My essay, проверьте, покритикуйте! Спасибо!

[Irina_ru]

Друзья! Покритикуйте плз мой следующий "шедевр"
Писала в соответствии рекомендациями из роликов и полученными от вас. Проверила раз 5, что-то подправила. Как оно, вобщем и целом? =))

It is very clear now that English should be the primary foreign language taught in all schools around the world. Learning a different foreign language before English is, in today’s world, a waste of time.
Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

As is commonly understood, that English language was more useful throughout last century. This is can be seen in nowadays that English is most popular language in all the World. It is argued one of main reason why English should be primary second language in the countries with another native language. In addition, I would like to say that mostly people who will not planning to study third language should not spend their time for studying some other foreign language. This will be proven by analyzing in the next paragraphs below.

Looking first at the most commonly language in the economic area in our planet. Take the commercial contracts, for instance. Most of important agreement have made on the English language. Moreover, significant parts of contracts in the other sectors of human’s activities has made in this language. This example clearly shows that knowledge of English is the one of the essential things in our business life.

Secondly, English language is the most useful in our usual simple life. For example, when we are travel in the different countries on the holidays. When looking at this example, there is no doubt that in mostly countries we always will be understood exactly on this language. From this, it can be concluded, that people already has chosen English as the main communicate language in the World.

Following the analyzing all those arguments, it is obvious that English language is essential subject for the study as the first foreign language. As has been shown English language is the most popular and useful language in our life. It is expected that nowadays spending time on the learning another foreign language is unnecessary.

[Ulya]

Извините, если немного прямолинейно, но я в общем, делал это для себя - отрабатываю поиск ошибок.
Основные проблемы:
1. have been - повсюду, где надо и не надо
2. poor vocabulary, очень много повторений, практически нет синонимов
3. has brought - что-то странное ИМХО
4. рассогласование числа noun и verb
5. избавляться от личных местоимений [I, we]
Ставьте пустые строки плз между абзацами.
Предлагаю следующие исправления:
1. changes of what? - чего-то не хватает
2. has?
3. affected on? involved - абсолютно не в тему. have been - не нужно
4. aspects ?
5. so on?
6. no need - это предложение не нужно
7. was
8. improved
9. communication field -> means of communication?
10. ?
11. via, using
12. It is possible
12.1 to - не хватает
13. transportation
14. been - не нужно
15. dramatically
16. has a chance -> can
17. even Antarctica?
18. significantly significantly ?
19. As a result
20. their lives. чья жизнь? дяди Васи?
21. from - не нужно
22. local food culture - что это?
23. число не соответствует
24. неаргументировано
25. число не соответствует
25. слова good, bad и т.п. надо избегать
26. recent. resent = негодовать, возмущаться; обижаться
27. число не соответствует
28. have been

Спасибо за ваше мнение, буду разбираться.
Единственное, №6 спорно что не нужно. например, по советам сайта writefix.com это предложение очень желательно.

[Ulya]

Getting better! Congrats!

Спасибо Вам большое, Вы как всегда корректны и точны в исправлениях!)

Буду исправляться)

[Alexizzz]

6. no need - это предложение не нужно

Спасибо за ваше мнение, буду разбираться.
Единственное, №6 спорно что не нужно. например, по советам сайта writefix.com это предложение очень желательно.

Возможно, не совсем правильно выразился. Нужно немного другое предложение, которое бы показывало Ваше отношение к вопросу.
Ссылаться на эссе или на топик стилистически неправильно.
Но это нужно, если вы хотите получить больше 6, так что можете не обращать внимания на мои придирки

[Yulia_N]

Всем привет. Покритикуйте, пожалуйста мое эссе. Можно давать советы, чтобы сделать речь более богатой А то фантазии никакой

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: Playing games teaches us about life.

