My essay, проверьте, покритикуйте! Спасибо!

[Avik]

Age discrimination occurs when a decision is made on the basis of a person’s age. In the workplace, these are most often decisions about being employed in the first place, winning promotions or being unfairly dismissed. Should discrimination against older workers be made illegal?

There is a trend of discrimination according to age of an individual. This often happens in the work places for being hired and working in the front line or just being unfairly mistreated. In this essay, I will share why discrimination against older age workers must be illegal.

The issue of age discrimination has been an important issue during last years. I believe that discriminating people of older ages should be illegal for some reasons. First of all many older employees are capabale to work and to perform many tasks effectively. They have a huge working experience and are more skillfull than young employees. Folowing these advantages, is also important to mention the team working skills and cooperation with collegues.

Huge number of aged workers compose a big part of country's population and discriminating them will increase countries unemployment rate and effect to the economy level. Here is the key point when the government should intervene and find solutions of this issue. Government must implement a regulation which will make compulsory to have a not less 50 % of their staff of older ages. It is important also to keep control of this regulation and take measures when emplyees right are breached and investigate each case whether this has caused of age discrimination or not.

In conclsuion, I believe that age discrimination should be banned not only by implemenintg certain regulation but also changing the attitude in people's mind concerning to age employees.

[naun81]

а можно попросить не эссе, а письмо почитать?)
буду очень благодарна за замечания и поправления

You want to sell your television. You think a friend of yours might like to buy it from you.
Write a letter to your friend. In your letter explain
1. Why you are selling the television
2. Describe the television
3. Suggest a date when your friend can come and see it

Dear Kate,

How are you these days? Hope you are doing well. Actually, the reason I am writing this letter is to ask whether you would like to buy my television.

As you know, I've got a job offer in Auckland, so I'm planning to move there soon, probably next month. To reduce relocation expenses, which are really high, I've decided to sell some appliances that I don't need any more, including the mentioned TV set. I believe you had a chance to see it while visiting my home. In case you don't remember, it is a black one, 30 inch Samsung HD TV with a Smart function. Though it is not a latest model, performance is outstanding, and I think it will perfectly fit in your lounge. You really need to replace that box of yours!

So, if you are interested in a purchase and want to take a look, call in on any weekday after 6pm, except Friday. There are few more things you might like. Anyway, it would be nice to see you before I leave.

Waiting for your reply,

Nat
-------------------------------

Dear Kate,

How are you these days? Have you settled well in your gorgeous new apartment? I hope you've managed to find a cozy sofa you were hunting for. Now, I'm happy to say I've got a job offer in Auckland, so I'm planning to move there soon, probably next month! The problem is that relocation expenses are extremely high, so I've decided to sell some appliances I don't need any more, including the TV set.

I believe you had a chance to see it while visiting me last month. In case you don't remember, it is a black one, 30 inch Samsung HD TV with a Smart function. Though it is not a latest model, its performance is outstanding, and I think it'll perfectly fit in your lounge. You really need to replace that old box of yours!

So, if you are interested in having a look at the TV, call in on any weekday after 6pm, except Friday. I have few more things you might like. Anyway, it would be nice to catch up with you before I leave the city. I'll be waiting for your reply.

With love,

Nat

[naun81]

You are expriencing financial problems and want to ask your landlord if you can pay your rent late.
Write a letter to your landlord. In your letter explain
1. Why you are writing to him
2. Why you cannot pay the rent
3. When you will pay the rent.

Dear Martin,

I am writing to you regarding the rent payment. In fact, I would like to ask if you could postpone next payment until September due to my circumstances.

Unfortunately, I have found myself in a quite unpleasant situation recently. The matter is that I have lent a large sum of money to my friend to cover his hospital bills. He assured me of returning the debt within a month, but now is rejecting to keep his promise. To make things worse, I have no spare money on my account as I store it in a time deposit, which means I will lose all interest earned in case of premature closure. I am well aware of the conditions of the tenancy and more than willing to fulfill them, but the whole situation is overwhelming.

