My essay, проверьте, покритикуйте! Спасибо!

[kyp]

On the one hand наверно правильно, но думаю вариант "On one hand" - тоже возможен;
_
A variety of subjects...
Разве можно ставить неопределённый артикль к неисчисляемому существительному?
_
В целом, большое спасибо за критику

Нельзя, но variety исчесляемое существительное которое в данном случае в единственном числе

[natalya_ielts]

посмотрите, пожалуйста, письмо.

You have had a bank account for a few years. Recently you received a letter from the bank stating that your account is $240 overdrawn and that you will be charged $70 which will be taken directly from your account. You know that this information is incorrect.
Write a letter to the bank. Explain what has happened and say what you would like them to do about it.


Dear Sir/Madam,

I’m writing to explain some situation that is in my opinion false.

I have been a client of your bank for a few years and I hold a bank account. Recently I was informed by bank that my account was overdrawn by $240 and I would have to pay $70 a charge.

Last week I paid for a purchase by credit card in “XXX” shop. In addition I have a discount in this shop as a loyal customer. But probably the cashier has forgotten to include this discount in the final price. Therefore money on the card would be not enough for payment.

I’m going to connect with the shop and ask him to repay the rest of money on my account. In addition I ask him to send some information about what happened to the bank. And I think it will be sufficient explanation for you.

Please, can you answer whether such solution is satisfactory?

Best regards, Natalia.

[Lavrentiy]

On the one hand наверно правильно, но думаю вариант "On one hand" - тоже возможен;
_
A variety of subjects...
Разве можно ставить неопределённый артикль к неисчисляемому существительному?
_
В целом, большое спасибо за критику

"variety" plural "varieties" - ischesljaemoe suschestvitel'noe. a great /wide/endless variety etc variety of something. Naprimer: a variety of different backgrounds; a wide variety of sandwiches.

Variant "on one hand" ne vozmozhen. Tol'ko "on the one hand" i "on the other hand"!

Ne verite, prover'te.

[kyp]

Lavrentiy
А моё писанино не можете глянуть?

[micle]

Variant "on one hand" ne vozmozhen. Tol'ko "on the one hand" i "on the other hand"!

Я ни в коем случае не спорю с Вами ибо мой English слишком "слаб", однако здесь же т.е. в этом топике читал про "On one hand" без артикля:
http://www.gday.ru/forum/ielts/45491...%E1%EE-44.html
Ув. belochkka писал(а) именно об этом:

2 VOlya

Цитата:



Сообщение от belochkka
Цитата:On the one hand, the most obvious way being healthy is doing some sport.
Артикль перед one не нужен.


Первое - ну, потому что не нужен, и *в моем опыте, за 9 лет в Америке, я не сталкивались чтобы люди так ЧАСТО говорили*
Что, в принципе, еще не значит, что это грамматически не правильно. Далее: Если вы используете фразеологизм и не уверены, как он используется, то можно даже простым гуглением в кавычках проверить...
165 миллионов для использования с артиклем, и 169 без него...
Не сильная разница, что говорит о том, что разные люди используют это выражение по-разному.
Если же искать грамматическое объяснение этой конструкции, то я понимаю это как-то так: если бы рука была конкретная (т.е. левая или правая, например), то нужен был бы точный артикль the. Но в данном случае нам по большому счету все равно, какая "рука" у нас: мы говорим о двух аспектах одного явления, и то, что мы говорим
С одной стороны (т.е. руки) А, а с другой стороны (т.е. руки) В.
Мы с тем же успехом можем переписать предложение С одной стороны (т.е. руки) В, а с другой стороны (т.е. руки) А.

Однако, перед второй рукой (on the other hand) артикль уже ставится, и, опять же, если искать этому грамматическое объяснение, то это связано с тем, что вторая-то рука у нас конкретная, "Не-та-которая-первая"...

Ещё раз спасибо, что уделили время.

[Lavrentiy]

Я ни в коем случае не спорю с Вами ибо мой English слишком "слаб", однако здесь же т.е. в этом топике читал про "On one hand" без артикля:
http://www.gday.ru/forum/ielts/45491...%E1%EE-44.html
Ув. belochkka писал(а) именно об этом:


Ещё раз спасибо, что уделили время.

