My essay, проверьте, покритикуйте! Спасибо!

[Maimiti_Isabella]

а почему слово mode нельзя употреблять? это ведь "способ"...

Это, скорее, режим. В инструкциях к теле- и видеоаппаратуре используется.
Polluting с одной t
Вот это предложение вообще лучше бы переделать, иначе звучит, как приговор владельцам автомобилей, типа, расправимся с ними и природе полегчает: So, we can reduce the number of (12) carowners and as a result (1 decrease pollutting and infecting of (21) environment and stop making urban smog
можно переделать, например,
A decrease in the number of vehicles on the road could decrease environmental pollution and smog production.

Вот, делаю домашнее задание. модуль академик, задание 1:
A graph below shows the different modes of transport used to travel to and from work in one European city in 1960, 1980 and 2000.

Graph: X: bus/car/bike/foot, Y: % of total travellers

То есть, modes of transport - это виды - или способы (смотря в каком смысле) - автобусы, машины, пешком или на мотоцикле

Да.

[wrap]

набросал эссе по теме, а оказалось что его уже здесь обсуждают.. тем не менее на обозрение как альтернатива

Every day traffic seems to get worse on our roads. How can we reduce the number of cars on our roads today? What alternatives can we offer car drivers?

Cities today are overfull with transport of different kinds. This results in a sort of special problems. One of them is a traffic problem. Are we able to solve it as well as introduce some kind of alternatives to car holders? Of course we are. This will be proven by further analyzing of the case.
Firstly, changes should be made in road infrastructure overall. This means that existing roads should be widened and new roads should be built with perspective to widen in future. For example, on a wide road traffic would be lighter, thus the possibility of transport collisions is less likely to occur. This example shows that instead of traditional way of reducing the amount of vehicles we could introduce some other less obvious solutions.
Secondly, an important factor is the location of business centers and industries. Take such big city as Sidney, for instance. There are several districts. Each one has its own administrative and business facilities. Thus, vast majority of working people does not need to travel by cars to and from their working places twice a day. Hence, no traffic troubles are the case.
After analyzing the areas of traffic problem, it can be concluded that to be effective the solutions should be of non standard approach. We are able to reduce the amount of vehicles in some way but it is unlikely to be effective if car owners do not change their own attitude to cars. To encourage this society should also be able to offer some reasonable alternatives to car drivers. This could be increasing of efficiency in public transport functioning as well as development of bicycle road network. All of these measures together can positively change our everyday life.

[Lavrentiy]

Every day traffic seems to get worse on our roads. How can we reduce the number of cars on our roads today? What alternatives can we offer car drivers?

Cities today are overfull with transport of different kinds. This results in (1) a sort of special problems. One of them is a traffic problem. Are we able to solve it (2) as well as introduce some kind of alternatives to (3) car holders? (4) Of course we are. This will be proven (5) by further analyzing of the case.
Firstly, changes should be made in road infrastructure overall. This means that existing roads should be widened and new roads should be built with perspective to widen in future. For example, on a (6) wide road traffic would be lighter, thus the possibility of (7) transport collisions ( is less likely to occur. This example shows that instead of traditional (9) way of reducing (10) the amount of vehicles we could introduce some other less obvious solutions.
Secondly, an important factor is the location of business (11) centers and industries. Take such big city as Sidney, for instance. There are several districts. Each one has its own administrative and business facilities. Thus, (12) vast majority of working people does not need to travel by cars to and from their working places (13) twice a day. Hence, no traffic troubles (14) are the case.
After analyzing the areas of traffic problem, it can be concluded that to be effective the solutions should be of (15) non standard approach. We are able to reduce the amount of vehicles in some way but it is unlikely to be effective if car owners do not change their own attitude to (16) cars. To encourage this society should also be able to offer some reasonable alternatives to car drivers. This could be (17) increasing of efficiency in public transport functioning as well as (1 development of bicycle road network. All of these measures together can positively change our everyday life. (19)

(1) slishkom kak-to po-prostetski (“sort of…”), no slava bogu, chto ne “kinda”! lol
(2) obychno, to chto sleduet za “as well as” dolzhno byt’ predvaritel’no upomjanuto.
(3) car owners, motorists – luchshe
(4) zabyli vosklicatel’nyj znak: “Yes, we can!” kak u prezidenta Obamy. lol
(5) by the following analysis?
(6) widER? t.k. potom lightER? Up to you.
(7) road traffic accidents, a ne “transport collisions”
( would be – soglasovanie vremen!
(9) ways?
(10) the amount of traffic
(11) centres. My ne sobiraemsja v Ameriku!!!
(12) the
(13) to and from work TWICE a day? Only if you go home for lunch!
(14) can be foreseen? “the case” kak-to ne podhodit…
(15) article “a”
(16) the nuzhno, t.k. rech’ idet o mashinah prinadlezhaschix car oweneram, ih sobstvennym mashinam v pervuju ochered’.
(17) to make public transport better?
(1 creating lanes for cyclists? roads for cars, lanes for cyclists. I think.
(19) “Yes, we can!”