I will be able to pay the whole amount on September, 10, so I would greatly appreciate if you could wait until that time. As you know, I have been a reliable tenant for 2 years now, and never missed payments before.

Looking forward to hearing from you,

Nat

[naun81]

и последнее, formal)
Your car insurance company has told you that they are going to increase the amount you have to pay in insurance for your car each month. You are not happy about this.
Write a letter to your insurance company. In your letter explain
1. Why you are writing to them
2. Why you think the insurance should not be increased
3. What you want them to do

To whom it may concern,

I am writing to express my dissatisfaction with your company's service in regards to my insurance payment increase, of which I received notification yesterday.

You see, I have been a customer of AA for almost 5 years now, and amount of my monthly payment remained constant throughout the period. As a matter of fact, it is clearly stated in the insurance agreement that fee is not a subject for change. I have called to the customer service, but nobody could explain exact reasons for this unexpected increase. As you might be aware, other companies provide discount rates for those clients who had no claims, which is not available in AA. Therefore, it is hard to understand why my rates are increased even if I had no accidents and always paid on time. I am satisfied with current rate, however, further increase is not acceptable.

I am expecting to receive full information regarding this issue immediately. Despite my wish to stay with AA, if you insist on payment increase, I would be forced to change my service provider to other company.

Looking forward to your fast response,

Nat

[Pashich]

а можно попросить не эссе, а письмо почитать?)
буду очень благодарна за замечания и поправления

You want to sell your television. You think a friend of yours might like to buy it from you.
Write a letter to your friend. In your letter explain

не знаю какая оценка вам нужна, но вот это письмо достаточно хорошо написано на мой взгляд. Думаю не меньше 7-ки. С таким уровнем вам лучше уже с грамотным преподом заниматься (если вам 8-ка нужна)

Единственное, закоючительная фраза у вас 'waiting for your reply' - не уверен что так можно, я бы не рисковал и написал согласно оффициальным требованиям IELTS как-то так:

I'm waiting for your reply.

Best wishes,
Nat
иначе рискуете потерей баллов

[Maimiti_Isabella]

......

Вы хорошо пишете, и я бы с удовольствием прокомментировала Ваши письма более подробно, но сейчас совершенно некогда! Только на след. недели, и скорее всего ближе к середине.
Если сумею, то конечно сделаю раньше, но это очень маловероятно.

[naun81]

Pashich,
Maimiti_Isabella, спасибо за ответы)
мне нужны 8ки) с РТЕ не получилось, поэтому взялась за IELTS
раньше сдавала академик 2 раза, первый на 6.5 W/S, второй- на семерки
буду тренироваться дальше)

[illi4]

naun81, у Вас явный дисбаланс между объёмами параграфов (то есть, ответов на пункты задания). Должно быть примерно поровну (конечно, за вычетов приветствия и закрывающих фраз).

[Pashich]

Pashich,
Maimiti_Isabella, спасибо за ответы)
мне нужны 8ки) с РТЕ не получилось, поэтому взялась за IELTS
раньше сдавала академик 2 раза, первый на 6.5 W/S, второй- на семерки
буду тренироваться дальше)

8-ки это настоящий челендж. У вас поставлена грамматика и range of vocabulary хороший. Я бы вам посоветовал набраться/использовать редкие открывающие/закрывающие фразы к вопросам.В купе с вашей грамматикой и вашим range of vocabulary все это вместе могло бы хорошо сыграть. И писать все по требованиям IELTS. Не знаю, есть ли у вас препод, но могу посоветовать Стэйси(для writing. очень сильный препод) - с ней я вылез с 5.5 на 7-ку.