OK. Longman Dictionary of Contemporary English 2003, p.732 govorit: "Do not say 'on one hand'. Say 'on the one hand'." T.e. eto vydeleno kak chastaja oshibka uchaschihsja.

"On one hand" naverno redkij amerikanizm. Vam zhe sovetuju priderzhivat'sja normy. Vam ekzamen sdavat'. Zachem riskovat'?

Udachi!

[micle]

OK. Longman Dictionary of Contemporary English 2003, p.732 govorit: "Do not say 'on one hand'. Say 'on the one hand'." T.e. eto vydeleno kak chastaja oshibka uchaschihsja.

"On one hand" naverno redkij amerikanizm. Vam zhe soverujy priderzhivat'sja normy.

Udachi!

Угу, понял, спасибо!

[belochkka]

T.e. eto vydeleno kak chastaja oshibka uchaschihsja.

Совершаемая всем американским народом... Или по крайней мере живущим на Северо-востоке США
Специально на 10ке одноклассников-нейтивов через фейсбук проверила, дабы проверить, мой это косяк или правда оно так...
С другой стороны, ЙЕЛТС британский экзамен, и все же лучше писать по-британски. Так что раз вам Лонгман так диктует, то пишите так. Американцев-проверяющих ЙЕЛТС не думаю, что много.

"On one hand" naverno redkij amerikanizm.

Редкий-редкий... Наверное, как в России фраза "Ехать на Украину"...

[Lavrentiy]

Совершаемая всем американским народом... Или по крайней мере живущим на Северо-востоке США
Специально на 10ке одноклассников-нейтивов через фейсбук проверила, дабы проверить, мой это косяк или правда оно так...
С другой стороны, ЙЕЛТС британский экзамен, и все же лучше писать по-британски. Так что раз вам Лонгман так диктует, то пишите так. Американцев-проверяющих ЙЕЛТС не думаю, что много.
Редкий-редкий... Наверное, как в России фраза "Ехать на Украину"...

Good point. "on one had" konechno govorjat kak i v Rossii govorjat "ehat' na ukrainu". No tak i tak nepravil'no. U kazhdogo svoj native jazuk i my vse ego kaverkaem. Eto normalno, no esli cheloveku sdavat' ekzamen po jazyku, to razumno priderzhivat'sja normy - esli v anglijskom ona esche ostalas'.

Ja v Anglii 15 let i uverjaju vas chto mestnye delajut oshibki splosh' i rjadom. Oni sami priznajut, chto inostrancy chasto govorjat na bolee pravilnom anglijskom.

[Lavrentiy]

Lavrentiy
А моё писанино не можете глянуть?

Моё писанино кто-то проверьте плиз.


In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies.
Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.


It is (1) well known fact that young people (2) trying to be independent. Some of them decide to get a job or make a trip before (3) gain a university degree. There are some drawbacks and benefits.


On the one hand, it can be difficult for a young person to clarify what kind of job they want to obtain in future. It is an opportunity to try different jobs and (4) makes oneself sure in making a choice for the future. Gaining the experience of different occupations and traveling they obtain a valuable knowledge about (5) self-organizing and how to (6) maintain the money. There is no doubt that working and traveling, before (7) enter ( the university could develop some useful skills and they (9) are also have time to (10) mull-over the jobs they did.

On the other hand, people without (11) an experience and (12) an appropriate knowledge can only get unqualified jobs which (13) could face youth with such difficulties as inappropriate physical conditions or even danger (14) for their health. They (9) are also could (10) dip into (11) the hard physical work and forget about preparation for the entrance exams. (12) Traveling for young people could also lead to fraud or violent crime on them because young people don’t worry about safety properly.

There is no doubt that young people who want to work or travel after finishing (1 the school and (19) start obtaining higher education may gain good experience or some dissatisfaction (20) of their choice. Hence making a decision, each person should take into account both advantages and disadvantages of (21) them.

(1) a
(2) try
(3) gaining / getting (?)
(4) make / slishkomo mnogo “make” v predlozhenii
(5) living independently (?)
(6) manage money / how to budget (?)
(7) entering
( the – ne objazatel’no
(9) are – ne nado
(10) to reflect on the jobs they have done (?) / you mull over a decision, mostly…
(11) an – ne nado
(12) artikli posle “and” ne objazatel’ny.
(13) people … could face youth ???? – nado perepisat’ vsio predlozhenie. inache neponjatno.
(14) danger to…
(15) get into / dip – ne podhodit
(16) the – ne nado
(17) travelling – British spelling
(1 the – ne nado
(19) starting to obtain
(20) through ? / nepojatnaja koncovka
(21) pochemu “them” esli “a decision”? / while making decisions…





________________________________________
Проверьте письмо плиз.
You rent a house through an agency. The heating system has stopped working. You phoned the agency a week ago but it has still not been repaired.