Dobryj sovet: obogaschajtes’ slovarno – traffic jams, tailbacks, road congestion. U nas v Londone, naprimer, vveli “congestion charge” Ј8 v den’, kogda edesh’ v tsentr. Platit’ mozhno po mobil’nomu telefonu. Ne raz podumaesh’ prezhde chem. prugnut’ v mashinu. Na avtobusah razvesili reklamu: The Bus is My Second Car! Vot tak priuchajut. --- Ideiki dlja esse...

A tak u vas otlichnyj anglijskij. Congrats!

[wrap]

кое что ещё для проф оценки:

A lot of people believe that the amount of violence shown on TV and in the cinema affects the actions of our young people and therefore increases the amount of violence in our society today. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? What can be done to reduce violence in our society today?

Television and cinema today are an important and inalienable parts of young people`s lifestyle. This can be seen in many aspects of their everyday activities. Some believe that the amount of violence shown can negatively affect youth`s development and behavior. I entirely agree with this statement and following analysis will prove my point of view.
To begin with, such media as TV can have a great influence on people`s mind, either adults or youths. But the last ones are more affected by this as they are in growing age and get any information without analyzing it by such categories as right or wrong. For example, the main hero of latest blockbuster can crash everything around in order to reach some selfish goal and it is supposed to be right. Some fellow may learn to these false standards and bring them to real life. And the result of it can be very sad. This example clearly shows that mass media can unequivocally affect young people`s behavior.
Secondly, in worse economic circumstances virtual violence on TV and cinema can easily become criminal in real life. For example, very often it can be heard from news that somebody has been shot by someone in a way like in some popular film. Saying truly, news can on its own provoke negative results as in order to get higher rating they are predominantly bad. Thus, it is evident that increasing of virtual violence on TV screens can be dangerous for the whole society.
To sum up, it becomes clear that the content of TV and cinema is an important factor affecting youths and the community as a whole. Particularly violence in mass media can produce violence in reality. Are we able to reduce this effect? Definitely we are! We could accurately focus young people`s attention on valuable things such as goodness and justice rather than evil or revenge. And TV and other media could make it with a high degree of efficiency.

[Lavrentiy]

volshebnoe slovo?

[wrap]

please, would you be so kind as to...

[kaktyc]

reasons why people have children older, why is this happening and what are the possible consequences of that for the family and the society.

Throughout this century, the chaild born from older adult than last 100 years. The majority of people all over the
world belive what his choose is the best.
In my oponion its happening because wish live very happy with a couple. But humans very differently, same people spand
more time on work because thay found interests with research, support, and so on stuffs so as to getting penny and waste
them for something like rent accomodation or playint golf. But on other hand people doesn not have work and live just for
tallege which is give from employers. Furthermore most people prefer live alone a long time therefore thay would not be
happy liveing poor with a couple.
However, there are some crisis who claim that the problem of soon chaild born no longer exist. For instance, lieving in
USSR period its not contrastly observes, than nova days.
In conslusion its can be come in to demographic dip.
___
покритекуйте...

[saram]

Уважаемые эксперты, не обделяйте вниманием, выскажитесь!

Task 1: You have bought a walkman in a duty-free shop which has something wrong a few days ago. So write a letter to the manager to complain about it and ask him how to solve the problem. 

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing this because of the problems with the walkman, which I purchased in your duty-free shop in Incheon International Airport on November 29-th. The issue is that the device no longer works the way it is supposed to.

I had been using the player for about a week when I discovered, the «Play» button sticks if it is pressed. A couple of days later, I found that end of tape detection mechanism does not work on some tapes. Also, if the device is used for a relatively long period of time, it tempts to overheat. All these issues tell me that the quality of the product is not satisfactory, and therefore I would like to get it replaced with another model of walkman or receive the reimbursement.