Some people strongly believe that playing games helps us to understand how to behave in common situation in a real life. On the other hand, someone supposes that games should be just games and there is no any connection with a real life. I strongly believe that games can teach some aspects of a life.
Firstly, game is a source of getting knowledge. Some games require a good-based background of knowledge. An instant, to take part in a game, named “What? Where? When?”, person should read more books about history, literature, science and so on. Moreover, this game develops logic that also is important part for persons mind. People, who are participants in such a game, are widely educated, have strong knowledge of physic, philosophy, science, culture and others. Thus, this game can teach person to take a decision in serious situation and also help to develop personality.
Secondly, games can help to get knowledge in business and math sphere. Such games, like a “Monopoly”, are based on real events. When playing, person can buy some firms, build houses and hotels or just buy a railway station and get money for travel. All in all, this type of game gives opportunity to improve skills in an economic sphere and after use them in real events.
Finally, games improve communication skills. Games, such as “Marriage” or Thousand”, include some participants. During playing these games people contact to each other, study, how to be polite, how to listen each other, how to be a member of a team. So, these games increase human’s skills.
In conclusion, games can teach person about important knowledge of a life. Skills, which he or she got and developed, during playing, can help him or her after in a future. Thereby, my point of view is that games can help a person to understand the life’s processes and use his or her skills in development personality.

[Alexizzz]

Всем привет. Покритикуйте, пожалуйста мое эссе. Можно давать советы, чтобы сделать речь более богатой А то фантазии никакой

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: Playing games teaches us about life.

Some people strongly believe that playing games helps us to understand how to behave in common situation in a real life. On the other hand, someone supposes that games should be just games and there is no any connection with a real life. I strongly believe that games can teach some aspects of a life.
Firstly, game is a source of getting knowledge. Some games require a good-based background of knowledge. An instant, to take part in a game, named “What? Where? When?”, person should read more books about history, literature, science and so on. Moreover, this game develops logic that also is important part for persons mind. People, who are participants in such a game, are widely educated, have strong knowledge of physic, philosophy, science, culture and others. Thus, this game can teach person to take a decision in serious situation and also help to develop personality.
Secondly, games can help to get knowledge in business and math sphere. Such games, like a “Monopoly”, are based on real events. When playing, person can buy some firms, build houses and hotels or just buy a railway station and get money for travel. All in all, this type of game gives opportunity to improve skills in an economic sphere and after use them in real events.
Finally, games improve communication skills. Games, such as “Marriage” or Thousand”, include some participants. During playing these games people contact to each other, study, how to be polite, how to listen each other, how to be a member of a team. So, these games increase human’s skills.
In conclusion, games can teach person about important knowledge of a life. Skills, which he or she got and developed, during playing, can help him or her after in a future. Thereby, my point of view is that games can help a person to understand the life’s processes and use his or her skills in development personality.

ИМХО неплохо, но могу отметить следующие на мой взгляд проблемы:
1. не уверен, что правильно давать названия игр, ну разве что кроме Монополии, т.к. маркер может не знать этих игр. ИМХО лучше говорить о разных категориях игр - квесты, бизнес, развивающие, стратегии и пр. и сравнивать их со спортивными, военными, компьютерными, отмечая недостатки последних.
2. частые проблемы с пропуском артиклей
3. недостаточный vocabulary, например тут явно напрашивается такое слово как experience но Вы его не используете.
4. collocations: member of a team -> team player, development personality->(наверное ошибка) personality development или development of personality
и т.п.

[Yulia_N]

Спасибо. Буду еще писать

Всем привет. Покритикуйте, пожалуйста мое эссе. Можно давать советы, чтобы сделать речь более богатой А то фантазии никакой

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: Playing games teaches us about life.

Some people strongly believe that playing games helps us to understand how to behave in common situation in a real life. On the other hand, someone supposes that games should be just games and there is no any connection with a real life. I strongly believe that games can teach some aspects of a life.
Firstly, game is a source of getting knowledge. Some games require a good-based background of knowledge. An instant, to take part in a game, named “What? Where? When?”, person should read more books about history, literature, science and so on. Moreover, this game develops logic that also is important part for persons mind. People, who are participants in such a game, are widely educated, have strong knowledge of physic, philosophy, science, culture and others. Thus, this game can teach person to take a decision in serious situation and also help to develop personality.
Secondly, games can help to get knowledge in business and math sphere. Such games, like a “Monopoly”, are based on real events. When playing, person can buy some firms, build houses and hotels or just buy a railway station and get money for travel. All in all, this type of game gives opportunity to improve skills in an economic sphere and after use them in real events.
Finally, games improve communication skills. Games, such as “Marriage” or Thousand”, include some participants. During playing these games people contact to each other, study, how to be polite, how to listen each other, how to be a member of a team. So, these games increase human’s skills.
In conclusion, games can teach person about important knowledge of a life. Skills, which he or she got and developed, during playing, can help him or her after in a future. Thereby, my point of view is that games can help a person to understand the life’s processes and use his or her skills in development personality.