Write a letter to the agency. In your letter

1. introduce yourself
2. explain the situation
3. say what action you would like the agency to take

Write at least 150 words.

You do NOT need to write any addresses.

Begin your letter as follows:

Dear.......................,


Dear Sir/Madam,

My name is Yuriy and I (1) worked with your agency in purpose of renting an accommodation for me and my family two weeks ago.

(2) One week ago my heating system (3) stopped to heat. I requested the agency about repairing of the heater at the beginning of past week. (4) It is still doesn’t work. I (5) heard (6) from (7) weather forecast and it says that next week ( will be much colder than now and I just worry about (9) children's health that can be (10) injured by chilled air.

I shall be grateful if you resolve this issue as soon as possible (11) with service that is in response for the air conditioning system. If my heater (12) won’t work in a few days I (13) shall write an official complaint to your management directly and ask them to (14) refund me.
(15) Sincerely yours,
Yuriy

(1) I employed your agency for the purpose of renting accommodation / ve ne rabotaete na nix, a naoborot!
(2) last week – luchshe?
(3) “broke down” ili “won’t work” = slomalos’.
(4) It is still isn’t working. – vremena glagola!
(5) have heard
(6) from – ne nado
(7) the
( it will be
(9) the / t.k. govorite o svoih detjax, a ne detjax vsej planety.
(10) damaged
(11) dal’she ne razberu. chto vy hotite skazat’?
(12) isn’t working in a few days time. “won’t work” znachit “ne rabotet”, kak “the car won’t start” mashina ne zavoditsja ili “the door won’t open” dver’ zaklinilo.
(13) will – luchshe? t.k. ugroza
(14) refund – perehodnyj glagol. t.e. nado “refund me SOMETHING”, refund me my money i t.p.
(15) Yours faithfully // sincerely tol’ko kogda lichnoe imja posle “Dear…” v nachale pis’ma









Ещё одно плиз проверьте. Наверно много ошибок потому что написано почти сходу.

Some businesses now say that no one can smoke cigarettes in any of their offices. Some governments have banned smoking in all public places. This is a good idea but it takes away some of our freedom.

Do you agree or disagree?

Write at least 250 words.

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.


(1) Modern world’s community wants to see healthy nations. That’s why many entrepreneurs and companies make a restriction on smoking in their offices and working places. Perhaps it seems as (2) kind of personal limitation. My opinion on that will be given in this essay.

There is no doubt that smoking is a kind of habit which (3) not only (4) injure health of (5) smoker but involves people who (6) around (7) of one. Smoking causes many ( disease but the most dangerous of them (9) cancer for sure. People who don’t smoke but (10) breathe the air polluted by (11) firing cigarette are in the group of (12) the risk. Most of the people spent (13) third of their life at work. That’s why it is important to restrict smoking in public places and it is extremely significant to have (14) a clear air at work.

If you are (15) smoker it could (16) seemed to you that part of your freedom has been limited but you (17) still free to smoke outside or (1 at your home. Probably this restriction will make you to (19) mull-over you attitude (20) on this habit. And who knows one day you (21) becomes a healthy person.

Thus, I have strongly believed that (22) limitation of smoking in public places and (23) at offices (24) though can help us (25) to build a world that will be healthier than before. (26) Rely on my own experience I can say that there are too many people who smoke and this circumstance reduces our chances to take a breath of fresh air.

