My essay, проверьте, покритикуйте! Спасибо!

[Marcella]

Дорогие друзья,

Покритикуйте, пожалуйста, мой ответ по графикам. Это экзамен PTE, нужно за 40 сек устно описать то, что видишь на графике. Сам график в приложении. Сомневаюсь в своей лексике. Спасибо заранее.


The pie chart shows information of how many hours were spent in GP consultations in different locations.

As can be seen from the chart a half of time was equally contributed by South-east with 35 and East with 33 hours per year.

The smallest number of hours per year spent in local doctor consultations was at North-west with only 13 hours annually.

[GeorgeN]

начал снова активно писать, буду благодарен за комментарии

Some people argue that younger people are not suitable for important positions in the government while others think it is a good idea. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Composition of the government has not been changing a lot as to politicians’ age since the rise of democracy. Prevalence of adult members in the government was apparent. Nowadays some people tend to think that young members are not qualified enough for this job, while other people reckon that younger generation of politicians will bring many benefits to our society. In this essay I will consider both sides of the argument and give my own thoughts on this point.

On the one hand, adult members of the government are known to be much wiser than their young opponents. Having great working experience clearly outweighs the lack of it in young people who just graduated from universities. Providing that working as a politician takes up much time and effort, adult persons are more likely to dedicate their lives to that kind of pathway. Furthermore, concerns of youth such as money and family are prior at their age, so decision to devote themselves to community is usually postponed to elder age.

On the other hand, young generation is considered as a ray of light by many people. Youth is generally more flexible, innovative and productive and could raise questions and tackle it much effectively. Young people are a part of community which knows what people are rooting for and what is truly bothering them. Moreover, adult members usually are not keeping up with modern reality in terms of religion, human rights and equality, while young generation is more acceptable and tolerant at this point.

In conclusion, I admit that both sides have their own merits. However, I’m prone to think that the best way out is to keep it on balance. Number of adult people with significant life experience and young people with creative minds should be equal.

[<кирилл>]

начал снова активно писать, буду благодарен за комментарии

Some people argue that younger people are not suitable for important positions in the government while others think it is a good idea. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

The Composition of the government has not been changing a lot as to politicians’ age since the rise of democracy.

Раз 5 пришлось прочитать чтобы понять это предложение, но может это англ у меня неочень

The Composition of governments in many countries has not changed a lot since the rise of democracy.

[Ветерок]

начал снова активно писать, буду благодарен за комментарии

Some people argue that younger people are not suitable for important positions in the government while others think it is a good idea. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Composition of the government has not been changing a lot as to politicians’ age since the rise of democracy. Prevalence of adult members in the government was apparent. Nowadays some people tend to think that young members are not qualified enough for this job, while other people reckon that younger generation of politicians will bring many benefits to our society. In this essay I will consider both sides of the argument and give my own thoughts on this point.

On the one hand, adult members of the government are known to be much wiser than their young opponents. Having great working experience clearly outweighs the lack of it in young people who just graduated from universities. Providing that working as a politician takes up much time and effort, adult persons are more likely to dedicate their lives to that kind of pathway. Furthermore, concerns of youth such as money and family are prior at their age, so decision to devote themselves to community is usually postponed to elder age.

On the other hand, young generation is considered as a ray of light by many people. Youth is generally more flexible, innovative and productive and could raise questions and tackle it much effectively. Young people are a part of community which knows what people are rooting for and what is truly bothering them. Moreover, adult members usually are not keeping up with modern reality in terms of religion, human rights and equality, while young generation is more acceptable and tolerant at this point.

In conclusion, I admit that both sides have their own merits. However, I’m prone to think that the best way out is to keep it on balance. Number of adult people with significant life experience and young people with creative minds should be equal.

На 6 баллов точно написано. И стоит обратить внимание на артикли и континиус.

[Мулан]

А у меня такой вопрос по стилистике: что не так с
I would also like to mention... ?
Поясню почему спрашиваю, у Майка Уотти в книге про написание писем отмечено, что такое выражение больше устное, нежели письменное и потому его лучше не использовать. Однако на его же сайте в разделе "Письма" это же выражение выложено как рекомендуемое:useful language for letters to introduce new points...
Просто я сейчас готовлю супруга к пересдаче, заново лопачу все материалы и увидев это немного загрузилась

[Maimiti_Isabella]

начал снова активно писать, буду благодарен за комментарии

Some people argue that younger people are not suitable for important positions in the government while others think it is a good idea. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Composition of the government has not been changing a lot as to politicians’ age since the rise of democracy. Prevalence of adult members in the government was apparent. Nowadays some people tend to think that young members are not qualified enough for this job, while other people reckon that younger generation of politicians will bring many benefits to our society. In this essay I will consider both sides of the argument and give my own thoughts on this point.

