My essay, проверьте, покритикуйте! Спасибо!

[naun81]

Maimiti_Isabella, большое спасибо! буду работать над большей натуральностью выражений и неформальным вокабуляром)

[naun81]

если кому интересно, добавила исправленный вариант (надеюсь, улучшенный! ) к оригиналу письма)

[Tima1995]

Проверьте пожалуйста письмо)

You have full - time job and are also doing a part - time evening course. You now find that you cannot continue the course.

Write a letterto the course tutor. In your letter

* describe the situation
* explain why you cannot continue at this time
* say what action you would like to take

Dear Mr. Smith,

I have been participating your programming course for almost 2 months and I would like to thank you for great teaching during this period.

The reason I am writing you is that unfortunately I cannot continue the course anymore.

My family and I applied for immigration programme 1 year ago and we have received the response from the canadian government that our request was successful. Therefore, we decided to start preparing for moving to Canada. In addition, I would like to start qualifying for English exam that I will have to pass. That is why I will need more time for it.

I would highly appreciate if we could continue our classes privately via Internet because I believe that it is essential not to drop out programming.

I look forward to hearing from you at your earliest convenience. Thank you in advance.

Yours sincerely,
Timur Kamilov.

[Pashich]

Проверьте пожалуйста письмо)

You have full - time job and are also doing a part - time evening course. You now find that you cannot continue the course.

Write a letterto the course tutor. In your letter

* describe the situation
* explain why you cannot continue at this time
* say what action you would like to take

Dear Mr. Smith,

I have been participating your programming course for almost 2 months and I would like to thank you for art. great teaching during this period.

The reason I am writing you is that unfortunately I cannot continue the course anymore.

My family and I applied for art. immigration programme 1 year ago , and we have received the response from the canadian government that our request was successful(?). Therefore(не ложится сюда), we decided to start preparing for moving to Canada. In addition, I would like to start qualifying for art. English exam that I will have to pass. That is why I will need more time for it.(and what?)

I would highly appreciate if we could continue our classes privately via art. Internet because I believe that it is essential not to drop out programming.(? в задании про курс говорится)

I look forward to hearing from you at your earliest convenience. Thank you in advance.(это вообще тут ни к месту)

Yours sincerely,
Timur Kamilov.

Не нравится мне история ваша. корявая она какая-то. Task achievement мимо идет у вас. В задании написано что вы днем работаете а вечерами курс посещаете. И просят объяснить почему вы не можете именно вечером посещать курс.

грамматических ошибок много. Выделил красным что неправильно или коряво написано. максимум 6-ку дадут

[Tima1995]

Не нравится мне история ваша. корявая она какая-то. Task achievement мимо идет у вас. В задании написано что вы днем работаете а вечерами курс посещаете. И просят объяснить почему вы не можете именно вечером посещать курс.

грамматических ошибок много. Выделил красным что неправильно или коряво написано. максимум 6-ку дадут

Ааааа, блин задание неправильно понял похоже.. Спасибо огромное, не могли бы вы объяснить, что значит "art." ?

[Tima1995]

Еще одно письмо)
Your neighbours have recently written to you to complain about the noise from your houseflat.

Write a letter to your neighbours. In your letter

* explain the reason for the noise
* apologise
* describe what action you will take

Dear Jack and Marie,

I am writing to you in order to apologise for the noise from my flat last Friday.

A best friend of mine came from New York city a week ago. I have not seen him for five years. Therefore, we decided to organise a big party in honor of this event. Although we invited only several people - our friends - a lot of people came to my home. After two hours of celebration the people got drunk and started to argue; all of them were trying to shout each other down. That is why it was too noisy that day.

I am really sorry and must apologise for that and I will try not to repeat this situation again.

The next time if I decide to organise such celebration I will book places in a restaurant in order to avoid disturbing you.

Yours sincerely,
Timur Kamilov.

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Сегодня и завтра могу проверить 2 эссе.

Условие: ожидаемый балл - 7 и выше.

Эссе пожалуйста присылайте в personal messages.

