My essay, проверьте, покритикуйте! Спасибо!

[sergey_taurus]

Всем привет.
Пожалуйста, покритикуйте\похвалите эссе.
Заранее большое спасибо.

The topic is from Cambridge 7

Some people prefer to live in a house, while others feel that there are more advantages
to living in an apartment.

Are there more advantages than disadvantages of living in a house compared with living
in an apartment?


Modern life conditions have been constantly affecting our living preferences. Over the past few decades accommodation habits has been dramatically changed by the environmental problems as well as urban sprawl trends. Despite of all possible drawbacks, I personally believe that living in a house has a number of significant benefits compared to apartment residence, including more healthy environment and availability of personal space.

Due to the fact than vast majority of homes are build in rural areas and distant suburbs, environmental conditions in these areas might be more healthy. According to recent research conducted in Europe, levels of water and air pollution in city areas have noticeably increased in the past few decades. Thus, it makes houses be more attractive choice in terms of current environment conditions and future perspectives.

In addition, houses often have an option of a personal space which is sometimes nearly impossible to obtain in multi-apartment block. For instance, I suppose that if a young family had been offered to choose between a house and a flat, they might have taken the first option. Usually, a house has a land space which makes it more attractive to children as well as adults.

In conclusion, living in a house has more benefits compared to apartment. Despite the amount of additional maintenance costs, houses provide higher standards of accommodation by allowing people live in a more healthy environment and have some amount of personal space for outdoor activities. In my opinion, these advantages overweigh all possible drawbacks and houses would stay a dream type of accommodation for vast majority of residents.


(40 minutes, 260 words)

[Alexander Usov]

It is generally believed that some people are born with sertain talents, for instance for sport or music, and other are not. However, it is sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good person or musician.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

I think that the question whether a talent is a inborn trait or a result of enormous efforts is one that is challenging and open for debate. Some people firmly believe that there are children who are born with a talent in sport, science or music. However other people are sure that success in life is consequence of huge efforts. I this essay I will analyze these points of view and present my opinion in favor of people who are inclined to think that intermediate position can be taken.

On the one hand, many well-known people were born with some talent. Take for example the astonishing fact that one of the most famous musicians Mozart started to compose music when he was only 5 years old. Moreover, his music was incredibly complex as well as amazingly talented. So it is obvious that he was exceptionally good at composing of music despite the fact that he was so young. Thus it is clear why many people gravitate towards this point of view.

On the other hand, many parents suppose that they are able to bring up a famous person such as pop-star, movie-star or famous athlete. First of all, I would like to say about well-known American swimmer Michael Phelps. As far as I know he was a child with rather poor health and his parent decided to enroll him in a swimming school many years ago. As a result he dramatically improved his health and was keen on swimming a lot. The more he trained the better results in this sport he had. From my everyday experience and observation I am sure that he succeeded in swimming because he was incredibly hard-working and devoted all his spare time to this matter. As a result he won eight gold medals and broke seven world records on Chinese Olympic Game in 2008. After analyzing these facts it is clear why many parents support this claim.

Taking into account everything mentioned above I tend to assume that combination of a talent and hardworking will give the best result. Parents should reveal a child’s talent as earlier as better. There is no doubt if a person develops his talent and works hard there is a great chance that she or he will be number one in one of the mankind’s fields.

[Alexander Usov]

Всем привет.
Пожалуйста, покритикуйте\похвалите эссе.
Заранее большое спасибо.

Я выскажу свое мнение. В целом хорошая работа, хороший вокабуляр и структура предложений. Экспертом я не являюсь, но вопросы у меня есть.
1)I suppose that if a young family had been offered to choose between a house and a flat, they might have taken the first option.

Условное предложение 3 типа - нереальная ситуация в настоящем времени. Вы пытаетесь использовать нереальную ситуацию в прошлом. Так будет вернее.
I suppose that if a young family was offered to choose between a house and a flat, they would take the first option.