On the one hand, adult members of the government are known to be much wiser than their young opponents. Having great working experience clearly outweighs the lack of it in young people who just graduated from universities. Providing that working as a politician takes up much time and effort, adult persons are more likely to dedicate their lives to that kind of pathway. Furthermore, concerns of youth such as money and family are prior at their age, so decision to devote themselves to community is usually postponed to elder age.

On the other hand, young generation is considered as a ray of light by many people. Youth is generally more flexible, innovative and productive and could raise questions and tackle it much effectively. Young people are a part of community which knows what people are rooting for and what is truly bothering them. Moreover, adult members usually are not keeping up with modern reality in terms of religion, human rights and equality, while young generation is more acceptable and tolerant at this point.

In conclusion, I admit that both sides have their own merits. However, I’m prone to think that the best way out is to keep it on balance. Number of adult people with significant life experience and young people with creative minds should be equal.

Вы так постоянно говорите про adults, что можно подумать, что в парламент можно выбирать детей.


On the one hand, adult members of the government are known to be much wiser than their young opponents. - Это члены оппозиии имеются ввиду? Поскольку они оппоненты, значит они оппозиция, правильно?

[Ветерок]

Вы так постоянно говорите про adults, что можно подумать, что в парламент можно выбирать детей.

А почему бы и нет ? Гуглите - Коля Лукашенко на заседании ООН.

[Maimiti_Isabella]

А почему бы и нет ? Гуглите - Коля Лукашенко на заседании ООН.

погуглила. Дальше что?

[Ветерок]

погуглила. Дальше что?

Странно конечно. Вы удивились что якобы в парламент можно принимать детей - я скинул ссылку, пример того, что можно.

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Странно конечно. Вы удивились что якобы в парламент можно принимать детей - я скинул ссылку, пример того, что можно.

Я что-то совсем туплю.

Гугл ничего не пишет о нем как о члене парламента, но может я уже настолько русский забыла, что не понимаю написанное черным по белому....

Он член парламента? От какой партии? От какого региона? Сколько людей за него проголосовало?

[Ветерок]

Я что-то совсем туплю.

Гугл ничего не пишет о нем как о члене парламента, но может я уже настолько русский забыла, что не понимаю написанное черным по белому....

Он член парламента? От какой партии? От какого региона? Сколько людей за него проголосовало?

Он член парламента? От какой партии? От какого региона? Сколько людей за него проголосовало? - тоже не могу найти этой информации. Но на фотографииях он заседает на генасамблее, значит как минимум чиновник. Тут никуда не денешься.

А здесь конечно не дети... но все же совсем молодые.
Youngest Members of Parliament since 1895

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Он член парламента? От какой партии? От какого региона? Сколько людей за него проголосовало? - тоже не могу найти этой информации. Но на фотографииях он заседает на генасамблее, значит как минимум чиновник. Тут никуда не денешься.

А здесь конечно не дети... но все же совсем молодые.
Youngest Members of Parliament since 1895

Короче, идите сами в гугл и изучайте тему. Он не член парламента. Он не является выборным лицом и т.д. И он даже не чиновник, даже без минимума...

А так - если хотите то он будет даже члена парламента и даже Президент Америки или даже член Генеральной ассамблеи ООН. Обещаю ваши произведения не проверять и не комментировать.

[Ветерок]

Во дела, испортил человеку настроение

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Во дела, испортил человеку настроение

Кому?

[NortT]

Не смотря на то что мнения по поводу правильной/неправильной структуры эссе разделились так же как и мнения про Майка Уотти и компанию, я все-таки спрошу Есть задание с вопросом "Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?" Тот же Майк Уотти говорит, что это opinion essay, соответственно выбираем одну точку зрения и в Р1 и Р2 пишем по одной причине почему "advantages of this outweigh" и в заключении, что "I think that advantages outweigh". Но как можно сказать, что они outweigh не рассмотрев drawbacks? Может в Р1 рассмотреть advantages (пару причин), в Р2 - пару drawbacks, а в конклюжн уже написать outweigh или нет и почему. Мне кажется это более логичным, чем предлагает Майк Уотти.