ИМХО неплохо, но могу отметить следующие на мой взгляд проблемы:
1. не уверен, что правильно давать названия игр, ну разве что кроме Монополии, т.к. маркер может не знать этих игр. ИМХО лучше говорить о разных категориях игр - квесты, бизнес, развивающие, стратегии и пр. и сравнивать их со спортивными, военными, компьютерными, отмечая недостатки последних.
2. частые проблемы с пропуском артиклей
3. недостаточный vocabulary, например тут явно напрашивается такое слово как experience но Вы его не используете.
4. collocations: member of a team -> team player, development personality->(наверное ошибка) personality development или development of personality
и т.п.

[Lavrentiy]

Всем привет. Покритикуйте, пожалуйста мое эссе. Можно давать советы, чтобы сделать речь более богатой А то фантазии никакой

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: Playing games teaches us about life.

Some people strongly believe that playing games helps us to understand how to behave in common (1) situation in (2) a real life. On the other hand, someone supposes that games should be just games and there is no (3) any connection with (4) a real life. I strongly believe that games can teach some aspects of (5) a life.
Firstly, game is a source of getting knowledge. Some games require a (6) good-based background of knowledge. (7) An instant, to take part in a game, named “What? Where? When?”, ( person should read more books about history, literature, science and so on. Moreover, this game develops logic that also is (9) important part for persons mind. (10) People, who are participants in such a game, are widely educated, have (11) strong knowledge of physic, philosophy, science, culture and others. Thus, this game can teach (12) person to take a decision in (13) serious situation and also help to develop (14) personality.
Secondly, games can help to get knowledge in business and (15) math sphere. (16) Such games, like a “Monopoly”, are based on real events. When playing, (17) person can buy some firms, build houses and hotels or just buy a railway station and get money for travel. All in all, this type of game gives (1 opportunity to improve skills in an economic sphere (19) and after use them in real events.
Finally, games improve communication skills. Games, such as “Marriage” or Thousand”, include (20) some participants. (21) During playing these games people contact (22) to each other, study, how to be polite, how to listen (23) each other, (24) how to be a member of a team. So, these games increase (25) human’s skills.
In conclusion, games can teach (26) person (27) about important knowledge of (2 a life. Skills, which he or she got and developed, during playing, can help him or her (29) after in (30) a future. (31) Thereby, my point of view is that games can help a person to understand (32) the life’s processes and use his or her skills in (33) development personality.

(1) situationS
(2) “a” – ne nado
(3) “any” – ne nado
(4) “a” – ne nado
(5) “a” – ne nado
(6) “good-based background” – tak ne govorjat. Good background knowledge.
(7) “An instant” – tak ne govorjat. Govorjat: Example, … (bez artiklja)
( nado – “a”. a person.
(9) AN important part of A/THE person’s mind
(10) “People, who are” – ne nado. Prosto: Participants in such…
(11) nado - “a”. A strong knowledge or a good knowledge.
(12) nado – “a” ili “the”
(13) nado – “a”
(14) “character”, a ne “personality”
(15) “the mathS sphere” – zvuchit strannovato. Ruglish kakoj-to!
(16) Games like Monopoly are based…
(17) A person
(1 AN opportunity
(19) “and after use them in real events”=”and use them in real life afterwards”?
(20) some = several?
(21) during = while?
(22) “to” – ne nado
(23) “to” – nado!
(24) how to be a team member
(25) human skills? Ruglish
(26) “a” – nado
(27) …can teach a person important things about life???
(2 “a” – ne nado
(29) “after” – ne nado
(30) “a” – ne nado
(31) “therefore”, a ne “thereby”
(32) “the” – ne nado
(33) developing/building character?