2)In my opinion, these advantages overweigh all possible drawbacks and houses would stay a dream type of accommodation for vast majority of residents.

Зачем would? Помоему это здесь не нужно.

[Alexander Usov]

You would like to buy some electrical goods at a shop in a nearby town.
Write a letter to the shop and ask if they have the things you want or whether they
will be able to order them. Ask what the prices are and how long they will be able
to hold the goods for you.

Dear Sir/Madam,
I am writing you this letter to request information about some product in your shop. First of all, I would like to thank you for your service because I am so satisfied with my previous purchases.

Please, tell me about DVD English course which is called “Effortless English” by A.J. Hoge. I have recently come across with the advertisement of this course and reference to your shop on the Internet. I would like to purchase this product as I have made up my mind to learn English.

I would greatly appreciate it if you could inform me about this product. Do you have any opportunity to order it for me if you don’t have it in your store? Also I would be grateful if you would let me know about the cost of the course and delivery. If you don’t deliver goods please tell me how many days you could hold it for me.

Once again, thank you very much for attention to this matter. Please don’t hesitate to contact me by the address above or by the phone number 8(111)222-333. I look forward to hearing from you.
Yours faithfully,
John Black.

[sergey_taurus]

Всем привет.
Пожалуйста, покритикуйте\похвалите эссе.
Заранее большое спасибо.

The topic is from Cambridge 5

Nowadays we are producing more and more rubbish.

Why do you think this is happening?

What can governments do to help reduce the amount of rubbish produced?



Increased life standards lead to larger amounts of rubbish produced every day. The average amount of waste emitted by an individual has been constantly growing over the past few decades. The actual reasons behind this fact as well as possible solutions are needed to be identified to solve this problem in a world-wide scope. This essay will outline the foundation of the problem and present a number of available solutions to overcome it's effects.

Initially, modern society demands has affected the volume of various products which are presented on the market today. Due to the increased amount of consumed goods, the volume of disposals has been risen dramatically. In addition, variety of temporary packaging options might significantly expand the problem which is now not longer limited to an industrial waste only.

However, a number of programs have been developing on order to solve and prevent effects caused by modern life style. When it comes to my country, dozens of waste recycling plants are expected to be build in near future. Obviously, recycling might solve only the current problem, however, to limit the effects of the trend alternative solutions should be implemented. For instance, if proper consuming habits towards paper bags and aluminium cans had been developed it might have prevented the spread of domestic waste which, according to recent research, contains vast majority of packaging items.

To conclude, an international trend of rapidly increasing volume of rubbish has affected our views towards consuming and recycling, In my opinion, intensive eco-friendly education combined with prevention-oriented solutions might help to overcome the effects of waste pollution which have been affecting the quality of our life today.


(50 minutes, 275 words)

[sergey_taurus]

Экспертом я не являюсь, но вопросы у меня есть.
1)I suppose that if a young family had been offered to choose between a house and a flat, they might have taken the first option.

Условное предложение 3 типа - нереальная ситуация в настоящем времени. Вы пытаетесь использовать нереальную ситуацию в прошлом. Так будет вернее.
I suppose that if a young family was offered to choose between a house and a flat, they would take the first option.

Как раз идея была Past Unreal Conditional 3 для возможной ситуации в прошлом.
Зачем? Просто продемонстрировать владение этой относительно сложной конструкцией. Говорят, это "считается"

2)In my opinion, these advantages overweigh all possible drawbacks and houses would stay a dream type of accommodation for vast majority of residents.

Зачем would? Помоему это здесь не нужно.

Would использовано вместо will по ряду причин:
1) все-таки использовать "predictions about the future"
2) смягчить predictions: дома может останутся мечтой, а может народ будет жить в космических звездолетах на орбите

Спасибо за комментарии.

[sergey_taurus]

You would like to buy some electrical goods at a shop in a nearby town.
Write a letter to the shop and ask if they have the things you want or whether they
will be able to order them. Ask what the prices are and how long they will be able
to hold the goods for you.