(1) kto takoe “modern world’s community” – governments?
(2) a
(3) does not only
(4) damage health / harmful to health
(5) a
(6) are
(7) around them (unisex plural for “a smoker”)
( diseases
(9) is
(10) breathe IN the air
(11) burning cigarettes // firing = streljajuschie
(12) the – ne nado // people… are at risk – luchshe?
(13) a
(14) a – ne nado
(15) a
(16) seem
(17) are
(1 zdes’ luchshe “in your home” t.k. rech’ idet o pomeschenii iznutri napolnennym tabachnym dymom.
(19) change your attitude / rethink // mull over bez defisa
(20) to this habit
(21) you may become t.k. “who knows?”
(22) the // ban? t.k. “limitation” is not 100%; the ban on smoking, the smoking ban.
(23) in + zdes’ ne nado t.k. sleduet za “and” I povtorjaet “in” v “public places”
(24) though – ne nado
(25) to – ne objazatel’no
(26) relying

kak govorit’sja “work in progress”. ne toropites’ sdavat’ ekzamen. vsego nailuchshego.

[kyp]

Lavrentiy , спасибо, очень путные замечания.

На сколько бы потянуло по вашему?

[Дита]

Я, конечно, дико извиняюсь...но не могу больше сдерживать свой душевный порыв выразить бурное восхищение Лаврентием!
Отец родной и учитель!))))) Большущий респект вам и сто тысяч раз "СПАСИБО"!!!
...я тут подпольно вместе с вами эссе проверяю, панимаишь...)))) так сегодня в двух нашла ровно столько же ошибок!!! Это ли не прогресс,а?!!!
Еще раз спасибо, друх!!!!!!

[belochkka]

Good point. "on one had" konechno govorjat kak i v Rossii govorjat "ehat' na ukrainu". No tak i tak nepravil'no.

Согласна. Но при этом у вас не снимут балл, если вы по-русски напишите "ехать на Украину" в эссе.

Ja v Anglii 15 let i uverjaju vas chto mestnye delajut oshibki splosh' i rjadom. Oni sami priznajut, chto inostrancy chasto govorjat na bolee pravilnom anglijskom.

Да, знаю. Меня саму упрекали за то, что я говорила на более грамматически корректном языке, чем ребята, которые учились со мной.


В общем, я с вами в данном случае согласна. Если есть словарь, который говорит "так правильно", то думаю, что стоит писать так.

Но вариант, который я предложила, не редко используемый. Видимо это просто особенность современного американского английского языка.

[natalya_ielts]

Lavrentiy, присоединяюсь к возгласам восхищения в Ваш адрес! А не могли бы Вы посмотреть мое эссе и письмо, хотя бы краем глаза. Меня больше интересует грамматика и лексика.

In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies.

Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.


After finishing school young boys and girls should choose their further way. The most significant choice is to determine what profession you want to be devoted yourself. Therefore, you need to understand your interests very good. Parents and teachers could help do it when children had been studied at school yet. But if person doesn’t decide what the area he wants to improve himself, he can spent one year to work or travel.

There are some advantages when people work or travel. Firstly, they can get some practical experience and decide whether such job is suitable for them or not. Secondly, traveling around the world people can see new sights and countries and possibly decide to continue their education in foreign country. Thirdly, they will not regret about made choice in the future because they would have some opportunities for making better decision.

However, there are also some disadvantages. If people begin educate later, they will graduate from the university later. So, they will start to work later than persons of their same age. But there is always room for improvement and it is better when people improve themselves for life. Studying has never been late. On the other hand, it needs money to travel and so young people have to earn it. As they are not high-qualified, the wage is not high also.

Thus, there are some advantages and disadvantages for young girls and boys when they decide to spent a year to work or travel after finishing high school.


You have had a bank account for a few years. Recently you received a letter from the bank stating that your account is $240 overdrawn and that you will be charged $70 which will be taken directly from your account. You know that this information is incorrect.
Write a letter to the bank. Explain what has happened and say what you would like them to do about it.


Dear Sir/Madam,

I’m writing to explain some situation that is in my opinion false.

I have been a client of your bank for a few years and I hold a bank account. Recently I was informed by bank that my account was overdrawn by $240 and I would have to pay $70 a charge.

Last week I paid for a purchase by credit card in “XXX” shop. In addition I have a discount in this shop as a loyal customer. But probably the cashier has forgotten to include this discount in the final price. Therefore money on the card would be not enough for payment.

I’m going to connect with the shop and ask him to repay the rest of money on my account. In addition I ask him to send some information about what happened to the bank. And I think it will be sufficient explanation for you.

Please, can you answer whether such solution is satisfactory?

Best regards, Natalia.

[micle]

???

...To prove (14)...
...To authenticate (14)...
...(14) prove that / prove the point...

А почему: "To prove" и "To authenticate" не подходят сюда?