Не плохо, но слабые артикли и такой английский, за которым "прячется" русский.

[newjersey]

Спасибо. Буду еще писать

Всем привет. Покритикуйте, пожалуйста мое эссе. Можно давать советы, чтобы сделать речь более богатой А то фантазии никакой

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: Playing games teaches us about life.

Some people strongly believe that playing games helps us to (1)understand how to behave in common situations in a real life. On the other hand, someone (2) supposes that games should be just games and there is no any (3) connection with (4) a real life. I strongly believe that games can teach some aspects of a life.
Firstly, (5) game is a source of getting knowledge. Some games require a good-based background of knowledge (6). An instant (7) , to take part in a game, (8 ) named “What? Where? When?”, *9 person should read more books about history, literature, science and so on. Moreover, this game develops logic that also is important part for persons (10) mind. People, who are participants in such a game, are widely (11) educated, have strong knowledge of physic *12, philosophy, science, culture and others. Thus, this game can teach *9 person to take a decision *13 in serious *14 situation and also help to develop *1 personality.

Secondly, games can help to get *1knowledge in business and math sphere. Such games, like a “Monopoly”, are based on real events. When playing, *9 person can buy some firms, build houses and hotels or just buy a railway station and get money for travel. All in all, this type of game gives opportunity to improve skills in an economic sphere and after(15) use them in real events.
Finally, games improve communication skills. (16) Games, such as “Marriage” or Thousand”, include some (17) participants. During playing these games people *18 contact to each other, study, (19) how to be polite, how to listen (20) each other, how to be a member of a team. So, these games increase (21) human’s skills.

In conclusion, games can teach *9 person about important knowledge of a life. Skills, which he or she got and developed, (22) during playing, can help him or her after in a future (23). Thereby(24), my point of view is that games can help a person to understand *1 the life’s processes and use his or her skills *25 in development personality.

ИМХО неплохо, но могу отметить следующие на мой взгляд проблемы:
1. не уверен, что правильно давать названия игр, ну разве что кроме Монополии, т.к. маркер может не знать этих игр. ИМХО лучше говорить о разных категориях игр - квесты, бизнес, развивающие, стратегии и пр. и сравнивать их со спортивными, военными, компьютерными, отмечая недостатки последних.
2. частые проблемы с пропуском артиклей
3. недостаточный vocabulary, например тут явно напрашивается такое слово как experience но Вы его не используете.
4. collocations: member of a team -> team player, development personality->(наверное ошибка) personality development или development of personality
и т.п.

*1 help understand - и далее по тексту. Help + глагол всегда без to.
*2 some suppose или others suppose, множественное число нужно по контексту.
*3 not a connection или, лучше, no connection. Any лишнее.
*4 я бы использовал to вместо with.
*5 a game
*6 набор слов. good knowledge будет достаточно
*7 например будет или for example или for instance. instant это "моментальный"
*8 можно пояснить для нейтива экзаменатора, и одновременно блеснуть словарем и добавить слов - этот тип игр называется trivia - a trivia game named ... which is popular - was popular in 1970s - 1980s. Запятыми тоже не надо выделять такие обороты
*9 артикль - a person
*10 притяжательная форма нужна - person's
*11 wide это широкий в смысле физического размера, в переносном смысле надо писать broad, здесь - broadly.
*12 physicS - это наука физика.
*13 make decisions или make a decision.
*14 serious situation и игровая ситуация как то не укладываются вместе.
*15 я бы сказал afterward
*16 как и в *8, можно пояснить - card games, such as "...", help improve...
*17 several. some это "сколько-то"
*18 make contact to each other, или contact each other.
*19 запятая лишняя
*20 listen to each other
*21 improve (улучшать). Increase это повышать-увеличивать.
*22 запятые лишние
*23 afterward или in the future. вместе - масло масленое
*24 therefore. Thereby какое-то юридическое слово
*25 to develop their personality. Чтобы избежать частого использования his/her. можно писать во множественном числе (persons, people), потому что говорим об общей ситуации. Это еще спасает от пропусков неопределенных артиклей.

В целом - хороший словарный запас и ошибки некритичные (скорее стилистика), исправляются чтением.

