My essay, проверьте, покритикуйте! Спасибо!

[serge-frog]

артикль не нужен! Но вообще в том контексте как оно употребляется у автора должно быть as a conclusion

Мне IELTS-тьютор (US правда, не UK) поисправляла:
as result, bla-bla-bla -> as a result, bla-bla-bla
Below I am ... and in conclusion will give my own opinion. -> Below I am going to describe both points of view and in the conclusion will give my own opinion.

[Maimiti_Isabella]

Мне IELTS-тьютор (US правда, не UK) поисправляла:
as result, bla-bla-bla -> as a result, bla-bla-bla.

Другого варианта просто нет.

Below I am ... and in conclusion will give my own opinion. -> Below I am going to describe both points of view and in the conclusion will give my own opinion.

Другого варинта быть не может в данном контексте.

[serge-frog]

ну вот, а говорят, что не надо
kyp???

[ziyoda]

Много очепяток и я бы посоветовала писать цифры прописью, где-то говорилось, что это плюс.

Ok eto ya vse ispravlu.

[ziyoda]

Мне IELTS-тьютор (US правда, не UK) поисправляла:
as result, bla-bla-bla -> as a result, bla-bla-bla
Below I am ... and in conclusion will give my own opinion. -> Below I am going to describe both points of view and in the conclusion will give my own opinion.

naschet the ya soglasna no tam je net 2 misli t.e both opinion. There was just one statement i sprashivalos soglsna ya s etim ili je net. Mojet ya ne ponela temu?? aaaaaa ludi?? kak dumayte ???

[ItGirl]

Ok eto ya vse ispravlu.

Also, school's gives to children very important knowledges like reading, writing,and counting. In addition, when children at school they all the time in society that is why they are becoming more talkative, sensible and clever.

Ошибки серьезные (( school's gives - сразу три ошибки school gives / schools give
when children at school - нет глагола связки to be

[Captain America]

Проверьте эссе плз. Написано в "боевом режиме" за 27 минут без словаря и с включенным телевизором. Меня интересует в основном "тянет ли оно на 6.0" и "общие моменты" типа раскрытия темы, логичность и связность. В принципе не срочно. Заранее благодарен.

Are zoos necessary for education?

People visit zoos mostly with entertainment purposes. It is a great way to spend their spare time. However, they can be educative too, especially for a kids. In this essay I will try to discuss how zoos can bring new knowledge to youn fellows.

First of all, it is an excellent chance to meet rare animals. It is difficult to find majority of them in real life. That is more, some species are really unique and we can see them only in zoos. For example, there are less then one hundred of wild isurian tigers on Russian Wild East. Their population is decreasing and soon we will able to meet them only in the zoos.

Moreover, children have opportunity to study some animals habits in zoos. Living areas in zoos are large and it is possible to watch how animals walk, eat and communicate with each other. It is very interesting and kids like to do this. It is also stimulating their desire to get more information about our environment and wild world.

On the contrary there are some people who think that zoos are useless. They think that video films about wild nature can replace zoos. I want to disagree with them. Though video tapes are interesting and informative they are not able to replace “real nature” which we can meet in the zoos and abandoned places of our world.

To sum up, I would like to say that zoos are very important for children education. They allow pupils to get acquaintance with nature. That is why I think that zoos will never disappear and they will become more comfortable for animals and visitors.

[belochkka]

Про артикли

2 VOlya

Сообщение от belochkka
Цитата:On the one hand, the most obvious way being healthy is doing some sport.
Артикль перед one не нужен.

Первое - ну, потому что не нужен, и *в моем опыте, за 9 лет в Америке, я не сталкивались чтобы люди так ЧАСТО говорили*
Что, в принципе, еще не значит, что это грамматически не правильно. Далее: Если вы используете фразеологизм и не уверены, как он используется, то можно даже простым гуглением в кавычках проверить...
165 миллионов для использования с артиклем, и 169 без него...
Не сильная разница, что говорит о том, что разные люди используют это выражение по-разному.
Если же искать грамматическое объяснение этой конструкции, то я понимаю это как-то так: если бы рука была конкретная (т.е. левая или правая, например), то нужен был бы точный артикль the. Но в данном случае нам по большому счету все равно, какая "рука" у нас: мы говорим о двух аспектах одного явления, и то, что мы говорим
С одной стороны (т.е. руки) А, а с другой стороны (т.е. руки) В.
Мы с тем же успехом можем переписать предложение С одной стороны (т.е. руки) В, а с другой стороны (т.е. руки) А.