[sergeoid]

Покритикуйте пожалуйста письмо

You have recently moved a new city. Write a letter to an English-speaking friend. In your letter :
- explain why you moved
- describe your new city
- tell him/her other news
Dear John,
I'm writing this letter to you because I moved to Tokyo recently. As you know I've finished my high school education in London and then I decided to continue my education in Tokyo State University in Japan. Honestly, I think that my Japanese diploma can help me to get a worthwhile job in Japan.
I've lived in Tokyo for just 2 two weeks, but I'm still amazed by the wonderful beauty of this fascinating city. I'm living near the Tokyo Garden and regularly go on walks there.
Recently, I had my first interview for part-time work here and the manager said, that he'll call me a week with the results of our interview.
You know, next week my girlfriend will movie to Tokyo as well. I secretly want to propose to her here. If she'll say "yes" we'll have wedding right here in Japan. I'm looking forward to her arriving.
I hope you could be here next month, so that you can see this luxury city.
Best regards, Tim.

[naun81]

illi4, спасибо за совет)
Pashich, да, я как раз задумалась о профессиональной помощи) наверное сдам один раз и по результатам видно будет что делать

[naun81]

sergeoid, я совсем не специалист, но напишу что думаю, т.к сама сижу за письмами третий день)
I'm writing this letter to you because I moved to Tokyo recently. Я пишу письмо потому что переехал в Токио - как-то нескладно, наверное лучше сказать to share the news или to let you know

my education, my diploma- по-моему лучше my не злоупотреблять

I've lived in Tokyo for just 2 two weeks, but I'm still amazed by the wonderful beauty of this fascinating city.- я прожил в Токио всего 2 недели, но не перестаю удивляться- логично было бы сказать что прожил 2 года но не перестаю, а если прожил только 2 недели то удивляться- это норма нужно или сменить just two weeks на более долгий период или but заменить на and и убрать still

I'm living near the Tokyo Garden and regularly go on walks there.
это предложение ни о чем не говорит. можно вставить в начало For example, и в конце пояснить что там красивого есть чтобы была связь с предыдущим предложением. А еще лучше наверно сделать предложение в котором перечислить 3 примера красот Токио

потом у Вас идут 2 новости, я думаю лучше оставить одну, и добавить хоть какое-то предисловие- типа, у меня есть отличная новость, блаблабла
не знаю, конечно экзаменаторы не оценивают идеи, но интервью после 2х недель проживания в новом городе это как-то странно.. а свадьба в незнакомом городе тем более учитывая что автор только закончил школу- еще страннее

в общем, из того что я прочитала в инете я поняла что много идей не нужно, нужна одна, но логичная и с хорошим пояснением к ней)

а Вам на сколько сдать надо?

[sergeoid]

Спасибо, за замечания по существу. Writing - это самое сложное для меня со школы. Планирую сдать на 7. А это письмо на сколько баллов оцените ?

[naun81]

sergeoid, насчет оценки не знаю, я сама только 2 раза сдавала и то Академик) но на 7 точно не пойдет.. Вы почитайте в инете сэмплы с комментариями

[Maimiti_Isabella]

а можно попросить не эссе, а письмо почитать?)
буду очень благодарна за замечания и поправления

You want to sell your television. You think a friend of yours might like to buy it from you.
Write a letter to your friend. In your letter explain
1. Why you are selling the television
2. Describe the television
3. Suggest a date when your friend can come and see it

Dear Kate,

How are you these days? Hope you are doing well. Actually, the reason I am writing this letter is to ask whether you would like to buy my television.

As you know, I've got a job offer in Auckland, so I'm planning to move there soon, probably next month. To reduce relocation expenses, which are really high, I've decided to sell some appliances that I don't need any more, including the mentioned TV set. I believe you had a chance to see it while visiting my home. In case you don't remember, it is a black one, 30 inch Samsung HD TV with a Smart function. Though it is not a latest model, performance is outstanding, and I think it will perfectly fit in your lounge. You really need to replace that box of yours!

So, if you are interested in a purchase and want to take a look, call in on any weekday after 6pm, except Friday. There are few more things you might like. Anyway, it would be nice to see you before I leave.

Waiting for your reply,

Nat

Check your Personal Messages