Dear Sir/Madam,
I am writing (1) you this letter to request information (2) about some product in your shop. First of all, I would like to thank you for your service because I am so satisfied with my previous purchases.

Please, tell me about (3) DVD English course which is called “Effortless English” by A.J. Hoge. I have recently come across with the advertisement of this course and reference to your shop on the Internet. I would like to purchase this product as I have made up my mind to learn English.

I would greatly appreciate it if you could inform me about this product. Do you have any opportunity to order it for me if you don’t have it in your store? Also I would be grateful if you would let me know about the cost of the course and delivery. If you don’t (4) deliver goods (5) please (5) tell me (6) how many days you could hold (7) it for me.

Once again, thank you very much for attention to this matter. Please don’t hesitate to contact me by the address above or by the phone number 8(111)222-333. I look forward to hearing from you.
Yours faithfully,
John Black.

Аналогично, ни разу не эксперт, но позволю себе пару комментариев:

1) "you" можно опустить
2) я бы здесь конкретно спросил чего мне надо, девайс какой или инструмент
3) сорри, но несовсем понятно как DVD являются "electrical goods"...
4) здесь можно синоним - "ship", т.к. delivery использовано буквально в пару словах левее.
5) запятые
6) пропущено "for"
7) вроде как "them" смотрится тут лучше, хотя не уверен

В целом неплохо. Единственное, я бы может быть меньше "расшаркивался".

[sergey_taurus]

It is generally believed that some people are born with sertain talents, for instance for sport or music, and other are not. However, it is sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good person or musician.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

(1) I think that the question whether a talent is a inborn trait or a result of enormous efforts is one that is challenging and open for debate. Some people firmly believe that there are children who are born with a talent in sport, science or music. However (,) other people are sure that success in life is consequence of huge efforts. I this essay I will analyze these points of view and present my opinion in favor of people who are inclined to think that intermediate position can be taken.

On the one hand, many well-known people were born with some talent. Take (,) for example (,) the astonishing fact that one of the most famous musicians Mozart started to compose music when he was only 5 years old. Moreover, his music was incredibly complex as well as amazingly talented. So (,) it is obvious that he was exceptionally good at composing of music despite the fact that he was so young. Thus (,) it is clear why many people gravitate towards this point of view.

On the other hand, many parents suppose that they are able to bring up a famous person such as pop-star, movie-star or famous athlete. First of all, I would like to say about well-known American swimmer Michael Phelps. As far as I know (,) he was a child with rather poor health and his parent decided to enroll him (2) in a swimming school many years ago. As a result (,) he dramatically improved his health and was keen on swimming a lot. The more he trained the better results in this sport he had. From my everyday experience and observation (,?) I am sure that he succeeded in swimming because he was incredibly hard-working and devoted all his spare time to this matter. (3) As a result (,) he won eight gold medals and broke seven world records on Chinese Olympic Game in 2008. After analyzing these facts (,) it is clear why many parents support this claim.

Taking into account everything mentioned above (,) I tend to assume that combination of a talent and hardworking will give the best result. Parents should reveal a child’s talent as earlier as better. There is no doubt if a person develops his talent and works hard there is a great chance that she or he will be number one in one of the mankind’s fields.

Вставлю свои пять копеек

1) На истину никак не претендующее: не знаю насколько видики от English Ryan в этом вопросе законодатели моды, но мне просто проще писать по какому-то плану. По его советам, для discussion essay мнение писателя надо припрятать на сладкое и в Introduction не упоминать вообще. Хотя, to whom how
2) м.б. "to"
3) второй раз в том же параграфе

В целом неплохо, некоторые слова я искал в словаре

Удачи!

[Alexander Usov]

[QUOTE=sergey_taurus;1371118]Как раз идея была Past Unreal Conditional 3 для возможной ситуации в прошлом.
Зачем? Просто продемонстрировать владение этой относительно сложной конструкцией. Говорят, это "считается"


ОК. Показывать конечно нужно, что Вы владеете данными конструкциями. Но ведь здесь смысл следующий - Если бы молодой семье предложили выбрать между домом и квартирой, они выбрали бы дом.