[Pashich]

Ааааа, блин задание неправильно понял похоже.. Спасибо огромное, не могли бы вы объяснить, что значит "art." ?

art. - пропущен артикль

[sergeoid]

Спасибо всем оценивающим мою писанину. Вот еще экземпляр. Заранее благодарю. Ваша помощь неоценима.
Your company sent you on a training course in another country and at the end of the training you got a certificate which you have lost.
Write a letter to the course organiser and tell him/her:
1. How you lost your certificate.
2. Why you need the certificate now.
3. What you need him to do for you.

Dear Sir/Madam,
I had a course of Economics and Law at your Education Centre from 11th of March until the 15th. I am writing this letter in order to you send me the original of my certificate.
I have lost my certificate when I was in the airplane. Probably, I forgot it in my seat place, because during the flight I kept the certificate in my hands. Then I laid it on the seat and stood my handbag upon it when I preparing for exit. Therefore, I did not see it under my bag and, eventually, I came out from the airplane without my certificate.
To tell really the truth, I need this document now because I am preparing the set of the documents for the new post in my job. I have all pack of the documents except for the certificate from your Education Centre.
Please, could you do kind to send me replacement certificate as soon as possible. You could forward it by DHL and I will pay all costs related.
Thank you for your help in advance.
Yours sincerely,
Chan Ten.
183 слова.

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Сегодня и завтра могу проверить 2 эссе.

Условие: ожидаемый балл - 7 и выше.

Эссе пожалуйста присылайте в personal messages.

Вот прямo сейчас есть время проверить одно эссе.

[naun81]

Нашла в интернете вот такой топик:
Children are facing more pressures nowadays from academic, social and commercial perspectives. Causes-measures to reduce pressures.

1) как можно перефразировать?
2) что тут может иметься в виду под social perspective?
3) нужно ли обсуждать причины-решения для всех трех аспектов, или можно в общем?
например, составила план

1st paragraph: high competition (academic achievements, social skills required) -> high parents expectations -> pressure
2nd paragraph: aging population -> children are target for advertising -> pressure

3rd paragraph: solution= education for parents -> parents help children to cope with pressure
без разделения на аспекты

как такой план с точки зрения раскрытия темы?

спасибо

[naun81]

пока никто не отвечает, весь "продукт" созрел)
критика приветствуется

There is no denying the fact that children are under increasing pressure nowadays. It is true for almost every sphere of their lives, including education, social and economic interactions. This essay will discuss root causes of the issue and suggest some possible solution.

Many educationalists blame the spiking rates of competition for afflicting children's well-being. Prestigious qualifications and exceptional social skills are often regarded mandatory for gaining success in today's world; this fact clearly explains the reason why many parents make achieving these their primary goal. Therefore, children may feel obliged to meet their parents' expectations, this being a source of enormous pressure.

Regarding the commercial pressure, the principal reason is population aging in developed countries. Many advertising campaigns now target pre-teenagers as number of adults continues to decline, while aged are not much inclined to consume. As a result, children are bombarded by aggressive adverts both online and offline, which is a considerable burden for their immature minds.

It appears extremely difficult to make major changes in the world's perception of a successful person or to reverse demographic crisis, however, providing education to parents would be a viable measure for minimizing damaging impacts these issues could have on their child. Many mothers and fathers are either not fully aware of the level of pressure their offspring encounter, or do not know how to deal with such challenges. Thus, comprehensive professional advice would be immensely valuable for improving their parenting ways. For example, according to the data recently published by Education in New Zealand, 3-week training course for caregivers of children with coping issues proved itself highly effective, with problematic behaviour patterns decreased by 53%.

To summarize, children experience enormous stress due to ever-increasing competition and aggravating socioeconomic situation. It is expected that professional guidance would help parents to reduce detrimental effects to minimum.

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Нашла в интернете вот такой топик:
Children are facing more pressures nowadays from academic, social and commercial perspectives. Causes-measures to reduce pressures.

Самое лучшее, что Вы могли сделать в данном случае, это оставить этот топик там, где Вы его нашли.

[naun81]

Maimiti_Isabella, имеете в виду что на экзамене такое не попадается?

[od1n]

Maimiti_Isabella, имеете в виду что на экзамене такое не попадается?

Как минимум постановка вопроса странная. Есть подозрение, что вопрос вообще из PTE - я встречал там несколько похожих