[Yulia_N]

Огромное спасибо! Про help честно не знала А вот эти артикли и предлоги , это моя головная боль. Спасибо за подсказки.

Спасибо. Буду еще писать

Всем привет. Покритикуйте, пожалуйста мое эссе. Можно давать советы, чтобы сделать речь более богатой А то фантазии никакой

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: Playing games teaches us about life.

Some people strongly believe that playing games helps us to (1)understand how to behave in common situations in a real life. On the other hand, someone (2) supposes that games should be just games and there is no any (3) connection with (4) a real life. I strongly believe that games can teach some aspects of a life.
Firstly, (5) game is a source of getting knowledge. Some games require a good-based background of knowledge (6). An instant (7) , to take part in a game, (8 ) named “What? Where? When?”, *9 person should read more books about history, literature, science and so on. Moreover, this game develops logic that also is important part for persons (10) mind. People, who are participants in such a game, are widely (11) educated, have strong knowledge of physic *12, philosophy, science, culture and others. Thus, this game can teach *9 person to take a decision *13 in serious *14 situation and also help to develop *1 personality.

Secondly, games can help to get *1knowledge in business and math sphere. Such games, like a “Monopoly”, are based on real events. When playing, *9 person can buy some firms, build houses and hotels or just buy a railway station and get money for travel. All in all, this type of game gives opportunity to improve skills in an economic sphere and after(15) use them in real events.
Finally, games improve communication skills. (16) Games, such as “Marriage” or Thousand”, include some (17) participants. During playing these games people *18 contact to each other, study, (19) how to be polite, how to listen (20) each other, how to be a member of a team. So, these games increase (21) human’s skills.

In conclusion, games can teach *9 person about important knowledge of a life. Skills, which he or she got and developed, (22) during playing, can help him or her after in a future (23). Thereby(24), my point of view is that games can help a person to understand *1 the life’s processes and use his or her skills *25 in development personality.

ИМХО неплохо, но могу отметить следующие на мой взгляд проблемы:
1. не уверен, что правильно давать названия игр, ну разве что кроме Монополии, т.к. маркер может не знать этих игр. ИМХО лучше говорить о разных категориях игр - квесты, бизнес, развивающие, стратегии и пр. и сравнивать их со спортивными, военными, компьютерными, отмечая недостатки последних.
2. частые проблемы с пропуском артиклей
3. недостаточный vocabulary, например тут явно напрашивается такое слово как experience но Вы его не используете.
4. collocations: member of a team -> team player, development personality->(наверное ошибка) personality development или development of personality
и т.п.

*1 help understand - и далее по тексту. Help + глагол всегда без to.
*2 some suppose или others suppose, множественное число нужно по контексту.
*3 not a connection или, лучше, no connection. Any лишнее.
*4 я бы использовал to вместо with.
*5 a game
*6 набор слов. good knowledge будет достаточно
*7 например будет или for example или for instance. instant это "моментальный"
*8 можно пояснить для нейтива экзаменатора, и одновременно блеснуть словарем и добавить слов - этот тип игр называется trivia - a trivia game named ... which is popular - was popular in 1970s - 1980s. Запятыми тоже не надо выделять такие обороты
*9 артикль - a person
*10 притяжательная форма нужна - person's
*11 wide это широкий в смысле физического размера, в переносном смысле надо писать broad, здесь - broadly.
*12 physicS - это наука физика.
*13 make decisions или make a decision.
*14 serious situation и игровая ситуация как то не укладываются вместе.
*15 я бы сказал afterward
*16 как и в *8, можно пояснить - card games, such as "...", help improve...
*17 several. some это "сколько-то"
*18 make contact to each other, или contact each other.
*19 запятая лишняя
*20 listen to each other
*21 improve (улучшать). Increase это повышать-увеличивать.
*22 запятые лишние
*23 afterward или in the future. вместе - масло масленое
*24 therefore. Thereby какое-то юридическое слово
*25 to develop their personality. Чтобы избежать частого использования his/her. можно писать во множественном числе (persons, people), потому что говорим об общей ситуации. Это еще спасает от пропусков неопределенных артиклей.

В целом - хороший словарный запас и ошибки некритичные (скорее стилистика), исправляются чтением.