Прошедшее время здесь просто по смыслу не совсем подходит.

[just_angel]

пожалуйста, проверьте и оцените эссе))) буду ооочь благодарна))) спасибо

There a lot of social backgrounds. Should rich people engage in charity or this problem is only concerned the government? I am really in two minds. On the one hand the government should help and support poor people. On the other hand profuse people who have possibilities to help should share with their products of nourishment and tuition.

Poverty is one of the most actual and global problem all over the world. Every country's government takes charge of their people as well as the indigents. Absolutely all countries want prospecting, rich, good developing folk. That is why there are a lot of means which are picked out maintaining for poverty-stricken peoples, but I think that it is not matter that the people who are under care of a country should hope only on it all their life. Naturally they have to assist on their future, future of their children. The rich people are different from each other. Some of them are very generous and they take pleasure from helping to the people of the lowest social degree. A good illustration of this is Michael Jackson, Bill Gaits, Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt who shows mercy and adopt children of unsuccessful families, invest money in organising kids shelters and so on. Usually they do that for keeping social authority and status.

To sum up I want to say that government have to provide necessitous folk with tuition and food, because if there are many people with good education, the country will develop in quick way vice versa. Unquestionably the help from opulent people is also very pleasant for any needy family. Consequently it brings to the improvement of our world!

[sergey_taurus]

Всем привет.
Пожалуйста, покритикуйте\похвалите эссе.
Заранее большое спасибо.

The topic is from Cambridge 7

Some people think that universities should provide graduates with the knowledge and skills needed in the workplace. Others think that the true function of a university should be to give access to knowledge for its own sake, regardless of whether the course is useful to an employer.

What, in your opinion, should be the main function of a university?



Modern life trends have been persistently changing educational standards. It is believed by many that universities should base their curriculums on current employment needs, while others suggest that knowledge should be presented in a traditional manner. I tend to agree that modifying university programs towards essential practical skills might help future graduates to find initial job opportunities as well as succeed in their career development.

Initially, increased competition for workplace has made skill-oriented education more attractive and valuable for finding first employment after graduation. According to recent surveys, future professionals have started interesting in additional practical training during their studies rather then delegate a major part of their time to theory. Thus, it might explain a strong trend of increased demands for job-specific skills among youths.

Similarly, employment-driven education might bring better opportunities to future career development for young professionals. From my personal perspective, if I had received proper job-specific training during my university studies, I would have achieved some specific levels of my professional career much quicker and in a more optimal way. It is noticed by many that first few years at work almost all graduates spent in converting their theoretical knowledge into practical implementation. However, with this being done at university it would allow to use valuable time more efficiently.

In conclusion, practical needs would force universities revise their courses towards including a major part of practical studies into them. I tend to agree that profession-oriented education might provide better employment opportunities as well as stronger chances for career improvement for graduates and intense job competition makes this practice even more valuable.



(40 minutes, 265 words)

[just_angel]

пожалуйста проверьте)) оцените) сколько вы бы поставили? (IELTS)

When a country develops its technology, the traditional skills and ways of life die out. It is pointless to try and keep them alive.


To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?


Nowadays modern countries are developing very rapidly as well as technologies. Some people believe that it is wrong to keep traditional skills and ways. I can not totally agree with this opinion. There are some reasons to support my point of view.


On the one hand we should endeavor to save traditional technology because it is our history, our past which we must present for future generation with all preserved traditional skillfulness. Also I think that new technology destroys ecological environment and leads to irreversible consequences. Each innovation in this area carries with it a certain injury. A good illustration of this is transport, rockets, plants and the others. Evidently, that with the advent of these technologies ecology of our planet has markedly deteriorated. That is why if we keep old technique lifestyle we will ensure a safe future, but we will have some discomforts.


