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вот такое получилось эссе, занимаюсь с преподом, он ставит обычно 6.5, но не объясняет чего не хватает до 7. Подскажите пожалуйста, что необходимо исправить, дабы поднять балл. А то я бьюсь как рыба об лед и не могу понять в чем моя проблема 
Кстати, вы уверены, что он/она разбирается в IELTS? Лично я бы сказала, что между 6.5 и 7, т.е. 7-ка вполне возможна.
Теперь, чего не хватает:
1. слабенькие Introduction and Conclusion. Первое настолько стандартное, что оно становится клише - т.е. заученная домашняя заготовка (выделенное красным) .
2. Conclusion - честно говоря так и не поняла откуда взялось такое strong statement (выделенное зеленым), т.е. есть серьезные проблемы с coherence. Все предыдущее эссе - balanced argument, так что на чем основано такое заключение - не знаю. Также совершенно непонятно почему последнее 'слово' за advertising industry and mass communication - об этом в теме эссе ничего не было.
3. Есть несколько ошибок в построении предложений (примеры выделен синим). Союз although указывает на сложно-подчиненное предложение, т.е. 2 clauses, a этого нет. А в первом случае куда-то пропало сказуемое.
4. Некоторые другие ошибки и проблемы выделены оранжевым.
В общем я считаю, что прежде всего надо сконцентрироваться на пп.1-2.
In the modern world, the image (photograph or film) is becoming a more powerful way of communicating than the written word. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Thanks to the technological progress, photos and video clips have become remarkably popular all over the world and are now an essential part of everyday life. While many people argue that images have key function in communication, others, however, hold the opinion that nothing could substitute the written text.
On the one hand, development of media and digital technology made images one of the most inalienable parts of our life. It is hardly possible to find a place in any urban or even rural area without advertisement hoardings offering goods or services. Simplicity, clarity and brightness - three pillars, making photo and video remarkably popular in modern promotional industry. Thus, by attracting attention of billions of people, images became (-> have become) one of the most important ways for mass communication.
On the other hand, the written word still remains the main source of objective information. While images appeal to humans psychology and imagination by replacement the information by impression, written text gives absolute facts without any emotions. Moreover, text, providing pure information, allows people to make their own opinions and conclusions. Also, noone could (why past tense?) deny, that the text is the main way of distant personal communication; any images will stay pointless for our friends or relatives without any written description to them.
In conclusion, taking into account everything mentioned above, I'm inclined to believe that the written word is and will stay the most popular and intellectual way of humans personal communication. Although, the images will always keep leading positions in the world of advertising industry and mass communication.
Thanks to the technological progress, photos and video clips have become remarkably popular all over the world and are now an essential part of everyday life. While many people argue that images have key function in communication, others, however, hold the opinion that nothing could substitute the written text.
On the one hand, development of media and digital technology made images one of the most inalienable parts of our life. It is hardly possible to find a place in any urban or even rural area without advertisement hoardings offering goods or services. Simplicity, clarity and brightness - three pillars, making photo and video remarkably popular in modern promotional industry. Thus, by attracting attention of billions of people, images became (-> have become) one of the most important ways for mass communication.
On the other hand, the written word still remains the main source of objective information. While images appeal to humans psychology and imagination by replacement the information by impression, written text gives absolute facts without any emotions. Moreover, text, providing pure information, allows people to make their own opinions and conclusions. Also, noone could (why past tense?) deny, that the text is the main way of distant personal communication; any images will stay pointless for our friends or relatives without any written description to them.
In conclusion, taking into account everything mentioned above, I'm inclined to believe that the written word is and will stay the most popular and intellectual way of humans personal communication. Although, the images will always keep leading positions in the world of advertising industry and mass communication.
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Sometimes I spend up to half an hour checking one essay. Next time I will spend 1 minute googling that essay just to make sure they need my help.
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