[Ursula]

Всем доброго времени суток
Еду на тест в субботу, и чем билже событие, тем меньше уверенности в своих знаниях
Покритикуйте пжл

Письмо: Вы пишите в организацию, помогающую пожилым людям и предлагаете свою помощь (бесплатно). Напишите, почему вы хотите помочь, как вы можете помочь и когда.

Dear Sirs and Madams,
Good day,

I would like to offer my assistance for your organization “The Sunny Light”.
As far as I have read in some newspapers and Internet “The Sunny Light” supports old people both at their own places and at the home for elderly founded by the organization five years ago.
Kindly ask you to consider my application for any volunteer assistance at “The Sunny Light”. To my mind my candidature would be suitable to you as I study at the medical college and have practical experience in medical care.
To my mind medical apprenticeship should be considered as one of the advantages of my candidature. I have gained skills in making injections and drip bulbs and filling in diverse medical documentation during practice last year. Moreover we’ve been taught psychology which allows me to communicate with elderly and mutually enjoy our time.
I am eager to take part in any social work because I think it’s the best way for me to do something useful in my life for my country and its people. In my opinion after working for the whole life elderly people could live calm and well-deserved life. Even if they are turned out to be in any home for elderly their life should be comfortable and I’m sure that it is in our power to support such conditions for them.
There is an attachment to my letter with the reference from my previous place of volunteer job, in case of any questions please don’t hesitate to contact them. It is a sanatorium for disabled children where I and some of my course mates were invited to work last summer. We spent two and a half months there and acquired a lot of medical, social and psychological experience in working with disabled people. All contact details of our supervisor are in the letter of reference.
Now our term is finished and I’ll be glad to join the volunteer team of “The Sunny Light” in one month after passing our annual exams.

Sincerely yours,

[Ursula]

Вот еще эссе, фантазии никакой, буквально выжимала из себя идеи
Некоторые считают, что индустрия фастфуда вредна (для здоровья, семьи, окружающей среды). Согласны или не согласны?



The popularity of fast food in rapid modern life is increasing from day to day. There are lots of caffes offering a visitor diverse cheap and tasty fast produced food. Some say that such products might be harmful and even dangerous for human’s health. Their arguments vary from wide range of stomach diseases to harm for social environment.
The majority of modern people particularly the young ones prefer to eat fastfood rather than cook themselves. They are very busy at work and in the evening, therefore they don’t feel like spending much time to prepare meal. Not so long ago we used to buy fresh or frozen food in a shop and spend some time for cooking, but now the variety of half-finished meal and fast produced food are offered in all supermarkets and people could choose any products they would ever like and could afford.
To my mind fastfood industry has more cons then pros. One of the negative sides of fastfood is that a lot of stomach diseases are generated due to such meal. Hamburgers, hotdogs, potatoes free contain much fats and other substances harmful for human’s health. Besides the calorific values of fastfood together with sedentary life contribute a great deal of people’s obesity which became a real problem in many countries, particularly it concerns the children’s obesity.
Additionally, an essential tradition of family dinners is staying in the past. Fastfood caffes are increasing their popularity among teenagers as places for eating tasty and cheap meal and spending time with friends. Subsequently parents and teenagers have less common interests and adults could hardly understand their children therefore mutual relationships inside the family become worse.
One more disadvantage of fastfood industry expansion is the influence on social environment in general. Many advertisements of McDonalds and similar meal support its popularity among many social stratas. Children’s obesity generates emotional instability of teenagers due to lack of friends and communication with the contemporaries. Growing up such children could hardly find themselves in the society. Besides loosing family’s internal relationships, traditions and contacts facilitate the increase of generation gap.
To make a conclusion one can say that rapid modern life enables us to keep our time and generates demand for fast and half-finished food. But the only lack of time could provide an uncovered harm for health and problems in family and social environments. To my mind we should limit fastfood spread and promote useful and fresh food to improve the situation.

[Lavrentiy]

Всем доброго времени суток
Еду на тест в субботу, и чем билже событие, тем меньше уверенности в своих знаниях
Покритикуйте пжл

Письмо: Вы пишите в организацию, помогающую пожилым людям и предлагаете свою помощь (бесплатно). Напишите, почему вы хотите помочь, как вы можете помочь и когда.