However, I will not be able to visit your store in person, unless I go abroad again, which I do not plan at the moment. Could you please advise me on how to solve the problem without visiting your duty-free shop again?

Yours sincerely,
Saram.


Task 2: Write an essay expressing your views on the following topic: In certain countries children are not allowed to leave school until they reach a certain age, for example, in some countries it is 15 years.

The question whether or not a certain level of education should be compulsory is rather a controversal one. Some people believe that children cannot quit their education till they reach a predetermined age, for example, 15 years. Others argue that it should be up to a child and his or her parents whether or nor to continue the study. I would rather agree with the former point of view.

First of all, technological revolution we are experiencing imposes certain requirements to all members of society regardless of their occupation. These days one can hardly be a machinery operator or even a soldier without being able to use computers. Furthemore, accomplishing the simplest everyday tasks, like managing the bank account or paying bills and taxes requires some computer user's skills. And if one quits the school before these skills are aquired, he or she will hardly become adapted to the modern technologically advanced society.

Secondly, the education provides not only knowledge and skills, but also ensures certain cultural level, as well as the level of intelligence. And if the government wants to built the society based on the principals of human rights, equality, self-respect and humanity, it has to make sure that every single member of the society is properly educated to appreciate the value of these basic principals. In some cases the state has to go even for the measures that may be unpopular, including compulsory education.

Although the supporters of the opposite point of view argue that the education of people who do not want to continue it is just a waste of resources, it is hard to agree with them. Any resources spent by the society on education of its members will be paid off by higher efficiency of work, lower crime level, and the like. In the end, the cultural level of the society is determined by the lowest level of that of its members.

To sum up, ensuring the minimal educational level is crucial these days. This makes me believe that some restrictions of personal freedom in that respect are totally justified.

[saram]

Вот еще парочка поводов отдуши повозить меня фейсом об тейбл. Эксперты, пожалуйста, не проходите мимо.

Task 1. You stayed with a local family when you participate a training program in New Zealand. You left New Zealand in a hurry and found that you left your laptop computer in the family. Write a letter to the family, thanking them for their hospitality. Describe your computer and where it is and ask the host to send it back to you. 

Dear Mr. and Mrs. Smith,

I am writing this in regards to my stay at your home when I was taking part in the training program.

First of all, I would like to thank your family for the hospitality that made my stay really enjoyable. As you probably know, I left New Zealand in a big hurry, because my sister fell ill and I had to rush to the hospital to support her. That is the reason why I realized that I had left my laptop in your house only when I was approaching the airport, and it was already too late to go back and pick it up.

My laptop is what is often referred to as a netbook, black in color, about 14 inches on diagonal. Its brand is Iskra. It is probably in the drawer of the desk in the room where I lived. I would greatly appreciate if you sent it to me by mail, as I have the documents of high importance on it. Thank you in advance for your kind help.

Yours sincerely,
Saram.

Task 2. In the last 20 years, the assessment of students has undergone major transformation. Many educational institutions no longer use formal examinations as a means of assessment as they believe formal examination results are an unfair indication of a student’s ability. ’ To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

These days the way the students are assessed during their study is changing significantly. Some educational institutions substitute the formal examination with more meaningful and fair methods. It is argued that these alternative means provide a better indication of the students' abilities that the examination. It becomes apparent if the following is taken into account.

It is more important to assess the ability of the student to operate his knowledge in the attempt to solve a practical problem, rather than his ability to memorize certain facts provided in the textbooks. This can be accomplished only with the work extended over the whole semester, for example, with the series of laboratory works. Undoubtedly, a compressed format of the formal test does not allow to check if the student is actually capable of using his knowledge in practice. Therefore, the examination is less fair and informative in that respect.

Furthermore, the results of the examination often depend on being lucky. It is possible to pass the test knowing only some specific topic and being lucky enough to get the question on it. If the overall performance of the student throughout the whole period of semester is monitored, the element of luck is eliminated. This makes the whole procedure more fair and the results more trustable.

To sum up, we have shown that the formal examination has some drawbacks. Therefore, if the educational institutions replace it with more reliable extended in time procedures, it will result in more fair assessment of students' abilities. I believe, that is the way the examination will evolve in the nearest future.

[saram]

Несмотря на легкое ощущение разговора с самим собой, продолжаем.

Task 1. Your friend from London is make a business trip to your town. She has never visited your country before and wants to know what you can do together in her free time.
Write a letter to your friend In your letter describe some activities for her free time, suggest some restaurant/food in your town, offer to meet her.