Однако, перед второй рукой (on the other hand) артикль уже ставится, и, опять же, если искать этому грамматическое объяснение, то это связано с тем, что вторая-то рука у нас конкретная, "Не-та-которая-первая"...

Резюмирая все это, скажу следующее:
1) можно, видимо, и так, и эдак. Я среагировала потому, что когда проверяю сочинение смотрю на то, что "режет слух", т.е. иногда я улавливаю некоторые грамматически-то может быть и правильные выражения, но те, которые *не используются* в современной *Американской(!)* речи.
2) Один артикль и даже 10 неправильно их использованных вряд ли сильно снизят ваши баллы на экзамене. Мне кажется, что имеет смысл фокусироваться на других аспектах написания эссе.



Если не обижу более опытных форумчан, попробую объяснить почему

I will try to discuss this statement and in conclusion I will give my personal opinion

тут советовали поставить артикль.
"In conclusion, " - это вводная фраза, которая примерно переводится как "В заключение, ...." Заключение здесь не как "физический" раздел эссе, а как Во-первых, во-вторых, в третьих....
По-русски это то, что пишется
" В заключениЕ,(запятая!) хотелось бы отметить..."

"In the conclusion" - это физическая ссылка на раздел эссе, т.е. есть введение, основная часть и заключение.

По-русски это то, что пишется
"В заключениИ (без запятой!) рассмотрены основные понятия о...."

Если бы вы начинали свой последний абзац со слов "В заключение, хотелось бы сказать, что я думаю по этому поводу", то нужно было бы без артикля. А вы, по логике получается, что во введении сразу ссылаетесь на свое же заключение тремя абзацами ниже, т.е. артикль нужен.

вопрос Belochke
Ну ничего так у ВАс результат по IELTS. Может в какой -нибудь ветке расскажите как так можно.

В процессе. Пока получилось (о ужас написать 3 листа А4, и это только о подготовке и выводах. Может, кому-то пригодится. Когда допишу, вывешу в тред от 6.0 и выше.

[Maratt]

ждем.

[Shtuchka]

Проверьте пожалуйста. До экзамена осталось 2 недели, а с эссе плоховато. Если возможно оцените на сколько потянет. 300 сл/35 мин.

As for elderly, living in caring house is better than living at home with young children. Present your argument to illustrate whether you agree or disagree.
It is not a secret for everyone that today many elder parents live together with their children. This situation not always suitable for both elder and young families, however sometimes it is a necessary. From my point of view, when children grow up and ready to create their own family, they should live share with relations, but if they already have own children and have no abilities to often visit parents, in this situation they should to live together.
First of all, some young families need a help and support from parents with big experience, especially, when in their own family born a baby. In the same time, this help and care about grandchildren makes elder people happy and bring some positive emotions. For instance, if wife have no time to do home duties, because she spend some time to care about baby, her mother will help her and will give advises, besides in some causes this support is priceless.
Secondly, some countries and religions have a tradition that younger child must care about elder parents. This fact is connected with life of every person comes a period of time when he or she feels bad and poverty is decreases. Therefore they need help.
Finally, I do not suspect that life parents with children makes troubles, because with time possibilities of elder people are limited. As a result, they have two variants: get a service of nursing house, or live with relatives, and in my opinion the last variant is the best.
To sum up, somebody suppose that elder people in final period of life should live for themselves in the separate houses and do not care about something. But I believe that debt of every child do not forget about parents , that is more care and attention is necessary for them.

[kyp]

Проверьте пожалуйста. До экзамена осталось 2 недели, а с эссе плоховато. Если возможно оцените на сколько потянет. 300 сл/35 мин.