Письмо: Вы пишите в организацию, помогающую пожилым людям и предлагаете свою помощь (бесплатно). Напишите, почему вы хотите помочь, как вы можете помочь и когда.

(1) Dear Sirs and Madams,
(2) Good day,

I would like to offer my assistance (3) for your organization “The Sunny Light”.
(4) As far as I have read in some newspapers and (5) Internet “The Sunny Light” supports old people both (6) at their own places and (7) at the home for ( elderly founded by the organization five years ago.
(9) Kindly ask you to consider my application for any volunteer assistance (10) at “The Sunny Light”. To my mind (11) my candidature would be suitable to you as (12) I study at the medical college and have practical experience in medical care.
(13) To my mind medical apprenticeship should be considered as one of the advantages of my candidature. (14) I have gained skills in making injections and drip bulbs and filling in diverse medical documentation during practice last year. Moreover (15) we’ve been taught psychology which allows me to communicate with (16) elderly and mutually enjoy our time.
I am eager to take part in any (17) social work because I think it’s the best way for me to do something useful in my life for my country and its people. In my opinion (1 after working for the whole life elderly people could live (19) calm and (20) well-deserved life. Even if they are turned out to be in (21) any home for elderly their life should be comfortable and I’m sure that it is in our power to support such conditions for them.
There is an attachment to my letter with (22) the reference from my (23) previous place of volunteer job, (24) in case of any questions please don’t hesitate to contact them. It (25) is a sanatorium for disabled children where I and some of my course mates were invited to work last summer. We spent two and a half months there and acquired a lot of medical, social and psychological experience in working with disabled people. All contact details of our supervisor are in the letter of reference.
Now our term is (26) finished and I’ll be glad to join the volunteer team of “The Sunny Light” (27) in one month after passing our annual exams.

(2 Sincerely yours,

(1) Dear Sir/Madam
(2) “Good day” – ne nado. Eto avstralijskoe prostorechie.
(3) TO your organisation
(4) “As”, a ne “as far as”
(5) THE Internet. Vsegda THE pered slovom Internet!!!
(6) “in their own homes”, a ne “at their own places”
(7) “in”, a ne “at”
( THE elderly
(9) You “kindly ask” by saying “Could you please consider…”
(10) add: that you might need at the Sunny Light
(11) “my candidature” = “I”
(12) mozhno: I am studying
(13) vsjo predlozhenie neponjatno. nado perepisat’. You are writing to carers for the elderly!! They won’t have a clue what “medical apprenticeship” or “your candidature” mean. Voobsche zabud’te slovo “candidature”. Vas nikto ne pojmet.
(14) Volonteru NIKOGDA ne doverjat delat’ ukoly. Vam doverjat delat’ chaj dlja starikov, vodit’ na progulki i igrat’ s nimi v lotto.
(15) The fact that you’ve been taught psychology doesn’t mean you know psychology! “I have studied psychology….” – better.
(16) see (
(17) “social work” eto professia. Vy medic a ne “social worker”. You want: “community work”.
(1 after working THEIR WHOLE LIVES…
(19) “a” – nado
(20) “well-deserved life” – tak ne govorjat. Rest or holiday can be well-deserved not life.
(21) some homes for the elderly are awful, especially the ones run by the council.
(22) A reference
(23) previous volunteer job
(24) Novoe predlozhenie: If you have any questions please to not hesitate…
(25) It WAS
(26) finished = over
(27) in a month after the exams
(2 Faithfully yours. Sincerely yours – tol’ko kogda v obrashenii “Dear…” stoit lichnoe imya.

Good luck on Saturday!

[Lavrentiy]

Вот еще эссе, фантазии никакой, буквально выжимала из себя идеи
Некоторые считают, что индустрия фастфуда вредна (для здоровья, семьи, окружающей среды). Согласны или не согласны?

Некоторые считают, что индустрия фастфуда вредна (для здоровья, семьи, окружающей среды). Согласны или не согласны?