Dear Monica,

I was delighted to know that you are coming to Seoul next week. And what made me especially happy is that you will have some spare time, so I will be able to show you the town.

I suggest taking Hangan River Ferry Tour, if you don’t mind. You will be able to see the whole city of Seoul during one hour trip including famous 63-Building, Yongsan and other places you’ve undoubtedly heard of, but never seen.

You mentioned you were going to stay at the Shilla Hotel. The hotel is nice, but the restaurant tempts to be a little bit too expensive there. I would recommend to try another restaurant, called McDonald's. I’s located just in the next building. Food is great out there and also much cheaper.

As soon as you decide on your flight, let me know you arrival time please. I would like to meet you at the airport, so you will not get lost in the city. Hope to see you soon.

Sincerely,
Saram.


Task 2. Some say that it is good for children to stay away from their families and go to a boarding school. Others say that children had better attend a day school. Which viewpoint do you agree?

Some time ago boarding schools were quite popular in some countries. Many parents believed that it was better for their children to stay away from the families. It is argued, however, that day schools provide more advantages and ensure higher educational standards than the boarding schools. It can be seen if the following aspects of educational process are considered.

First of all, successful study is unalienable connected to the motivation and discipline. If the pupil comes home every evening, his learning process is usually closely monitored by his parents, and therefore, if the lack of motivation or discipline is observed, the measures can be taken immediately. Obviously, this kind of monitoring and reaction can hardly be expected at the boarding school due to the disproportion between the number of students and teachers. Therefore, the performance of the child attending the boarding school is typically worse than it could be if he attended the day school.

Furthermore, for some students, especially at young age, life without the parents may result in stress, which inevitably affects the educational process. It has been shown in a number of research reports by British sociologists that the average stress level of a boarding school student is almost double of that of a day school student. This explains why day school pupils perform better in the beginning of the semester. And, no doubts, better beginning gives them considerable advantage for the whole period of their study.

We have shown that the lack of motivation and discipline, as well as higher stress level demonstrated by the students of boarding schools may affect their results. Therefore, it proves that the day schools might be actually a better choice. It is consequently expected that the number of boarding schools will continue to decline.

[Olive]

reasons why people have children older, why is this happening and what are the possible consequences of that for the family and the society.

Throughout this century, the chaild born from older adult than last 100 years. The majority of people all over the
world belive what his choose is the best.
In my oponion its happening because wish live very happy with a couple. But humans very differently, same people spand
more time on work because thay found interests with research, support, and so on stuffs so as to getting penny and waste
them for something like rent accomodation or playint golf. But on other hand people doesn not have work and live just for
tallege which is give from employers. Furthermore most people prefer live alone a long time therefore thay would not be
happy liveing poor with a couple.
However, there are some crisis who claim that the problem of soon chaild born no longer exist. For instance, lieving in
USSR period its not contrastly observes, than nova days.
In conslusion its can be come in to demographic dip.
___
покритекуйте...

Haha! Is that a joke?

[newjersey]

reasons why people have children older, why is this happening and what are the possible consequences of that for the family and the society.

Throughout this century, the chaild born from older adult than last 100 years. The majority of people all over the
world belive what his choose is the best.
In my oponion its happening because wish live very happy with a couple. But humans very differently, same people spand
more time on work because thay found interests with research, support, and so on stuffs so as to getting penny and waste
them for something like rent accomodation or playint golf. But on other hand people doesn not have work and live just for
tallege which is give from employers. Furthermore most people prefer live alone a long time therefore thay would not be
happy liveing poor with a couple.
However, there are some crisis who claim that the problem of soon chaild born no longer exist. For instance, lieving in
USSR period its not contrastly observes, than nova days.
In conslusion its can be come in to demographic dip.
___
покритекуйте...

Haha! Is that a joke?

похоже у кактуса начальный уровень. комментировать по большому счету нечего, кроме пожелания учить грамматику, больше читать и пробовать еще.

[Alexander Usov]

Прошу помощи в проверке эссе. Спасибо.

Topic: Zoos are sometimes seen as necessary but not poor alternatives to a natural environment. Discuss some of the arguments for and/or against keeping animals in zoos.

I think that the question about whether animals should keep in zoos is the one that is rather controversial and open for debate. Some people believe that zoos play very important role in social’s life. However other people are against of zoos because of cruel towards wild animals. In this essay I will discuss these point of view and present my view in favor people who believe that zoos are not necessary.