As for elderly, living in caring house is better than living at home with young children. Present your argument to illustrate whether you agree or disagree.
It is not a secret for everyone that today many elder parents live together with their children. This situation not always suitable for both elder and young families, however sometimes it is a necessary. From my point of view, when children grow up and ready to create their own family, they should live share with relations, but if they already have own children and have no abilities to often visit parents, in this situation they should to live together.
First of all, some young families need a help and support from parents with big experience, especially, when in their own family born a baby. In the same time, this help and care about grandchildren makes elder people happy and bring some positive emotions. For instance, if wife have no time to do home duties, because she spend some time to care about baby, her mother will help her and will give advises, besides in some causes this support is priceless.
Secondly, some countries and religions have a tradition that younger child must care about elder parents. This fact is connected with life of every person comes a period of time when he or she feels bad and poverty is decreases. Therefore they need help.
Finally, I do not suspect that life parents with children makes troubles, because with time possibilities of elder people are limited. As a result, they have two variants: get a service of nursing house, or live with relatives, and in my opinion the last variant is the best.
To sum up, somebody suppose that elder people in final period of life should live for themselves in the separate houses and do not care about something. But I believe that debt of every child do not forget about parents , that is more care and attention is necessary for them.

1.it is a necessary(necessity)
2. when children grow up and ready - вы наверно хотели сказать что уже выросли тогда в паст время переведите?
3. if wife have no time to do(for) home duties,
4.because she spendS some time to take care about baby
5.For instance, if wife have no time to do home duties, because she spend some time to care about baby, her mother will help her and will give advises, besides in some causes this support is priceless. - в целом предложение очень плохо построено, лучше уж разбейте на 2, ну и ошибок в нём много, а в мысли я потерялся.
6.and support from parents with big experience, especially, when in their own family born a baby - я бы написал типа and support of their parents who can, relying on their own experience, give valuable advices, especially in case of child birth
7. короче я устал.

Очень много ошибок, тут нечего анализировать. Идея вроде есть, почти разбито по параграфам, но мысли излагаете спутанно и чувствуется недостаток словарного запаса.

[micle]

письмо на проверку:

Topic:
A Canadian friend recently sent you a present by post. You want to thank him/her. Say how you felt when you received the present
Describe what you like about it. Explain how you will use the present.

Letter:
Dear Maria,
This letter is being written to you for the reason of my feelings, description of my thoughts, and explanation further using of the present.

Firstly, I did not wait to receive a present from you so I was really surprised by it. It is so nice to obtain it on my Birthday so thank you very much!

Secondly, I have dreamt for a long time about the same watch which was made by the CASIO plant because recently I have seen a TV-program about watches and I found out that CASIO makes enough reliable watches so when I saw that you presented me just CASIO watch I was very enjoyed.

Thirdly, I think that this watch will do for my suit so I could wear it at my job or in some events such as a wedding or a business meeting.

To summarize, I very grateful to you for this wonderful present and I also would be very glad if you personally visit me on my Birthday!
Best wishes,
Michael

[ItGirl]

Topic:
A Canadian friend recently sent you a present by post. You want to thank him/her. Say how you felt when you received the present
Describe what you like about it. Explain how you will use the present.

Letter:
Dear Maria,
This letter is being written to you for the reason of my feelings, description of my thoughts, and explanation further using of the present.

Firstly, I did not wait to receive a present from you so I was really surprised by it. It is so nice to obtain it on my Birthday so thank you very much!

Secondly, I have dreamt for a long time about the same watch which was made by the CASIO plant because recently I have seen a TV-program about watches and I found out that CASIO makes enough reliable watches so when I saw that you presented me just CASIO watch I was very enjoyed.

Thirdly, I think that this watch will do for my suit so I could wear it at my job or in some events such as a wedding or a business meeting.

To summarize, I very grateful to you for this wonderful present and I also would be very glad if you personally visit me on my Birthday!
Best wishes,
Michael

Вы попутали стиль письма и стиль эссе ))) Письма так не пишутся.

[micle]

Вы попутали стиль письма и стиль эссе ))) Письма так не пишутся.

Конкретней можно?

[kyp]

Конкретней можно?

Конкретнее некуда, это не стиль письма. Но для примера: Вы всегда подводите итог в письме когда другу пишите?