On the other hand we have to go with the times and to create some new helpful innovations which help us for improvement our life. The development of technology is slight elaboration. Each new technique develops based on old traditional technique, old technical mistakes. In other words, obvious that it is all connected and it is hard to develop technology without them. [F&#111&#110<b></b>T<b></b>&#61Times New Roman, serif]Definitely the modern technique adds spices for our life. It is more comfortable and it also saves our time. New technologies have made life easier, luxurious and has given lot of employment to skilled labors and people. This point can be well confirmed with the example of computer or telephone. As we know, when computers calculate the problems, the process is rapidly and exactly. Nowadays cellphones are an obligatory part in routine that is phones give a chance to take voice to any person, but the price we have to pay is very high.

In conclusion I want to say that we should not lose our tradition. Technology is an important aspect of growth but we need to keep traditions alive too.
(317)

[Maimiti_Isabella]

пожалуйста проверьте)) оцените) сколько вы бы поставили? (IELTS)

Possible 6, on your lucky day .

Но эта 6-ка скорее ближе к 5.5, чем 6.5. Собственно говоря, особых нареканий к огранизации эссе нет. Речь скорее в английском: подборке слов, грамматических структур, развитии идеи (с точки зрения английского) и т.д.

Т.е. я считаю, что для 7-ки Вам не хватает английского яызка. Но учтите, по одному эссе судить - дело неблагодарное.

[JGM]

И мое, и мое

Всем привет!
Покритикуйте и мое, очень прошу... на сколько тянет, какие изъяны?

More and more people are wearing fashionable clothes. Is this a positive or negative development? Give reasons to support your answer.

Nowadays, more and more people prefer to wear in fashionable clothes. Below I will try to figure out if this is a good development or not.

Since ancient time people tried to follow fashion. French fashionable women took part in Royal ceremonies. They wore in chic dresses in order to make an impression on the King and wealthy men around them. Nothing changed since that time. Despite sometimes clothes those people choose to wear are not convenient or are not applicable to the case, people wear that anyway. What does motivate them to do so?

The huge amount of an advertisement we utilize every day from the television and other kind of mass media involves us into the fashion industry. Fashion developers inspire us from countless posters and banners what to wear. Sometimes, when – for example in the theater - I see the woman wore in something ridiculous such as a trousers of an afghan warrior, I could not check myself in serious condition. Moreover it makes me crazy to think how much time and money she spent purchasing her clothes. Evidently, the only reason why the woman wore it is that she believes it is very fashionable.

From my perspective, it is more important to have a sense of taste when we choose what to wear. Moreover, this is very important that clothes we wear have to conform to the situation, for example it is better to wear a classic suite when you are going to the office. Despite the concert one may be very fashionable it is absolutely not applicable to wear it for the meetings with clients.

In a conclusion I would say that if we will try to follow fashion all the time it is not so good. Sometimes, we should sacrifice by our willings to look fashionable and choose something classic. It may help us to make better impression to the others.

[sergey_taurus]

Всем привет!
Покритикуйте и мое, очень прошу... на сколько тянет, какие изъяны?

По оценкам ничего не скажу - не эксперт.
По всему остальному:
1) Introduction уж больно скромный. Исходя из >300 слов в сумме, можно было бы его сделать поупитанней
2) Во втором параграфе много простых и коротких предложений.
3) В третьем параграфе "Sometimes, when - for example in the theater - I see the woman" - пунктуация. Плюс к этому очень неформальный язык, "crazy" и т.п.

В целом, идеи есть, надо только оформить. Хотя можно посоветовать меньше личного (носят что попало лишь бы от дизайнера), а больше ответа на вопрос: хорошо ли это или плохо, что люди стали носить модные вещи. Как варианты:
1) да хорошо:
а) все вокруг красивые и нарядные
б) это поднимает экономику\промышленность\креатив\итп
2) нет, плохо
а) лучше бы отдали деньги в charity
б) или занимались культурным обогащением\читали бы книжки\здоровее были

Но это так, мысли в слух