиях (analytical writing) - для этого как правило требуется более продвинутое знание английского.

Согласен. Интересно, за analytical writing бал повышают?
Особенно не всегда получается правильно написать интро.
Еще порой бывает, что не можешь сразу привести 2, 3 аргумента в пользу только одной стороны, но зато уже есть 1 "за" и 1 "против", а если это реальный экзамен, мысль только об одном "лишь бы успеть".

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Согласен. Интересно, за analytical writing бал повышают?

Of course not! But this type of writing allows you to show off your English!

[vera777]

Приветствую всех! Посмотрите, пожалуйста, что я нагородила. Готовлюсь самостоятельно и поэтому повдозреваю, что пишу я все таки в "русском стиле". Но хотелось бы узнать мнение знатоков. Где у меня основные проблемы и провалы.

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is more important for students to study history and literature than it is for them to study science and mathematics. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.
Nowadays students can choose what type of academics they want to learn. Some of them prefer to develop their knowledge in history and literature. However others want to study science and math rather than humanities. The issue what field of science is more important is a very controversial one. Personally, I think that both options have its advantages. From my point, each student has to learn history, literature as well as science and math on basic level. But they can advance in certain knowledge afterwards according to their own talents and preferences. In the following paragraphs I will mention reasons of my opinion.

First of all, learning history and literature extend our awareness of humankind past and cultural development. Students have to know about their ancestors and their cultural achievements. Moreover, literature introduces them to moral and ethical examples of people behavior as far as a spiritual and humanistic progress. Classical literature masterpieces inspire us to think over main values of humankind.

Second of all, our contemporary world develops due to the progress of science and math. There is no business that can work without calculation and analysis. That is why students should not avoid learning basic knowledge in science and math because it might be helpful in their future success in business. We cannot imagine the modern life without technologies which embrace all parts of our lives. It would be better to be aware of technological principles which are based on science and math.

Thirdly, I think that students would like to develop their intellect and extend their knowledge because the contemporary progress needs intelligent people who are able to accomplish different kind of tasks at the same time and succeed in different social aims. People who have extended minds and high intelligence are more efficient in life and in business. They easy can find their knowledge application and adapt to changing society needs.

In conclusion, I must point out that I disagree with the statement that history and literature are more important than science and mathematics. I believe that each of them bring benefits in our lives. Therefore each of those fields must be studied in schools because in our modern society we have to know about the humankind history and cultural achievements as well as the progress in science and mathematics.