From the one hand, there are many benefits in keeping animals in zoos. The most obvious advantage of it is that zoos take part in breeding endangered species. Last decades bring us many environmental issues as a result of deforestation. So many kind of animals have lost their natural habitat and are at the edge of extinction. In connection with these challenges many zoos have special conservation programs for mentioned above species. In addition to these practical benefits zoos are used for educational purposes. Take for example the fact that children have great opportunity to watch wild animals such as bears, horses, monkeys and tigers alive. Apparently, they can gain much more new knowledge and experience this way than in usual classes.

On the other hand, there are many disadvantages when animals have to live in zoos. First of all, keeping animals in zoos are not humane. There is no doubt that wild animals as well as any alive creatures need freedom and enough private room. All animals want to be close to natural environment. People don’t have any moral right to deprive animals of their freedom. Furthermore, animals are not toys in human’s arms and zoos can’t be a place for entertainments. Think about a white bear that have to be in a cage while the temperature of the environmental air is +25C.

Taking into account everything mentioned above, personally I am sure that zoos will not have place in the future.

[wrap]

Прошу помощи в проверке эссе. Спасибо.

Topic: Zoos are sometimes seen as necessary but not poor alternatives to a natural environment. Discuss some of the arguments for and/or against keeping animals in zoos.

I think that the question about whether animals should keep in zoos is the one that is rather controversial and open for debate. Some people believe that zoos play very important role in social’s life. However other people are against of zoos because of cruel towards wild animals. In this essay I will discuss these point of view and present my view in favor people who believe that zoos are not necessary.

From the one hand, there are many benefits in keeping animals in zoos. The most obvious advantage of it is that zoos take part in breeding endangered species. Last decades bring us many environmental issues as a result of deforestation. So many kind of animals have lost their natural habitat and are at the edge of extinction. In connection with these challenges many zoos have special conservation programs for mentioned above species. In addition to these practical benefits zoos are used for educational purposes. Take for example the fact that children have great opportunity to watch wild animals such as bears, horses, monkeys and tigers alive. Apparently, they can gain much more new knowledge and experience this way than in usual classes.

On the other hand, there are many disadvantages when animals have to live in zoos. First of all, keeping animals in zoos are not humane. There is no doubt that wild animals as well as any alive creatures need freedom and enough private room. All animals want to be close to natural environment. People don’t have any moral right to deprive animals of their freedom. Furthermore, animals are not toys in human’s arms and zoos can’t be a place for entertainments. Think about a white bear that have to be in a cage while the temperature of the environmental air is +25C.

Taking into account everything mentioned above, personally I am sure that zoos will not have place in the future.

Даю общую оценку без построчного анализа. На мой взгляд у вас много русизмов, которые бросаются в глаза. Грамматика в целом выдержана. Немного угловатая структура и резкие логические переходы, что не совсем соответствует принятой в IELTS структуре изложения. Рекомендую просмотреть видео уроки, которые выложены где то здесь на сайте.

[Irina_ru]

Друзья, покритикуйте, пожалуйста, а?

Тема:
A lot of people believe that the amount of violence shown on TV and in the cinema affects the actions of our young people and therefore increases the amount of violence in our society today.
Do you agree or disagree with this statement? What can be done to reduce
violence in our society today?

Essey:
It is common today to see different programs and films on TV and in the cinema. This make a great influence on our society especially on the children. This is can be seen from increased violence in our society nowadays. It is argued different articles in newspapers about last evidences in our society and messages from every day’s news. This link between influence aggression on TV and cinema on young people will be shown below.

Firstly, many action films promote violence on children and other people. For example, yong people can see in the film hero who kill his enemy. After this child think that he will be hero if hi kill his enemy in real life. When looking at this example, there is no doubt that last incident in USA about young man who killed many people in the street is influence action films on his life. Thus, there is obvious link between violence in cinema with aggression people, especially children because they is more impressive.

Secondly, each TV program have advertising computer games with aggressive subject and child see this and ask his parents to by this game. For instance, some days ago all news reported about young boy who killed his friends and teacher in the school. This example make it clear that children project theirs games on real life. From this it can be concluded, that every person should carefully in choose TV programs and inform which his child get.

Taking into account everything mentioned above, I am included to believe that violence on TV and cinema have increased violence in our society especially among children. As has been shown action make more aggressive us and young people. It is predicted that our society should to cut violence information in mass media.