The popularity of fast food in rapid modern life is increasing from day to day. There are lots of (1) caffes offering a visitor diverse cheap and tasty (2) fast produced food. Some say that such products might be harmful and even dangerous for human’s health. (3) Their arguments vary from wide range of stomach diseases to harm for social environment.
The majority of modern people particularly the young (4) ones prefer to eat fastfood rather than cook themselves. They are very busy at work and in the evening, therefore they don’t feel like spending much time to prepare meal. Not so long ago we used to buy fresh or frozen food in a shop and spend some time (5) for cooking, but now the variety of (6) half-finished meal and fast produced food are offered in all supermarkets and people could choose any products they would ever like and could afford.
To my mind (7) fastfood industry has more ( cons then pros. One of the negative sides of (7) fastfood is that a lot of stomach diseases are generated due to such (9) meal. Hamburgers, hotdogs, (10) potatoes free contain (11) much fats and other substances harmful for (12) human’s health. Besides the calorific values of (7) fastfood together with sedentary life contribute a great deal (13) of people’s obesity which (14) became a real problem in many countries, particularly it concerns (15) the children’s obesity.
Additionally, an essential tradition of family dinners is staying in the past. (7) Fastfood (1) caffes are increasing (16) their popularity among teenagers as places for eating tasty and cheap (17) meal and spending time with friends. Subsequently parents and teenagers have (1 less common interests and adults could hardly understand their children therefore mutual relationships (19) inside the family become worse.
One more disadvantage of (7) fastfood industry expansion is the influence on social environment in general. Many advertisements of (20) McDonalds and similar (21) meal support its popularity among many social (22) stratas. Children’s obesity generates emotional instability of teenagers due to (23) lack of friends and communication with the (24) contemporaries. Growing up such children could hardly (25) find themselves in the society. Besides loosing family’s internal relationships, traditions and contacts (26) facilitate the increase of generation gap.
(27) To make a conclusion (2 one can say that (29) rapid modern life enables us to (30) keep our time and generates demand for fast and (6) half-finished food. (31) But the only lack of time could provide an uncovered harm for health and problems in family and social (32) environments. To my mind we should (33) limit (7) fastfood spread and promote (34) useful and fresh food to improve the situation.

(1) cafes
(2) fast-produced
(3) Their arguments vary from wide range of stomach diseases to harm for social environment. = Their arguments range from stomach diseases to…
(4) “ones” – ne nado
(5) “for” ne nado. spend some time cooking it.
(6) “half-finished meal” = nedoedennyj obed. “Ready-made meals/dishes.”
(7) fast food – dva slova. THE fast food industry.
( “has more cons then pros” – ne govorjat. Vyrazhenie “pros and cons” ustojchivoe, v nem ne menjajut porjadok slov.
(9) meals
(10) “potatoes free” – tak ne govorjat. U nas v Anglii “chips”, “crisps”; v USA “French fries”, “chips”.
(11) much fat
(12) human health
(13) “to”, a ne “of”
(14) has become
(15) “the” – ne nado
(16) increasing IN popularity among
(17) mealS. Food?
(1 “fewer”, a ne “less”
(19) “within”, a ne “inside”
(20) McDonald’s
(21) similar restaurants?
(22) strata
(23) “a” – nado
(24) “contemporaries” ne podhodit. “same age group”, “generation”???
(25) Ne ponjatno. Find their place in society? THE pered “society” – ne nado.
(26) widens the generation gap? THE pered “generation gap” – nado.
(27) In conclusion…
(2 “I can say”. “one can say” – staromodno
(29) “rapid modern life” – zvuchit strannovato. Ruglish?
(30) Chto zanchit “keep our time”?
(31) Neponjatnoe predlozhenie. Nabor strannyh slov. Kak “lack” mozhet “provide”? Lack – eto nedostatok. “Uncovered harm”? Vy bredite… (mil’pardon)
(32) environment – ed. ch.
(33) limit the spread of fast food
(34) fresh and healthy food? Any food is “useful,” even the bad one, - it keeps you alive.


M-da… Esche raz Good luck on Saturday (you’ll need it)!

[Ursula]

Lavrentiy,
Спасибо за комменты , приму во внимание ваши советы а на тесте постараюсь не допускать ляпом типа недоеденного обеда